Song: Melanie Martinez - nurses office.

Imagine; you're part of the team and you have a fancy dinner, you go to the bathroom to puke everything out because of your bulimia, when you take too long people start to worry.

If anyone wants to talk to me or if anyone feels the need to share please do... I'm here for you!

Your dress:

•

You've been hiding it for quite some time, and pretty well at that.

Nobody had to find out, I mean everything was going swell, you would eat like everything's fine, you run to the bathroom and throw it all out, you lose weight and that's all you care about.

You always were a little curvier than others, most would say in the right places but you couldn't agree with them.

Some people called you fat, they would comment in the streets nonetheless. So you started this thing where you eat and then throw it up, it makes you lose weight rapidly, with some baggy clothes nobody would notice right?

Nobody would notice that you're a wreck being kept together by skin, your bones peeking out from under it. You're literally a walking corpse at this moment but in the mirror all you can see are results.

The team is starting to suspect somethings up with you, but nobody wants to say anything about it. Because what they're seeing of you is completely normal.

The baggy clothes, the tired expression in your eyes. You always are one to get the most tired on missions. But it seems like it upped in the last few weeks.

But when you're together at dinner or lunch or breakfast, you eat like your life depends on it, so they can't really call you out on anything.

•
•
•

This dinner is really important for the avengers and the different leaders and people in high places to sit down and have peace for once. To show the public that everyone is in this together. And you hate it.

You only have tight fitting dresses, most of them are quite sexy and revealing, but that's not what you want, you're still trying to hide it. So instead you go for a white dress that at least covers you.

You're staring in the mirror, eyes roaming over your body, the bones are clearly visible through your skin. You want to stop, you really do, but you don't know how.

And you're afraid to ask anybody for help out of shame and fear that they will be angry at you. Which they will.

So without further ado you put on your dress and take one quick glance at yourself before walking out and forcing a smile on your face.

'Wow, just when I thought you couldn't get any prettier...' Steve compliments you and you chuckle as you take his arm.

Not even Steve knows what's going on, he just thinks you want to take things slow, but really it's just the thought of him seeing you like this that makes you distance yourself a little bit.

He suddenly picks you up and you squeal out with a laugh. Wrapping your arm around his neck to make sure you don't fall.

'I swear y/n, you're getting lighter everytime...' he comments and you let out a nervous chuckle.

'Is something wrong?' He frowns as he puts you down on your feet again.

'No!, no, everything's fine haha, just a little nervous that's all...'

'I'll be by your side the whole time...' he smiles.

You walk to the large dining area and you sit down at the table, there's so much food displayed, you get nauseous just by looking at it. Because that's what it is now.

You get sick every time you eat because your body associates eating with throwing up. You manage to swallow down the nerves and to just eat.

You eat and eat, you laugh with the team and even some of the politicians are quite friendly and funny. For a short moment everything is great, you're happy.

But then your conscience steps in and ruins it for you as you remember just how much you ate tonight, how that's going to affect your weight, you'll turn into your old self again, your old, chubby, self.

Nobody will ever look at you, nobody will like you if that happens, it may not be like this in reality, but your mind is one powerful thing.

'If you'll excuse me, I have to use the restroom..' you announce politely.

'Everything okay?' Steve whispers and you nod.

'Yeah yeah, it's just Uh...the nerves coming out I guess, I'll be right back...' you kiss his cheek.

Steve looks at Nat and they share a knowing and concerned look.

You rush to the bathroom, you hastily get in and close the door behind you, you rush to the toilet and you immediately stick a finger down your throat to throw everything out.

You're so busy heaving that's you don't hear the door open and close behind you. Moments later you feel a hand on your shoulder and you flinch.

Natasha rubs a hand over your back before handing you a clean towel to wipe your mouth.

'Y/n...what's going on?'

You take the towel from her and clean yourself before standing up and moving to the sinks. Looking at yourself and then glancing at Nat's worried look in the mirror.

'I ate something bad I think...'  you reply, dodging her eye contact.

'Don't give me that shit y/n, you know you can't lie to me...you know that...'

'Them What am I supposed to say Nat?!, oh I am fat so I eat and then throw it out so I lose some of it?' You snap and she gasps.

'Please tell me you're kidding...' She clasps a hand over your mouth. 'Y/n...why would you do that?'

'Easy for you to ask, you're literal perfection and I'm...me...'

'Y/n....compared with me...I'm nothing...'

You huff turning to face her, 'you don't know what they say in the media Nat...you clearly haven't seen what they comment about me...'

'It shouldn't matter because they will talk bad about us anyway...'

'I...I can't stop...' you admit and she is quick to wrap her arms around you.

'Why didn't you tell me?, why didn't you tell anyone of the team?'

'I was...I was afraid everyone would get mad at me...' sobs escape your lips making Nat hold onto you tighter.

'We would never get mad at you...' Steve comments and it's now that you notice the rest of the team standing in the hallway.

'We can help you y/n...if you let us...' Bruce gives you a small smile and you return it.

'I...I would like that...god I don't even know where to start...' you let out a breathy chuckle, wiping your tears.

'We will figure it out...and just know that you can trust us...you can trust me...I love you...y/n...' Steve takes your hands in his after Nat steps away from you to give him space.

He wraps an arm around your waist and lifts your chin just as he's about to out his lips on yours, Tony interrupts as always.

'Okay calm it cheeseball, we're still at a formal event...so no sticking tongues down anyone's throat...'

'Tony how insensitive!'

'Like I said...were here for you y/n...' Nat says and you chuckle.