MY HEART SPILLS-3

When someone walks in your life, it is gradual. No matter how instantaneous it seems. Things around you change. Or I should say, the eyes you see them with, do. There is something subtle and appealing about everything. And that person, who is a mere point in this great world, becomes your complete world.

So happened with me..

".....I hope everyone got the idea of what our next project will be!?", Xavier finished his long fledged explanation, to our editorial team.
Everyone started popping up questions at him, and he answered them as gracefully as possible.
Even now, I couldn't understand how 'the most attentive student', I have always been changed to the one, who day dreams about her senior.

"Any question Amaya!?", His attention was on me, including the whole team, on the round table.
"No Xavier! Nothing.", I was flushing.
He raised his eyebrow at me, but I looked down, avoiding his gaze.

This has been the scenario since I was selected as the member of this editorial team. Everyone was fascinated, as I was the only one from the first year.
There were seven senior boys, and three girls, including me. The other two girls had plastered that permanent scowl on their faces, so I never bothered them.
The boys, however tried to approach me, as their partner, all being turned down, not by me, but my 'self appointed' bodyguard, Xavier.

"You're avoiding me.", I heard from behind me.
"And what makes you think so!?", I answered well recognizing the voice.
He came forward, introducing a havoc in my internal system, "You don't look in my eyes."
I chuckled lowly, "Which movie do you think is running in them!?"
He grinned indicating he's got some better punch, "Amaya: The ignorant beauty!"

I rolled my eyes at him.
"Let's go to the library. I don't have time for your bullshit!", I grabbed his hand and pulled him in the direction.
"Bossy! Aren't we!?", He commented allowing me to drag him.
"With you...yes!", I faked a smile.
"I am special. I know that!"
"Whatever makes you sleep at night!"

This was our daily routine.
After a joint meeting with everyone, we walked to the library and worked there. Together.
I was the one to think and write.
While he being excellent in English, edited and cross-checked my work.

Our phone numbers were already exchanged.
And I still wonder, how I ended up falling for his cliché line, "You may need me at the time of some disaster."

I felt something near me, and so I rose my head to find a coffee mug near my book.
I looked at him, already sipping his, "You know it's not allowed in the library."
"Not when you offer one to the librarian also!", He grinned cockily.
I found the lady librarian, grinning back at us.
"You're such a jerk! You always use the one having crush on you!"
"I didn't tell them to be smitten by my charms!", He shrugged trying to hold back a grin, "And by the way I am not using you."
I faked a yawn, "I don't have a crush on you!", I pointed at him.
"But the converse is not true!", He winked at me, as I punched his arm.

Xavier and me were heading towards the direction, I know we both wanted to.
The liking was instant, yet we took our time.

Time made me realize how caring he can be.
There was one day, I couldn't attend my classes hence the joint meeting after classes, because of my mentrual cramps.
That's the only time I hate being a girl.
After Stella left, giving me required medication, I ended up sleeping for hours.
Not before informing dad of my condition, so he won't get tensed when the message for my not attending class, reaches him.

When I woke up, I realized it's been six hours.
I gasped at the time I wasted.
Cleaning my face, I got to sit with my books, when my eyes drifted to my phone.

I was taken aback to see 88 missed calls.
In haste, I picked up my phone, wondering if something got wrong.
When I unlocked and checked, I saw those 88, I mean all 88 missed calls were from Xavier.
There were texts too, which I decided to ignore so I could call him.

It was not even the first bell, when he breathlessly spoke up, scratch that, he yelled.
"Where the hell are you Amaya!?"
"At my apartment. Why!?", I was surprisingly calm and may be that irritated him more.
"Do you even realize how tensed I was!? I thought some jerk..", he trailed off, however he was still sounding angry.

One day, while on my way, to the apartment from the university, some drunk jerk called me names, I would hate to listen.
I was petrified and angry.
Xavier happened to call that very second, and I told him everything.
I don't know how, but he said he dealt with the jerk outside university.

And may be this time, he got tensed about that.
"...May I know the reason you decided to scare the hell out of me, today!?", Still pissed off. His anger was a major issue with him.
"Xavier! Why do you think, I give you the right to ask me questions. That too yelling on my phone like I owe you something.", I snapped back, regretting it the very next second.
"Ok fine. Just take care!", He said this time a bit softy, disappointment clearly visible in his voice.

Not even a minute later, I called him back, only to go to voicemail.
I messed it up. I scolded myself and didn't realize when Stella came in.

"Amaya! Do you know this Xavier guy!? He just met me after class to ask if you're alright!?"
I smiled inwardly, "Did he!?"
"Yeah...I asked him to call you, but he said he forgot his phone in his apartment."
Liar!
"I told him you were having period cramps, he disappeared for a while and then came back with this, asking me to give it to you.", She handed me a paper bag.
Confusedly, I opened it, only to find dark chocolates in it.

If I was feeling guilty seconds ago, I was now getting miserable!
I tried calling him hundred times, but it looked like he was mad. He had to be! I deserve this.
I wanted to call Ry, only to realize I never got his phone number.
When the day ended, my friend declared, "You know what!? You are whipped! And so is he!", She was laughing like a maniac.

The next day, Xavier ignored me like a pro. When I deliberately asked a question, in the meeting, he ended up answering whole team.
As the meeting ended, he took his bag pack, and stormed off the editorial board room.
I ran behind him, and finally running for a mile, I caught him, blocking his path.
He glanced in my direction.
"What did I miss yesterday!? I think we'll have to work extra hours today."
He kept on staring at me, as if not recognizing me.
"I have told Jasper, he'll work with you.", A sharp intake of air followed from me.
Not taking that in consideration, he went past me.
As I regained my senses, I ran after him, "Xavier listen!", again blocking his way.
He held my hand to remove me from his way.
"I am sorry for yesterday. I snapped at you. I realized I was very moody, you know mentrual time. I am sorry! Sorry! Sorry!..", I kept on repeating holding him, as he tried to walk past me multiple times.
"Xavier please!", I pout knowing this trick works on my dad.

At last, his expression softened, but he didn't speak to me, rather he took out his phone and started calling someone.
I confusedly looked at him.
"Hey Jasper! I'll work with Amaya. My work's done.", I grinned from ear to ear, hearing this.
"Let's have some icecream. A compensation treat from me!", I squealed dragging him without waiting for his yes or no.

Once settling on the table, I asked him, "What flavour!?"
"Anything!", He answered monotonously.
"Okay then, both my favourite. Strawberry and Chocolate."
The waiter went away to bring our order.
"Xavier! You are still angry!?", I asked him hopefully.
His eyes softened, "I got worried for you."
I smiled at his genuineness, "I promise, I won't disappear without telling you from now on."
"You better keep your promise.", He said sighing.
"Okay just smile ones...", I asked him, bringing out my phone.
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Okay! I accept...I am a fan of your smile.", Now that resulted into a huge grin on his beautiful face.
"You do!?", He came forward and sat just beside me, "That calls for a selfie!"

And that's how we ended up clicking our first selfie together.
Me with a frown, and he with his smile.

Ice creams arrived.
I dug in my chocolate one!
I have loved them since I was a kid, and no matter what situation it is, they end up lighting my mood.
"You love ice-creams!?"
"I adore them. They are my life lines. And as much as I love chocolate, I love strawberry too.", I pointed at his half finished one.

Smiling, he forwarded his bowl to me, "I would love it if you eat mine also."
"Huh!? You are sacrificing your icecream for me!?", I was dumbfounded.
It was like sacrificing ones life for the nation. Atleast for me!
"Yeah! Because like you're a die hard fan of my smile, so much that you can kill women on your way, to get a glance of it, I'll love to see you having my ice cream.", I scoffed at him.
"I am taking your icecream. That doesn't mean the first part of your sentence is right. I said your smile is just okay-okay! Not that good!", I took his bowl eating his icecream, as he chuckled.

From then on, it became a sick habit of us. Whenever, we had icecream, I would eat mine, as well as half of his.
And if by chance, I refused to eat his icecream, which was a hell rare case, he would end up with a long face, sulking over this.

This guy was adorable! Hell lot adorable! And with him, time seemed like a bed of roses.
Circumstances led to us, making a group of four, we both, Ry and Stella. However, that was the worst decision ever. Because all we got in return was teasing, howling, relationship advices, 'private' time, date suggestions and yeah not to forget, contraception pills!

I never really realized, when Xavier and me, came as close as lovers do. Close, not physically, but emotionally.
Like always, he read me like a book.
He knew me like the back of his hand.
My every need was fulfilled even before I uttered them out.
I felt free to tell him stuff, which I couldn't tell anyone in the world.

There were times I doubted if he's my husband or what. Not that I would mind having him as one.

But all this while, things were quite discreet. We were not in a official relationship. Rather, we preferred calling us as friends.

One of the many reasons were my sister.

Things have never been smooth between us. Just because she was a spoiled kid and defied dad in many occasions, landing herself in problems, dad was a bit strict towards her. And me. I was my dad's little girl. Being the smallest one, and also an obedient child, dad simply showered love on me.
My brother was mature enough to understand this, however my sister was not.
She started despising me. In fact, I never realized what a sister's love is, unless I met Stella, who I undoubtedly love much more than my own blooded sister.

For Xavier, she seemed like she owned him. Every girl of the college aspired to stand beside him, and so claiming him as her boyfriend not only boosted her popularity, but gave her a supreme position among girls.
After coming with me, Xavier many a times decided to end this hollow facade of relationship with her. But I stopped him telling that I am not going to save him from those countless girls, who would jump on him, the moment he gets single.

He used to shrug it off, me with him because we knew well that this isn't going to harm whatever is between us.

However, our relationship got a public recognition when we jointly presented a poetry written by me, and edited by him, in a cultural festival. We even won!

The next day, I saw mine and Xavier's picture on the University newspaper, with the heading,
"New shipping goals: Xavier+Amaya= Xavaya"

I giggled reading the ridiculous name they gave us.
And then the very next moment, the door to my apartment burst open, revealing to me, a girl with smudged makeup, worn out dress, and seething anger.

"How dare you come near Xavier!? You bitch! Like everything, you'll snatch him too!", She yelled at me, making Stella flinch beside me.

The hatred for me, in her voice told me that she was my SISTER.

****

I closed the draft as I finished reading.
Just as on que, dad came in.

"Mahir! I want to talk to you!"
"Yes dad!?", I knew what was coming.
"What the hell is this I am listening!? You are living in Vyom's spare apartment and he with his wife shifted in yours."

"Uh...Yes dad, actually Bela and Mahira may need some help...Mahira is a kid...So..I...", I trailed off.
"Why don't you leave them to themselves!? If you can't look after them, how do you expect the world to do so."
I diverted my gaze, "I have my reasons."
"Yeah! Your bullshit reasons. Being guilty and all...I still can't believe you gave up in love. I didn't expect you to see you here. If you want to leave, then leave properly. Why are you still giving her blood.", He snapped at me.
"Dad I can't leave her to die. I love her!", I blurted it out.

Silence followed.

"Mahira is still a baby. She will forget you Mahir!"
A dread crept up my viens, but I shoed it off.
"It will be better for her. She'll adjust to her new father soon."
"Adjustment! That's what my daughter and grand daughter deserve after loving you this madly.", He said and stormed off.

It has been days since I left and today was the day of the third transfusion.
No one knows where I am living except dad and Vyom. And I had no plans of revealing it any soon.

Finally deciding on something, I pulled my phone out. Flipping out it's back cover, I opened the sim slots. Throwing my own sim, that was mostly used for work related things, I put in the private number that Bela gave to her donor.

Opening the text app, I texted Bela.

"Hello! This is Mr. Donor.", I smiled at the childishness of my text but carried on.

"I am currently sitting in the hospital ward, where this machine is sucking me like a fruit juice can. There is no better time than this to begin the conversation.", I sent it.

I tried to use normal language which everyone does, restraining from using my typical vocabulary.

Just after ten minutes, my phone vibrated,
"Finally!!
Firstly thank you Mr. Donor for the blood, and secondly gracing my day with your text."
A creepy smile adorned my face.

It isn't that bad!

The next text from her simply caught me off-gaurd where she wrote,
"I hope you're taking care of yourself and eating properly."
Who wouldn't fall for this girl.
I replied, "I am doing my best.:)"

"What about 'My Heart Spills', if you read it!?", was her next text.
"Ofcourse I did. Who wants to miss the privilege!? I am already shipping 'Xavaya';)"

I hated emojis, and so using them here, is a way to let her know that I am anyone but Mahir!
Clever na!?

  - Very Clever!- My subconscious spoke sarcastically.
She goes active when I have no one to talk with.

"It must be hurting losing so much blood. Do you feel weak!?", She was concerned.
"Yes it did for the first time. For the second one, I was fine and now this one seems so easy.", I replied.
"Please take care of yourself. I never know how I'll be able to pay you back. You have saved me from dying."
"Even you have saved me from dying....", Was my immediate reply.
"How!?"
"I committed a mistake, and then life went direction less. Thankfully, I got this reason to live...", I replied after making sure I don't spill beans.
"Life is quite unpredictable. Things may not turn out the way you want, but everything happens for certain good....", I smiled knowing she says this alot of time.
"Sorry...My baby woke up. I'll check on her and text you later. Eat healthy! Bye!"

Reading about Mahira, made some adrenaline rush in my body and I ended up writing,
"I would love to see your baby. I really love them. Bye."

I regretted it the very second I sent it.
Damn! Why will she send Mahira's pictures to a stranger...
  - But hoping for it may not go in vain.
  - Will you allow a stranger to see your daughter!?
"Hell no!", I told myself.

Seconds later I got the text, "I'll ask my husband if he allows."
My eyes popped out.
Not because she refused, but because she called me 'her husband'!
I didn't leave them to still stick onto me.

I need to do something.
Very urgently!
Contemplating, I picked up my phone and dialled one of my very old friends.
Ashima.

As she picked up the phone, I blurted out, "Ashima! We need to fake an engagement. Are you ready!?"
"Well hello to you too, Sehgal..."
"Ashima...I need your help anyhow!!"
"Ok done man! Anything for my brother!"
I smiled sickly, "Your brother is asking to fake an engagement with you."
"Okay done! But I want a full fledged compensation, like your credit card for a week!"
"Okay!", And I ended the call.

And just some phone calls, will make sure the news reaches her. And I did it.

"Sorry Bela! Just once....Just once, you'll have to think about getting over me.", I told to no one.

After the transfusion, I went back to Vyom's spare apartment.

Having some fruits, I decided to take a nap.
And when I was about to drift into sleep, my phone rang.
Bela.

It didn't take me two seconds to receive the call.
"Well acted Mahir Sehgal! Well done!
Giving me assurance that you need to go, so you can wash off the guilt, and not even four days, you reveal the news of your engagement. Excellent!"
"Bela listen....!"
"Listen my foot! Now! Keep this thing in your mind, that I won't let you meet Mahira! Never! Especially since you're bringing a step mother for her!"
"Bela...!"
"BELA IS DEAD! Don't utter my name from your mouth. If the divorce left me in single piece, this piece of news killed me Mahir!", And then I heard a prolonged beep indicating she disconnected the call.

The next thing was a soaked pillow, my stained face, and my dead love!