As I get to school I bump into someone saying sorry and I get nothing back like it didn't even happen I hold my tears back and silently walk through the halls my headphones blasting with rock music with my hood over my head I finally get to the  girls bathroom full with people as always. 

As I walk in all eyes land on me for a second I hold my breath until they go back to me being invisible and them vaping and gossiping about the knew hottie they like or something. I guess its normal or if its not.... not like I care right.

I close the stall  and try to breath but it feels like all the air is just leaving my body this happens not very often but often enough i dont want it to happen ever again.

I put my hand on my mouth so people dont hear my heavy breathing but like every time this happens its to late. A soft knock on the door and someone says " Hey are you OK do you need me to get someone for you" I hear some giggles and some whispers from some of the other girls. i say through a horse voice "i'm fine".

Well that differently didn't make me feel better it just made me want to kill my self even more then i already did well you could guess why i dont show my arms or legs anymore always in extra big hoodies and jeans.

It feels like a thousand years when i was really happy and was more excited for things but that excitement was gone a long time ago.

I finally shake my thoughts out of my head and put my hood over my head and walk out of the bathroom hoping no one was staring at me or found out who i was and harass me about that really embarrassing moment. 

I'm 15 and like any other fifteen year old i want to leave this stupid town graduate and get my dream job. But my dream job is not my dream its my parents they want me to be successful because they weren't. They had children  young and i guess i was always that one mistake even in high school know cares who i am I'm just a someone trying to survive in a place that i dont belong.

So i have to try extra hard because my dad he hates that I'm not his well he blames me. Well you see my real dad he left me and my mom when i was to young to even remember him. At 14 got curious about him and hurt myself by thinking the love he was giving was true but in the end it was just him trying to hurt my mom in the process.

To this day my dad still blames me and wants my life to be the nightmare i put my mom through and at the end feel I deserve it  every tiny bit of that pain shaped me. But my mom told me she understands why i did it i cried in her arms that whole night and now i believe i should have done better by her.