He hugged me.

Though we'd hugged each other many times before, this one was much more unexpected than any of them because this time, he didn't feel any awkwardness with doing so and had completely closed the distance between us unlike before, when he kept a distance so as to not invade my space. But now he knew that I needed this embrace as much as he did.

Both his hands were wrapped around me, pulling me close to his chest as I felt his soft pats on my head. His heartbeats and breathing suddenly slowed down - they'd been pretty rapid before, like how it is when people are immensely stressed. But unlike his, my heartbeats suddenly increased, though it was obviously not because I was stressed or shocked; you all know why.

"I'm so sorry," Jasper whispered as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. For a second, I thought I could sense him sobbing as he said that and that brought tears to my own eyes. Why would he be sorry? Why would he apologize and tear up like that? He never did anything wrong.

"Jasper, d-don't be sorry-," I paused, unable to continue my speech as I felt myself start to sob silently, "Please..."

"No, it's my fault," he said, his voice muffled by my shoulders, "I shouldn't have come here in the first place. I put your life in danger and then you almost killed yourself for me. How did I still not realise it? How could I have been so stupid? I should have left the moment I put you in danger."

His words puzzled me entirely, but this wasn't the best time to investigate the meaning behind his words. Instead, I had to calm him down first - like he does to me whenever I'm stressed out, which is always. That was more important for me right now. I hated seeing him this way. It hurt so much, in a way that I've never felt before.

God, why are you doing this to me?

"Jasper, I honestly don't know what you mean by any of that, but please don't blame yourself for anything that happened to us at the restaurant," I said, slowly wrapping my arm around his neck comfortingly and feeling his soft hair, "You were just protecting me. You did your duty, it's just me who landed myself in a life threatening accident. I just wanted you alive. Think about it, if you hadn't been there, would I even be here right now?"

"If I hadn't been there, that incident wouldn't even have happened in the first place, June."

He slowly pulled back from me and so did I, frozen in shock at what he just said. But before I could ask anything, Jasper suddenly backed away from me entirely and shook his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you."

I stopped him from saying any further apologies by shaking my head and trying to reassure him that it was okay. But he, who misinterpreted that gesture for being angry at him, sighed and got up to leave, embarrassed. Immediately, I caught his hand and stood up

I couldn't hold it any longer. I had to find out whatever was going on, whatever was bothering him so much. There was so much going on - my dad returning, Jasper being guilty about what happened to me, and him wanting to open up but not able to. It was hard for me to process so much things at once. I needed a clear explanation.

"Jasper," I said calmly, "First of all, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm alive only because of you. And secondly, I want you to tell me everything. I know you want to and that you're just not sure about it, about me being able to handle it - but I promise I can."

He looked up at me with a sort of amused look, and I immediately continued, carefully choosing my words, "But only, only if you're sure that you can tell me. I won't force you to tell me and I don't want you to feel bad about not telling me either - I'll be fine, really. But if you do want to tell me, like you really do, you should."

Exhaling at the end, I waited for his response. I hoped for a positive one, but at the same time, I didn't want him to tell me just because he doesn't want to make me feel bad. He should be completely willing to tell me. I bent my head a little and continued.

"Please don't keep hurting yourself by keeping everything in, Jasper."

Looking up, I saw him gaze at me with a smile. A smile that was like the one your parents give you when you accomplish something.

"You've changed so much, June," he said, making me smile back, but I hid it so that he would continue, "And you're right; I want to tell you everything. I wasn't worried about myself or what I felt, I just didn't want to scare you."

"Scare me?" I asked, perplexed, "What do you mean by that?"

"If I stay here, you're in danger."

I squinted at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue. I'm in danger if he's here? How's that possible? He's the one who saved me from every single trouble I've faced, even minute emotional problems, and I could've died at the restaurant incident if he'd been absent there. So it's the other way around, right? I'd be unsafe if he isn't here.

"You see, June, I've got some rivals just like Mr.Jacobs has," he explained, "And I don't mean just business rivals - I mean actual enemies who personally want to take me down, even if that means taking my life. I initially thought that those attackers may have been your dad's enemies and they were targeting you for that reason, but it turns out that they weren't. They were people who were targeting me but that attention changed towards you when they noticed that my first priority was to protect you."

"Wait, so they were in no way related to dad?"

"No," he said, "They probably don't even know him. The guy who sent them was a person who holds a big grudge against me."

"Against you?" I asked, wondering how any sane person could think of holding a grudge against a guy like him, "Why? And who are they?"

"Some people I've known since childhood," he muttered, seeming a bit pissed off as he said that, "And why, I still don't know. Why on earth would they keep a grudge against me? It's supposed to be the other way around. I never hurt them. They're the ones who -"

He stopped abruptly, his face reddening in embarrassment as he noticed my face turning from a curious squint into a concerned frown. He may have stopped in time but I knew what he was about to say, I knew that these people were in no way related to dad's business field or anything else if they'd known Jasper since his childhood. From the way he stopped so suddenly, as if in realizing who he was talking to, it seems like those people are trying to hurt him not because he did anything wrong to them but because they hurt him long ago and are now trying to find him though he's staying away from them. He was just afraid to say it to me.

"They're the ones who?" I asked, wanting to find out though I already knew. He shrugged awkwardly and turned away, not answering for a split second. I immediately started to convince him that it's okay, but he already knew that by now - because he continued before I started another lecture.

"Who hurt me," he finished, sighing at the end as if trying to get it all out somehow.

So my guess was right. But there's still more left, much more to answer.

"Hurt you...how? Why? Who?" I asked, "Did this happen before you met dad?"

He nodded, "The main brain behind this was actually my dad - stepdad, to be specific."

He has a stepfather?

"Y'know that I live alone, right? Well, that's because of him. He took away the only person I had. He ruined her entire life and then mine."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"My mother. He killed her right in front of my eyes when I was just nine. But that wasn't the worst thing he did to me. He treated me worse than an animal while looking after his own son like a diamond."

I was totally taken aback. Totally stunned, totally shocked as I watched a new face of Jasper emerge through his usually-bright and cheerful mask. He almost seemed enraged, especially when he mentioned his mother. It was obvious that he was filled with revenge deep inside but couldn't bring it out because he was far too weak compared to the person he was talking about. Well, not physically weak, but Jasper alone can never compare to an entire gang. Plus, his stepfather must be wealthy enough to be having such a number of people on his side, which Jasper doesn't have.

"He hated looking after me but he couldn't get rid of me either, because legally, I was under his care and any harm done to me would be taken care of by the law. You do know that bodyguards require special training for their job, right?" He asked me, and I nodded, "So, he sent me away to live in a boarding school where they start this training at a very young age."

"How young?"

"By the time we're eleven," he answered, making my eyes go wide in surprise. Bodyguard training since the age of eleven? That's technically child labour. How could anyone start such an institution legally? Even worse, how could Jasper's stepdad send him to such a place? I got a hint that he was abusive and stuff, but this is literally being heartless to a kid who wasn't even a teenager yet. He lost his entire childhood, the time he was supposed to be enjoying his life and school.

"Fortunately, I've got just two benefits from that place - education and training. Everything else was hell; the strict rules, the punishments they gave us whenever we committed the tiniest mistake. They beat us for any flaws from our side. It was painful, and I remember being almost half-dead after I received about fifteen minutes of beating for going wrong somewhere during the exercises."

I gasped silently, wondering how anyone could endure so much at that age. And it wasn't just Jasper; obviously, there were a lot of others of his age who were going through just the same thing as him. For a second, I reminisced about how I had complained to myself for not getting birthday wishes from my father and friends while there were people out there like Jasper who were going through the toughest times ever and probably couldn't even remember when their birthday was. I was here, fulfilled with all the luxuries that life could give me and still greedy for company, still thinking about my mother, while those like Jasper suffered the loss of both parents as well as other shit. But even then, he treated me and my problems like actual problems than as stupid teenage problems like others do all the time. He has went through worse things and still took so much care of me, of my emotional and physical problems, and got worried at the slightest trouble I faced.

"Did you ever wonder why I was always wearing those oversized, full-sleeved sweaters even during summer?" Jasper asked me, pointing to the sky blue sweater he was currently wearing. I raised my eyebrows, intrigued, and nodded, "Yeah, I've thought about that sometimes."

"That's because of this."

He slowly folded back the sleeve of his sweater till the very end and then rubbed over his forearm, revealing some bruises which looked quite old but painful. There were some light scars too, kind of looking like they'd been carved into his skin using a knife or something else sharp. It didn't take me long to realize that there were way more than just those one or two scars, that he'd somehow hidden it using concealer and over that, his sweater. I realized then that this is exactly why he was so embarrassed when I told him to remove his vest when I was cleaning his injuries - because he didn't want me to see these bruises. It didn't take me much to understand that the ones on his hands were merely the minor bruises; there were way larger, more painful scars on his body.

"They beat us, used knives to punish us, and even landed one of the older trainees in a coma once but it got ruled out as a suicide attempt," he continued, unfolding back his shirt, "I hated the sight of these scars. They reminded me of things I didn't want to remember anymore, so I hid them using anything I could find."

Sometimes, the most unexpected people have the most unexpected backstories. I mean, could I ever have imagined someone like Jasper having been abused since a young age? Could I ever have imagined that his stepfather killed his mother in front of him and then made him lose his entire childhood in the most inhumane way? His personality, his face, even his eyes, never revealed a thing about this truth. Maybe it's because every part of his body and mind wanted to forget that time, and so they pretended that such a time never existed. He brought it up only because of me, only because he trusted me with his deepest secret.

I would never break his trust. 

Carefully, I held his arm, "I-I don't know what to tell you, Jasper. I'm so sorry about everything you went through. I hope those people get the same treatment that they gave you and that they'll never hurt you again."

"For a fact, I know they will," he said, shaking his head, "Ever since I escaped the institution at sixteen, their aim has been to find me and bring me back. Since I'm an adult now, that isn't possible. So they're hell-bent on making me suffer in anyway they can."

For a minute, I wondered about his other relatives and about why none of them ever rescued him from his stepdad and other abusers. He never mentioned his father till now, did he? No, he didn't. Maybe his dad might've stepped in to save him had he been aware of this, but then again, the most unexpected stuff happens sometimes; sometimes, our own parents turn out to be our biggest enemies, our biggest torturers. 

"What about your...father?" I asked, hoping that he wasn't dead too. I mean, that's the most likely option considering how he's never mentioned his real dad before, but maybe there's a small chance that he's alive but just estranged from his son. Maybe he and Jasper's mom got divorced for some reason and he never came to see his son.

"He's alive," he said blankly, making me sigh in relief but not question him about that again. From what I've seen, talking about his parents seem to be a very sensitive issue to him though he never said anything that hinted at that. It's just his eyes, his entire face, that makes me understand it because of the things I've faced on my own whenever someone mentioned mom. I should know better than to ask such personal questions. He may have let me cross all the boundaries now, he may have put his trust in me completely, but I won't take advantage of it. I need him to tell me everything on his own. 

"My stepfather and his friends, those people who ran the institution, they're still there after me. I honestly don't know why, June. Haven't they had enough of it? Haven't they had enough of ruining my life? And now, to make it worse, they're trying to get to you too."

I could care less about that right now, I thought.

I was surprised at the change in myself, at how I was so concerned about him but not about myself though I was the one in more danger now. Jasper could at least protect himself somehow, but I can't; I'm young, quite weak compared to the guys who attacked us, and unlike him I don't know a thing about how to put up with a fight when needed. Before Jasper came, I never cared about anyone except dad and my friends, and even then I put myself first for most of the time because I rarely ever had to face a situation where I needed to protect my friends from danger and about dad, well, he wasn't even here for half of the time. But look at me now - so unfazed about my own life being in danger while more concerned about another person I met just less than a year ago.

Tears welled up in my eyes as he continued on about his past, about those people including his stepdad who he was afraid of, and how they wanted to follow me because I'm related to Jasper's life and they knew of how he was assigned with protecting me. They succeeded in making him feel like he did his duty wrong on the day that incident happened, that his presence had been useless and that they almost did harass and kill me even with him there. But I was the victim there, and I still would never blame Jasper for anything that happened because obviously, none of that was his fault. He did succeed at protecting me afterwards and that's what matters; after all, he's a human too. He isn't some superhuman with powers who could have just teleported to my side when I was in danger. All he can do is protect me from possible danger if he's nearby and rescue me if he sees that I'm being attacked. But if the harm's already been done, then he can't really do anything except try to bring me back somehow.

"I couldn't lose you too," he said. I looked up at him with a soft gaze to which he sighed and continued, "I lost my parents and it was entirely because of me. I could've helped mom. I nearly put your life in danger; but I can't let that happen ever again, which is why I chose to leave. No one should be hurt because of me again, especially not you. I won't be able to stand that."

My heart melted when he said that, but this wasn't the time to focus on that. I had to make him realize that none of what happened in his life was his fault.

He can't stand to see me in danger, and just like that, I can't stand to see him like this, blaming himself for everything that his abusers did. They should be the ones to feel guilty, not Jasper. Not an innocent nine year old kid who had to witness his own mother being killed. Not a helpless bodyguard who was being attacked from everywhere while they cornered me.

"No, Jasper, your parents didn't go because of you. You were just nine," I said softly, slowly brushing my hands over his comfortingly, "You never deserved any of this."

"I was nine. I was old enough to fight back, or at least tell about this to anyone outside the institution. But I didn't do anything. Even after I escaped, I didn't tell anyone. Until now, you're the only one, besides me and a few others, who knows that such a place exists," he sighed, "Even Mr.Jacobs doesn't know. I've only told him that I had an abusive stepfather, nothing else."

Though I felt happy upon hearing the last few words and that he could open up to me more than even dad, now wasn't the time to express that. He was clearly troubled, even after finally opening up so much. The only thing I can do is to comfort him using words; the only way I could repay him for saving my life and being patient enough to understand my problems and help solve them. For changing my life into such a beautiful one, for changing me into such a better person.

For giving me so many memories to remember forever.

"You weren't old enough to fight back, and most people tend to be silent in such situations," I said, trying hard to convince him, "You didn't tell anyone because you were scared, and it's okay to be scared. But whenever you get over that fear, whenever you feel like you're finally ready, you should expose that place."

"Okay, but -"

"No buts. You don't have to leave just because of those jerks. They won't do anything to me because of you, and I'm not scared of them," I replied, feeling a new courage rise up in me as I said so. I was in just as much as turmoil and fragile state of mind as he was, and I knew that anything I say at this moment would be dumb or impossible. But not this, not the fact that I wasn't scared anymore. I'd do anything for Jasper, for him to continue staying here, even if that means having to get myself killed soon.

When did I start loving a person so much?

"You're in danger, June," he shook his head, "You've got to understand this, I just can't stay anymore."

"Jasper, you've got to understand me too. I feel safer when you're here with me, and I'm not scared of them."

"But I am!" He said frustratedly, looking like that frustration was more directed to himself than to me, "and I'm leaving because I don't want you to live in danger forever. That's it, June, I've got to leave. I'm not letting you die."

I flinched a bit, hurt at his words and his firmness in this one decision. So there's no winning for me in this argument either.

He bent his head again, unaware of the building tension between us.

The silent atmosphere, the frustration that the both of us were facing right now, the hidden feelings threatening to come out at any moment... Mainly, that. My mind was so troubled, so confused. I could just feel it. It could come out at any moment now, the truth, the real reason behind why I didn't want him to leave.

He looked up. I caught my breath, as if in an attempt to hide whatever was about to come out of my mouth if I didn't control my words. Don't say it, June, don't. You don't want to.

Tell him. Tell him that you love him. That you want him to stay here, forever. That you've never felt like this ever before.

No! You'll regret it.

Seeing me, Jasper sighed and held my hand, rubbing it softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude. Maybe I shouldn't even have come here in the first place. That's what caused them to start targeting you."

I sighed in relief. That tense atmosphere had disappeared the moment he spoke. Otherwise, I really would've revealed everything by now. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I mean, he had to know it someday, right? Or maybe not. But I wanted him to stay, so badly, that I was ready to expose even this secret just for that.

Not anymore. I can't risk it. I can't risk losing his friendship too.

"No, it's not. You never landed me in danger, Jasper; in fact, you did just the opposite. Look, I understand you much better than anyone else could and I can assure you with all surety, that none of this was ever your fault," I replied with a gentle smile. I was surprised at how coolly and easily he dealt with most stuff, including me, when I was being cranky for absolutely no reason. For a guy who had been abused from such a young age, witnessed his mom being murdered and his dad being estranged, he's still very mature and never considers others' problems as below his own. Maybe it's his own problems that made him so understanding. He doesn't ever want me to feel any of the pain that he went through, even the littlest ones, which is why he was so worried when I got injured during the attack even though he had far more injuries than I did, which is why he was so concerned even when I got a slight flu.

"If you never came into my life, I would have still been the old me, the old June, who starved herself, had the worst personality problems and couldn't even pick a stick without being scared. That would've been more than enough to kill me. You made the better me come out. You changed my life."

"Thank you, June" he said with a light smile slowly rising on his face. This time, it wasn't strained, and that made me feel much better, much happier. At least he's starting to feel better. I knew that he should open up more, that he should reveal his feelings more often, but at the same time I disliked seeing this side of his. I was concerned about how he looked so fragile, scared and even traumatized. Maybe it's because I've experienced most of these myself that I don't want anyone else, especially not Jasper, to feel that pain. I've always seen the bright, cheerful and strong Jasper that I hated seeing this part of his. No, it's not because I couldn't fathom a 'man' crying or being traumatized, but because I loved him so much at this point that I couldn't tolerate seeing him hating himself. It made my heart break. I wanted him to realize how valuable he was to people around him.

Especially me.

"Seriously? I thought I'd asked you to stop thanking me for stupid reasons long ago?" I asked, rolling my eyes playfully. He chuckled and ruffled my hair. A red blush crept up my cheeks when he did that. In an attempt to hide that as well as out of emotion, I wrapped both my arms around him and leaned into his chest once again. Not quite long ago, it was awkward when we even stood nearby each other. But by now, both of us were comfortable with each other and it has even become quite normal for me to hug him unexpectedly. The same goes for him. We're so emotionally close and we share the same thoughts most of the time.

And now, he's leaving.

"Thank you, for everything," I whispered, closing my teary eyes so as to blink it away. The realisation that he's firm about leaving made my heart break yet again. He still didn't trust himself, even after I tried to convince him so much.

How badly did that stupid fucktard of a stepfather treat him? I mean, someone like me being unsure about myself is understandable - I've been underconfident about myself since forever. But someone as bright and confident as Jasper distrusting his own abilities? Obviously, serious past trauma. The worst one would've been witnessing his own mom's death without being able to do anything. He must've thought that he's useless and can't save the people he love.

In that case, I would've been dead by now. But here I am.

"I would thank you too, but you just told me not to say that. Besides, I prefer the 'no-thank-you' rule in your case too," He said, making me giggle, though I knew what was going on at the depth of his mind, at the mention of his old memories and at how he has to leave because of how he thinks he's put me in danger. And he's still making light jokes so as to reassure me that everything's going to be okay. But I know better; I'm not the ignorant and selfish old June anymore. I've become much more mature thanks to his presence in my life. Maybe he's leaving now and we might never even see again, but he changed me for the better and brought some happiness into my world. I'll never forget that. He wasn't just a chapter in my life that I'm going to turn away soon. He was so much more.

"Okay, I agree."

We were silent after that.

None of us said anything much. All I could hear was Jasper's heartbeats that were gradually slowing down from rapid beats. I hadn't noticed it before, but he'd wrapped both of his arms around my waist the moment I hugged him. Since it was already way past ten at night, I began to fall into sleep, still in his warm embrace.

This might be the last time I'll ever be so close to you.

You made me realise so many important things in life and taught me that some problems don't mean the end of my life.

I love you so much, I really do, but you do not know that. And probably never will. Even if you leave, I'll always have your memories with me, and I'll never forget you - till the very end.

Love,
June Jacobs.