I stood there in shock. I don't know if my brain couldn't process the thought, but I needed to hear what he said again. I don't think I heard him right.

I somehow spoke through my shock, "Please repeat what you just said. I don't think I heard you right."

Ryan got up walking to me. He grabbed me by the arms pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him on instinct as his scent provided a sense of calmness throughout me. He leaned into me putting his mouth right beside my ear.

"Kat, I know you heard me. I have to help the Blood Moon Pack." Ryan spoke softly, like that would somehow soften the blow.

I pulled back pushing him away but he grabbed me. Ryan held me tighter than he did before.

"I don't understand. Why would they need our help?" I said into his neck.

To me, it sounded like I was mumbling. But I guess he heard me because he replied.

"I told you, Kitty Kat. They are having problems securing their border, the rouges are joining together to fight against them."

I shook my head, "NO! They don't need help. They are one of the strongest packs beside us. They can manage on their own."

It was Ryan's turn to shake his head, "They are losing in number. They need our help. You don't have to go..."

Ryan continued to say something but I stopped listening. I was too lost in my thoughts. I repeated in my head that they didn't need any help. They didn't need our help.

They could beat anyone. I saw what torture they could inflict on someone; I was living proof of that. They didn't need any help. They deserve any pain they went through. This was the moon goddess' way of punishing them for what they did to me, to everyone they tortured.

All the memories of when I was in the Blood Moon pack came rushing through my mind. It was like a film I was watching, but instead of it being made up it was real.

I watched as the memories flashed in my mind. How they used to beat me until I was almost dead. How they starved me until they could see my bones. Finally, how Ace watched as they tortured me and didn't try to stop it, to stop my pain.

I felt myself losing breath, I was breathing but not getting enough air. I felt like I was choking but no one was there. I knew what was happening; I was having a panic attack. I hadn't had one for more than a year since I got here.

I was brought out of my thoughts by someone singing in my ear. It was the song All She Knows by Bruno Mars. I knew Ryan was trying to bring me back, so I listened to him sing and focused on his voice.

The panic attack eventually faded as all I heard was Ryan singing. I reached up feeling something dripping down my face and saw there were tears.

Ryan knew how to get me to come back. I had this happen to me repeatedly when I first got here. It used to scare Ryan and Evan, but now they could bring me back without freaking out.

Ryan and Evan are one of the only people who knew what to do. They knew they either had to sing or find a way to take my mind off my past.

I stopped crying and my breath evened out. I wiped the tears off my face once Ryan stopped singing. He turned my face towards him and looked to see if I was okay.

When he saw I was fine, he started to mumble, "You know I know what that pack did to you, but I can't say no. That would mean war between our packs. You know I can't do that, I have to think of the pack before my own wants. You know if I didn't have a pack who needed me, then I wouldn't have said yes. Nod if you understand?"

I nodded silently thankful for his understanding that I couldn't talk yet. I took a breath and found enough energy to speak.

"I'm going..." I trailed off.

Ryan glared at me, "The fuck you aren't. You just had a panic attack from just thinking about what they did. And you're telling me you want to go to their pack, the same pack that caused these panic attacks."

I just stared at him, "Explain to me why you get to think about the well-being of the pack but I can't."

He shook his head, "I'm the alpha, and I have to think of their well-being before my own. I have to think of everyone, including you. You are important to this pack and I know that going back there could hurt you. Not physically because you can beat their asses..."

That caused me to laugh. He smiled getting the effect he wanted.

"But they could hurt you emotionally. I saw what you were like when you got here, and I don't want you to become that person again. You have made so much progress; I don't want to see him destroy that."

I hugged Ryan tighter. I loved him and I knew what he meant. I knew he was only thinking of what's best for me, but I knew what I had to do.

"I love you, Ryan. You are my family, not by blood but by choice. You have made me a stronger person, and you gave me a family, a home. I can never repay you, but I need to do this."

He looked at me, really looked at me, "I can't let you..."

"Yes, you can. I need to do this Ryan. You were right, you did see me when I first got here and I will always be that girl..."

He was about to interrupt me but I put my hand over his mouth stopping him. He licked my hand and I quickly took my hand away wiping it off with his shirt, feeling disgusted but slightly turned on by it. He laughed and instead of commenting on his childish actions, I just continued with my speech.

"I am still that girl, I'm just physically stronger. I need to be better not only for myself but also in order to continue to help lead this pack. To do that, I have to face my past."

I paused turning in Ryan's lap to face him. I saw a look of understanding slowly come to his face. He nodded for me to continue.

"This is the best way to do that. I need to face them eventually and I think this is what the Moon Goddess wanted. And I won't be alone, well I hope I won't." I smiled at the end hoping to bring a lighter tone to this conversation.

"I understand, you need to do this. You won't be alone; Evan, Ben, James, and I are going too. I will let you go but you have to promise me that if it gets to be too much then you will immediately tell me. I will have someone come and get you to bring you back here, or I would even come back with you." Ryan said giving into my wants.

I screamed, happy that Evan, Ben, and James were coming along with Ryan and me. Ben and James were brothers and were the two best warriors in the pack, other than Evan, Ryan and me. I wasn't excited to go face the people from my nightmares, but I was happy that I was going to do it with my new family.