Chapter Forty
literally the girl who started the big pants thing is Serenity (Lauren Tallichet) im crying
gif on the side
some things you'll need for this chapter:
Jesus
TISSUES
Harry;
There wasn’t a single thing that flowed through my head. My surroundings were just flashes and pictures, and because I lack caring about things, it was hard to feel something towards this all. I wanted to laugh because this was all too fucking ridiculous. Not Serenity, and the fact the she ran out the door to cry her eyes out. But that this dick things he can get away with hurting her.
Oh, I’m mad. I’m fucking furious I found out this way. But I see where she was coming from. I understand her humiliation and regret for her past experience. In fact, when she ran out the door sobbing like a small child, I just...I felt like punching a wall for not reacting.
My feet took me to the stairs in a flash. I sprinted, to be exact. I heard a few girls shriek when I grabbed Derek by the collar of his white tee. I fisted it so hard that my knuckles would burst and break. They were paper white from my hold.
His laughter ceased the second we met eyes. “That’s right, dick, let’s see who gets the last laugh!” I gnarled loudly, the volume of my voice ripping up my throat. It felt raw and painful to say it so loud.
I was afraid I’d break my teeth from clenching my jaw so tightly. I saw red and white from all the fury. What he just did to Serenity makes me so compelled and willing to rip hip apart limb by limb. I sound fucking psychotic, and even that word is an understatement. Nothing can describe the thoughts running through my head. The bloody, horrid things I wanted to do to him.
He humiliated her. Fuck, he did something completely out of line. I can’t find the fuck to give about being imprisoned for fucking up his face.
I inhaled deeply, almost shaking. I’ve never felt this much anger. Never; and I’ve been angry countless times in my life.
He reacted by grabbing my hands, trying to pry my fingers off of him with his lips pressed into a firm line, breathing heavily through his nose.
I took my height as an advantage, picking him up from the floor, his feet inches off the tiled surface. I chuckled bitterly. “What? Are you scared of me!?” I shouted, slightly grunting as I began to drag him down the stairs. He yelped as he couldn’t balance himself on his feet, so his feet mainly dragged against the stairs.
A crowd of people formed around us as I stopped tormenting him for just a second as I spoke. “Tell me, what makes you think you have the right to humiliate Serenity?” I mocked with a growl. “What the fuck!...makes you think you can make my girl cry?! You know what, I --”
I couldn’t continue speaking. I inhaled sharply, slamming his back against the nearest object, which was a wall. Derek grunted, squeezing his eyes shut like the pussy he is. “Fucking look at me, cunt. Give me one reason not to leave you blind tonight, mate!”
He was visibly cringing in front of me. The crowd around us grew amused, someone chanting about a fight, but thankfully no one joined.
Derek chuckled bitterly. “I’m sorry. She deserved it.”
“You’re sorry?” I roared, eyes widening. “You fucking prick,” I slammed him against the wall repeatedly like he was as weak, useless as a fucking towel. “I’m,” slam, “going,” slam, “to,” slam, “rip you to fucking,” slam,” shreds!”
He coughed roughly, gulping and wincing. “Stop! I’m sorry, bro.”
“You shouldn’t be fucking apologizing to me! Rather to my girlfriend who’s probably crying her eyes out at the very fucking moment! So when I finish beating the shit out of you, you’re gonna crawl on your fucking hands and knees with blood splattered on your damn ugly face, and you’re gonna go to her house! Is that fucking clear?!”
Derek shook his head, raising his chin at me with a wide look in his eyes. “You’re on your last strike, Styles! You lay one hand on me and it’s off to prison for you.” He grumbled, smirking like had had won.
Louis laughed behind me, making me turn my head slightly to see what he found so amusing. He was cracked his knuckles, Niall next to him. “He might not be able to beat the shit out of you,” he started bitterly, his grin fading and being replaced with a thin frown.
Next to him, Niall began to stretch his arms, groaning a little with snarl on his mouth. “But we can,” he finished for Louis, both of their bright blue eyes staring at the prick in my hands with venom.
I snickered with amusement, dropping Derek as he stared at both of my friends with horror. “Guys, listen,” he started, hands in front of him.
Louis turned his head, rolling his eyes and telling me, “We got this, mate. Go after her.”
I saw Niall grab him by his shirt, spitting out, “Harry, got anything else you want to tell him before he goes blind and deaf tonight?”
I snapped my fingers, grinning with mockery at Derek, who had already been staring at me with panic as Niall held him down against the wall. “Actually,” I began, then continuing with my heart pounding against my chest just thinking about Serenity. “When you apologize, and she still doesn’t accept your fucking pathetic apology, you’re gonna stare at her beautiful face and tell yourself that you’ve lost the most precious thing you had. Because she’s mine now.”
Pushing through the crowds of people, I had one thing in my head just as Clary announced. “Listen, everyone, the topic of the night has changed! You all know Derek as the asshole --”
The door shut, and I couldn’t listen to the rest. I sprinted towards my car, getting inside and pressing on the gas.
I rang her phone while driving furiously. It rang and rang over again, my leg bouncing as I was only a few minutes away from her house. “Please pick up, baby, please,” I mumbled to myself, searching the streets just to make sure she wasn’t roaming the neighborhood.
Nothing.
“Fuck!” I cursed, throwing my phone forward and it landed far down the dashboard. I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated and concerned.
Serenity;
I burst through my front door, sobbing loudly and attracting the looks of everyone in the living room. I attempted to wipe away my tears, but the amount seemed infinite. I’m so done with my life, and my pathetic excuses for committing stupid mistakes. Mistakes that even younger people would never make.
“Serenity!” I heard my mom call out after me.
Although, I just ignored her. I sprinted up the stairs and slammed the door of my bedroom. I found my sheets and snuggled against them, feeling like I couldn’t breathe as I cried into them. Just the look on Harry’s face made me want to throw myself out the window as it is. I can’t even scold myself for crying right now because I just can’t stop.
I’m humiliated and ashamed of myself. Fully appalled by my own skin. Even though it happened two years ago, it’s everywhere now and everyone will look at me like that slut. No one will ever understand where I’m coming from. Hopefully, Harry one day will forgive me for being the worse girlfriend known to man.
What will my friends think? At least Emily knows, and she’ll probably be here for me to comfort me. I know I can’t count on her. But Clary, even Elliot? What will my family think when they find out from their neighbors? God, I’m screwed. I’m over. I should just fucking get buried now so they don’t have to wait until my funeral.
My mother opened the door I forgot to lock. “Serenity,” she breathed, staring at my shaking with sobs figure. I curled myself on my bed, hugging my pillow and continuing to bawl my eyes out. I already felt the snot clogging my nose and the headache pounding against my skull.
I felt the bed sink next to me. I felt like everything was suffocating me. I needed someone to keep me above it all. And I knew that only my mother could make things worsened by telling me “I told you so” or shouting at me for being stupid as usual.
Her hand stroked my hair behind my ear, staring at me with a frown. “Serenity, what’s going on?”
I turned away from her, moving away from her foreign touch. “Please,” I gasped, “Go away. I don’t want anyone near me.”
“Darling, please let me help you.”
“Now you want to help me?” I asked her quietly, tears staining my cheeks and more taking their place. “I thought you gave up on me? But I guess, I understand. I don’t deserve anyone, anyway.” I spit out, shaking my head.
She wore a pained expression. “That is not true, Serenity. I never meant to make you fee--”
“Just, leave, please. Leave me alone,” I cried, moving away when she reached to touch me again.
I heard her sigh heavily, biting her bottom lip and hastily scurrying out of my bedroom. She even closed the door this time.
Crying into my pillow seemed like the only solution. I felt nervous and anxious, although still it had finally happened, there were still unsolved problems. Too many for me to deal with. I rapidly locked my door and threw myself back on my bed once again. I’ve never felt this depressed before, but I guess this is what it feels like when you’re life is total shit at the moment.
I sniffled loudly, beginning to run out of tears to cry with. My head was pounding ridiculously hard along with the almost liquid dense snot dripping from my nose. I felt like I was hovering my face over a plate of hot soup.
Soon enough I was a mess on my bed, tangled in sheets and rubbing my nose with the sleeve of my flannel as I stared at the wall on my side. I pressed my cheek harder into the pillow, somehow wanting to disappear into it and never come back.
I closed my eyes and thought about nothing. I focused on the sound of my shaky breaths. I was just all over the place emotionally. There was nothing I could do but lie down and think of my memories with Harry, which would probably end up being just cold memories when he avoids me.
It hurts because I think I love him.
I’m not immune to love, fortunately. Derek hadn’t scarred me that bad. But it just hasn’t happened with anyone after Derek, so it feels really different. Even though I’ve managed to screw it up already. Maybe it’s a sign that Harry should take notice of. He deserves another girl, who isn’t so useless and a waste of time. If I wasn’t upset, I wouldn’t say that about myself. But right now I truly believe I’m useless.
I began to cry again right afterwards. I’m crying more than I have ever right now. Mid-sob, though, I heard, “When you cry, it hurts me, you know.”
My mouth fell open as I sat up, turning towards my window. There he stood, looking distraught as hell. His hair was a mess from running his fingers through it so much. He took a step closer to my bed, and I shook my head with another sob raking my body. “Don’t waste your time anymore, Harry.”
“If I was, I wouldn’t be here right now.” His eyes looked into mine with sorrow. His eyebrows furrowed the longer he stared at my blotchy, red face. “You think I would drop you because of something that happened two years ago? I’m afraid you don’t know me.”
“You deserve --”
“Stop it. Stop it right there.” He snapped quickly, not necessarily rudely. He walked around to the side I lied on, and even though reluctant, I stood up in front of him. Our height difference came between us, but I gasped when he pressed me tightly up against him. I stood on his toes from our distance. “Don’t tell me what I deserve. Because you don’t know what I need. And I need you, you hear me?”
I stared up at him, looking solemn. “I don’t think you need me, Harry. What exactly do I do to make you happy? All I do is complicate your life.” I sniffled.
“There are so many things that I could spend the next thirty years telling you, Serenity,” he chuckled breathlessly, shaking his head. “Just the way you are, the things you say, the way you act. Some people don’t like it, but I do. And that’s all that matters. Just what you and I think.”
“And forget about the rumors around town or your past or mine. Our future is what matters the most, and I guess that’s what I was trying to tell you. I want you to stop living in the past, so you can be in my future.” He whispered, his pale green eyes locked with mine.
Every word he spoke made my heart ache more.
“And this might sound cheesy as fuck, but I know you’re hurt right now, and utterly humiliated. I know. But I look at you and I see Serenity Ryan Carter. I see the girl that made me stay up at night thinking of ways to piss her off because I just wanted an excuse to see her again. I’m upset right now because you hurt me. You hurt me when you’re hurting yourself.”
He laughed humorlessly, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m trying my best here. I know we’re young, and I know that we do things that afterwards should require a bath in holy water,” he joked lightly, making me laugh quietly. Harry smiled a little at my reaction. I felt his hands grab my face gently. “But I care about you. I care about ridiculous things like if you called me and I missed the call or if you dyed your hair and you’ll be mad that I didn’t fucking notice.”
I frowned. “What?”
Harry chuckled, genuinely this time. “Marisol and Louis,” is all he said, both of us laughing for a few seconds. “The point is, everything means nothing when you’re not with me. Yes, I’m an asshole. I’m pretty sure I’ll say other mean things to you, I’ll regret yelling at you, yes I’ll make you cry at some point if I haven’t already. But you’ve put up with me so far. I don’t deserve you, really. Unfortunately, I’m greedy and an asshole. So, I’m keeping you.”
He was going to ramble on some more, but I interrupted him with my lips. I pressed ours together with an urgent need. He didn’t hesitate to kiss me back, deepening the kiss and sliding his hands against my hips now. I could practically melt right in his arms.
I pulled away only about half an inch, gazing up into his gorgeous eyes. “I don’t think you know how much it would’ve hurt if you ended up hating me.”
His hand stroked my hair softly, the tips of my finger grazing my pink cheek. “I’d probably hate myself before I hate you.”
“You’re staying with me tonight. That’s an order.” I lightly teased.
“Yes, Ma’am.” He replied curtly, sending me a goofy grin before leaning down to peck my lips.
Seconds later, I was lying with half of my body on his, my head resting on his chest. He covered our still clothed bodies in one of the light peach blankets. “I’m scared what’s going to happen when it spreads.” I whispered out of the blue.
Harry placed a soft little kiss on my hair, placing his hands on my back and beginning to rub them up and down in a comforting way. “You’ll be alright. If anything, I can punch anyone who says something.”
“What if a poor old lady insults me?” I laughed.
He paused. “Well, she shouldn’t have been rude and kept her mouth shut. Now, she has a black eye.”
I began to laugh at Harry’s funny, although horrible, comment.
After a few minutes of silence, Harry huffed out of nowhere. “Shit, we are cheesy.”
“But I like it,” I laughed again.
“I’m losing my man balls because of you.”
“It’s not like you had any to begin with,” I teased him.
He smirked. “You know I do because you felt it while we made out at the party when we first met.”
I groaned, making him chuckle. “Shush.” I shut my eyes and pressed a finger to his lips. “Be quiet.”
“Look at you, shushing me with your cute little hands.”
“Stop it,” I whined, turning around to not face him.
Harry wrapped an arm around me, tugging my body closer to his. “Aren’t I gonna get a goodnight kiss, though?”
Pausing before answering, I chuckled out, “Go Fish.”
note // well everything's ok for now broskies
20 more chapters left for Mercy!
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