Jin's p.o.v

Ever since I was born I was told that 'life is a race' and to win that race I had to speak, eat, act and move certain ways. I was not allowed to laugh out loud or even smile more than a few seconds since my father considered it to be meaningless.

I even used to copy my brother because father would always be happy with what brother achieves. He was his favorite son.

But I can't complain, why? because I love my hyung as much as my father does, because I understand why my father favors him.

Even though he smiles and laughs whole-heartedly, it was fine by my father because he is a perfect son and a perfect business man.

Father need not even scold or guide him. He handles work so much better than me. I aspire to be like him.

Father would always tell me to surpass my brother just like how hyung had surpassed him.

Even though I did surpass father I never surpassed my brother but I still try my best to do better than him. It was my mission.

And in that mission I suppressed all my emotions because father always told me that emotions are nothing but a hinder in work.

I didn't see a problem with anything that my father has told me because I thought that is how everyone live.

I was content with what I had because father was happy with my work, mom was proud of me and hyung respected me too. All that was left for me to achieve was to surpass brother. Just one step less.

But...why? why is my family worried about me? I'm healthy, successful, the ideal son that mother and father wanted me to be. Then why?

I don't want to leave America.

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-Love Lucy