Cho-Wol

“These lights seem too expensive,” I whine to Taehyung, but it doesn’t seem to have reached his ears.

He’s peering into the screen of his laptop with a concentrated pout as he carefully studies every detail given about the lights in the product description section of the website.

Taehyung then raises his head and looks around from his seat, quietly counting the number of lights that need to be installed.

“Are you buying these?” I ask again, only to earn his silence as a response for a few more seconds, after which he nods his head a few times.

“Yeah,” his eyes twinkle with excitement when they turn to look at me, and he smiles big. “I think they look amazing. And it matches the theme we have in mind, too. What do you think?” Taehyung puts his palm under his chin and wiggles his eyebrows at me.

“They look nice, but I think they’re expensive. I’m gonna have to work all seven days a week for the rest of my life to pay you back,” I smile sadly, and he laughs softly in response.

“I’m not in a hurry, and I’m not leaving anywhere. So don’t worry about it,” Taehyung playfully ruffles my hair and goes back to selecting new lights for the restaurant.

But my stomach does a flip and my heart just skipped a beat when he said he isn’t leaving anywhere. In all honesty, that is something I genuinely wish for from the people in my life. At this point, it’s probably all that I want from everyone around me. For them to just stay and allow our lives to grow together, no matter how we’re connected to each other.

Without realizing, I sit by with a smile while looking at Taehyung being more invested than I’ve ever been in developing this restaurant. It impresses me; he impresses me all the time with his little genuine gestures and sweet words, and I can’t be more thankful for his presence. I’m sure that no guilty person would be so genuinely nice and helpful if they were just trying to ease their guilt.

I have a feeling he hates Yohan, and a huge part of my heart and mind hates him, too, for mercilessly abandoning us without any remorse or empathy. I wouldn’t have ever imagined him to do something like that, but he did, and the bitterness he left behind in my heart is leaching into my memory and threatening to erase all that I can remember about us. And this feeling is amplified even more when Taehyung is with me.

But I will never tell him that because I’m scared the feeling will never be reciprocated. My confidence is buried somewhere deep and forgotten, and it’s also too early for me to allow space for such feelings when I’ve barely even healed from Yohan’s departure.

I’m confused but on the edge is what I think is the best way to put it.

“How about we pick out a brighter wallpaper? Yeah, that’ll look better. There’s not much wall space to cover anyway,” that sounded more like a statement than a question because he already answered it on his own and justified his stance, too.

“Mhm,” I only hum in response because he doesn’t seek my approval anyway.

But I like men who are in control of the situation and don’t lose their focus on the goal. Taehyung is hot for it, and no one can deny that.

Min-Jeong passes by our table, catching my eye while stifling a giggle in her throat and purposely tapping my arm with the pen in her hand. She knows that Taehyung has been visiting us frequently these past few weeks, and he is, in fact, the first and only visitor I’ve ever had in all these years. And she never misses a chance to tease me nowadays, but I wouldn’t say I’m complaining. I just hope she doesn’t make it too obvious and embarrassing in his presence.

The smiles I smile when he’s here are the ones that mirror the peace and harmony I feel within, and even though I still cry a lot, Min-Jeong must have surely noticed how I seem to be enjoying Taehyung’s company these days. She has no clue about our history, but she knows that he was the doctor who conducted my delivery.

“Do you like florals or stripes?” Taehyung’s voice snaps me back to reality with a slight jolt.

“I’m no good with these. You pick one,” I say the truth, and he only nods his head seriously, with his gaze glued to his phone’s screen where he is looking up wallpaper ideas on Pinterest.

“Okay, then. Stripes look good. I’ll go with these,” Taehyung decides in a heartbeat and turns to his laptop to look up some stores to buy wallpapers.

His spontaneity and dedication floors me. Completely. He has been working really hard, and I think he needs a break. I don’t know if he does, but I definitely need a little escape and probably stay by his side in silence for a while. Or maybe even have a heartfelt conversation. It’s even more tempting now because Yeonju is asleep.

“Taehyung, do you like stargazing?” My random question makes him whip his head around to look at me, and then his eyebrows lift in question.

“Stargazing?” His lips gather into a pout that suddenly makes him look extra cute, and it succeeds in making my heart flutter.

“Yeah,” I gulp and then smile, bobbing my head up and down.

“Now?”

“Mhm. Yeonju slept just thirty minutes ago. Min-Jeong can watch over her for a while,” I answer his unworded questions.

“Where do we go? Is there a rooftop here?” He asks me as he closes his laptop and takes off his glasses, placing them beside the laptop thereafter.

“Yeah, there is, and I think you’ll like it there,” I rise from my seat and slightly tilt my head in the direction of the kitchen.

Confused, Taehyung follows me as I unlock the back door from the kitchen that conceals the narrow flight of stairs which leads up to the rooftop. On my way, I make sure to ask Min-Jeong to watch over the baby for a while.

The rooftop is my most favorite spot in this restaurant, but it’s been quite a while since I came up here, mostly because the climb up here is a little tedious and also because Yeonju made sure I almost forgot the existence of this place.

Tonight, the moon is full and bright, and its light spills all over the area, giving it a heavenly appearance. There’s a small stone bench right in the middle, and I sit down at one end of it while Taehyung sits beside me with a small distance between us.

The nighttime breeze is colder this time of the year, but it’s pleasant and enjoyable, and being here never fails to make me relax completely.

Smiling, I turn to look at Taehyung, who has placed his palms behind him and leaned back a little, looking up at the full moon. He looks comfortable, too. A gush of cold wind whips past us, billowing our clothes and making me wrap my arms around myself.

“Do you like it here?” I ask him, admiring the way the breeze plays with his silky hair and makes it flutter softly.

“It’s beautiful here, so pretty and peaceful,” he says, still looking at the moon while I’m not looking at anything except his beautiful face that glows in the moonlight.

“It’s my most favorite place in this building, but it’s been a while since I’ve been here,” I turn to look at the moon, too, blowing out a long breath.

“Can I ask you something?” Taehyung’s voice drops an octave.

“Anything,” I reply immediately.

“How did you come here? How did you meet Yohan? Why did you drop out of school?” He puts forward a list of questions in rapid succession, making it evident that these questions have been running through his mind for a while.

“I thought you had just one question to ask me,” I chuckle, brushing aside my hair strands that were moved by the wind.

“I can word it that way then,” we both turn to look at each other when he says that. “Can you tell me everything, Cho-Wol?” His eyes search mine for answers, and I smile lightly before looking away.

“My fractured ankle did not heal on its own, and I was told to undergo surgery. But my mother could not afford it. My sponsors had given up on me because my injury offered no light of hope for a future in athletics. I became suicidal, and everything my mother earned was spent on me because I was unable to walk or move around without crutches. I had no choice but to drop out of school,” I explain to Taehyung, without turning to look at him.

“And then my mother took me to a herbal medicine practitioner who treated me for a small amount of money. It wasn’t much, and my ankle never fully healed, and I was also told that my fallopian tubes were permanently damaged as a side effect of some of the herbs. I had apparently become infertile, but I was able to walk, though with a permanent limp. It was devastating,” I smile gingerly while giving him a recap of the past.

“Every day I woke up to see my mother toiling away to support me, and it made me feel so guilty. I felt like a burden; I was one to her even though she would have never admitted that. I wished I could do something to help her, but I was useless and helpless. I became suicidal once again, and that is when my mother decided to take me to work at the house where she worked as a househelp.” My voice trails, and Taehyung reaches out to hold my hand warmly, causing a slight shiver in me.

I ignore the butterflies coming to life inside my stomach and continue, “The lady of that house took me in and allowed me to take care of her flower garden and the laundry. I had to work without getting paid because we had to repay the money that my mother borrowed for my treatment. I was one among the many women who worked at her house, and my mother was in charge of cooking and doing the dishes and maintaining the cellar and pantry in good condition,” I pause for a breath, looking up at the night sky, where I hoped my mother was one among the countless stars looking down upon me.

“It was shocking when she suddenly collapsed one day. She left me all alone, but at least she’d be at peace now,” I blink away the few tears before they could fall.

“Cho-Wol,” Taehyung squeezes my hand lightly.

“I’m okay. Really,” I assure him with a small smile. “She always told me that she named me Cho-Wol because it meant that a person with that name would be blessed with the ability to achieve things above and beyond the normal limits. Obviously that is such an irrelevant name for someone like me.” I add, smiling sadly.

“Cho-Wol, don’t say that.” Taehyung tries to comfort me; his tone is downcast, and I give him another weak smile.

“I never made her proud, and I never reached any of her dreams. She must have died with a badly broken heart. After that, the lady of the house had a hard time finding a person to fill in the role that my mother had been working in for over fifteen years. And one such person who came to work there was Yohan,” even through all the bitterness I feel towards him, a crooked smile still appears on my lips at the mention of his name.

“He was assigned to take care of everything my mother was doing already. It took us a long time to get acquainted and even start talking with each other. But I loved how ambitious he was, just like how I was when I was an athlete. He had a dream to open his own restaurant and run it successfully. He always talked about his dreams, which made me adore him so much. He was such a light-hearted person and a joy to be around. Yohan would never fail to lighten up my mood and make me smile, and it was hard not to fall in love with him,” I still don’t turn to look at Taehyung as I reminisce about the past.

He remains totally silent, listening to my jabbering. But I somehow feel he despises Yohan and how he abandoned me and the baby. Deep down, I loathe him for the same reason. Yet, the days I spent with him were undoubtedly some of the best in my otherwise gloomy life. And if I had the power to go back in time, I would definitely choose to relive the beautiful days by his side.

“He was determined to open a restaurant, which he did in a few years when he got lucky and won the lottery, and then we both quit our old jobs and moved into this home. Together, we made a lot of memories, running this restaurant and going through all kinds of highs and lows. He accepted me for who I am with all my shortcomings, and life was really starting to look good,” I finally find it in me to look at Taehyung, who is already looking at me, and I have no idea how long he has been looking my way.

“Until he left one day,” I add in a soft whisper, trying my best to hold back my tears from erupting.

“Abandoning you and the baby,” Taehyung sneers, scoffing lightly as he looks away for a moment.

“He must have had his reasons,” I defend half-heartedly.

“Yeah, sure.” He snaps back. “He wasn’t obligated to stay. But he must have faced it and talked it out like a man should. Running away did not fix anything, at least not for you. And I can’t believe you’re still defending someone who never stayed,” there’s anger and sarcasm in his tone, and I think he is mocking me the same way I did the first time we met.

There’s heavy silence between us, and then he softly pats the back of my hand with his.

“What happened between you and So-Yeon?” I question him after a long moment of pensive silence.

“So-Yeon just outgrew me, I guess. I did not fit her standards anymore, and we started having arguments all the time. And she ended it one day,” he keeps his explanation short, and even though I’m intrigued to know the details, I don’t pry him any more.

“And did she go on to become a successful athlete?”

“No. She moved to Australia for her higher education, and she stopped focusing on athletics,” his answer stabs me in the chest.

I would have felt a little happy for her in some corner of my heart if she had at least treasured what she took away from me. Those were my biggest dreams, and she robbed me of everything only to ditch it all and focus on her studies. I wish she had known how much that one tournament meant to me, and I wish she had stepped back for just a moment to think rationally.

“I know what you’re thinking, and that’s also one reason I’ve been feeling extremely guilty all along. She never valued what she had, and it kept pricking me constantly,” Taehyung dips his neck and talks softly.

“Come on. You shouldn’t be feeling this way, Taehyung. Everyone only gets what their fate has in place for them. Nothing less and nothing more. This is my fate, and I’ve grown to accept it. I do feel bad at times, but I’ve accepted it all.” I reassure him with a warm smile.

“But do you know what?” He asks; his eyes meeting mine.

“What?”

“She was not meant for it, and she did not deserve it. That’s why success was never hers.” He sends a small smile my way before we both go back to silently staying beside each other; my hand still warmly held in his.

“She hated me, I know. But sometimes I do think about her and wonder what she meant that day. About trying to prove herself…” I say and side-glance at Taehyung.

“You’re right, she did dislike you. Your light irritated her shadows, and she had quite a lot of darkness surrounding her.” His voice turns sad and mournful when he says that.

“What do you mean?” I ask him cluelessly.

“Her parents pressured her to perform all the time, and they kept pushing her forcibly even when she wasn’t up for it. They unrealistically wanted her to excel in everything, but she was just a normal teenage girl. Take athletics, for example. She was naturally gifted, and she did have a brief dream of making it big, but her parents turned it into something massive, when in reality, it didn’t have to be that way for her. Be it exams or extracurriculars, they were always breathing down her neck and pressuring her. But none of that justifies the anger and hate she harbored against you.” He explains calmly, and even though he is right, my heart still hurts for So-Yeon.

“Wow! I never knew any of this, and I thought she was the one who had it all.” I say sadly.

Taehyung laughs softly. “The grass may always seem greener on the other side, Cho-Wol. But the truth is that it’s greener where you choose to water it.” His wise words are punctuated by a moment of profound silence.

The amalgam of sadness and anger in So-Yeon’s eyes have remained in my mind through the years, and now that I’m learning about the life she led, I realize that not everything and everyone is what they seem like on the outside. She always seemed like the perfect and ideal girl to me, but her life was nothing close to perfect. This just proves that everyone you pass by on the streets could be fighting a battle which no one could have any clue about.

Even though So-Yeon was no longer an athlete, I muttered a small prayer to myself, wishing her a peaceful life no matter what she was doing now.

Taehyung and I stay there for a little longer, discussing random things from the past, and then we go downstairs. He collects his belongings and leaves in a while, after which I return to my room and relieve Min-Jeong from babysitting Yeonju.

Climbing into bed, I thank the universe for tonight, and even more for putting Taehyung in it. This is a night that I will truly cherish in my memory for a long time because I feel at peace after a long time. Even though So-Yeon hated me and I have solid reasons to hate her as well, I still learned something new about her that I would have never guessed otherwise. Just like I have forgiven Taehyung, I forgive So-Yeon, too, even though her hard life doesn’t justify anything.

The conversation that Taehyung and I had was just a simple one, but it was deep and meaningful. I feel lighter and it feels as if my heart has grown bigger, and I also feel heard and understood. It makes my heart smile—a genuinely happy smile that I wish to hold on to for a long time.

🎭

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Published on : 07/02/2025