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"Yoongi." I pant as he pulls out and takes of the condom. He hums. He had ignored me for 4 days after I walked out of his apartment to go home. I don't know why he had gotten so mad mad about it. I had to be there for a friend even thought Hoseok had taken care of it already.

"Are you still mad at me?" I ask and he shrugs before getting dressed and throwing away the used condom. Without another word he leaves my room to go home. I sigh and get out of bed myself to take a shower and get dressed.

The shower is relieving. Every touch of his washed away. Once I get out I dry myself while feeling strangely dirty again. I feel like hopping back into the shower but know that the dirty and used feeling won't leave.

I stare at my naked body in the mirror and sigh. Jungkook is taller than me, skinnier than me and cuter than me. Maybe that's why he's loved by everyone. I sigh and take my cigarettes of the counter. My own package. Addicted to the cigarettes just like I'm addicted to Yoongi.

I light a cigarette and get dressed. I put it out once I finished it and open a window to let out the snow. To my surprise I see Yoongi's car still standing outside. He's still sitting in the drivers seat smoking a cigarette not doing anything.

I sigh and walk out of my room and put on my shoes and a jacket. I leave my room and greet Jungkook who's watching TV. He hasn't yet reached his friend and I'm starting to doubt the guy even exists.

He says hi as well and I slip out the door. I stare at Yoongi for a while and then walk over to knock on the window. He looks up. Tired and broken.

"Are you crying?" I ask him and he reaches up to his face touching his wet cheek and staring at his finger tips in disbelief. I open his car door and carefully take the keys from his hands. "Come." I say pulling on his arm. He obediently gets out the car and I lock it. I lead him back to my apartment.

Once we step through the door I see a surprised Jungkook looking up at us. I shake my head a little. I lead Yoongi back to my room and lie him down in my bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask and he turns to stare at me. His eyes dull as he reaches up at me. His cold finger tips touching my skin oh so lightly. "Pretty." He whispers before pulling me down for a kiss.

I'm shocked. The kiss isn't rough or sexual. It's a loving kiss. A sweet, tender and passionate kiss. I kiss back eager for his loving touches. I know that he's probably just getting my hopes up to crush me only moments later.

We pull back both panting a little as we stare at each other. "I love you." I say and he smiles shaking his head. "Don't." Is all he says. "Why not."

"I'm fucked up." He says taking his cigarettes out and lighting one. "You're not." I say and he holds up the cigarette in front of me. "Wanna see fucked up?" He asks sitting up is eyes challenging andI slowly starts shaking my head. I feel like he's up to something stupid.

He turns the cigarette in his fingers and grins at me. He moves it down and I reach forward covering his wrist before he can do any damage to himself instead he does it to me.

"Ah!" I yell grabbing my hand while tears immediately start pouring down my face. "Ow!" I cry he immediately drags me out of the room and immediately into the bathroom. He turns on the tap forcing my hand underneath it.

"Why did you fucking do that." He snaps and I shake my head no. Is he really mad at me. Jungkook storms in a bewildered look on his face.

"Who died?!" He asks while rushing over to us. "Nobody!" I say trying to pull my arm away from his sight but he grabs it pulling it back. "What did you do?!"

I pull my arm back and put it back under the tap while shaking my head. "Did he do it?!" Jungkook asks his eyes hardening at. Again I shake my head. "I did it myself. I wasn't looking." I say trying to protect Yoongi from Jungkook's wrath and Hoseok's. If Hoseok knew he would immediately put Yoongi in the ground without the blink of an eye.

"I'll grab you some cream from the first aid kit." He says rushing out of the room. Yoongi reaches over to wipe my tears away. I flinch at his touch and he sighs. "I'm so sorry Jiminie."

Jiminie. He never called me that. He never called me anything but Jimin. I look up at him his eyes holding true guilt. Is it possible that he does care for me? Maybe just a little. "It's okay."

"No. I hurt you." He says and I can't help but chuckle sarcastically. It isn't the first time he hurt me. He does realise that every time he hit me it hurts right? He does realise that every time he ignores me it hurts? He hurts me so much everyday that this feels like a small punch compared to the daily heartbreak.

Before I can say anything Jungkook walks back in. He's holding a first aid kit and rummages through it while walking over to us. "Here's some cream." He says holding a small can. Yoongi takes it from him and Jungkook visibly flinches at the touch. Yoongi doesn't notice.

Jungkook and I look at each other. My eyes holding sadness while his hold worry. Poor Jungkook. He's so pure and innocent yet the world gives him so much shit to deal with.

Yoongi turns off the tap and I feel like my arm is frozen. I let him dry my arm with a towel and decide to, despite the pain, enjoy his soft and caring touches. Gentle and kind.

"I'm okay. Go watch your show." I say to Jungkook. He hesitates while eyeing Yoongi carefully and I smile at him reassuringly. He slowly leaves the bathroom but leaves the door open.

"Yoongi." I say and he hums while slowly spreading some cream on the burn. "Why were you going to do that to yourself?" I ask and he sighs. There's probably a fucked up reason he was going to do that.

"Jiminie." He says once he spread the cream on the wound carefully and I look up at him with a questioning look on my face. "Yoongi." I breath.

"I have to go." He says and I shake my head. "Don't go."

"I hurt you." I shake my head. "You were going to hurt yourself and I wouldn't let you." I argue and he shakes his head while he starts pacing through the bathroom. "I'm no good for you. You know that."

"That's not true." I say and he shakes his head. "It is but the thing is you're pretty." He says cupping my face in his hands and staring into my eyes.

"Spend a day with me. Spend a day with me and I'll show you how fucked I am." He says and I sigh taking his hands off my face. "Stop Yoongi. I know you're fucked up but don't you get it?!" I ask with frustration running through my veins. Can't he just tell I love him?!

"Get what?!" He asks sounding equally as frustrated.

"I love you Yoongi. I fucking love you and I would die for you. To me you're not fucked up! You're perfect to me." I yell while grabbing his shirt. "You're all I want Yoongi and here you are only bringing yourself down but you're my world!"

I feel tears stream down my face and he shakes his head while pushing me away from him. "What the fuck Jimin?!" He suddenly yells. Is he actually fucking mad?

I confessed my love for him and he's mad? How dare he be mad at me? I'm fucking up my entire life for him and all he can do is get mad?

"This is why I don't like fucking with someone too long. They always fall in love. You fucking ruined whatever is between us." He spits while walking closer to me. "Who gave you the fucking right to fall in love with me."

I walk forward as well pushing him back harshly. His time of intimidating me is over. "The right? Who the fuck do you think you are? You're just a coward Yoongi. A fucking coward."

He roughly grabs my shirt and his eyes almost spit fire. "Don't fucking talk to me like that Jiminie. I didn't make you fall in love with me. This is all your fault." I could cry. I could cry my fucking eyes out until I no longer have any energy left to even breath.

"My fault?! It's not like I asked for this either. Believe me I'd rather fall in love with anyone else." I spit back and he releases my shirt pushing me away softly. "You should. I'm no good for you."

"Oh stop it. You're acting like you're some sort of hero for saying that but the thing is I'm already in love with you and all you did was fuck me, hit me, use me, manipulate me. You're already no good for me and leaving won't do me good either." I yell as I can no longer hold my tears. I start crying, sobbing. I want him to stay with me. Forever.

But Yoongi doesn't know forever. Yoongi only knows now.

"Stop crying." His voice strangely soft as he speaks. "Stop crying!" He yells and I shake my head because I can't stop. All my emotions got the best of me and this is the only way to get rid of them.

"Jimin you don't get it do you? You think your life is bad because the one you love isn't in love with you? You think you have problems because your heart got broken?" He suddenly yells. "You shouldn't be such a bitch about it. Grow the fuck up. You're mot a Disney princess and you will certainly get no wishes. You only get yourself and that's it. So if you collapse without someone else's love then maybe you don't deserve any love." He spits and I cry even harder as his word cut through me like knifes. "Some people aren't meant to be loved."

He turns around not even bothering to look over his shoulder as he walks out the door. He doesn't stop. He doesn't stop to apologise or even look back. He just leaves. Leaves me to the realisation that I'm not meant to be loved.

"Jimin." I look up to see Jungkook standing in the doorway. I want to yell at him. Tell him to go but I'm not Yoongi. I'm Jimin. Park Jimin not made to be loved.

"He wasn't talking about you." Jungkook says crouching down next to me and I realise that I'm no longer standing. I look up at him and he sighs shaking his head a little. "He was talking about himself."

I shake my head. "Look at me Jungkook. Not at my appearance but at who I am. I have done nothing in my entire life to deserve anyone's love. He is right. I don't deserve to be loved." I stare at his brown eyes holding so much innocence.

I get up to my feet and back away from him. "I-I gotta go." I stutter before storming out the bathroom. I have had no sleep but I grab my cigarettes and storm out of the apartment.

I can't stay with Jungkook. I can't stay with him and ruin whatever innocence he has. I can't let him be another casualty to the battle I'm fighting with myself. Cause that's what it is. I'm not fighting Yoongi. I'm fighting myself. Fighting to find my place in this world and I had hoped that Yoongi's love would grant me one.

"Jimin!" Jungkook yells but I'm long gone before he can say anything else. I just run off. All the way downtown. A place where I barely visit. People are starting at me. The exhausted boy running through the streets. Some of them will pity me while others will roll their eyes at my actions. I don't care. I don't care what they think. I just need a good smoke and an empty head.

I finally stop running when I arrive in a park. I just sit down in the grass not caring about anyone else judging me. I light a cigarette and stare at my legs.

What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with the body my mother gave me? What am I doing with everything?

I'm killing myself. My spirit and my soul. And so is Yoongi. No. Yoongi already killed himself. And now here I am following in his footsteps. My mind will end up turning off the light inside of me and I will end up alone because people who no longer care about anything... can't be bothered to love anyone.

My phone rings and I slowly take it pit of my pocket to see Hoseok calling.

"What?" I snap.

"Come home Jimin. You need sleep:" he sighs and I assume Jungkook told him what happened. "Jungkook is moving to his friends house. The one he told us about. So it'll just be you and me."

I bite my lip as my eyes start watering again. "Hobi?"

"Yes Jimin?"

"Do you love me?" He sighs before speaking up. "As friends yeah." I start crying again. No longer caring what people will think of me. "Love me Hobi. Just for once. Love me." I beg and he sighs again.

"Come home Jimin." There's something in his voice. Pity. He pities me.

"I'll be home. Tomorrow. Or the day after. Or never again. I don't know what I'm doing Hoseok. I'm confused, sad, scared, lonely and mad. I'm currently in some sort of park and I feel free. I don't want to come home. My bed still smells like him. I want to be happy Hoseok. I want to be loved and nobody will love me." I rant and inhale the smoke that I've grown to like. The nicotine running through my veins and easing my mind a little.

I drop my phone and get to my feet. I lift my foot and bring it down on the screen harshly. The screen cracking and class flying everywhere. I look at the now useless device and smile.

What have you done to my mind Yoongi? You crawled inside my head and made me go insane. Just to leave me alone to deal with the aftermath of everything.

Beautiful Min Yoongi, beautiful but evil Min Yoongi.

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