[JEFF]

God. If there was one thing that would inevitably ruin all this, I'd have preferred it to be that demon over Max and I suddenly liking each other. I was so disappointed in myself for just going for it like that. I at least could have waited until our whole fight had blown over, but no! And it definitely did not help that I wasn't even comfortable with sex. Now I knew it'd all been for nothing. I could have told him that. But I didn't. So now things were very awkward.

I decided to blow off some steam by practicing any killing shit I hadn't tried up until that point. Not sure if anybody's noticed yet, but I have a pretty wide repertoire of techniques for any situation. You'd think I was preparing for the end of the world, and I wouldn't exactly blame you. During the five or so minutes that Angus Grimville got in my head seven years ago, without him even saying so I was convinced that I had to do whatever it took to improve on everything. Well, everything related to murder and combat. I was so obsessed for such a long time that even when depression hit, I still worked out. I still carved JOY into trees, laughed out loud and cut around my mouth whenever it felt like the scars were starting to heal. I still went after any other killers, racists, pedophiles, you name it that crossed my path. Maybe I was trying to make the world a better place. I liked to think I was proving myself to someone, out there. After all, in our little family "business" I never actually did any work. So what better way to get out of my own head than practice old habits?

The crappy analog I strung to the wall was always about an hour behind, so I didn't bother looking at it half the time. But right now I felt compelled to check a whole lot more than usual, and time moves so much slower when you do that. Annoyed the fuck out of me. Not that I knew much about Natalie's life, but one thing we could have agreed on then was that time is nothing but a pain. Everything started to hurt the more I punched, kicked, sliced, and stabbed. Even though I knew that if I stopped, then I'd either have to just sit there in my misery or talk to Max, I had to face it at a certain point. I was getting tired. And not just of practicing, or anything that a full night's sleep would fix. I was so tired of this life, but I couldn't turn myself around now. It was far too late.

Right when I was about to take a break, I heard three knocks on the doorway and turned my head to see Max standing there with an unreadable expression. I groaned.

"Is there something you aren't picking up here, or do you just not care if I want to be alone."

"You obviously don't. We should talk."

Something in me stirred. It'd been so long since I had just...talked to someone. Not an argument, not a three word exchange, not plans to break into someone's house. Just a talk. I sighed and dropped the absolutely wrecked dummy I had been "killing," and he walked up to where I was standing. Eventually, I just sat down and let out a huge breath disguised as a cough. He didn't have the right to know that I was working so hard for practically no reason.

"You don't have to leave the room every single time you don't want to deal with me. In fact, I'd prefer if you didn't do that."

"It's not that I don't want to...well, yeah, that's a big part of it. But I just don't see why I should let you know everything about myself when you've told me, what, one thing about your past?"

"Hey. You brought this upon yourself. You could've left that mention of your brother as it was, but instead you gave me the whole story. Clearly, you've been waiting to tell someone how you felt about it." He sat down beside me, hands twitching, like he was second guessing himself.

"I...don't really have a family in the traditional sense. None of us are related to each other. I did have what you had, at some point. But those people were liars. And they're dead now."

My eyebrows knit. "Then what did you have?"

"...definitely something else. I'm still not giving up on them," he added with a stern look. "It would take a lot more than...you know, what you said to change my mind. But I don't even know where to go from here, and I can't ask anyone for help. Nobody I talk to believes what I have to say. And nobody who sees me can know I even exist."

I wished with all my heart at that moment that I couldn't understand that feeling. You make a stupid mistake when you're young and suddenly, you pay for the rest of your life with all your connections severed. I weaved my fingers together and nodded. "Are you going somewhere with this."

"I think that at this point, given what we've done, I'm allowed to tell you who I'm really looking for." Max pinched the bridge of his nose underneath his mask, and for just a split second I remembered that I had seen his whole face before. Just last night, in fact. I averted my eyes and tried not to think about it. Didn't bother asking him what allowed was supposed to mean, either. "Um. Go for it, I guess. I don't have much else to do."

He slowly looked up at the wall in front of him as if he were staring at a ghost. "I met my Elder when I was about ten. I don't know exactly what happened before, but I woke up in a dark room and saw my brother standing there. He welcomed me to the family. I didn't know what was going on so I started crying, and everybody there just watched. It was so weird. The Elder kept on dragging me to different rooms later on, like she was trying to convince me of something. I can't even remember what she said. But that was when I started getting used to it all."

"Used to what...?"

"Just being there. I started feeling at home. They explained to me that my old parents...they were evil. They'd lied to me my whole life and were keeping me from who I truly belonged with. I didn't believe it at first, but the more I saw, the more I realized that they were right. Everybody else seemed so happy there. So I stayed."

Like he had a choice. Who even are these people he's talking about? Did they brainwash him or something?

"If you don't mind," I said, not meaning it at all, "what did they show you that convinced you to stay with them?"

He seemed to think. "I'm not sure. Like I said, I just got used to it. They didn't let me outside until they knew I could do my job and that I wouldn't run away, and I can see why. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but I loved it. And they all loved me. Got me this mask," he added, adjusting its right strap. "It suited me. Still does."

Okay. I've heard all I need to know.

"...so you were indoctrinated into a manipulative cult that thrives off of abducting random kids on the street. Got it." I stood up and brushed myself off, just about ready to leave. Surprisingly, Max didn't move. But he did seem really pissed.

"Why are you so obsessed with making me doubt the only people I could trust?" He scoffed. "You know what, you're just like all the others. You won't believe me. Or maybe you do, but you don't want to admit it."

"Think what you want. Just letting you know, maybe if these people really wanted to find you again, they'd put some sort of tracker on you." I went to walk out of the room, thinking that was the end of this conversation.

"Who said they didn't do that?"

I stopped and looked at him out of the corner of my eye.

"...your 'family' knows where you are? Right now?" I asked incredulously. That couldn't be what he meant, but what else could I have assumed?

"Not anymore, they don't. When I got sent to back to my fake home the police took it off of me. It felt like part of my soul had been ripped out."

Or a chip in your skin, more like. But I knew better than to say that out loud. He sighed and folded his arms over his knees.

"The Elder thought of it. She was...no, is. She is very smart. And I wish I still had it with me. At least then, I could get some answers."

"Answers to what?"

"To why nobody's ever believed me." He looked up with a sense of burning determination. "So maybe think what you want, Hodek. It won't matter either way to me. Now, I just want you to help me find my family again. Would that really be too much to ask?"