The boys moving in temporarily apparently called for a sleepover. I had laughed when they informed me of that fact, thinking that they were joking, but shortly after I was made aware that they were not joking at all. I had stayed at Sean’s the night that the plan had been made, and I woke up the following morning to Sean packing suitcases. I had to push my face into the pillow to hide my giggles.

One of my boyfriend’s was moving in with me. It was such a strange idea, and I was still trying to wrap my head around it, even as I leant against the door while the boys filed in with bags. I had offered to help, but they refused. All of us were carefully avoiding looking over at Knox who stood on the other side of the entryway, his arm in a cast, his eyes watching me. I hadn’t spoken to him since coming home that day, anything I had to say going through one of the boys. I could tell it was driving him crazy, and I took a small amount of pleasure out of that.

I was drawn from my thoughts that were slowly driving me to insanity by Raven. I jolted, my eyes meeting Raven’s. His arms were on either side of me, caging me in. His dark eyes were scanning me over, concern present in them. After turning up at his apartment, he had been hovering near me as well as holding my hand and brushing his hand against my shoulder when passing. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was shaken up from the entire ordeal.

“You okay, Little One?” He asked, his voice quiet enough that none of the others would be able to hear him. I still looked around, though, paranoid as to who may be listening in our conversations. None of the others were even nearby, though. They were all in small groups, talking and laughing, lighting up the atmosphere of an otherwise dark and empty home.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I whispered, my eyes lingering on the boys. As long as I had them, I knew I would be okay. I drew my eyes back to Raven’s face and frowned slightly. “Ray, are you okay? You’ve been off since everything happened.”

He leaned in closer and rested his head on my shoulder with a sigh. I bit my lip and kissed his head, resting a hand on his back. He didn’t need to say anything for me to understand that he was struggling, he had been struggling since he had learned of the abuse I experienced. I hated that he was feeling so conflicted and upset because of me, but I was going to do everything I could to ease his pain.

“It’s okay,” I muttered to him, wrapping an arm around him in a loose hug. “I’m okay. Brandon, Marc, Sean, and the others are going to watch over me. I’m safe now.”

He grunted in North-like fashion and I had to bite back a giggle. I patted his back softly and he took a step back, biting down on his lip ring. I gave him an attempt at a stern look and he chuckled, shaking his head at me.

“Gabriel is right,” he said. “You’re just plain trouble.”

I laughed and passed by him, heading over towards where Victor, Kota, and Silas were standing and conversing. I squeezed in between Silas and Victor, a grin on my face. “What’re we talking about?”

Silas smirked, wrapping an arm around me and drawing me close. He ducked down and brushed his lips against my own, and a blush painted my cheeks. I patted his chest, taking a step back and giving him a firm look. He laughed one of his boisterous and infectious laughs that warmed my entire body and soul.

Kota’s cheeks were tinted red slightly as he replied to me, seeming slightly flustered. “We were discussing the plans for tonight.” He paused then sent me a small smile. “Is there anything in particular you would like to do?”

I thought about it for a moment then shrugged, smiling. “I like swimming. Night swimming has always been one of my favorites. I used to do it with my siblings a lot when we were younger and closer.”

“Then I think that we can arrange that,” Kota said with a small nod as if agreeing with himself.

“Hey, pumpkin!” Sean called over to me from the hall that lead to the staircase. I looked over, raising my eyebrows questioningly. “Where’s my bedroom at?”

“Oh!” I exclaimed, coming to the sudden realization that I hadn’t shown any of the boys to the guest rooms. Usually, I would have let them have the guest rooms in the basement, aware that those were the ones we usually gave Knox and Zain’s friends, but if they were really so set on watching out for me, the spare rooms on my floor would most likely work better.

As I lead them up the stairs, towards the floor that me and Marie’s room were on, as well as a few spare rooms, a couple bathrooms, and our own little sitting room was on, it dawned upon me that none of them had ever been in my room before and with this new arrangement they would be seeing a whole lot of my room. I colored red, but pushed on, turning into full on tourist mode.

“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath to calm myself. “The first room on the left is Marie’s. Don’t ever enter it unless you want to be skinned alive, got it? Marie won’t take any of you guys’ shit, so it’s best to leave her alone. If you have anything you would like to say to her, then let me know and I’ll pass the message along. Or tell Micah or Knox. They’ll help you out too.”

I paused, looking at them to make sure they truly understood that my sister was not to be fucked with. I didn’t think any of them would, but it was always good to warn them beforehand. Marie wasn’t home all that often anymore, anyways. When they all stared at me expectantly, I nodded, moving on.

“The next couple of rooms on this side are spare bedrooms, up to you who gets what room. The door in between those two doors is a bathroom. The room across from those is also a spare bedroom and that one has an en suite bathroom. The room next to that is... mine.” My cheeks heated up at the admission of which room was mine but I moved on quickly. “The last door down there is a sitting room or whatever. Feel free to hang out in there or the basement at any and all times.” I paused then turned to fully face them, a smile that was cut and paste on my face. “Any questions?”

Gabriel’s hand shot in the air and I raised my eyebrows at him, silently encouraging him to ask whatever it was he was wondering about.

“Yeah, um, what the fuck?” He said, his blue eyes wide and scanning everything in sight. It dawned upon me that they my boys had never been upstairs, whereas Axel, Marc, the twins, and Raven had. A stab of pain went through my heart, remembering that to Gabriel, this might have seemed extravagant. “There’s only two of you on this big ass floor?”

I squirmed in place, uncomfortable with the question, but I nodded nonetheless. The looks on their faces made me feel ridiculous. Victor was sending me reassuring looks, as if trying to remind me that he had a floor entirely to himself.

I opened my mouth, about to spew out words about how stupid and ridiculous it was, but before I could, Gabriel’s eyes were on mine and my mouth was snapping shut. They weren’t full of anger or envy or even amusement. His crystal eyes were misted with tears and sadness. I took a step forward, slipping my hand into his, squeezing his hand in a comforting manner.

“Gabriel...” I breathed out.

“No, stop,” he sighed, shaking his head and pulling me into a hug. “It’s not what you think, Trouble. It’s not like that at all.”

“Cupcake,” Luke spoke up, his voice tainted with sadness as well. “How often is Marie home? How often is any of your family home?”

I pulled away from Gabriel and pressed my finger to my lip, considering the question. If I was going to be honest with myself and them, then I would have to say barely at all. The ones who were home the most often were Micah and Lauren. Lauren and I mostly avoided each other, though, and Micah and I had drifted apart since we were kids.

I shrugged and answered as truthfully as I could. “Not often, really. My dad has to travel for work a lot. Marie and Micah have friends they like to hang with and stay with, and I can't really blame them for staying away. Knox and Zain are moved out, even if they do hang out here sometimes. Lauren she, uh, I don’t know where she goes, actually. So, yeah. Most days it’s just me and the occasional employees of the house.”

“That’s bullshit,” North exclaimed, turning his back to me as he began to mumble to himself under his breath.

I looked around at the others, pleading for one of the others to tell me why I had upset them so much at the knowledge that my family was rarely ever present. My siblings and I were a somewhat tight unit, but it didn’t mean we had to spend a lot of time together, right? Owen noticed my confusion and came to stand beside me, a hand resting on the small of my back.

“You shouldn’t have to spend so much time alone in this house, darling,” he explained to me in a hushed voice. “This house is too big to spend too much time alone in.”

“Oh,” I said, beginning to understand why this fact might upset and even anger some of them. I shrugged again, even though hurt bubbled in me from the fact that my family thought it was okay to leave me alone so often. “It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Things used to be different,” Axel spoke up. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his dark eyes observing me, as if trying to take in all of my actions and reactions. “They all used to be closer. Zain and Knox used to refuse to leave her alone, and we would be here a lot of days too. Things changed when Zain moved out.”

“I thought I couldn’t hate him anymore and I was just proven wrong,” Silas sighed, his lips turning down into a frown, obviously displeased with the new information about my brothers and about my life.

I bit my lip to keep myself from speaking out in Zain’s defense. He didn’t need me to defend him anymore, he had never needed me to defend him. It had always been the opposite way around, but no longer. I shook my head, as if that could physically clear out my thoughts about Zain.

“Anyways,” I said loudly, clapping my hands together once. “We should get settled in. We can sleep in the basement for tonight since all of you are here. Once you’re done, you can meet me in the kitchen. Have the twins or Marc show you the way, they’re familiar with probably everything here.”

I didn’t wait for a response from any of them. I high tailed it out of that hallway, zipping down the stairs and into the kitchen to try to deal with my emotions alone. I retrieved some water and guzzled it fast, trying to cure the bitter taste in my mouth that talking about Zain always left. I was only alone for a few moments when Raven walked in, his mouth drawn into a frown.

“He won’t hurt you anymore,” he said, his accent thicker than usual probably from the anger that he was feeling towards my brother. I tensed slightly.

“I know,” I whispered, though I didn’t truly believe those words. Over the years, everyone had told me repeatedly that I would stop getting hurt, and it had been a lie, all of it had. I was continously being harmed by my family, it was still going on, practically endless.

“Sang,” his voice was slightly harsher now, though I was sure it wasn’t towards me. I winced slightly and gripped the bottle of water tightly, reminding myself that Raven would never hurt me. “I mean it. If he hurts you again I may kill him.”

I blinked a few times, staring at him, the familiar feeling of love and warmth spreading through me. I still couldn’t truly identify my feelings towards Raven, and I knew that whatever I was feeling would have to be ignored. I loved my boys and Raven loved Corey. My thoughts were weighing me down again, and I could feel myself being drawn back into that black hole I used to permanently reside in before I met my boys. I was drowning in the darkness and I had been since the night Lauren attacked me in her drunk rage.

“Sang,” Raven said, sounding slightly panicked. He was standing before me, his hands cupping my face. “Sang. Little One. What’s wrong?” Briefly I thought about how much I loved it when he called me Little One.

I gripped his shirt, taking deep breaths, trying to ward off the panic attack that always came with the black hole and dark thoughts. The panic and anxiety was seizing my muscles, though, and I knew there was no way to get around succumbing to my awful emotions. I slid to the floor, Raven following with me, his own panic waning slightly as he must have caught the signs of my oncoming attack. He had been around for enough of them when I was younger to recognize when I was about to have one.

“I’m going to be right back,” he reassured me, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly before shooting out of the kitchen. As he went through the doorway I thought I might have heard him say “please don’t crap out on me” and I would have laughed at the Ravenism for passing out, but I was too caught up in my emotions and my thoughts.

I repositioned myself, kneeling on the hard floor, wincing at the way it stung my cuts. I ducked my head down, resting it upon the floor, breathing in and out slowly, even as the tears began to fall. I hadn’t broken down from the incident with Lauren yet, and I wondered if this was finally it. I gripped the edges of my shorts, pressing my forehead against the cold floor.

I was scooped into a set of arms, and by the musky scent, I knew that it was North. I curled into him, gripping his shirt tightly, anchoring myself to something real, something that wasn’t my memories and painful emotions. I took deep breaths, inhaling his scent, hoping that would help bring me back to reality some. He rubbed my back, and I could hear the others voices, slowly bringing me back from the black hole I had been sinking in.

“I’m okay,” I whispered, sitting up slightly. “I’m okay.”

“What happened?" Victor asked softly, crouching in front of me, his fire eyes considerably dimmer than usual. He reached out for my hand and I gave it to him, finding comfort in the familiar way that his thumb rubbed against the back of my hand.

“I don’t know...” I sighed, shaking my head. I suddenly felt very tired, as if I could sleep for several days and still feel exhausted. “I just... don’t know.”

Raven spoke up for me. “We were talking about Zain. I think that’s what sent her off. She had a panic attack.”

“You haven’t had one of those in awhile...” Luke sounded disappointed, and I felt badly for ever disappointing one of them. I slumped forward slightly, dropping my head in shame. North’s grip tightened on me and his lips pressed against my neck, as if to let me know that he was there for me. I leaned into his touch, savoring it.

“That’s all for now,” Owen spoke up, his voice sharp with command and authority. “We need rest for now. Let’s head to the basement.”

Victor helped me to my feet, and he held onto my hand still even as we descended down the stairs. A hand pressed against my back and I turned, smiling softly at Kota. Perhaps I would always have that black hole in my mind, but when around the boys, flowers grew from it and some sunlight filtered through.

The boys made me feel like things would be okay, even when I was falling apart.

a/n: this took a completely different turn than what I originally planned but it's okay cause I kind of liked. I hope you guys like it too. Let me know your thoughts and all that.

Also I think this song really fits with this chapter. Let me know if you think so, if you actually end up listening to it.

xoxo,
ry.