Rating: NC- 17
Set in: 1963
Summary: John learns that some things just aren't replaceable.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles, this is fictional and I do not make money from this. 

John watched Paul with a lustful gaze as the latter drank the last of his fancy drink. They had been sitting at the bar for a while now, and John couldn't wait to get away and to the cheap hotel room he had booked for that evening and take the other man in his arms and get him to make the most sinful and obscene sounds anyone ever had heard. But at the same time, he hands were shaking and his throat felt as if someone was squeezing it tightly. He was nervous. Of course he was.

Paul turned to him with a knowing smile on his face as he caught John staring at him. The corners of his hazel eyes wrinkled and his cheeks were so chubby John wanted to squeeze them. But instead he blushed and looked away at the empty glass in his hand. The ice had started to melt so he drank that, too. The could still taste the scotch. He tensed as the younger man laid a hand on his arm.

'Shall we leave?' the younger man asked. John looked at him with wide, almost scared eyes and nodded, before standing up and getting Paul's long, black coat from the seat next to him and offering it to the younger man with an endearing smile. Paul thanked him let John dress him. John let his hands slide over Paul's shoulders and chest as he did so before getting his own jacket. He got his wallet out of his inside pocket and paid quickly for the drinks. The barmaid took it with a flirtatious wink. When he turned back around, Paul was fixing his hair and clothing with a slight blush. Probably he hadn't wanted to let John know he hadn't put the coat on him well enough. John just wrapped an arm around his shoulder and escorted him out into the windy, wet night.

John held up an umbrella above both their heads as they walked over the quiet streets. There was hardly anyone around and John took advantage of that by walking so close to Paul that their hips were brushing against each other.

'Thanks for the drink,' Paul spoke softly as they turned around a corner. A car passed them and splashed some water just next to their feet. John cursed under his breath.

'It's nothing. Don't mention it,' he told Paul, who was looking at him with those eyes. John swallowed thickly before smiled broadly.

'Got plenty of money, right?' he joked. Paul chuckled at that.

'If the album will do well, certainly,' he said. John tucked Paul a little closer against him and turned another corner, into a dark alleyway.

'Where are we going?' the bassist asked, suddenly sounding worried.

'A cheap hotel,' John answered. The younger man chuckled at that.

'Where else.' It was silent and John wasn't sure if he perhaps shouldn't have heard that.

'I won't do anything weird,' He muttered.

'Says the guy buying me fancy drinks in a strange pub and then taking me for a walk around town to a cheap hotel in a dark alleyway.' Paul laughed and John knew he wasn't being serious, so he laughed along.

The hotel was a pay-fuck-no questions asked-and get out- kind of hotel. You paid by the hour. Paul waited by the stairs as John checked them in. Though the umbrella had kept most of him dry, there still dripped water from his coat onto the dirty, wooden floor, which creaked with almost every step. John watched him from the corner of his eye as he was given the key and paid in cash.

'Thank you Mr Johnson. Have a good night,' the old man behind the register said with a grin as his eyes went from John to Paul and back again. He didn't seem to recognize them, but two guys checking and asking for one room with a double bed... it wasn't very mysterious what they would be doing, but John didn't mind. He thanked the man, took the key and walked over to the man waiting for him.

'We can go,' he said. Paul nodded and beckoned John to lead the way.

The room was just as dirty and unkempt as the rest of the hotel. The floors creaked, the large rug had holes in it and it smelled of sex, dust and alcohol. It seemed almost as if the room was taken out of an old 40s mystery movie, had all the colour disappeared. But the bed was large and appeared to be clean. The headboard was made out of metal bars, of which the purpose was more than clear, even if it wasn't for the metal handcuffs that hung from it. John walked in and closed the door behind the two of them as Paul took off his coat and laid it carefully on the dresser.

'Charming,' he said with a smirk on his plump lips. John chuckled and started to do the same as Paul sat down on the bed. The bedsprings creaked under his light weight. John took a deep breath and walked over to the open window, closed it and took of his tie before sitting down next to Paul on the bed. The younger man watched him all the while with a hungry look in his eyes.

'Are you nervous?' Paul asked carefully as John avoided his eyes as he sat next to him. John didn't answer, but apparently he didn't have to.

'You don't have to be,' Paul told him with a gentle smile.

'How should we go about this, you think?' John asked. Paul smiled and laid a hand high up on John's thigh and gave it a slight squeeze.

'Let's just start,' he said, making John chuckle nervously.

'Right...' he said. Paul cupped the man's cheek in his other hand and turned his face to make John look at him.

'Just follow my lead.' He closed his eyes, cocked his head slightly, leaned in and pressed his lips lightly against John's. His lips were soft, but firm. Submissive and careful, but compliant. And within seconds John felt himself kissing back, but Paul pulled away again, locking their eyes and holding John's gaze until John leaned in and kissed him instead, claiming his mouth and pulling at it with his lips and teeth.

The idea that John was kissing his best mate and secret love, made his head spin and his heart speed up like crazy in his chest. He got bolder and bolder with every sound that Paul made, however light, and soon he licked Paul's lip and coaxed his mouth open. Paul opened up for him without a second thought, as if he had been waiting for it. John whimpered helplessly as his tongue circled with Paul's and soon he felt himself pushing himself closer to Paul and letting his hand slide into his long almost black hair.

'See? Not scary at all,' Paul said as he broke the kiss. John, who still had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily, nodded and licked the younger man's spit from his lips, tasting him. The sweet taste of the drink still lingered there.

'What now?' he asked, still being rather clueless about the whole thing.

'And now you stop thinking,' Paul told him with a simple smile and leaned in to press his lips back against John's.

'Just enjoy yourself and do what feels natural,' Paul muttered hotly against John's mouth, before sliding his tongue across John's bottom lip, asking for permission, which John granted with a weak moan.

'Okay...' He replied before cocking his head to the side and letting his tongue curl around Paul's, drawing it further into his mouth. This time it was Paul who moaned. He massaged Paul's tongue with his own and played with his silky hair, letting his finger slide through it and ruffling it up. He twitched as he felt the younger man's hand on his thigh, but didn't complain.

Paul took it slow, drawing lazy circled on the man's thigh and gently squeezing it as he moved it up and down in a languid manner, slowly letting John get used to it. It wasn't until John moved his hand to fumble with Paul's tie, trying to undo it and take it off, that Paul moved his hand up higher and higher, over his upper thigh, before moving to the inner thigh and applied a bit of pressure. To his surprise John merely took in a sharp breath as he let his legs fall apart slightly.

'This okay?' Paul asked as he broke the kiss and let his forehead rest against John's. John blushed and nodded, feeling like a virgin again. Something he hadn't felt for a long time. Paul nipped at John's bottom lip gently as he moved his hand up even more until he brushed over John's slight bulge in his trousers. His breathing was shaky and uneven and he kept his eyes wide open, locking them with Paul's and staring into them. Paul stared back and slowly and gently moved his hand over John's crotch, feeling him grow harder and harder with every move. John couldn't help but let his eyes fall close with a shaky chuckle. As he opened his eyes again, he saw Paul watching him with a curious and questioning expression on his face.

'Feels good...' John told him, his voice surprisingly low and ruff. Paul smiled proudly and kissed him again, taking John's bottom lip between his teeth and he started to gently nibble at it as his hand movements got bolder and more forceful, while staying gentle, making John grow fully hard rather quickly.

When John started to fully moan, Paul pulled away. John was breathing heavily now and he could feel his eyes were probably blown wide, but there was nothing he could do about it. Paul smiled at him cheekily, his pupils dilated, making his eyes seem almost black and slid off the bed smoothly, almost cat-like. John followed him with his eyes.

'Can I?' Paul asked as he kneeled before John and placed his hands on his knees. John swallowed thickly and nodded slowly. Paul pressed a kiss on John's knee before looking back up at him through his long eyelashes and gently pushing John's knees apart, opening them and spreading his legs until he could move between them. John just stared at him and let him do as he wanted. He bit back a moan as Paul cupped him again through his trousers. The younger lad smirked, moved his hands up higher and started to fumble with John's beld, unbuckling it and opening John's pants. Carefully he slid it off John's hipbones and John lifted his hips on instinct to help Paul take him off completely.He threw them aside and placed his hands back on John's upper thighs and slowly moved them up higher and higher until they reached John's crotch.

John was surprised when he found his underwear gone as well. He caught Paul's eyes and took in a sharp breath as the younger suddenly wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock without any kind of warning.

'Shit...' He breathed and bit down his lip hard as he let his eyes fall close. Paul's hand slowly started to move, pumping up and down the shaft, weighing it in his hand and aiming it up towards his plump lips as he held John's gaze.

'It's alright. Don't hold back your voice. I don't think anyone here would mind us being a little loud.' he told him with a cheeky wink and John couldn't help but chuckle at that. He let out a helpless groan as Paul gave him a squeeze before letting his thumb sweep across the head swiftly.

'That's a good boy.' Paul praised him and John laughed again.

His laughter died when Paul leaned down suddenly and pressed his lips against the salty tip of John's cock. He kissed it lightly before parting his lips and letting John's cock slide into his mouth. John whined at the feeling of his cock sinking into that wonderful wet heath and as he looked down he couldn't help but trust up and into Paul's mouth at the sight of those plump lips stretched around his dick.

'God...' He groaned. But Paul didn't complain. He merely looked up to catch John's eyes and took John in even further until the head bumped against the back of his throat. He held him there for a while, making sure he didn't choke himself as he forced himself to get used to the feeling. His hand came up to fondle John's balls and keep in entertained.

John groaned audibly and was breathing Paul's name as he gripped the bedsheet tightly. The feeling was almost surreal. Paul's mouth was warm and his tongue was pressed fatly at the base of John's cock, but there was no suction, not twitching throat muscles and no fast bobbing up and down in an almost desperate way, like most girls who had blown him. Paul was surprisingly relaxed and at ease and when he took him in even further, down his throat without gagging, John groaned and thrusted his hips up, filling Paul's mouth with his cock completely. He looked down and took in a deep breath as he tried not to come right there. Paul's eyes were black with want and lust, his lips red and wet and stretched around the dick and was sliding in and out of Paul's mouth. The sight was beautiful and strongly arousing and John wished he could just fuck that pretty face until he would come down his throat violently, but he refrained, because it was Paul. And that's when Paul did something sinfully good with his tongue and it got John moaning out his name as he thrusted in deeply, not being able to help himself and choking Paul with his cock and it felt so good.

'Sorry...' he breathed. Paul pulled off him with a pop and smiled widely at him.

'Don't worry about it. I don't break easily,' he said and John nodded before grabbing Paul's head, leaning down and kissing him passionately.

When he pulled away again, Paul nipped at his lip before leaning back down and taking John's cock back into his mouth, this time not wasting time, but taking him deep right away, before starting to bob his head up and down between John's legs that spread even wider and allowed him more room to work.

'Shit...' John groaned and without even realising it he tangled his fingers into Paul's long dark hair and started to pull at it lightly, encouraging him and begging him to go on at the same time. Paul smiled around the dick in his mouth and rolled his tongue around the tip and licking into the slit before going down on him again, using just enough tongue and teeth to get John breathless and moaning and gasping with pleasure.

When John felt his balls tightening in Paul's hand he pulled Paul's mouth off of him reluctantly. Paul looked up at him with questioning eyes.

'Please... Paul...' John breathed heavily, knowing fully well what he was asking for, but not being able to get it passed his lips. Paul, however, seemed to understand.

'You want to fuck me?' he asked bluntly and the words seemed so obscene and dirty coming from Paul's skilled mouth that it made John wonder if it wasn't illegal for Paul to say something like that. He nodded heavily and looked deeply into Paul's eyes as he licked his lip. Paul took in a sharp breath as well and nodded.

'Alright.' He agreed.

And with that he stood up, walked over to his coat and got two things out of there. A small bottle and a condom. John groaned wantonly at the sight. Never had he thought that the sight of a condom would get his cock twitching with pure want. Paul smirked at him and threw the stuff on the bed before moving his hands up to remove his already loose tie, before taking off his shirt, followed by the rest of the remaining clothing which he all threw on the ground with John's boxers and trousers. John watched him strip with open mouth and tried his best to keep himself from touching his dick, knowing he wouldn't last long with a sight like that. Paul smirked knowingly at him as he threw away the last bit of offending clothing and John quickly did the same, taking of his shirt quicker than he ever had before as he watched a very naked Paul approach him.

'You'll have to go slow.' The young man told him as kneeled down on the bed and placed his hands on John's shoulders. John's immediately went of Paul's skinny waist. He couldn't help but glance down at Paul's fully hard cock that was hanging so beautifully between his legs. He swallowed thickly and looked back up where he was surprised by Paul's lips against his own, the man's tongue probing between his lips and slipping into John's willing mouth. John moaned at that and pulled Paul closer against him, feeling his heated skin against his own for the first time.

Gently he took Paul into his arms and laid him down onto his back on the bed. Paul breathed in deeply, seeming nervous himself and John kissed him to make him feel better, feeling much better now himself now the ball had started rolling.

'I'll be careful.' John promised and kissed Paul's lips once more before kissing his way down Paul's body, exploring it with his tongue, lips and fingertips, trying to figure out what the man did and did not like. Soon Paul's fingers were in his hair, playing with it and gently pulling. John groaned and moved further down, until he had reached his destination. He caressed Paul's inner thighs with his hands and eased them open from him. Paul was now breathing heavily and biting his fingernail as he looked down at John, who kissed everything but the place where he wanted those lips more than anything. As John looked up and finally kissed Paul's cock once, Paul lifted up his legs with a wanton growl, exposing himself to John as if he had done it many times before.

'Lube... You... You need to prepare me.' Paul instructed him. John nodded and placed one last kiss on Paul's inner thigh before reaching for the bottle, that John guessed was lube, and squirted some of the jelly, slippery substance on his fingers. He took in a deep breath before spreading the substance over the puckered hole that lay waiting for him. Paul gasped at the coldness, but smiled as John applied more pressure and one finger slid in surprisingly smoothly. John gasped at the feeling of Paul's tightness gripping around his finger tightly and carefully pressed in further as he imagined how it must be once he had his cock up there. He shuddered at the thought. He looked up at Paul's face and watched for any clues for pain or pleasure as he twisted his finger inside of the younger man. Once he had two knuckles in and crooked his fingers, Paul cried out in pleasure...

'Shit... that's it...' he growled almost animal like and thrusted his hips up, letting John's finger slide even further inside of him. John nodded and did the same movement again, getting the same reaction. Then he started to move his finger freely inside of Paul, stretching him and opening him up for something a lot bigger.

As soon as he thought Paul was loose enough he slipped in a second and soon a third as Paul was fucking himself on his fingers like a wanton whore, moaning and mumbling obscenities as he asked John to fuck him already. John nodded and leaned over Paul's body to kiss him as he retreated his fingers and picked up the condom. He ripped the package and quickly slipped it on himself, making sure it sat securely before raising Paul's legs up over his shoulder and letting himself lean on both hand which he placed on either side of Paul's head. He positioned himself and nudged at Paul's sleek hole before slowly sliding in.

Paul groaned and his head fell back, baring his throat as he arched his back at the feeling of being penetrated and John took advantage of that by placing his open mouth against the crook of Paul's neck, sucking on it and leaving a mark. Paul groaned and he hooked his ankles at the back of John's neck as his fingers grabbed John's arms and held onto him tightly. John continued to carefully slide in, further and further, gasping at the tight heat that surrounded him until he was fully sheathed inside of Paul. He bit down Paul's shoulder and licked the now slightly bruised skin as an apology, but Paul didn't seem to care. His nails dug deeply into John's flesh and he tried to push back onto John as he begged him breathlessly to move. John nodded and did just that. Withdrawing almost completely before thrust back inside, getting Paul to whine weakly at the feeling. He did it again. And again. Over and over again, harder and faster and deeper with every thrust he made, until Paul and him were rocking together on the bed, making it creak and slide over the wooden floor with the power of John's thrust. Paul's mouth hung open and his eyes were tightly close, but he made no sound. His cries were silent and he seemed almost desperate for more, so John changed his angle until he slid over Paul's prostate with every thrust, making Paul breath out incoherent and unintelligible things. His hips moved with him, fucking himself back on John's painfully hard cock and John wondered how long he was going to last as Paul silently begged him.

'P-pl-please... oh my... please... touch me... please, John...' He asked him. His voice seemed far away, but John registered them and leaned down, letting his chest touch with Paul's as he continued to fuck into him as he let a hand slide between their sweaty bodies. He wrapped his fingers tightly around Paul's dick and started to wank him in time with his thrust, quick and hard, but still gentle, careful not to hurt him. Paul cried out into his ear, begging him for more over and over again, telling him how good he made him feel and John's head was spinning at his words.

It didn't take much more until Paul tightened his grip on him and thrusted his hips up into John's hand and came all over their bellies and John's hand, that continued to jerk him off, letting Paul ride out his orgasm until Paul went slack underneath him and with only a few more thrust into Paul's twitching arse, he came too. Hard and dazzlingly good. He almost forgot how to breath, but managed and Paul moved his hips as he emptied himself, doing the same as John had done for him thankfully. John collapsed into Paul's arms and kissed the shell of the man's ear as he muttered thankful pleas into it and even a "I love you" once. He could feel Paul smile against his neck.

John heard Paul groaning and slowly waking up from his post-coïtal slumber a few hours later. He too had had a good sleep, but had awoke earlies. Only now, John noticed the smears of makeup on the man's face and the dark bags under his eyes. Obviously he had needed his sleep. John smiled as he caught the younger man's eyes. He seemed almost surprised to be where he was.

'The money lies on the night stand. You can take a shower if you want.' John told him. And apparently that was enough for the pretty boy to understand where he was again because his eyes blew wide and he blushed heavily as he stared at John.

'Right... Thank you.' He said, sounding stunned. John chuckled and threw the boy a towel. He took it and stood up, not minding his nakedness as he walked around the room and got the money. He carefully counted it, his eyebrow raising when he finished.

'I got you something extra. Because of the bruises. I know you're boss probably won't like that.' John explained with a apologizing smile.

'Thank you,' the boy said as he looked up at John with a smile, 'That's very generous.'

'It's nothing. Besides, it's the best I could do with all my strange requests.'

'I've had weirder,' the boy said, 'And I had more fun with you than anyone in a long time. It was worth it, trust me.' John nodded and gave him a smile. As the boy took his watch out of his pocket he seemed to freeze.

'Oh, no. I have to get back.' He said, as he quickly got dressed, combed his hair, rushed to the bathroom and removed most of the makeup, before applying some simple mascara. John felt something sad come over him as he watched the boy hurry about in the scruffy hotel room. He got two ciggies, lighted them both and placed one between the boy's lips as he put on his long coat again.

'Thank you, Mr Lennon.' he said with a smile.

'John, please.' John told him and he was surprised as the boy kissed him and winked.

'Thank you can call me Tim. Call me if you wish to see me again.' He said and John nodded before letting the boy out. He sighed and shut the door. It was only three in the morning. He had it until seven. He should get some sleep before the next busy day.

John climbed back into the still warm bed that smelled of a mixture of Paul's aftershave, Tim's sweat, sex and John himself. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to recall the happenings of that evening. But instead of feeling happy and satisfied he felt different than he had expected. He felt lonely and hungry. Now John realised that making someone act like Paul and let him fuck him wasn't going to cut it. He needed the real thing. He wanted Paul. And only his bandmate, his friend, his song-writing partner Paul. No one else. He rolled over onto his side and rubbed his eyes as he felt himself tear up, knowing that he could never have that.