Pain.

The shooting, searing pain was the first thing to return. Brain thrumming against my skull, spikes stabbing every inch.

"I love you baby, I'm sorry! Come back to me!"

His words followed, distraught ramblings, each word running into the next. The usual strength and self-assurance absent, replaced with panic.

And so he should.

My blood froze at the recollection, the outburst inflicting more than just physical pain. The news of my babies' questionable parentage hitting him hard; a shock to everyone involved.

My babies.

Please God, let my babies be OK...

How can I still love him? Even after he did this?

As my eyes swept open, I discovered that we were in a car, Skye at the wheel and Negan sat underneath me, cradling me like a child. His hand pressed against the back of my head; this was bad.

"Hel... ma bbb..."

I couldn't speak, every attempt coming out as drivel. Focusing on his eyes was my next bet.

Please understand.

Bloodshot orbs found mine, tears glistening on pale skin. "I I'm so sorry princess. Please be alright."

Although my hands were shaking, I directed his chin towards my tummy. Negan needed to get my babies to Carson, and while my speech was on hiatus this would have to do. His eyes finally widened in realisation, "we're taking you to the doctor now!"

Hands dropped to my sides, the simple task of lifting them causing my head to spin. The darkness out the window soothed me, even the small amount of light coming from the headlights and internal electronics made me want to vomit.

"We're almost at the Hilltop Rackel! Just rest!" Skye's already high pitched voice rung up an octave higher than usual. Her volume somehow sprouting a new pain within itself. I curled further into Negan's lap, guiltily basking in his natural scent.

Just stay calm.

She blared the horn as the car came to a halt, swinging the door open as she waved her hand outside the vehicle. "Hey! Hey! Rackel's hurt, OPEN UP!"

I clutched Negan's shirt, not willing to be parted from him for even a second.

"I got you baby, Carson will fix this." His voice wavered towards the end, his lack of conviction confirming my greatest fears.

Brawny arms pulled me out of the car, jogging towards the entrance. Every step that he took jolted my head, the shooting pain from my shoulder to skull agonising.

The accidental nudge from Rick jarred me, a gurgling hiss the only noise erupting from my throat.  My old friend's hands scraped at me, trying to pull me away from my husband. "What the hell are you doing? How'd you get out? What happened?"

Rick's barrage of questioning fell on deaf ears, he was just wasting time. I blindly smacked with one hand whilst clutching my abdomen with the other. "Plaseee... helllp..."

Where is Carson?

Negan turned around and barged Rick back, "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER! WHERE'S CARSON?"

My leather clad Savior tried to run, but Rick was on his heels. "Hand her over, I'll take her to Carson!"

I tugged at my husband's collar, "Neee, Neee..."

Breathe girl, you need to breathe.

He stopped for a moment, eyes blazing, control slipping. It was guilt, he knew we were in this position because of him. His feet shuffled, not able to stay still.

"Negan. Tha, tha..." One, two, three, "that way." My finger raised towards Carson's barrack.

He bolted, Rick left in the dust. "CARSON! CARSON! CARSON! WHERE THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK IS MOTHER FUCKING CARSON?"

We were lucky that he was still in his office; he met us at the door, poking and prodding at me whilst Negan made his way to the bed.

"What's going on? What happened to her?" Carson started his exam.

"She fell. Hit her head really hard! Is she alright?" I was thankful he didn't tell them the truth. I couldn't handle them taking him away from me right now.

Carson shone his LED light into my eyes.

Holy shit that hurts!

"Did she lose consciousness?" Carson asked.

Negan paused, "yes."

"She has a grade two concussion. Has she had any other trauma to the head since you've known her?"

My husband's eyes widened, "she tripped and fell back at Sanctuary."

I wasn't completely with it, but I could feel Carson's mannerisms change, arms crossed and trying to space himself between us.

There was no time for this.

"My babies Carthen... please..."

Speak properly damn it!

The gentle doctor turned his attention to me, "okay Rackel, I'm going to do an ultrasound in a minute to see if the babies are fine, take a deep breath."

My grip on my husband's hand tightened; he was going to see these babies. They were going to be ok...

But they might not.
It's a lot of trauma to deal with.
He killed them!
THEY'RE DEAD!

Just the thought knocked the wind from me. I bit down on my tongue hard and tried to wait patiently for Carson to take his time getting the machine ready.

He finally switched the machine on, pressing the wand to my lower abdomen. Two little sacks turned up on the screen.

Baby one.

Ta-tump, ta-tump, ta-tump.

Thank you Jesus.

Baby two.

Carson jostled the wand; it may have only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.

Ta-tump, Ta-tump, Ta-tump.

My two little soldiers marched on! My babies heartbeats thrummed as they stretched out, fluttering their little legs.

Looking over to Negan, I took in the most beautiful sight. My hard ass husband reduced down to a lip trembling, eye watering, smile cracking mess. "That is the most fucking beautiful thing I've ever seen!" He looked over to Carson, "they're alright?"

The doctor raised a brow at him, "you're very fortunate that they are. If this had happened a week or two later it might've been a different story."

Although Negan stood a full foot taller than Carson, the doc leaned over the bed, barely an inch between them, "should I be worried about her Negan? Was this just an accident?"

The air grew stale, both men unwilling to back down. I knew I should be running for the hills after what he had done, but I just couldn't. Too much had happened that night, I wasn't going to add leaving my husband to that mix.

I pushed them apart, my heart rate slowing at the news of my babies wellbeing. "I need tttto, rest. Thththis isn't hhelping." I grabbed Carson's hand, "thank you ssso much. Nnow what?"

My apprehension eased as my speech began to settle.

One less thing.

Carson checked my pupils once again, the pain slightly less than the first time. "Your pupils are responding to light, which is a good sign. Take small sips and I'll check on you in half an hour. If you can speak clearly by then you will need to rest. I'll see what I can rustle up."

I let go of Carson's hand and closed my eyes, sleep sounded amazing. Slumber pulled me under quickly, almost instantaneously.

Negan's calloused hands stroked my cheek, "you can't sleep yet baby, doctor's orders." His touch, I'd forgotten how his fingers felt across my skin. Live-wire over a metal surface, my body reacting to it before he even made contact.

I didn't know where Rick and Skye had gone at that point, but I was so thankful for the peace. As soon as the hour passed and I was able to form a coherent sentence, we settled in for the night.

My flawed husband nestled into me, "I'm sorry baby-"

I jammed my finger across his mouth, "not tonight. Just hold me."