My dreams that night all revolve around Noah. In one of them, I'm wearing a bikini – though it looks more like something you'd find in Victoria's Secret – and as I walk out of his apartment, I see what looks like the whole of Maybury holding picket signs.

EVERY GREEN IS A BAD INFLUENCE, one reads, next to a picture of me taking shots. MAYBURY'S STAR SWIMMER IS NO STAR, reads another. SWIM CAPTAIN BETRAYS TEAMMATES, and IS THIS WHO WE LOOK UP TO? I don't have time to read the others before I jerk awake, feeling on the verge of a heart attack.

For a few minutes, I sit here and listen to my breathing. Now that I've slept on it, I realize I was wrong for blaming Noah. He couldn't have known when he searched my name what articles he'd find, and it's not like he told all his friends – as far as I know – but the thought of facing him today makes me nauseous. Not only does he know my secret, but he'll have seen how badly I wanted to kiss him last night – two things I'd wanted to avoid.

It's why I'm determined to avoid him when I arrive at Business Management. I quickly sweep the lecture hall and see there's no sign of him, which means if I can find a seat where he can't sit next to me, I can avoid an awkward conversation.

In theory.

I spot an empty seat between two students and make my way over. As soon as I sit down, the pair turn to look at me like I've broken some etiquette, but as awkward as it feels to be sandwiched between strangers, it's better than the alternative.

The girl to my right turns and smiles. Surprised, I smile back, taking in her glossy black hair, which falls in perfect ringlets down her shoulders.

"Hey," she says brightly. "I don't think we've met. I'm June."

It's the first time someone in this class has spoken to me, so it takes me a moment to react. "I'm Ever."

"Ever," she repeats, and as her eyes flash with something, I think maybe she's about to make fun of me. "I like it."

I settle into my seat and pull out my Ipad. "Thanks."

She glances over my shoulder, takes in my notes, and flashes a knowing smile. "Something tells me that you and my best friend would get along."

My first thought is her friend must be a swimmer, but then I remember nobody knows that about me. "Does she go here?"

"I wish. She goes to UCLA." She flicks back her curls and pulls out her notes, which are messily scribbled on a notepad. When she catches me looking in horror, she smiles. "I hate having to carry around a laptop."

"You clearly also hate being able to read," I say, "because those notes are illegible."

"Hey, these are eligible. Kinda. My note-taking skills are a work in progress."

I let out a laugh just as Noah walks in. He scans the auditorium, frowning when he spots me in the crowd. He pauses, looking as if he might ask the person next to me to move when Mr. Walter arrives. Defeated, Noah slinks into the row just ahead and pulls out his laptop.

As Mr. Walter gets on with the class, Noah risks a look back and tries to mouth something, but I pretend not to see him, forcing him to return to the front. Part of me feels bad for giving him the cold shoulder, but between him finding out my secret and the near kiss we had, avoidance right now is necessary.

June playfully nudges my shoulder with hers. "I see you've met Noah Atterwood."

I feel my cheeks burn as I keep my gaze ahead. "I take it you have, too?"

"Of course not," she says, sounding horrified. "I have a boyfriend. Wait–" she discreetly pulls out her phone and flicks through some photos before showing me who I assume is her boyfriend. "His name is Olly. Isn't he cute?"

I take in his floppy smile and round cheeks. "Adorable."

She laughs a little more loudly than intended, earning a glare from Mr. Walter and forcing Noah to glance at us. June turns to me again, dropping her voice. "I think Noah likes you."

My chest tightens when I think of how close I'd come to kissing him. "He doesn't. He hardly knows me."

Her eyebrow arches like she doesn't believe me before she turns to Mr. Walter. As soon as class is over, I say goodbye, hop out of my seat, and run for the exit before Noah catches up. I'm halfway to my dorm when my phone pings with a message.

Come on, Blue, it reads. I'm sorry.

I bite my lip, wanting to type back that I'm not angry at him, but that would only cause him to wonder why I've been avoiding him, and that is something I don't want to discuss. Instead, I send him a message with today's class notes and hurry to my room.

Another comes through.

I have practice now, but will you talk to me later?

I sigh and put my phone away before heading to the kitchen. I'm throwing together a turkey sandwich when a girl walks in, barely acknowledging me as she grabs a yogurt from the fridge. "Hey," I say to be polite.

She looks over and blinks. "Hey," she says and heads out.

Back in my room, I wolf down my sandwich and contemplate Noah's message. If he has practice tonight, that means I can use his pool unattended, something he'd said I could do as long as I stuck to the shallow end. And even though I'm avoiding him, I still have tryouts to think about.

Without overthinking, I grab my swimming things and catch an Uber to his apartment. It feels weird wanting to use his pool when he's not even around, but I'm also the tiniest bit relieved. As safe as I feel with him present, I also feel completely unhinged. I walk through the concierge and over to the desk, where the same man sits in his black leather chair like he's part of the furniture.

"Hi," I say, smiling. "I know Noah isn't here, but he said I could use the pool whenever I needed to."

He stares for so long that I think he's about to tell me I'm mistaken, but then he reaches into the drawer beneath the desk and pulls out a shiny black card. "Mr. Atterwood set aside a key for you. It will only let you onto the rooftop."

"Thank you."

I head up to the pool and place my things in the gazebo, unable to shake the feeling of trespassing. When I'm ready, I move to the steps and grab onto the railing, holding on for dear life.

The water laps my heels and legs, traveling up my thighs and hips before settling somewhere near my waist. Despite the sudden knot in my stomach, I close my eyes and think of Noah. It sounds absurd, given that I've avoided him all day, but if I focus on the way I felt with him, it's easier to forget about the water.

I stand here for a minute or two, swirling my hands and thinking back to our conversation about Cassiopeia and Cepheus. Hearing him talk like that had surprised me, but in a good way, like maybe there is a side of him I wouldn't mind getting to know. Or maybe I'm completely insane.

With a steady breath, I let go of the railing and swim back and forth, picking up speed with each lap. It crosses my mind to wade a little further, but I'd promised Noah I'd stay in the shallow end, and as much as I want to be over this fear, I'm not prepared to be reckless about it.

It's not long before my heart rate slows, and my chest starts to loosen. I resume my slow, steady strokes, feeling the water pushing against my body. Each stroke feels stronger, more purposeful than the last, and when it feels like I've relaxed a little, I squint at the surface, trying to focus on what lies beneath, but the water appears like a murky abyss.

My breathing labors as I contemplate what to do next. Playing it safe won't get me on the team, and neither will being reckless, but if I don't step out of my comfort zone soon, there's no way I'll be ready for tryouts.

With this in mind, I grab onto the railing, wincing a little at the coolness of the metal, and take a deep breath before dunking my head. It lasts a few seconds, long enough to feel the shock of the water as it covers my face, followed by the spike in my heart rate. Panic tells me to break the surface, but I squeeze shut my eyes, focusing on the feel of my heels as they dig into the floor.

Another few seconds, and I'm forced to break the surface. I gasp for air, ignoring the knot of panic in my chest, and try to steady my breathing. In, out. In, out. My breathing evens, and just as the last of my panic subsides, I force myself under.

The lights of the rooftop blur and fade, replaced by shades of cobalt and azure. When the urge to breach the surface returns, I fight the feeling, focusing on wiggling my toes. You can touch the ground. You're safe.

The feel of the water grows more insistent, closing in on me from all sides. My muscles tense, and I feel like I'm fighting to stay afloat, even though I know I'm not in danger. Fists clenched, I try to stay under for another few seconds, but panic sends me upward, breaking the surface in one raspy breath.

Cold air fills my lungs and throat as I fight to catch my breath. I slump on the steps, my chest rising and falling against the cool concrete. There's a lump in my throat the size of a marble, but behind the fear is something I haven't felt in forever.

Hope.

A/N

Comment a heart if you're enjoying this story! ❤️ Who recognizes June? 👀

P.S Sorry for the delay, I had to wait for Wattpad to change this chapter back to free.