The wait was getting to her.

Seldom had Daenys felt her life spiraling so far out of her control. Rhaenyra had seen her impatience, had noted her constant frustrations even with Aenar back and happy to follow her around. It was difficult for her to think of peace, of relaxation, what with every burden she continued to shoulder– and Daenys knew she was carrying the weight dropped by Rhaenys when it came to keeping the men of the council at bay.

All still shouted for Rhaenyra to bring fire and blood raining down upon the Hightowers. They were anxious to move now that Daemon had sent word that the last Riverlands banner had been raised in their name. The time to strike was now, and the men wished for Rhaenyra to abandon all her concerns for the people who would burn and lose their homes for this war. It was difficult for Daenys to keep reminding them that there were still other methods to try before they entered a full-scale fiery combat.

In an attempt to keep her mind occupied, Rhaenyra had her instructing the new dragonriders. They were learning from Daenys to bond better with their beasts and memorize High Valyrian commands when the time came for battle. Gemma, Aenar, and Alyssa were instructing Hugh, Ulf, and Addam in archery on the days that Baela and Jacaerys took to the skies for watch.

Aenar was even hopeful in teaching them to wield swords in case they had need for fighting on foot– Bertram had posed a strange idea wherein two dragons would collide and one rider could potentially leap out of their saddle to overpower the other. Daenys assumed he must have read it in a book or dreamed it, recently his nights had been filled with ideas.

She hated being a teacher, which had never bothered her before. She'd taught all her children, most of Rhaenyra's, even Rhaenyra herself. To teach these three men was different. Addam was the most receptive to their advice, a skilled lad who worked well with ropes and was a strong swimmer like her children, who were finding in him a great friend. He was already improving immensely with his bow, which pleased Gemma as his mentor.

Hugh was a hefty man well-suited for brute force with swords, but his large hands did not hold a bow so well. Still, he was better with his High Valyrian and more understanding of the bond Daenys described whenever he took Grey Ghost out for a ride. The one that bothered her most continued to be Ulf, who still did not seem capable of remaining serious. Each day was a fight not to kill him, if she was being completely honest.

Despite how hard she was meant to be trying to remind their lords of the power of restraint, lately all Daenys thought about was killing and fire. Gods, I'm becoming more like Daemon in his absence. Her brother must have been having a similar crisis with Rolf's passive words breathed down his neck– she hoped Daemon hadn't gotten into any scraps with her husband, for she knew Rolf liked to instigate when he sensed Daemon was already frustrated.

The combination of the past weeks weighed on her. Rhaenys's absence weighed more heavily with Lord Corlys's constant presence, the man so different from her and still angry with Rhaenyra and Daenys. It offered her no comfort, and all she had were memories that slowly started to fade– her body might not have looked as aged as she really was, but her mind was starting to suffer the effects of nearing her fiftieth name-day.

Each day that she woke up, remembering Rhaenys was dead, was another day where she felt despair and fury. She found it difficult to make herself eat, but tricked her mind into enduring it by having breakfast alongside her children and mimicking their healthy appetites. Aenar's presence did wonders for her. Bertram was good company, but often lost in his mind or a book, posing thoughts mainly to himself. Gemma and Alyssa were often deep in conversation with each other or with Baela– all three girls were planning their weddings.

Aenar, however, was hers alone. He'd come for that purpose, to be her companion, and never left her side. He'd asked her about Gemma's betrothal and she'd told him about seeing Gemma so terrified the moment she internalized the cost of war– that same cost these lords did not seem to understand and perhaps would never understand unless they saw what Gemma and Daenys that day in the Reach, men and their horses and baggage trains burned to a crisp, corpses falling into ash at the slightest ripple of wind.

With her daughters engaged and already discussing marriage and children, Aenar seemed the only one eager to talk about other matters not related to the war. Bertram's conversations were good, of course, Daenys loved to consult her brilliant boy, but she grew weary with being surrounded by all this talk of Hightower banners that sometimes, it was only Aenar who would join her in snickering about other things.

Aenar had reminded her of the days when they used to live here on Dragonstone alone, before Rhaenyra brought her family. How Rolf and Daenys would take the children out for a swim in the beach, Vhagar curled up behind them and leaving them the smallest patch of space, though her warmth prepared them for the cold water. Gods, she missed her husband, she missed her adventurous Cliff, she missed when her children were little.

She resented herself for thinking of Otto, caged below. She wished she could easily do away with him and forget it all, but it was hard. It was even harder to look at her reflection, thinking that she was being as much of a cunt to Ulf. He might've deserved it, but she hated that she seemed to be acting like Otto whenever she snapped at him.

All she wanted was for this war to end. For Rolf and Cliff to come home, for Daemon to be here to teach Aegon and Viserys their swords, for Alyssa and Gemma to marry and be happy as they sought, for Rhaenyra to have her throne. She hoped that seeing her niece on the Iron Throne would give her rest at last... to see Rhaenyra there would mean she could finally get rid of Otto and his betrayal, none of it would matter if she succeeded in giving Rhaenyra her throne in spite of all that she suffered to see it happen. In spite of losing him and Alicent and the boys. His scheme won't matter when she has her throne.

But often, with this misery, she thought more that she'd never live to see it. She'd already decided that if she would die, it would be to help Rhaenyra. But that meant she'd not live to see her on the throne. Not live to see her girls married, to see Bertram craft his first chain at the Citadel, to hear Aenar leading his own banners one day. She didn't truly want to die, as depressed as she was. She wanted to meet her grandchildren, she wanted to grow old with Rolf and die peacefully without ever losing any of them. The more she wished for that, the more it seemed incapable of happening. If she lost Rhaenyra... gods, no, she would not survive it.

Daenys watched the riders dismount, seated beside Aenar while Alyssa and Gemma circled overhead on watch. Ulf and Addam had been practicing today, though Ulf's first comment back on land had been that Silverwing was a 'goer.' To hear him speak of her grandmother's dragon so made Daenys inexplicably annoyed. She remembered riding Silverwing many times as a little girl, she remembered how her grandmother would tell her that one day, she'd have a dragon of her own.

A smirk broke on her face when she saw Aenar glancing sideways at Ulf. It was so comical, Aenar the spitting image of Otto when he had that judgmental expression on. Aenar looked more like Otto than any of his sons with Alyrie, though the boys did still have his same stare. Alyssa and Alicent even had that same grimace when someone did something they didn't like. Gods, she remembered how she and Otto used to glance at each other like that whenever someone said something stupid.

"Jace really doesn't like him," said Aenar once Ulf was out of earshot. "First day they were here, he found Ulf in the Chamber of the Painted Table with his feet up. Ulf didn't seem to realize who Jace was, then he hugged him and ruffled his hair... Hugh and Addam have more common sense."

She snorted, "Gods, would that another had claimed my grandmother's mount. Ulf behaves like a child."

Aenar leaned back in his seat, grinning. "What's it like to have children? What was it like when you had me and Lys?"

Daenys found the question curious, and thought back on it with a weak smile. "Well, when I first realized I was pregnant, I was terrified. I'd never gotten pregnant before, I always took tansy tea with Gareth Tyrell. It wasn't until Driftmark when I suspected... and even then I tried to convince myself I wasn't. When Mellos finally confirmed it, I thought I'd cry. Admittedly, not of joy. I knew by then that you were more likely Otto's than Rolf's and... I was scared even beyond that. All I'd known before then in terms of pregnancies was Aemma, with her stillborns and miscarriages and immense suffering. My aunt Gael, who birthed a stillborn and drowned herself in the Blackwater."

His brows furrowed as she continued, "I had nightmares the entirety of my pregnancy. Your father held me through them, he understood my fears. Still, I hardly knew him, and I worried... even if he seemed so kind, what if he'd choose to save the babe over me, the same way Viserys did with Aemma? There were so many unknowns. Whenever I'd feel you two moving in my belly, I'd feel afraid. When I went into labor, I was panicked. I wished my father was there, or my grandmother, my grandsire, Gael, Aemma, my mother. Viserys did not come to see me. Daemon was exiled."

"But Father was there," said Aenar. "Wasn't he? At least, he said he was there with you for each labor."

Daenys nodded. "He was. Ever faithful, my Rolf. Still, of course, I would have liked someone from my youth. Not even Rhaenys could make it, for I went into labor so suddenly, and a week earlier than expected. I was terrified when Mellos said there were twins, I thought one of you would die the way Aegon did with me... I thought I wouldn't even live to hold you. But in spite of it all, you were born. You came into this world screaming and as soon as they laid you on my chest, you were silent. When the wetnurse handed you to your father so I might hold Alyssa, you bawled even more. My fears were washed away when Mellos told me all three of us were healthy."

"I'm grateful I am not a woman," said Aenar. "I'd be terrified to endure that. I'd rather face a battle than the birthing bed."

Daenys nudged his shoulder gently. "Why this curiosity? You know... if there is something that worries you about a girl, we ought to talk about it."

"It's... well... somewhat that. I did meet a girl, out there at Stone Hedge. A Bracken girl, as luck would have it. She's the only one in her household that supported Rhaenyra from the first. I got to know her and... well, I couldn't bring myself to do more than quietly court her. I didn't want to risk it. I knew I would have to leave eventually; I couldn't remain at Stone Hedge forever. So I promised her I would not forget her. That I would return to her." He blushed, "I really like her, mother. Her name is Daisy, like the flower. Daisy, beautiful Daisy, with eyes green as grass and dark brown hair. She smells like honey and her lips... I wanted to kiss them but I was afraid."

"You have always been such a respectful boy, Aenar," said Daenys, smoothing his hair back. "I am so proud of you. You and your siblings, you are all growing up. Alyssa and Gemma to be married, you with a girl you fancy, Bertram, well, he loves those books and he loves Helaena..."

"Thank you," said Aenar simply. When she raised a brow, he clarified, "You never forced us to marry anyone. Never forced us to give up our freedom. You taught us to do these things truly, with feeling, whenever we were ready. I know we are young but... we learned well. I tried my best to follow Father's example, how he always treated you kindly."

"It is I who should be thanking you. For taking that lesson and always being such a good boy. You've made me very proud. You came here for me, though you could have remained at Stone Hedge with her."

"I will always be here for you, Mother. I would have done the same if Father needed me or my siblings. You both taught me Family, Duty, Honor, over and over and not once have I forgotten the lessons you showed me when you spoke of how important you were to King Jaehaerys, Queen Alysanne, and Prince Baelon. I think that is what has made me a good leader as Father says."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. You taught me the value of those who are kin. Otto... my real father... he thinks he is a good leader because of his cunning, but really, if he'd valued his family more..." Aenar pursed his lips. "I love Father, I love him very much. Sometimes, I wish I knew Otto as a father. But mostly, I don't. My true Father, Rolf, he taught me to always use my confidence and intelligence for selfless acts. I am proud to be of houses Targaryen and Tully. I am glad I've always been more bold and adventurous than Gemma and Bertram but less unrestrained like Alyssa and Cliff."

"You are my firstborn," said Daenys. "All of you are perfect, but it seems, each of those who came after you were given a piece of your strength, my boy."

He corrected, "We were all given bits of your strength. You know, Bert always says he will pay you special attention when he writes the history of our house, of this war. I will insist he makes a whole text only about you. I... I don't know if I will be able to do the same for my children as you did with us. I don't even know if I want children, actually. But if I do, I look forward to watching you teach them like you did with us. I don't think there is any other member of House Targaryen who has served as faithfully as you. It's your example I follow, each day."

She kissed his forehead tenderly. "You have grown so much in the time since you first flew to the Riverlands. Since you first took up this role. You've created your own example for all to follow. Cliff and Bertram have always followed your lead. Alyssa has always heeded your words. Gemma admires you the most, I know this. Your father and I are so, so very proud of you. Whether you choose to have children or not... that is your choice alone."

He was silent for a moment. "Bert says that Uncle Daemon's letter brought some ill tidings. There was a small Bracken ambush when we left Stone Hedge for Harrenhal, I remember my cousin Elmo's sons were both injured. He says they might not make it. Then... Father would be Elmo's heir. And I would be his heir. But then, if I don't have children, Cliff could be my heir. He has Tully blood, I don't. I... I don't know. Is it bad to want it anyway? Riverrun? I've hardly been there, but... I think I'd be a good leader."

"We can worry about that if it comes to it," said Daenys. "Those tidings are ill, but Elmo is still young and his wife is in good health. Besides, we still don't know how any of it will play out. If the Brackens continue to resist this new order you imposed, we may yet replace House Bracken altogether... you could marry Daisy and become their new lord, as you tied together the ends of that plan. Cliff might be default your father's heir if need be. Though, I know your father neverwanted Riverrun. He was content being away from it. He might forego being Elmo's heir and ask the five of you who would like it most."

Aenar seemed content with this possibility. "You know, I think Cliff might... sometimes resent that I was born first. He's a great warrior, better than I could ever be. He and Goldhorn are as fearsome as Daemon and Caraxes even though Goldhorn is much smaller. But I always had a more level head. I think that was why he insisted he stay at Stone Hedge and I lead the men to Harrenhal to fly here. I know he wanted to be here for you, but I think he wanted to try his hand at leadership. He wanted to be known the way I was. Aenar, Who Makes Amends, not Cliff Cunt-Maker, Cliff the Calamity, Cliff Cutthroat."

Daenys could surmise the same. "Your siblings have all looked up to you for very long. It is natural that sometimes they wish they were more like you. Cliff is a fierce boy in his own right. Just as you and Bertram might sometimes wish you were as fearless as him, so, too, does he wish he were admired for his wit. He is clever, too, but Clever Cliff has yet to become a nickname..."

Aenar leaned his head onto her shoulder. "If it were up to me... Lys and Gem would marry and be happy with their husbands and have as many children as they want. They'd be free and unafraid in a peaceful kingdom. Bert would get his dream, go be a Maester, one day sit on Jace's Council. Me, I think I'd like to marry Daisy and come be Jace's Hand, if he'd be willing. Bert and I could advise him together. Cliff would be happiest as the Lord of Riverrun, constantly able to ride out to battle if the Blackwoods and Brackens keep at it another hundred years. You and Father would live in the castle to advise Rhaenyra and teach her Jace and Baela to rule. Rhaena would get her dragon and explore the Seven Kingdoms, perhaps become Lady of Driftmark."

"That is a beautiful dream, my boy." Daenys squeezed his hand. "If I can, I will make it true."

Despite how low her mood continued to be, she was motivated to give Aenar this dream. Only she could continue the fight that had started so many years prior and see the seeds they'd sown bear fruit. She alone held the power to bring her children– Rhaenyra included– the world they needed.

Daenys had often found that love was both the most painful and purest motivation in her life. Out of love for her family, she'd always tolerated being the person Jaehaerys, Alysanne, and Baelon leaned on. She'd tolerated Daemon attempting to marry her twice and bed her multiple times more instead of killing him, all because he was her brother. Instead of raging at Viserys when he killed Aemma, her cousin and dearest friend, she'd comforted him and dealt with her anger another way.

Out of love, she'd taken Alicent, Gwayne, Norman, and Bryndon under her wing the moment Alyrie passed. Out of love, she tried to tend to them still even after Otto's betrayal– and love had gotten her into that, too. Pain, however, was what drove her to love Rolf, what drove her to make the children she cared for so deeply. She loved them the most, her little family, for it had never cut her to care for them in the way she had been cut caring for Daemon and even Rhaenyra for a time.

For them, she would move mountains. For them, she would mount Vhagar every day and watch the world burn in the hopes their enemies would be part of the ashes her children would use to rebuild their world. And even more, out of love for them, out of a hope for their future, she would restrain herself knowing that a world burnt to a crisp was not a world that they could thrive in.

At last, Rhaenyra made her decision and Daenys was ready. Daemon's army was marching from Harrenhal, a few like to encounter Cole's army on the march– with him flew Aemond and Vermithor. Rhaenyra wished for them to fly to take Lannisport and Oldtown, then turn their sights on King's Landing.

Daenys did not know where Rolf or Cliff fell in the plan– there hadn't been time to speak of it. She didn't know if Rolf was flying back with Daemon– gods, she could not even imagine Daemon letting him near Caraxes despite knowing how often Rolf joined her in the skies on Vhagar. She surmised Cliff was still holding Stone Hedge, but did that even matter? Would her brave boy fly back on Goldhorn to help them take the city? Or would he dare to face Aemond and Vermithor?

Aenar had been the one who offered to fly back to Stone Hedge to check for Cliff. If his brother was there, the two of them would face Aemond and Vermithor together– Cliff was very likely to get a good shot at Aemond with an arrow while Aenar and Aegarax distracted them. Vermithor was large but the boys' dragons together were a fearsome pair. Alyssa even offered to join in– they didn't need her to take any of these cities, but her brothers could use her help against Aemond. She'd done a stellar job of avoiding him when she captured Otto– she and Frostbite knew a thing or two about catching old Vermithor off his guard.

Yet, before that had been decided, it had all turned to ash in their mouths. Before any of it had been finalized, they heard that Otto's plans had borne fruit. The High Council of the Triarchy had accepted to ally with Aegon, with ninety warships sweeping out under the banners of the Three Daughters. The raven, of course, was days old telling them that the ships were bending their oars towards the Gullet.

Rhaenyra had been panicked. The last letter she'd received from the Eyrie told of the children being sent out on the Pentoshi cog Gay Abandon. If they were intercepted... well, Aenar had had a quick solution for that, as well. He'd offered to fly out to find them, to be their personal escort the rest of the way to Pentos. Her brave boy, so brave and eager to do what was needed of him. He didn't fear the tug of duty at all.

And yet before they'd gone anywhere, a guard's horn had been blown. In the early hours of the morning, they'd rushed out of their beds with servants shouting and screaming, Maester Gerardys's chain bouncing hard on his chest. Bertram had been the one to break the news to Rhaenyra– her son, Aegon, had arrived clinging to the neck of his dragon, Stormcloud. Alone, the boy of four came shaking like a leaf and stinking of piss. Stormcloud had lived long enough to bring him to safety, but had succumbed to his wounds, stubs of arrows in his belly and a scorpion bolt through his neck. Bertram had tended to him until he finally died, hissing as hot blood gushed and smoked from his wounds.

Aegon's little face was white with terror when he told them that the Gay Abandon had been captured. The escorts sent were sunk or taken. Prince Viserys had been left there, with only a dragon egg and no way to escape. He made no mention of Rhaena until at last he saw Baela itching to ask, and quietly admitted that Rhaena never made it onto the ship with them– she disappeared in the Vale.

Mere hours later, a distress signal was sighted out in the Gullet by Gemma. Fiery arrows were signaling an attack– the Triarchy ships were in the Gullet, those same fiends responsible for the kidnapping– and possibly murder– of Prince Viserys. The Sea Snake's blockade would suffer, but Daenys was glad to know he was out there with his men– he'd know what to do.

"Give me leave," said Daenys the moment Rhaenyra showed her the scroll. "You wait here for Daemon, tend to your son. I will take the dragons out to the Gullet and we will make quick work of our foe."

Rhaenyra's hands shook hard, she could scarcely grasp the parchment in hand. "Viserys could be on one of those ships..."

"Aemond and Vermithor could turn their sights on us!" said Bertram behind them. "Mother, I worry this could be a ploy..."

Daenys chewed on her lip. "Alyssa and Gemma have the patrol today... they will remain here with Baela to deal with Aemond and Vermithor if they come."

She knew Gemma would be glad to be taken away from the action, while Alyssa would be annoyed– but deep down, Daenys knew Alyssa was not ready for a real battle. For that matter, she did not think Ulf, Hugh, or Addam entirely ready, either, but they at least held a combined fear and admiration for her that would make them listen. She knew Alyssa was more likely to defy her orders and get herself killed trying to find Viserys.

Bertram seemed to agree that Alyssa and Gemma should stay behind. "Jace has to go with you, he must make his stand."

"He should," agreed Daenys. "I'll have him and Aenar scouting for Viserys while I take the others to burn the ships involved in direct combat. It's unlikely Viserys is going to be so near the battle– if they realize who they have with them, they will keep him alive." But if they thought he was unimportant, he might already be dead. "Whoever is highest of rank in this fleet– Lohar, I think, they call the latest admiral– will likely have a hold of him by now, unless it's a lone ship that intercepted the Gay Abandon. I'll burn all the other ships and rid Aegon of his allies. Perhaps with this victory under our belt, the Greyjoy boy might finally be swayed to join us... or he will certainly be swayed away from an alliance with Aegon."

Rhaenyra finally managed the strength to grip her arm. "Please..." Her eyes said what her mouth could not. Please bring my son back to me. Please rid me of my enemies. Please protect me as you've been fighting to do since I was born.

"I will do my very best," swore Daenys. I have my opportunity for fire and blood and I will not fail you. Those lords will learn silence from today on. "Bertram, relay the message to your siblings and the dragonseeds. We fly in an hour."

-

A/N: Partially went without updating for near 2 weeks (sorry) because I was so busy with work and also planning the Battle of the Gullet... in this fic, Alicent did NOT come to see Rhaenyra. I didn't really like that being incorporated and didn't think it changed anything. The angst is increasing tenfold from now, as book readers will know... I am afraid of the pain I will cause myself but it is inevitable. Comment for more!