16/04/2020

4am update, lets fucking go

Uhh, hi! I haven't updated in a while, and I am sorry for that.

Spring break is ending today, I have online school in like, 4 hours, so that's fun. I was planning on finishing my piles of left over work from last term yesterday, but I jut feel so emotionally drained and unmotivated. So I took the offer to play Minecraft with a few friends, and that went on for 4 hours, so till 8pm.

Then i ate, had a shower, and then my mood just dropped again and unmotivation came back again.

This isn't like, a night time only thing either, I'm feeling pretty drained during the day too, so I'm honestly a little worried about school. I'll find a way to deal with it though (watch me fail)

But yeah, my mood's been... not too good. I think I was ok for the majority of the holidays? Because I just sat in my room playing Minecraft and blasting music. Then I had a weird dream, discord happened, then my emotions just went ded and I feel pretty numb and empty. It's getting a little hard to smile.

I feel a little bad, because some friends on a group chat offered to call day before yesterday during the day or something and I was just didn't want to use my vocal cords so I just said that I was busy. I also feel bad because someone texted me first, which is usually pretty rare. But since I'm just dead, I didn't really have much to say and I feel pretty bad about that too

Discord's been taking a toll on me again 😅 I'm a little conflicted on what to do with a little staff situation. And some stuff a friend says on my server gets a little too much (does that make sense?) She says stuff which makes me and some other people a little uncomfortable. And she acting a little weirdly on top of that. Maybe it's just quarantine, maybe it's just her being a little too much? Who knows? Then a friend left the server because of stuff, and I've wanted to cry over stuff, and it's getting a little too much and I just want to stay away from discord again. Hopefully my friend will be off discord now that school's starting back up? I said I had a plan so discord can still be enjoyable, but it's fucking failing, like all my plans do

Anygays, onto some better stuff. We found a naturally spawned pink sheep! It just appeared poof, pink!

I'm also a little high at the moment, I just finished reading a fanfiction and it's so freaking cute I loved it so much. I just wanted to scream 'It's so gay!' And cry. But then I remembered it was 3am and I couldn't because everyone is asleep

I should try and sleep now. So take care, love you all! Good luck with life!!