POV Luca

"Luca, Dear. Wake up."

I'm struggling to climb out of the dark pits of my slumber. I ignore the strong desire to claw at the hand gently shaking me. The peace that once enveloped me has been shattered, and my senses are awakening. Blinking as light pierces my vision, I try to stop myself from retreating into the dark again. The silence of sleep that clogged my ears slips away as my body remembers the discomfort of my heat.

I whined in frustration, wanting to go back to sleep. I was comfortable and covered in Eli's scent. Turning away from the light, I burrowed deeper into the soft blanket that smelled so perfect. Perfect for a nest. Perfect like home. I sighed into the warmth before registering laughter and a large palm that had softly started rubbing against my back.

'What?'

I finally wade through the fog of my heat-addled brain and the euphoria of being surrounded by calming alpha pheromones.

'What the hell?'

Flashes of memories come back to me in quick succession. I remembered letting Eli bring me back to the pack. I pushed myself to my knees and sat back on my heels, looking around quickly. Blessed Goddess, I went home with the Alpha and just...

'Oh, No!'

My face heats, my golden-brown skin must have the deep, rosy tint to it, like I always get when I'm embarrassed. I hear a soft chuckle after and turn towards the sound. Knowing that he is watching me only further mortifies me.

Squeaking loudly upon seeing Eli right next to me, I jump back, landing flat on my bottom. My eyes finally land on his smiling face. I huff, glaring up at the Alpha.

"What happened? We were at the car and then-" I paused, staring to remember him picking me up in his arms, and then my nose was right at his scent glands.

Oh, Goddess, this is humiliating.

I flopped onto my back, groaning in discomfort.

"Luca, you need to take your medicine." Eli continued to chuckle at my dramatics.

"Right, right," I said, sitting up.

I was starting to feel my cramps again. It wasn't bad, but knowing that this heat was different since I had found my Alpha, I wasn't willing to risk that pain again. My heats are painful sometimes, but this was an indescribable experience. I was pretty out of it earlier, but I remembered being in agony. I took the glass of water he gave me and swallowed the pills placed in my palm.

"Good, now eat," Eli said, taking the glass from me and pushing a bowl into my hands. "I made you that spinach and tofu thing you said. Um," Eli snapped his fingers, forgetting the name of the dish.

"Palak Tofu," I said, smiling softly. What a sweet thing to do. "Thank you, Alpha."

I peeked up at him with a smile before taking a small bite. It was good. Really good.

"I didn't know you could cook, Alpha. It's very good." I complimented Eli, feeling elated because I know that it isn't common for my species to be vegetarian, but he made the effort to remember.

"I am not a very good cook. I know the basics. It took two tries and my mother's hovering to make it edible. She says her tribe has a similar dish made with nettle she would like to make for you." Eli explained.

I felt my smile broaden at that idea. I really did appreciate that Eli's human mother was making an effort to make me feel more comfortable with this mating without being overbearing. It was both interesting and daunting to experience the differences in how our families viewed alpha-omegan mateships.

"She's a sweet woman. She's been a wonderful Luna." I sigh softly.

"She has. You are going to be a good Luna, too." I feel my cheeks burn again at his confidence in my ability to be his Luna.

I stuffed a large spoonful of my meal into my mouth to avoid speaking. Would I continue just to be permanently red now that I have an Alpha? Despite my panic over finding my alpha, I had not forgotten that with this specific alpha, I would have responsibilities.

An heir and helping him lead his pack. I never thought I would one day stand beside our Alpha. I never considered that I would, well, what I believed is beside the point. I had hoped to be mateless and avoid all of these conversations. Just thinking about having a pup, doing the things it takes to have a pup, made me anxious.

Oh my Goddess, I'm going to be the Luna. How can I be the Luna when I don't even know how to have a relationship with an alpha? I don't even know how to be the type of omega a pack Alpha should have.

I mean, obviously, I don't know how to be an omega because I am not trying to jump on the most eligible alpha in the pack and lay my Goddess-given claim.

"Don't think about it too hard, dear. You'll do fine when you are ready to be the Luna."

I looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Matebond, Luca. I can feel you even if you can't feel me yet. I can feel the traces of your anxiety."

As much as I have never cared about having a matebond, not being able to experience the bond that Luca could already feel was strange. It felt wrong. It felt like I was wrong. Like I had done something wrong because I couldn't experience this bond.

"That wasn't supposed to make your anxiety go up, baby," Eli said, sliding closer to me.

"Let's just say that our matebond works for us. I can sense your emotions, so I can know if my omega needs anything even across the city. You seem to be deeply susceptible to my scent and pheromones, so you still experience the bond, just differently than expected." He gently cupped my cheek. "We have plenty of time to figure us out, so don't worry about a thing. I'm not upset that this isn't going how most matebonds do."

I nodded at him. Eli was right. Even Dad's calming pheromones didn't affect me the way that Eli's did.

Dad's pheromones would take the edge off of stressful situations, but Eli's scent alone drowned out any stress I was feeling at all. Everything stopped being loud and scary. Adding in his pheromones just made everything feel; I don't even know how to describe it.

Softer. More manageable. Like, I didn't need to worry about a thing, even though I barely knew anything about Eli.

It's like when I finally met him, my entire being knew I didn't need to worry about anything. He feels safe, but realistically, I know alphas are not safe, especially to omegas like me. Baser instincts and all that.

The fact that I feel like this when I am around him and want to let go is disarming. He is my pack Alpha, so that trust that he would protect me has always been instilled in me. I was struggling greatly to continue to fear that he would suddenly focus on the fact that his omega wasn't giving in.

Everything in my instincts kept pushing me not to worry, but everything I knew about alphas told me that he could hurt me if he wanted to. I wanted to be more than just a "breeder" for an alpha, but the alphas that had always been presented to me didn't see me as more. I wanted a life, and if I had a mate. I wanted it to be a partnership with a solid foundation outside of our second spirits. I wanted to have a friendship that was natural and effortless.

Eli seems to want that, but I just can't help but be concerned that he won't be happy with what I, as his omega, can give. Is it possible that I can love the Alpha? Yes, but what if it's the wrong way? I haven't felt either a romantic pull or a sexual tension for anyone.

Omegas in werewolf culture rarely got an equitable partnership. They were cherished and cared for, but it was expected that an omega roll over and submit. I didn't want to belong to my mate just because of my biology. I don't even need him to love me or whatever romanticized ideal people have. I just want to be valued for more than my ability to guarantee an heir.

"You're still overthinking, Luca. At the very least, would you share your thoughts with me so I can address them?" Eli said, cautiously moving to straighten into a seated position so he would be out of my personal space.

I didn't even know how to begin the conversation, but I supposed this would be the best time to have it. The Alpha would have to start making plans for what to say to my parents, since I can't stay hidden in his apartment forever. He would need to know what I think about that, right?

"This feels, um, scary?" I wasn't entirely certain of my own emotions, considering how the mate bond seemed to be pushing me to feel safer with Eli, despite my concerns. "I honestly had hoped I'd never find my alpha. I don't want to belong to someone just because I'm an omega. I want them to want to be with me because they love and respect me as a person."

I took a deep breath for the next part, which threatened to shatter the calm that I had experienced since waking.

"I don't know when I am going to be ready for sex. I've never wanted that. I also don't know if I will ever be able to love an alpha, or really anyone in that way, and it scares me. It scares me to ask someone to be willing to tolerate me if they are going to miss out on something." I finish off.

"Are you assuming that I am missing something?" Eli asked curiously.

"Well, aren't you. If I were a different omega, you'd probably have your knot in me right now instead of making me dinner and chatting while your pheromones soothe me." I watched him turn red, but persisted. "Alpha, people talk."

" W-what?" Eli blustered with an uncharacteristically embarrassed chuckle falling from his lips.

"Let's just say that I know that you are a very virile man. I think we could eventually learn to be intimate in many ways that would fulfil you as an alloromantic, but I don't know about the sex thing." I admitted. "I mean, if we do decide to seal the bond, I will make sure you have an heir, but, um, yeah."

Eli had on that ridiculously charming smile. He gave me the courtesy of thinking about his response before saying that I worried too much. I watched as Eli lay back on the bed, casually, pillowing his head on top of his forearms. I finished eating my food with a bit of apprehension sitting in my belly. I had just set my bowl down when Eli started talking again.

"So you'd be willing to mate and share a heat or two with me, but you don't know how you feel about sex in general."

"That's right. I've never had sex, so I don't know how I feel about it, but I don't have very much interest in it, in general." I replied candidly.

"You've never- Luca, have you ever touched yourself?" He asked quietly.

I scrunched my nose. I have mostly allosexual werewolf friends, but I have avoided all things sexual personally. Just thinking about me in that situation makes me uncomfortable.

"I most definitely have not." I shake my head.

"So you haven't felt aroused?" Eli gently probed.

"I tend to ignore it when it does happen as I have no interest in doing any of the things to help that particular problem," I mumbled.

"Well, it's nice to know that none of this is specifically related to being with an alpha. I remember reading that in some relationships between asexuals and allosexuals that they do have a sex life together because the act feels good, not necessarily because the asexual person is attracted to their partner. They enjoy the sensation and feel safe to indulge with their partner."

"Yes," I acknowledged. "I knew several couples like that in college."

"But you think you won't be interested in sex at all?"

"I think that I've not had much interest in sex nor have I ever felt the desire to experiment with it," I said honestly. "I think the biggest question is if you can have a mostly sexless mateship or will it drive you and your wolf to distraction?" I said bluntly.

I refused to look at him. He knew what I was asking. I knew that, as much as the thought of having an alpha scared me, I enjoyed talking to Eli, and I liked how safe I felt with him. I mean, if he wasn't THE Alpha, we could have been friends. None of that mattered, though, if I mated with him and he couldn't live without sex, though.

"My wolf and I would never force someone to mate with us or be intimate with us against their will. Even our omega. Besides, you are a member of my pack. That wouldn't be caring for you or protecting you, and we both take that very seriously."

"You really think you would be okay with mating me if I can't have sex with you fairly often, or like never have sex after I give you a pup?" I asked in disbelief.

My cheeks were blazing hot. I couldn't look up, I was so embarrassed by the conversation. This was hard, but it was better to get it done now rather than later, right?

"I think being okay with it is not accurate. I think that if we do decide to mate, I will adjust willingly. If we choose to pursue this, and a sexless mateship is what it will take to do that, then I will do that." He placed a finger under my chin to make me look him in the eyes.

"I never took a chosen mate, Luca. I waited because I firmly believe in the strength of a mate bond. I believe that the best companion for me and the best Luna for my pack will be my mate, not just someone I chose because they ticked off all of my boxes."Eli said softly.

"And I mean, I won't lie. You do check off all of my boxes, Luca," Eli chuckled me blush again.

I watched him for a few moments, my cheeks burning. I couldn't gauge if Eli really believed any of what he said or if this was just a tactic. I mean, obviously not all mateships are terrible, right? Like, they can't be, or no one would stay in them.

In the A(ce)spects club at university, we always discussed how variable relationships can be as long as the parties involved discussed everything. I'm not sure if I would be okay with any of the typical relationship stuff. I never considered it until Eli. Maybe we could figure it out, and building a partnership with the alpha wouldn't be terrifying.

I realized my jaw was slack from surprise and quickly closed my mouth, then turned my face away from him. The reality is that even in a progressive pack like this, many omegas just settled. Too afraid to stir the pot because alphas hold the cards, and our instincts just push us to please them once mated. Very few fight against their instincts, and for many who do, it doesn't always work in their favor.

I had to think a lot about this. If I were going to be in a mateship, I wanted to be in one because that's what I wanted. I didn't want to do this because I was supposed to. That wouldn't be fair to either of us.

"Okay. It makes sense that, despite this being difficult for you, you would be pretty chill about it. I'm just not used to alphas being so open-minded, I guess." I said with a low chuckle. "I've been on about twenty dates since I've been home, and well, let's say that those alphas left much to be desired."

Eli let out an angry-sounding snarl as he quickly sat up, glaring in my direction. That woke my omega spirit up just long enough for it to retreat and hide. I also felt a bit scared and intimidated, but there was nowhere for me to go. I leaned back slowly out of fear, lowering my head. I let out a soft whimper.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Luca. I'm not mad at you, I'm just– every time I imagine you on one of those dates while you were so close to me, I get upset. It makes me more upset knowing that you hated them and that those alphas made you feel uncomfortable."

I looked up at him, openly staring at him in shock and confusion.

"Alpha, I-"

"No, Luca. No, don't you dare excuse their behavior. You had every right to be upset with them and your parents. It makes me very angry that you were disrespected in that way." He growled. "If they were ever going to court you, they should have been respectful at the first meetings. Your parents should have ensured they were being respectful."

Eli breathed deeply, trying to regain his composure. I felt my omega trembling just as hard as I was at the rage simmering right beneath the surface. An alpha's rage was always tricky for omegas, but I tried to fight the desire to cower and fawn.

"I just still haven't been able to process the news of how badly your parents behave with you. And," He said, dragging out the moment as he organized his thoughts, " I am angry that it happened to an omega in my pack, much less my mate, simply because I could find you before you left for college."

I watched as he pushed his fingers through his black curls and sighed. I eased my muscles, letting my omega know our alpha wasn't angry at us, just at people who hadn't been good to us. That made my omega spirit giddy, and it wanted to get to know our alpha better. He pushed me to be just a little brave while Eli was focused on collecting himself.

Slowly, I made my way to Eli and nuzzled his arm lightly. I felt him jump as he felt my touch while I settled next to him. I trilled softly as I shyly nuzzled my nose on the skin right below the sleeve of his T-shirt. Eli himself let out a deep, satisfied grumble before he leaned down to nuzzle me back on the top of my head.

This was so simple.

When I think about being someone's mate in just this context, being mated makes so much sense.

"Luca, I'm going to court you. We will do this in a similar manner to how chosen mates do things. It'll give you time to get more comfortable with me, and me time to adjust to whatever I need to work through. And if at the end we decide it won't work, at least you'll know how an alpha should be treating you." I could feel the warm puffs of air tickling my scalp as he spoke.

A companion. Someone who comforts you. Someone who stands by your side while you navigate life.

I can do that. Right?