"Brian dear, c'mon now, it's alright. Like I said, it's just a boggart." His mom whispered to him in her softest voice.

His body was still trembling while his eyes burned with tears of horror and grief. To think so many of those things could happen-perhaps they already had! All of it was too easy to imagine but the sight of Freddie at just thirteen cursing him and suffering that dreaded change was the one that stuck out in his mind. The latter he knew had happened, it couldn't just be a figment of his imagination or his worst fears come to life. The real gutting part of that was the possibility of him blaming him for his mistake. He already blamed himself for it and that nagging voice came back in his head to remind him of the chance Freddie might resent him for it. No...No he couldn't...Freddie had said that he didn't, he had to trust Freddie's judgment. And yet...what if it was just a lie to protect him like he had done to him so many times?

"I-you didn't see what was there!" Brian shouted as the images replayed themselves in his mind.

"No but it's not there now. Get up and come downstairs. Dinner's almost ready and some food will do you good."

His mom held his hand tightly as they walked down out of the attic. His stomach bounced around inside of him as he tried to force those memories and thoughts out of his head. It's just a boggart! Stop being a baby about it! It's not real! You...You know it's not real...

"Ruth! Freddie's sent Brian a letter!"

His stomach shrunk as he halted in place while his mother released his hand to walk over to his father, grabbing the sleek envelope from his bandaged hand. Even from this distance, he could tell it was Freddie's handwriting. That messy scribble was unmistakable no matter what. The little owl hooted excitedly as his father patted its head while his mother handed him the letter. Brian ran his thumb over Freddie's handwriting, studying every inch of the paper to make sure there weren't any telling signs that something had gone wrong. No tear stains, no rips on the envelope, and it was sealed as neatly as Freddie could, which wasn't saying much. He tucked it away into his pocket, deciding to get some food in him before risking becoming too upset to do even that.

Fresh salad, warm bread, a small chicken with a cup of gravy next to it, and his parents enjoying their dinner should've made him feel as safe as ever. Nothing bad ever happened with them around and yet all Brian wanted to do was go back to Hogwarts. He wanted to know what was going on and he couldn't do that when he was stuck at the dinner table. Brian glanced over at his father, the bandages around his hand stabbing at his stomach. But how could he leave? God forbid something happened to him again and he wasn't there; yet he couldn't stand the thought of being there for a second longer with Freddie possibly struggling back at the school without him. The mere sight of dinner being laid out in front of him only brought back even more memories and thoughts of the great hall back at school, making him long for his friends, especially Freddie. He just wanted to apologise to him, say anything to him that would let him forgive him for being so absent minded about his feelings and being a complete idiot about everything. 

He toyed around with a piece of lettuce, finally taking a forkful as to not prompt any questions from his parents. Brian shifted in his spot, feeling the letter in his pocket move with him. Despite the offer from his parents to go read it, he couldn't bring himself to do so, not yet anyways. No matter the outcome, he just wasn't ready for an answer. If it was happy, then Brian would want to go back there; if it was angry and vengeful like the howler, he'd never want to face Freddie again. All that power that little letter had was killing him and making it nearly impossible to finish the little bit of salad upon his plate. He didn't want to engage in any of the conversation between his parents-feeling quite thankful that they were now leaving him out of it.

To hell with it! Read the damn letter already! He barked at himself as he ripped the lettuce off of his fork. If you know what's written, then you'll stop worrying about it! And you know it's not going to be bad. His stomach lurched. God what if something happened to him? Dammit finish your meal so you can stop worrying and get an answer!

When the time finally came, he shot up from the table, laid his stuff in the sink, and ran upstairs, letter in hand, and slammed the door shut behind him, locking it in hopes that neither of them would come up to bother him. He leapt onto his bed, toying around with the little envelope in his hands. How he hoped it was positive in any way, shape, or form. That's what he needed right now: some good news about all this and just an update about what happened there so that he could just know.

Brian

First off, I'm sorry for being a right bitch lately. I just don't want you to coddle me like I'm a baby but I still want you there when I need you. I've told you that I want to move on from this and that means you have to do so as well-

The image of the massive beast up in his attic formed within his mind, its fierce eyes staring right into his soul.

-It's been hard on all three of us. I'll talk more about it with you when you get back. Say hi to your dad for me.

Don't worry about what happened that night, nothing went wrong. Except for John witnessing the whole thing...

"WHAT?!"

Nothing happened, don't worry.

"Don't worry?" He said, his eyes still wide with fear. What had John seen? That damned beast probably spent the whole night torturing the poor thing! And why the hell did John decide to just stay in the goddamn room with that thing? Surely for someone with an interest in beasts and whatnot, he'd know not to stay in the same room as a bloody werewolf!

I don't wanna talk much more about it in a letter. Just get home as soon as you can, please? I'm sorry for being a prick before you left and sending that howler didn't make it any better.

Come home soon dear,

Freddie♡

Just that little heart written in Freddie's messy scrawl seemed to make everything within his mind settle back down for just a moment, despite majority of his nerves still jumping about because of John's situation. Freddie hadn't mentioned anything about John getting bit, so that was a good sign. But what if he'd gotten hurt? Or worse, what if Roger got suspicious? If he saw any injury upon John, he'd surely question him to death and spend forever trying to figure out what was going on! John could hold up a lie for only so long, even when under pressure, but it can't be easy with such a dominant force like Roger if he was bombarding him with constant questions once he got suspicious. Great, now you know what happened and now you're just worried about another set of possibilities!

"Brian? Can I come in?"

Of course. I can't get a minute alone can I?! "Yeah, come in!"

A second later, his mother was at the door, a kind expression draped over her face as she nodded towards the letter in his hand. "Well?"

"It's alright." He replied bluntly.

"You know you're allowed to go back. I can send a message to the school and let them know that you'll be returning."

"But da-" He began, his anger recoiling at the thought of him.

"Your father will be fine, Brian. He got through the hardest part and if something happens again, do you honestly think we won't send another message to the school?"

"Can I leave tomorrow then?"

"Depending on how the response goes, certainly. I doubt they'll say no though. I know you wanna talk to Freddie in person. You two must've been through a lot lately."

"We have been and I just wanna see him again; I want everything to be okay again..."

"It's not gonna go back to the way it was before. No matter the situation. Relationships change daily, that's just how they are. What matters is if you two can adapt to the new one and move on."

With that, she left, leaving Brian alone with his mother's words and the same ones that Freddie had written upon his letter. God if it could just go back to normal; everything would be so much easier and so much less stressful. Now all they got to deal with was the fact that John had to bear witness to the mess and God knows how Roger would ever react if he found out. What if he didn't know it was Freddie and he came across that thing? He'd give his life before letting it hurt John, but would he go too far and permanently hurt Freddie? Then again, would he even let Freddie live if he found out about it beforehand? No, no Roger wouldn't resort to that...Not when it's one of his friends. But Roger's temper has gotten out of hand before and lord knows it's unlikely it'd stay in check forever.

...

Brian didn't want to wait until morning; no matter what he did, his mind would keep bringing up constant thoughts and scenarios that would reset the countdown to sleep in his head. It was torture: a repeat of the boggart incident, wonderings of how Freddie would react to seeing him again, and theories of what the future held in store for them. To think, it was only January. So many more months left before they could finish school for good and leave it behind, meaning there were so many more chances for something to go wrong. Most people looked forward to leaving Hogwarts because they'd be independent, they were looking forward to it to protect everyone else.

He growled, turning over in his bed. It didn't matter what he and Freddie did, that thing was a risk to the safety of everyone. They could move on from that incident, treat the whole thing like it was nothing until the day actually came around, but for a few hours each night, it wasn't Freddie he was looking at. It was some feral ventriloquist operating his body: twisting it and molding it into a new form to wreak havoc on the world around it. If only there was something, anything, to cure it...But there wasn't even something to help it; nothing to ease the pain, nothing to control it, nothing to stop it. The worst part of it? Brian knew he could never bring himself to hurt that beast. Logically speaking, he had to. But emotionally? He couldn't...Despite how different it was to Freddie, it was still his body and any damage it took would be his fault. It was already his fault that he took that first bite, let alone if he inflicted any magic upon it because someone else would get hurt. Then came the thing that wouldn't fit into either category of logically or emotionally sound: him taking the attack if someone else was in the way. That situation was already a possibility and he could never imagine the toll it would be on Freddie. What would he do? Freddie didn't look to logic, he looked to emotions and would follow whatever was the strongest one in his mind. Whatever it would be, he knew it wouldn't be positive. 

When the sun finally did come up, Brian had only gotten an hour of sleep. From his nerves and the cavalcade of negative that his brain through at him overnight, all he wanted to do was get back home and talk everything out with Freddie. With his bag already packed, all he had to do was go downstairs and wait for the fireplace to turn green. He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to his parents but surely they'd understand, at least his mother would, if he left as soon as he could.

Brian followed that path of logic and shot up, dressing himself in a navy blue jumper and a loose pair of trousers. He grabbed his bags and ran down to the living room, seeing the orange fire burning in their little fireplace. He sighed and sat down upon one of their chairs, tapping his foot on the carpet as he waited for any sort of change in the fire. Just a change so he could rush back and try to fix as much as he could. To think how much he'd messed up already...

"Brian? What're you doing up so early?"

He looked down the hall, seeing his mother clad in her mulberry robe, rubbing the remaining bits of sleep out of her eyes. His shoulders fell slack: of course she was going to be up early today, it was just his luck.

"I'm just waiting for the Floo Network." He replied, shifting in his seat as he tried to avoid her questioning gaze.

"Brian, I know you're eager to get back there, especially after all that's happened."

"I just want it to be okay again!" He growled. "It's my fault that all of this has happened!"

"Don't put the blame on yourself. Freddie isn't perfect and it's most likely a mix of both of you instead of one or the other." She explained, now walking over to him and laying her hand on his shoulder.

His patience was running thin, but he steadied it once he felt her hand. "It's just...hard when you don't know what to do, especially when you're stuck in a situation like this!" 

"Talk to him, get everything out in the open. If you both know what's going on between you and what's bothering each other, then you can move on from that and work through it. Bottling all that up won't do you any good, dear."

"Then why is it easier to do that?"

"Because you're a gentle soul, Brian. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially those who you care about."

"But I've...I've hurt him already. I know I have...I must've. Even though he doesn't say anything I know he's gotta harbor something against me!"

"Brian, if he was mad at you for anything he would've said something or done something about it by now. Has he ever gotten mad at you over this to the point that he wouldn't want to speak to you again?"

"No but-"

"Think about it before you reply, dear. If you really hurt him, do you think he'd be sending a letter out to you?"

"But...what if I did hurt him because of what's happened?" He asked.

"We're gonna hurt each other at some point in our lives."

And it festers there for ages. All the talking and time won't wash away what's happened...the old guilt said to him as he just nodded towards his mother, not wanting to continue this conversation anymore. All he wanted was to get home and talk. Why was that so hard? It was just talking, something so simple yet so damn difficult. If he'd just talked to him before leaving instead of leaving a note, if he'd just talked to him about how he felt since their third year, if he'd just talked to him instead of letting him make his own anniversary plans...

Dammit Brian stop it already! He howled at himself. Stop making it about you, stop with the damn "what if" scenarios, just stop! Nothing can be changed about that and this is why Freddie's getting pissed with you! He said he wants to move on, why can't you? Brian looked across the room, hoping for the fire to turn green so he could go back and just apologize for everything. Freddie didn't him to coddle him and yet that's all he was doing. But why? Sure Freddie needed him but not to the degree he was taking it to, especially now that he was trying to move on. So why was he holding on? Was it really that hard to let go of something that didn't happen to you? Freddie had a reason to hold on, he was the one who nearly died. But why couldn't he just let go when Freddie was ready to do so?

The room turned green as Brian's attention fell upon the fireplace. Out of the flames came the narrow figure of Professor Cessa. Her wine-colored robes contrasted with the green fire but matched her brown eyes perfectly. She greeted him with a warm smile.

"Dumbledore informed me that you wished to return home, Mr. May. I'm here to escort you back. Do you have all your things?" She asked in her soft voice.

"Yes ma'am." He replied, his mother walking over to his head of house and whispering something in her ear, making Brian wish he could read lips for the time being. Professor Cessa gave a nod and returned her attention to him, motioning towards the fireplace and allowing him to go first. Brian grabbed his luggage and hauled it over, pausing for a second before turning around and giving his mother a big hug.

"Tell dad I love him when he gets up. I didn't want to disturb him..." He said.

"He'll understand. Else I'll make him." She replied with a soft chuckle at the end before letting go.

Brian smiled up at his mother before turning back towards Professor Cessa. She pushed a few strands of greying hair out of her face as he stepped into the fire. Without saying a word, the flames surrounded him and his luggage, whisking him off back to the school and to Freddie.

...

He spent no time in Dumbledore's office. He only waited for Professor Cessa to arrive and dismiss him. Brian rushed back towards the west side of the castle before pausing at the bottom of the stairs. Perhaps a good surprise would be nice for a change...With that thought, Brian flicked his wand and levitated the suitcase up the stairs, going as fast as he could without making noise or hitting the surrounding walls, answered the eagle's question, and entered the common room, which had only recently been cleaned by the house elves as the fresh lavender scent still hung in the air.

Brian laid his luggage down on the ground, not wanting to drag it up to his room just yet. With all his effort, he crept up the staircase and slowly opened the door. As expected, it was just Freddie in the room. At this point, he couldn't care where Conner or Noah went. Seeing his roommates was the last thing Brian wanted at this point. Freddie was fast asleep, tightly clutching his pillow between his arms and making little to no noise as he slept. Brian just stood there, not wanting to disturb him. Instinctively, he tried to find any new scars upon his body, yet found none, something which brought both shock and relief to him. Now all he wondered was what the hell John had done to keep him from getting so beaten up that night. 

He headed over to his bed, slowly lowering himself onto it as to not make any noise. Brian sat there, awaiting the time when Freddie would awake. In the meantime, he glanced outside, studying the rays of the sun as it rose in the distance, the ways in which the trees danced with the billowing winds, and the silhouettes of the creatures-both human and animal-wandering across the grounds of Hogwarts below. It looked like it was straight out of an advertising pamphlet for first years, getting them ready to see the beautiful sights that the school had to offer. To think that just a few metres away laid that dark forest that held unforeseeable horrors that no student would ever want to face during their time here. Brian couldn't wish that upon anybody. He'd gotten close enough once and that was plenty.

The time managed to fly by, at least that's how Brian saw it. The sun had risen past the outline of the Forbidden Forest and was now casting its golden glow across the grounds. The sunlight managed to creep into their room, slowly making its way over to Freddie's bed. As it did so, he stirred in his sleep before his eyes opened. Brian smiled as he heard Freddie let out a groan directed towards the sun as he turned over and tried to fall back to sleep. His eyes only fell shut for a moment before reopening. Freddie sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes before staring straight at him.

"Hey." Brian said softly.

Freddie kicked off the covers and rushed over, throwing himself at him and tackling him onto the bed. He planted a massive kiss on his cheek and tightly wrapped his arms around his body, burying his face into his chest.

Freddie pulled away, his eyes beaming as he towered over him. "When did you get back?" He asked. 

"I think about an hour ago. Cessa got me from my house." He explained.

"Oh I'm so glad you're back!" Freddie exclaimed, his smile managing to grow wider.

"You...You're not mad?" 

Freddie paused for a second and leaned back to get into a kneeling position. He let out a long sigh before looking right at him. "I was, I was absolutely furious with you." His face fell as his brow furrowed for a moment. "How could you not tell me what had happened to my face? How could you leave with the moon coming-"

"Freddie it's my father-"

"I know...I know that now but I wasn't thinking then when I sent out that howler and I'm sorry for everything I said in it." He sighed and shook his head. "I was just so angry and scared that I couldn't think straight." Freddie replied. He gave a weak smile. "To think I'm the one trying to get you to move on but I turned into a complete mess when you left."

"I should've said something to you, especially with the moon coming up. But I was in the same place. I was absolutely pissed that you weren't listening to me and you couldn't understand that I just wanted to protect you. But you're right, I shouldn't be treating you like some baby who can't do anything on their own."

"And I felt the same way about you." Freddie said. "Brian, I said I want to move on but it isn't going to be easy for either of us. I want to be in control of this thing as often as I can and not be petrified of everything relating to it. But that also means you have to stop being such a perfectionist and worrier over everything regarding it."

"I know, I know. This thing's been hard on me too though..." Brian thought back to his conversation with John in that room. "You nearly died...I watched you almost die right in front of me. That...that image haunts me every single day..." He shuddered at the boggart memory. "You were thirteen! Why did it attack you?" He growled.

"I ask myself the same thing." Freddie admitted, giving him a soft glance his way. "If I could just know, maybe it'd help me move on. But I don't think I'm ever gonna really know why it decided I was the one to attack that night. Honestly, I don't even think there's a bloody reason!" 

"I just don't ever want something like that to happen again. I..." Brian paused for a second, his throat closing up to keep the words from escaping. He took in a deep breath. Tell him, it's the only way things are gonna improve. "I blame myself for it happening in the first place. I should've gone with you...At least then I could've been there when it came around and we both could've handled it."

"Oh Brian..." Freddie glanced down, his eyes growing dark. "I wish none of this could've happened. Sometimes..." He paused. "Sometimes I just wish it had done away with me then so that none of this would be going on now."

It was as if a knife had gone through his chest once Freddie finished his sentence. Brian looked at him with wide eyes. "Freddie don't think that, please. We know what happens when that...thing takes the life of someone. Look at Roger. Do you really think I would be in a better place if you had died that night? I'd be in a similar situation as Roger is right now!"

"It seems so much easier sometimes though." Freddie said with a dark shadow in his eyes. "I know it's not the right thing, I've had to accept it by now. Besides, I still blame myself for not listening to you that night. Maybe if I'd just stayed inside-"

"Freddie, please don't. I don't want you blaming yourself-" Brian interrupted, only realizing his hypocrisy a second too late.

"And I don't want you to blame yourself!" Freddie said. "It kills me to see you beat yourself up over this. That night is something where we both did something we regret. But it's in the past and I want to just focus on now and the future. I'm tired of this routine of me being terrified of what's already happened, aren't you?" He asked. 

"I am..." Brian admitted. "I just want you to be safe though."

"And I want the same for you."

"Why me-" He began. 

"Brian, don't you think I've had to deal with some pretty bad thoughts about what that thing could do to any of you guys?" Freddie asked.

There was a moment of silence as Brian thought back to the boggart at his home. The malice in Freddie's eyes, the hunger within the monster's stare, and the emptiness in his friends' gazes as they sat beneath it.

"I bet we've shared similar fears, just from different perspectives." Brian told him, taking in a deep breath before continuing. "There...There was this boggart that came about when I was home and all I saw were different versions of...of that thing killing all of you or...or you hating me because of what had happened." Brian admitted.

Freddie leaned forward and placed his hand on his lap. His eyes were wide with worry and concern, but there was nothing but care within them, something Brian hoped Freddie could see within his own past the fear that he knew was evident within them.

"Brian, as much of a bitch I can be at times, I can never hate you. No matter how much I might yell or insult you when I'm in one of those moods, I couldn't ever feel anything so cruel towards you. Just like how I try to remember that when you get too protective or get angry at me you still care about me, right?"

"Of course Freddie." He replied.

"It's hard to remember sometimes, especially when our emotions get the better of us. I mean, look what I said in that howler!"

"Believe me, I might've thought some pretty unkind things about you as well..."

"See, but it's just out of anger. Just like how when we get sad or scared we do things we normally wouldn't do. That's why I wanna move on from this with you; it's so that those emotions won't flare up as much because of the same old things over and over again. I'm tired from what it does to us and I don't want it to ruin what we've got going together."

Brian leaned forward and reciprocated the hug Freddie had given him earlier. He entangled his hand into Freddie's hair and sighed loudly.

"I love you Freddie." Brian whispered.

"I love you too Brian."