Chapter 3

I was glad Never brought me back after breakfast, despite him not promising he would. I hate him he touched a wound I had forced myself to ignore, one I never allowed to heal. SIno siya para magkomento ng kung anu-ano tungkol sa relasyon ko sa pamilya ko?

How dare he.

I'm glad he has somewhere to be, so when he said he'd leave me alobe after breakfast, he really did. I missed my morning class, but I had one in the afternoon. Inalis ko na lang sa isip si Never at inabala ang sarili sa ibang bagay. 

I headed to Goldman-Sachs' reading nook, a corner I liked to claim as mine inside the enormous library. Nasa pinakadulo iyon, where old books were stored far from where most students lingered.

The worst thing about this place? A lot of students used it to make out or have sex, dahil nga secluded at wala masyadong tao. Not since I started hanging out there. They knew better than to mess with The Pilots or anyone connected to them.

Pero habang papalapit ako roon, may narinig akong malanding halinghing.

What the heck?

Rolling my eyes, I walked past the towering bookshelves, searching for the source of the sound.

And there it was.

At one of the study tables, a female student was sitting on top, her back to me. Her head was thrown back as she moaned in pleasure while a guy thrust into her.

Napangiwi ako, at nang iangat ko ang tingin ay agad na sinalubong ang mga pamilyar na mata ang tingin ko.

It was of a guy, so strangely familiar. He was already looking at me, as if waiting for me to notice him. His eyes were dark and empty, unfazed by the girl's whimpers. He was just thrusting into her for the sake of it. But the moment he saw my reaction, something flickered in his gaze. I immediately covered my mouth to keep myself from gagging sa kung anong kababalaghang ginagawa nila and raised a brow at him.

How dare he defile my sacred place?

Axl Altierti.

Now his eyes watched me with... anticipation? I didn't care what they were doing, just not here! He licked her neck slowly, all without breaking eye contact. At kung sa tingin niya ay itotolerate ko ang kababuyan niya, nagkakamali siya.

I slammed my books onto the far end of the table.

"Wrap it up," I announced.

The girl shrieked in surprise as Axl drove into her one last time. I held his gaze, daring him to act like this affected me. The amusement in his eyes disappeared, replaced by something darker. Nang hindi niya makuha ang gustong reaksiyon mula sa akin, he stopped. He pulled out, zipped his pants, then turned to the girl with pure animosity.

"Get out."

"What?" she gasped, still breathless. "I'm not done yet—"

"Get. Out." Axl's voice was so cold at ramdam iyon ng babae. She definitely knew that tone from him because she shivered in fear. She scrambled to grab her things, nearly tripping over herself as she rushed away. Masyado yata siyang nasindak sa tonong iyon ni Axl kung kaya't hindi na siya nag-aksaya ng panahon para ibutones ang kanyang damit. She knew better than to get on a Pilot's bad side.

Axl watched me as I sat down and opened a book, pretending he wasn't there. But I could feel his eyes on me, silently observing.

That same dark, cold stare, I onced mistook as affection.

Almost he same one I got from Never.

Ah. They're so much alike.

Borderline psychotic.

High-functioning sociopaths.

Devoid of emotions. Manipulative. Cunning. My list could go on.

When Axl was eight, he once opened up a wild animal and dried its insides under the sun. He would go into the woods, searching for creatures to dissect. Nang malaman iyon ng mga magulang niya, they locked him up in fear of the shame he could bring to their family. That's when he cut up their pet cat and turned it inside out.

It was a story whispered within Goldman-Sachs, one he only laughed about now. No one could confirm whether it was true, and Axl never denied or admitted to it.

But I knew.

I heard a faint chuckle from him, low and amused, like he could read my thoughts. Whether he was trying to get under my skin or if he truly held knowledge beyond my grasp, I couldn't tell. Ni hindi man lamang siya nagkunwaring hindi nagmamasid sa akin. He just sat there, kung saan siya gumawa ng milagro kanina.

"What?" I asked, finally looking at him.

He pulled a chair in front of me, sat down, and propped his feet onto the table. He have done it casually and enough to intimadate anyone. 

"Would you like to take her place?" tanong niya.

"Excuse me?"

The thing about Axl is that he thinks he's all that. Well, he was except for his monstrous real self. If the stories about his childhood were true, then I doubted they were the worst of it. The way he barely smiled, the way his gaze lingered just a second too long, it all screams danger. Sa paraan pa lamang ng mga tingin niya, it's like he could pry open a person's mind and pick through their darkest corners.

"Come on, Coco. You still haven't forgiven me?" he asked, smiling.

I lowered my book and looked at Axl. He might be the most charming among all the Pilots, but he was also the most dangerous. He used his charm to lure people in, expertly hiding his monstrosity behind a disarming smile. He's like the most chill of the bunch, but definitely one you shouldn't mess up with.

I couldn't believe I used to have a crush on him, like he was all rainbows and butterflies.

Until he turned everything black.

He gave me hell.

Trauma.

I was scarred.

For life.

And he got satisfaction from it.

"You took advantage of my stupid crush on you, Axl. How do you think I can forget that?" Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagkabuhay ng kung ano mang sakit sa dibdib ko. It's been years, yet it's as if it just happened yesterday. Sariwa pa lahat sa alaala ko ang mga nangyari. 

He scratched the side of his nose, trying to hide the amusement in his eyes. "And there's none of that stupid crush left in you to forgive me?"

"You asked me to let you cut me in half!" I snapped.

It was something I wanted to forget, but his presence always reminded me of it. There's a good reason I can't wear bikinis or crop tops. I have a scar across my stomach, because sixteen-year-old, love-struck me let Axl believe he cared about me. 

Only to be drugged by him. Sa kaawa-awang sitwasyon kong iyon, wala akong lakas na pigilan siya sa kanyang binabalak.

 He sliced my stomach open because, according to him, he wanted to see my insides.

I was sixteen, naïve, and desperate to believe that someone like him, cold, unreadable, untouchable could love someone like me.  It was the first time I was attracted to someone mula nang araw na makilala ko siya. I was high school, masyado pang bata at walang muwang sa peligrong dala niya.

He fed me words like honey, laced with something far more dangerous. I mistook his obsession for devotion, his mind games for tenderness.  He didn't just find his way into my mind. I let him in, handed him the key, and watched as he made a home inside my thoughts.

Because like normal high schoolers, nagkagusto ako. It was supposed to be a bittersweet high school memory, but Axl turned it to a nightmare.

"Like I said, you're beautiful outside. I just wanted to know if you're beautiful inside too," pangangatwiran niya.

Did I hate him?

I did, and I still do.

Did I cut contact?

I can't, because he's still in my head, lurking in the room I once let him in.

Did I tell anyone?

No, because he was always watching me. Even now.

Kahit na hindi niya ako pinagbantaan na huwag sabihin kahit kanino ang nangyari, I was still scared to do it. Nang minsang sinubukan kong buksan ang paksang iyon sa taong akala ko ay maiintindihan ang nangyari, it turned out I was blamed. Kaya nagpasya na lamang akong walang pagsabihan ng tungkol doon.

The wound wasn't deep, but it was enough to unmake me. It was the kind of pain that didn't bleed yet somehow seeped into my bones. It frightened me to the point of disassociation. Now, I can't even look at knives, or anything sharp without feeling the sting of that moment.

He smirked, tilting his head as if savoring the way my words dripped with resentment. "Still so bitter, Coco. That's what I like about you."

I scoffed, gripping my book tighter. "Shut up, Axl." Pinagsisihan kong nagustuhan kita."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Why, Coco? You enjoy Never Black's company now?" he asked, voice colder than the shiver running down my spine.

Bigla akong natigilan. He saw me. He saw us. Damn it.

I clenched my fists, forcing my breath to stay even. "Ano ba talagang kailangan mo sa akin, Axl?"

His smirk widened, but his eyes remained unreadable. "Nothing, really. Just curious. Never Black, of all people? Thought you had better taste."

"Yeah, tama ka. Why Never Black when you're exactly the same?" 

Mukhang hindi niya nagustuhan ang sinabi kong iyon, base sa pagtangis ng kanyang bagang.  His jaw tightened, but the smirk remained, a flimsy mask over something darker. Good. Hit a nerve. 

Careful, Coco," he murmured, his voice like silk over a blade. "Comparing me to Never Black? That's low and offensive."

I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Truth hurts?"

He must've felt so offended that I compared him to Never but that's the truth. They're both monsters. So out of this world. So unhinged and destructive. 

"Why, Coco? Are you hanging out with him just to get back at me?"

I let out a dry laugh. "Oh, please. The world does not revolve around you, Axl."

"But yours does. Or it used to."

I refused to look up. If I did, I'd see that smug look on his face, the one that said he was still under my skin, still in my head, still lingering in places I tried to purge him from.

Tama ng problema ko si Never, I don't want to add Axl to it. Tama na ang isa sa kanila, because two of them is too much to take. They mirror each other. They are well-adjusted monsters who know how to blend, to charm, to pretend.

"What do you think you're doing with him?" tanong niya.

"None of your business."

"It is, when he's lurking around my turf, Coco," aniya.

"Then why did you not kill him on the spot? Bakit ako ang ginugulo mo ngayon?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Kung nakita pala niya kami, edi dapat hindi niya hinayaan si Never. The latter should not have left  Goldman-Sach's unscathed. Dapat tinimbrehan na ni Axl ang ibang Pilots. Never wouldn't have leave in one piece. But no, Axl, let it pass despite their deep-seethed rivalry with the Black Hounds, particularly Never Black.

He's on to something.

The smirk dropped. Just for a second. Just enough for me to see the flicker of something behind his eyes. Was it frustration? Amusement? Possession? 

Then, just like that, it was gone.

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin. He was so close that I'm starting to hyperventilate. He leaned down, close enough that I could feel his breath in my skin. "Don't come crying to me when you realize he's worse than I ever was."

I mustered all courage  I have. I'm over all what I had in the past with him. Ni katiting na kagustuhan ay wala na akong nararamdaman kay Axl. That stupid crush vanished like dust in the wind. "Why the hell would I come back to you?"

Axl tilted his head, amusement curling at the corner of his lips. "Curious, aren't we?"

His smirk deepened, dark and knowing, before he turned on his heel and walked away leaving nothing behind but the heavy silence and the ghost of everything I swore I had already buried.

Thankfully no never or Axl disturbed me for the rest of the day. I attended my class, hangout with some friends and did what I usually do. Kinagabihan ay nanatili ako sa dorm nang mabasa ko ang text ng pinsan ko. The cousin I love so much that I voluntarily went to BIS to know who's the bitch who broke his heart because the motherfcuker refused to tell me or anyone else who it was.

Ezekiel: C! Abort mission, please. I know you love me and I love you too, so forget revenge and come party?

He kept this girl a mystery to the Pilots, not even to me, his favorite cousin and favorite creature in the world, according to him. It was a short-lived romance, and during the time he was in that relationship, Ezekiel Cohen was so happy and completely over the moon.

Then one day, he was beaten black and blue. No longer happy. And he told me they broke up. Kaya ang ginawa ko, nilasing ko si Zek at nakakuha ako ng ilang impormasyon tungkol sa mystery girlfriend niya.

She's untouchable.

She's very pretty.

And she's from BIS.

Now I know why he kept her a mystery all this time. The Pilots would surely flip kapag nalaman nilang nagkaroon siya ng relasyon sa isang babae mula sa balwarte ng mga Black Hounds. They're only supposed to play and break hearts with girls from Black Hound territory not fall in fucking love with them.

Coco: Yup, I love you, but no. I need to know who this girl is... at nang masampal ko siya.

Ezekiel: No. No slapping. Please.

Coco: Fine. How about a punch?

Ezekiel: C!

Coco: JK. While we're at it, name pls.

Ezekiel: No.

Coco: I hate you.

Ezekiel: Hehe I know you love me. Just let it go, C.

Of course, I can't let it go especially now that I'm in trouble with Never Black. I mean, I was already afraid I'd run into him while snooping, but then I did, so what's there to be more afraid of now? Kahit pa magpumilit si Ezekiel, I'm gonna find out who it was.

She hurt Ezekiel Cohen, my favorite cousin and probably the only Cohen who's ever shown me real concern, love, and appreciation.

Coco: How about no.

Ezekiel: You are so stubborn. Please C, don't open doors you know monsters are behind.

Coco: Wow, that shit is deep.

Ezekiel: Hehe. Night out?

Ezekiel: Please?

Coco: Not unless you give me her name.

He left me on read pero hindi na siya nag-reply. I'm not in the mood to do anything today. Pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako. I've dealt enough with Never and Axl. One of them is too much. Two of them is just exhausting.

I started thinking of ways to find out who Zek's mystery girl is. Binuksan ko ang Instagram account niya pero wala akong makitang kahit ano na makapagturo sa akin kung sino nga ba ang girlfriend niya.

Ex girlfriend. 

His last post was two weeks ago. That's a sign. Ezekiel wasn't the type to go radio silent. He was a people pleaser, fueled by attention. On a normal day, he'd post at least twice mostly snaps of himself or the Pilots.

I clicked on the post.

It was a candid shot of him strumming an electric bass, the dim red lighting casting shadows across his face. Smoke curled in the background, adding an almost cinematic haze to the scene. He was sweaty, but it only made the image more striking.

Pero agad na nawala kay Ezekiel ang tingin ko. It's now on the figure in the background.

Axl.

He wasn't looking at the camera, wasn't even acknowledging the moment. It was a candid shot of him, pero may kung ano sa kanya na kahit ang paraan ng pag-upo niya ay mapapatingin ka. The way he sat, the way his shoulders slouched, fingers idly toying with the rim of his glass, his expression blank, bored. Lahat ng iyon ay nakakaagaw ng atensiyon.

Agad kong inexit ang IG ni Ezekiel at ibinaba ang cellphone. What the heck am I doing? 

I felt it vibrated kaya muli ko iyong kinuha at tiningnan ang notification. It was a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: I'll pick you up in 10. Wear comfy clothes.

What the hell? The way my blood boil tells me instantly it was Never. Ibababa ko na sana ulit ang cellphone ngunit muli iyong nagvibrate.

Unknown Number: Don't try defying me Cohen.

See?

Coco: Stop demanding like u own my time. I'm busy. And didn't you tell me you won't bother me today after breakfast?

Unknown Number: Don't remember. Don't know. Don't care. I'll be there in 8.

Why did my life comes to this?

Coco: Leave me alone.

Unknown Number: 7

What the fuck?

I tossed my phone and pulled my sheets. Sa tingin ba niya natatakot ako sa pagbabanta niya? He can countdown all he wants I am not coming with him! He think he scares me? Yes, but no way I'll show him that, because people like him enjoy watching others suffer.

Bigla akong nakarinig ng kalabog mula sa sulok ng kwarto ko. Agad akong napabangon at tiningnan ang sulok na pinagmulan ng ingay, only to find a man standing on the side. I screamed in surprise, but he was quick to grab me and put his palm over my mouth to muffle the sound.

"Kahit na sumigaw ka, no one will hear you. I don't like shouting, unless it's your screams of pleasure as I wreck you. Got it?"

I tried struggling away, but it was futile. Tama siya, there was no one in the dorms who could hear me. And even if I did scream, that would only rile him up. I pushed him with all my might at agad na lumayo sa kanya.

Tiningnan niya ang suot na relo at ngumisi sa akin. "Two minutes earlier than promised."

"I don't remember agreeing to come with you, kung saang lupalop mo man gustong pumunta!" I hissed at him, then turned my back but he grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me toward him. Pakiramdam ko ay matatanggal ang anit ko sa sakit, and making a groaning sound only made his grip tighter.

Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya, then grabbed my chin as he whispered into my ear.

I clenched my fists, trying to steady my breathing. His voice slithered into my ears like poison, and his words sent a violent shiver down my spine.

"You're coming with me because I said so," bulong niya, his lips grazing my ear. His breath was warm and teasing. "Now, unless you want me to strip you out of your pajamas and do a hundred and one things to the naked you, go change."

May kung anong bikig sa lalamunan ko kaya napalunok ako ng ilang beses. My heart pounded so loudly I could barely hear my own thoughts.

Then, just as suddenly, he shoved me back to where my closet was.

"Fuck you!" I spat, venom lacing my voice.

His laugh was low, amused. "Like I said, yes, you will. But in due time."

I gritted my teeth as he strolled over to my bed and sat down na para bang pamilyar siya sa silid ko. He leaned back, propping himself up on one elbow, his legs stretched out, his shoes still on.

The audacity.

"Where are we going?" tanong ko habang nagbibihis. I have to make sure I locked the door of the comfort room for safety.

"To beat up someone."

Napatigil ako sa pagsuot ng pantalon. He wants me to witness their cruelty? I heard a lot about the Black Hounds. They were ruthless, it's said that they beat up people for fun. And why would he want me with him to beat up someone?

Bigla akong sinalakay ng kaba. My hands were shaking habang nagmamadali akong magbihis at lumabas ng banyo.

He was still on the bed, lying comfortably and playing with what looked like my phone.

"You're not beating up a Pilot, are you?"

He put down the phone with a smirk. "You're a smart girl."

No.

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