Song: Imagine Dragons - cool out.

Imagine; Bucky not telling you he's going back to cryo and you finding out last minute.

I just noticed that every major angst chapter is with Bucky and I don't know why, Bucky is my favourite character, and still I put you and him through hell, btw you're also my favourite characters. 😂😂

•••

'Bucky what has gotten into you...' you chuckle as he  continues to pepper your face and neck with kisses.

'Are you complaining?' He asks lifting his head to look at your face, his weight resting peacefully on top of you in a very non suffocating way.

'Hmm no...' you answer with a smirk.

He drops down his face and capture your lips while your arms rub up and down his back.

'I love you... you know that right?' He asks with a husk voice.

'I do... I love you.. you know that.. Bucky what's going on?'

'Nothing I just... I'm finally able to enjoy this... without being hunted by the government or anybody else..'

'Me too... I'm glad we don't have to look over our shoulder anymore...we're safe here..can I say something weird?' He moves off of you with a nod and lays down beside you.

He props himself up on one elbow as his other hand remains on your side.

'You always do, I'm used to it by now...' he jokes and you playfully shove him 'Dick...' you chuckle.

'Anyway... I always felt like everyone I get attached to will leave me sooner or later, they did, but with you I don't have the same feeling...'

Bucky smiles, a facade he holds up because he knows that he is leaving you tomorrow, to go into cryo and get everything out that Hydra put in his head. He believes he's saving you from more pain by not telling you, he won't be able to see it anyway, so really he's saving himself.

'I wouldn't be able to leave you..' he mummers against your lips before once more kissing you.

After that he positions himself on top of you again, pulling your legs around his waist. 'I want to... tonight.. if you're ready...'

'I.. wow buck... i... is that what was bothering you?'

'Y-Yeah..' he lies and a smile spreads on your face.

'I would love to Buck... I trust you...'

•••

Bucky sits on the metal table, his arm already taken off and covered. He's just waiting for Steve so he can have a talk with him before going into cryo.

But all he can think about is you. The night he spend was probably the best he's had in his life. He wishes he doesn't have to make you wait like this. He wants to spend all his time with you but he's just too afraid of hurting you.

You're waking up in an empty bed. So you quickly get dressed and make your way to the kitchen with a huge smile on your face.

'Good morning y/n..' Shuri says, she doesn't look that happy and it makes you frown.

'Morning... you're usually more chipper in the morning..' you comment as you get yourself a glass of orange juice.

'You haven't heard yet?, I thought he would've told you already...' Shuri mutters.

'Told me what?' You ask before taking a sip of your orange juice.

'He's going into cryo until we find something to get Hydra out of his head...'

You spit out your drink and put down your glass. 'When?'

'In a couple minutes...' she answers sad and your heart stops. 'But I thought Bucky told you...'

'He didn't...' your eyes tear up involuntary. It's masking your anger that's starting to rise up from within you.

'Where is he?' You ask as calm as possible.

She tells you, before you know it you're already on your way, you're not sure what you're going to say let alone do, but you need to see him.

Everything he said was a lie, he wouldn't leave, he wouldn't. Bullshit. The least he could've done is be honest with you, of course you would've been heartbroken but at least you could go through this together, as a couple.

You don't know what to feel at the moment, anger, disgust, sadness, confusion. Every single emotion was fighting over your body.

And you keep getting closer the the man responsible, how did he have the nerve to do this!

Okay. Anger was taking over now clearly.

You push through the doors, clearly startling Bucky and Steve in their conversation, infuriating you even more since he will tell Steve everything but not you.

'Y-y/n!' Bucky stands up.

'You're a fucking liar Barnes!' You break the silence.

'Steve can you give us a minute?'

'This is gonna take more than a minute James...'

Steves eyes go big and he almost runs out of there, closing the door behind him.

'You told me you wouldn't leave, you know how scared I am of everyone leaving me, everyone has left in the past and now you...and then last night... I gave you everything.. how can you play me like that!'

'I didn't mean to I thought if If I didn't say anything, you wouldn't get hurt...'

You let out a pained chuckle. 'No... you wouldn't have to see me hurt because you will be on ice...it will hurt me, but you would've been able to determine how much.. you should've told me!'

'I'm sorry... y/n I really am... I'm afraid I'll hurt you if I don't let someone take hydra away...'

'That's not the point..' the anger ebbs away and makes room for the sadness to take over. Your heart is burning in your chest.

'You had every chance to tell me and you didn't... you used me... and now you'll leave.. just like everyone else in my life.. how is that not hurting me?'

'Do you think I want this?, you're everything to me...'

'Clearly not... clearly I'm not as important to you as I thought... that's my own fault, I should've never trusted you...' you take a few steps back when he reaches out for you.

'I hope they get it out of your head I really do... I also hope this was worth it...'

'Y/n please don't do this...' he grabs your wrist and you freeze in your tracks.

The last time someone did that.. you ended up in the hospital. You visibly flinch at the memory and Bucky sees it.

'Do what? Leave? Like you're doing to me?, I fucking trusted you..' you sob. 'Ive never been this close with anyone, not even the team... I told you everything and you can't even tell me that you're going into cryo... like I wouldn't find out sooner or later... but no you tell Steve everything... he gets to say goodbye but I don't?!, and you have the audacity to say that I mean everything to you?'

'You do y/n and I admit that what I did was stupid!, I'm fucked up okay you're right!, but my feelings are real!, everything I told you yesterday was real...'

'How can I possibly believe you?, you've already set one foot into that machine without even hinting... but you know what, I'm the stupid one here...'

'Y/n-'

'Stupid enough to actually believe that you would be different, that you wouldn't leave me behind..' you roughly pull your wrist from his grip.

'Y/n-'

'NO!, WHAT MORE COULD YOU HAVE TO ADD TO THIS'

'I LOVE YOU! IF I HAD KNOWN IT WOULD TURN OUT LIKE THIS I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT THIS WAY!'

'Good luck... with getting it all out...but don't expect em to be here when you wake up..' you turn your back to him, ready to open the door and walk away.

'So now you're leaving me?!'

You whip around. 'that is not fair!, matter of fact how dare you say that to me!'

'Because I'm not leaving you!, I will be here for the period of time I'll be in cryo!'

'And who is to say how long that will be?!, It could be years!, decades!, you swore to me you wouldn't hurt me like this! Ever!'

'And you telling me you won't be there when I wake up doesn't hurt me?!, I never asked for any of this!'

'Don't turn this on me...' your voice goes quiet.

'I'm not turning this on you... I admit that you're right!, I should've told you!, and I know I hurt you!, I didn't mean to! You don't know how hard it is to crush someone's heart like this!, you told me that yesterday and I panicked!, I can't think straight because I'm self destructive and all I'm trying to do is get it out so I can give you everything of me... the way you gave me everything of you... I'm tired of everything being ruined for me while I have to stand and watch how my life crumbles into pieces... I'm doing everything to not leave you.. or at least not give you the feeling like I will up and leave you... you can ask anybody else in the team, I love you... I've never loved anyone more than I love you...'

You now notice he's closed in on you. 'I don't want to be alone again...'

'You won't... I already asked Steve to check up on you now and again, I also asked Nat to do the same... they both like you, more than you think... I also asked Shuri to be as quick as possible and she is working around the clock already...'

'You did?'

'Yes!, of course I did!, look I may be stupid but not that stupid... I know you y/n, I know you hate being alone and the danger that comes with it.. I'm sorry but please don't leave me...'

'I... I... I..' you stutter, you don't know what to say, and then Steve interrupts you.

'Bucky they're ready for you, I can't stall...'

He looks at you, hoping for some kind of reaction. You don't know what to do. You really don't. Your eyes shift between his.

He lifts his flesh hand and cups your cheek, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. Your throat closes up from the gesture. How could you both be like this to each other?

When you still don't talk to him, he sighs and lets his hand drop to his side again before walking away.

'Buck you okay?' You can hear Steve asks as Bucky sniffs.

'No...'

(TO BE CONTINUED..)