It all comes back to the damage.

          Two years after the car accident that should have killed her, Sierra is trying to be good. Even though the love of her life is four hours upstate and refusing to answer or even acknowledge her calls, she's determined to move on, move forward. The it-girl of Gotham with millions upon millions of fans, like birds flocking to her posts, campaigns, movie cameos, Sierra decides her new life will be one worth living. Before being swept up by the celebrity of Bruce Wayne's engagement to her dominatrix mother Selina, Sierra was on the streets, starving and desperate, seeking shelter wherever and however she could.

          In the hopes of eventually enacting change, she enrols in the prestigious Gotham-U Criminology program, housed in the brand-new Centre for Criminology. From here, she intends to graduate at the top of her class, join her childhood friend Judas in Gotham-U Law, and help the city that has shaped her into the 10-million-followers-strong, clear-complexioned darling of social media she is today.

          And if she's going to be stuck here for the next four years, completely and utterly alone, she might as well, right?

          The Sierra from two years ago would never have thought she'd end up here. That Sierra was young and dumb. That Sierra was in love with a boy who would rather leave behind his entire life in Gotham than stay and let her into it. That Sierra got behind the wheel knowing she was drunk, knowing she wanted to die, and that Sierra spent the next six months in a cold, lonely hospital room visited by people who only showed their care for her by putting her on suicide watch.

           Everybody likes Sierra Reva. But nobody loves her. Not really.

          She meets Julien Faulkner, unwittingly but inevitably, in one of her criminology classes. Julien is gorgeous, funny, smart — the boy of her dreams, and yes, she's had many, souped up and drug-addled in the Gotham General intensive care ward. He is just like her; made of whatever she is, a shared past unravelling between them like the thread that should tie them together. Should, because Julien has a girlfriend. Should, because Julien is already in love with someone else.

          It all comes back to the damage, Sierra thinks. The scars on her body, both from the crash and from herself; the medicine she refuses to take; the cruel things she says to the people she claims to care about. Julien, however, doesn't agree. No, he says, there's always more in the after.

          But this is what Sierra is terrified of. This is what scares her shitless. What if, even with all her talk, even with all her planning, Sierra is still a lost cause? What if she's too far gone? Because when she closes her eyes, she's still there — she's still in that car, still going down that road. She's still halfway out the windshield, she's still bleeding out.

          She's still dying. And she still wants to.

          Julien pulls her back to him, like they pulled her out of the wreckage, smouldering and broken. He knows accidents; he knows drunk driving and emergencies and sirens, he knows hospital wards and he knows shattered glass. He knows funerals, too, and he knows how Sierra feels — not just that she wants to be done with it, she wants to be gone, but what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. He wanted to leave Gotham too, once: he had the rest of his life ahead of him, a full-ride scholarship, a future out of the state and out of the dark of this city. It was his girlfriend Kit, who — despite her infidelity, despite her complete and total indifference towards him — convinced him to stay.

          So often now he feels like Sierra does: half-dead, all absent, searching for the exit and coming up empty. When he meets Sierra, everything changes. He's special again, he's new. He's just like her, and his entire life feels like it's been moving forward just to reach this moment, just to meet this beautiful, fucked-up girl who hurts so much she has to hurt everyone around her, too.

          Julien gets it. Trust, he fucking gets it. But the thing is, Sierra knows what she wants — who.

          He doesn't.

          Not even after stolen glances, secret texts, hushed moans over late night phone calls and fucking in the back of his shitty car. Not even after meeting only past midnight, pretending they're nothing when the light bleeds through. Not even after she makes him feel more alive with her than he ever has with his girlfriend — more wanted, more loved.

          Sierra's a liar. So is Julien, even if he doesn't want to admit it; Sierra sees right through him. She knows he's lying when he says he doesn't love his girlfriend anymore. She knows he's lying when he says he's going to leave her. And she knows he's lying when she says it always comes back to the damage and he replies no, there's always more in the after.

          Because it does always come back to the damage. Because there isn't more in the after, and as far as Sierra knows, there's never going to be anything more between them than this.

SIERRA  REVA,

         i want to love somebody because i want to be loved. in a rabbit-fear i may hurl myself under the wheels of the car because the lights terrify me, and under

                                      the dark

                                                     blind

                death

                            of the wheels

                                                   i will be safe.

JULIEN  FAULKNER.

&

AURORA  CATRINE  DENT

JUST KEEP GOING. NO FEELING IS FINAL.

JUDAS  CARTIER

WHAT'S BEEN KEEPING YOU SANE LATELY?

TAYLOR  MCKNIGHT

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW
WHAT ELSE ARE WE HERE FOR?

KITRINA  FALCONE

I DEMAND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND COMPLETE FREEDOM.
THAT IS WHY I AM TERRIBLE.

MARGO  BULLOCK

DO YOU EVER MISS PEOPLE?

ALEX  GREENE

LOSING SOMETHING IS JUST REVISING IT. AFTER THIS LOVE THERE WILL BE MORE LOVE.

PLAYLIST

AUTHOR'S  NOTES

          i. welcome to MIDNIGHTS everyone... [jigsaw voice.] this fic is my extremely niche extremely insane baby — there's a lot of housekeeping to do in these author's notes so please get comfortable. MIDNIGHTS is a college au (?) fic set in the dc universe, following my oc sierra reva (of CRUSH, may she rest in peace) and my friend angel's oc, julien faulkner. sierra & julien — ship name: juliensi — exist in a "mainline" regular dc continuity as the vigilantes nemesis & atlas respectively.

         ii. in this fic, they are two college freshmen enrolled in the bachelor of criminology and criminal justice studies at gotham-u. you will not need to know anything about either of these characters prior (though it may be fun for you to see how certain aspects of sierra are reworked!) to understand this fic; everything is treated as brand new and everyone is introduced in the narrative.

         iii. in this universe, batman still exists but bruce — who is mentioned a few times early in the fic — works alone. he had dick grayson at his first robin, but (atp) it's implied he was heavily injured or otherwise killed, and thus bruce never took on another robin. jason exists in this fic as bruce's adopted, golden son. he is written somewhat out of character (i'm saying it now!) and mostly serves to contextualise sierra and where she's at mentally at the outset of MIDNIGHTS. this fic is not about jaysi! the heart of the world is blue, not red! (or green!)

         iv. as the synopsis kind of suggests, this fic will cover heavy themes such as suicide,
suicidal ideation, depression, & substance abuse. it will also have heavy and frequent sex scenes. 🧍🏻 please be advised now and proceed at your own discretion. subject matter will be trigger / content warning'd at the beginning of every applicable chapter. this is a slowburn cheating fic with multiple love interests. just... be aware. 😭😭

          v. this began as a kind of ... boredom buster for me? but it's now become a character study for sierra — one of my favourite ocs ever — and julien. i don't expect many people outside my close circle of friends to know who julien is, but i do really enjoy writing these two together as fucked up as it gets in MIDNIGHTS. sierra is not meant to be a particularly likeable character; though i will say her desire to hate on others and be awful in general is a bit funny, i don't really need people commenting saying they can't stand her or whatever. like, feel free to if you want 💀 but i would rather you simply stop reading. she's about as awful as she is in CRUSH, except in CRUSH you as the reader are eased into it. here we get her haterisms from chapter one. so.

         vi. expect some serious internalised misogyny and general bitchiness from her. julien, however 🫂 is an angel. even if he needs to get his shit together. the "invisible stringisms" of these two don't really exist in their regular canon, so i'm really excited for you guys to see how their lives have been practically leading up to meeting each other. please feel free to ask questions about them — i would love to answer! it's kind of funny that you'll see more of sierra in this fic than you ever have in CRUSH, as well as more of ash thornton (of DEEP GREEN) as he is a temporary love interest for si, as well.

          vii. the characters of julien, judas & taylor belong to my friend angel. aurora & margo belong to my ever. kitrina is a canon character who has been reworked into this fic based on brainstorming by myself and angel.

          viii. this fic is dedicated to of course angel, but also my kat, elfaouly — who has been endlessly supportive in all of this. dedications go to sweetjawregui , pelides & soulofstaars who have also listened me rant endlessly about these two fuckwits. further thanks to bnanarama, viendettas, keupid, luckyvirgo and purehcroine who encouraged me to post this fic. of course, galentineday whose characters are featured here, too 🤍

          ix. i don't know whether i should actually be proud of this fic but i am, so. if you're wanting to go off vibes, think of normal people but more definite and a lot more painful. structurally, we will follow julien and sierra throughout their study at gotham-u. the story is initially based in gotham-u, but eventually the two move out and the academic aspect of the fic becomes less of its focus. i just... i love these two so much. i hope you guys do as well.

          x. though the ending of the synopsis suggests otherwise, there is a happy ending. or is there? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

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