A Difficult Time (SR)
Type: Steve Rogers X Child!reader - This is a request for iamKhrfan123 in which Steve meets the reader as the orphaned granddaughter of Peggy Carter at Peggy's funeral (also along the lines of Civil War didn't happen) ☺
Warnings: Bereavement
Requests: Open
A/N: Over a hundred reads already? I can't thank you all enough 😄 Wishing everybody had a very merry Christmas from the UK 😄🎄🎁❤
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When Steve had recieved the text that Peggy died in her sleep he was completely and utterly devastated. He had been so lucky to have had her still when he came out of the ice - it was like striking real gold. Naivety hadn't completely engulfed him though as he knew that Peggy had been doing badly of the past couple of weeks - he just never thought he would really lose her in such a short space of time. The fact that he had also lost Sharon just a month ago also played a part in the melancholic demeanor he possessed currently. He thought it cruel of the universe to take away two of the most important people in his life so near to each other but then again he thought it cruel to have had him frozen rather than perish. It was a tough life he lived currently.
He carried both of their coffins. He carried Sharon's at her funeral and now he was carrying Peggy's coffin. How much worse could it get? Steve always tried to put on a brave face but nothing could hide the salty tear slipping from his eye and cascading down his cheek.
This was not how he was expecting his day to go.
He sat down beside Sam in one of the pews closer to the front, Steve couldn't bring his eyes up from his hands which were lying limp in his lap. A part of him didn't really think it was possible to break a man such as himself but he had been reminded that it was and in the most agonising ways possible. Steve looked like a metal wall, as though very little could break or chip away at him but once one did get past the wall they would find a softer interior - one that was just as emotional and human as the next person. Today there was no wall though - anyone who saw him would see the broken, mourning man that he was in those moments.
"I would now like to invite Peggy's granddaughter to say a few words." Came the priests voice but they hadn't yet dawned on Steve.
They did on Sam though and with a thoughtful frown, he nudged Steve which earned him his attention. Sam nodded to the stand at the front and his glance rapidly changed to fall upon a young girl in a neat black dress with their H/C hair tied up in a pony tail. Their shiny E/C eyes were full of silent emotion and they swallowed nervously.
You held a piece of paper in your hands that was decorated with messy handwriting of what you wanted to say but you couldn't find your voice. You didn't think there would be so many people - they said there wouldn't be. Silence fell across the whole room as expectant looks glued themselves to you. Your carer walked up after a short moment and crouched in front of you.
"Do you want me to read it?" They asked quietly.
You responded with a little nod as you handed the piece of paper to them and they took a breath before saying:
"Y/N has not only lost her grandmother but her mother, father and aunt too so you'll have to forgive her - she's going through a difficult time as you can imagine," They paused, scanning the crinkled piece of paper before beginning to read your words, "I loved my grandmother a lot. When mummy and I used to go visit her, she would always tell me really cool stories about when she was an agent. Mummy sometimes told her not to but daddy said that Granny Peggy never liked listening to other people's rules much," This garnered a little smile and quiet chuckle from some people in the church, "Granny Peggy was always lots of fun to be around. I saw her last week when she wasn't feeling too well and she promised me that if she left, she would tell my mummy and daddy how much I miss them too. Granny Peggy said she wished she wouldn't have to go and I didn't want her to go either because my mummy and daddy were already gone but I know that she is safe in Heaven now. She promised me that she would always look after me even after she was gone and Granny Peggy never breaks a promise. I love my Granny Peggy and I hope she has a nice time in Heaven with my mummy, daddy and Aunty Sharon."
Your carer was already trying to compose themselves after reading your emotional letter before taking your hand to lead you back down to the pews you had been sat in. No more tears had escaped your eyes yet though because you knew that Granny Peggy didn't like seeing you upset and if she promised to watch over you then she would always know when you were upset.
The whole while Steve had listened to your letter, more tears streamed down his face. You had no one left. If Sharon was still alive, then maybe you could have been sent to stay with her but as fate would have it, you were orphaned. Steve closed his eyes for for a moment, wondering how life could be so cruel to someone so young. It was unfair then again, life was.
* * * * *
After the funeral, once a majority of people had left the church, Steve lingered at the front, deep in thought.
By the entrance to the church however, your carer was busy telling you about how you would be going to stay in a children's home for a little while. You had desperately shook your head at your carer - you wanted to stay at home - at your home. When your carer continued, asking about if you wanted new parents though (admittedly this was a little insensitive of them) you ran back into the church, away from them. No one could ever replace your parents! Whilst you knew that your old parents were not coming back, you still didn't want new ones.
You saw a man at the front and sprinted as fast as your short, six-year-old legs could take you until you were able to hide behind him - well in this case it was in front of him.
"Y/N!" Your carer called from the back of the church as they hurried towards you both.
You looked up to the man who looked awfully familiar yet you couldn't quite place where he was from. Steve, in turn, looked down at you with a rather surprised look but he didn't have much time to register it before you wrapped your arms around his waist, giving him a tight, urgent hug in an attempt to not be dragged away by your carer.
"I'm so sorry about that, Mr Rogers," The carer knowledgeably apologised to him, "I'm supposed to be taking Y/N to a children's home."
Steve looked to the carer with an understanding look but then looked down to you, whom still had your arms wrapped around him, inaudibly pleading not to be taken away to some foreign place.
Steve then spoke up in a whisper, "Let me talk to her first?"
The carer looked torn for a moment but then considered the idea that Steve may be able to persuade you to go willingly and left him to it. The carer then walked away from the both of you to give the two of you some space. Steve then carefully removed your arms from around him and sat down on a pew, sliding along to make space for you. As you got a better look at the man now, you recognised him to be Captain America, and your eyes widened in realisation and you backed away shyly.
Steve gave you a sympathetic look but tapped the space on the bench beside him. When you didn't take the seat, he spoke anyways, "My name's Steve and your name's - Y/N, isn't it?"
You nodded.
"That was a lovely letter you read." He commented.
You looked down to your feet sullenly.
"I'm sorry for your losses." Steve gave you an empathetic look.
You mumbled a small, "Thank you," Not loud enough to be heard as you continued standing away from the pew.
Steve wracked his mind for what he could say. He hadn dealt with the situation of comforting a child who had lost everyone before. Saving them was one thing but reassuring them after a shared loss was another. With a quiet sigh, he looked to you thoughtfully for a moment. There was one question that he had been itching to ask:
"Did your grandmother ever mention me?"
You nodded again, shuffling on your feet before you gingerly made your way over to sit by Steve. Uncertainty crossed your face for a moment. Granny Peggy had told you so many stories about her time as an agent but of course, the fact that she knew Captain America was a big deciding factor in which ones were remembered best.
"What did she say?" There was a hint of a smile on his face as he tried to gain some sort of verbal response from you.
"That you were a good man." You spoke quietly.
It was Steve's turn to nod now.
"And that she was looking forward to the dance." You then added.
Steve gave you a grateful yet woeful look, "I see," He still managed to give you a small smile though.
"How come you still look young?" The question had been biting at you for a while.
Steve then explained very simply about how the ice he was trapped in and the special 'superhero drink' (considering drug would have sounded quite bad and serum may have been to complicated) kept him looking young and healthy. Once again you nodded in understanding.
"I miss my Granny Peggy," You said with again sigh, "She told me not to be upset because she didn't like seeing me upset but the secret is that I'm really upset." Your tone was mournful, "Do you miss her?"
Steve smiled, "Yeah, I really do," He spoke honestly, "But it's also okay to be upset. Peggy would understand if you were." He nodded, "Even if she didn't like seeing you upset."
Again, you nodded.
"You were good friends weren't you?" Came your next question.
Steve smiled, "I'd like to think so."
"What do you think she would say to me?" You wondered now.
Although you weren't paying attention to his expression, Steve looked slightly taken aback but then he thought hard for your sake, "I think she would say that it's unfair but you can't let your grief control you - "
"What's grief?" You asked quickly.
"Um - sadness, a very strong feeling of sadness for the loss of someone."
You nodded.
Steve continued once again, "Peggy would tell you not to let your sadness control you. She would say that these next few years will be hard but, like she promised that she would watch over you, she would promise you that it would get better. You just need to keep on going."
When he finished you gave him a little sullen smile before hugging him again and he embraced you back with a soft smile grazing his lips.
"I'll keep on going but I don't want to go to the children's home and I don't want new parents because they won't be my parents." Came your next mumble into his shoulder.
Steve had to contemplate what to answer for a moment now, "They may not be your real parents but they'll be - extra parents."
"Extra parents?" You questioned, pulling away to give a puzzled look.
"Yeah - whilst you have your real family looking after you and watching you from above," He pointed up with a little, reassuring smile, "You'll have extra parents and family here to take care of you down here."
You considered this for a moment, "Can I choose my extra parents?"
"Well - " Before he could even answer, you had wrapped your dainty arms around Steve again.
"Because I'd want you to be my extra parent then. You knew Granny Peggy and you give good advice like her and and she can also watch over us both together then and you're a superhero so then I'll be extra safe too." Came your quick sentences as you gave him a bright smile, your E/C eyes twinkling hopefully, "And I don't mind not having an extra mummy."
Now Steve had a torn look. To you, you had everything right and had already started planning your perfect future with Captain America as your extra dad. In your mind, everything worked out. It would be difficult, Steve thought to himself, but maybe it could be possible? He may be away on missions though and you needed stability. He weighed the options up in his head but when he saw your sweet smile, his heart simply melted.
"I can't promise, but we'll see okay? And if I can't, I'll be sure to visit you." He nodded.
But Steve would find a way.
* * * * *
A couple of weeks after the funeral, you were settling in nicely in Steve's apartment. S.H.I.E.L.D even helped out in having another female agent move in across the hall in case Steve ever needed to leave for a mission (although, Steve was still adjusting to having the new agent there himself rather than seeing Sharon). He had been warned that if he took this much care for someone so young that you may even become a target for some but he was confident that he would be able to protect you. He didn't know much, of course, until your previous carer had briefed him on the worst thing that could have possible happened to you. She had mentioned the trauma you had endured of witnessing losing your parents although your memory had been doing a lot to subconsciously repress the petrifying memory however the mind could only do so much. The carer simply told Steve to be wary because, as you hadn't presented any sort of recall of the event yet, you still could.
One evening, after you and Steve had eaten, he took you to your room in order to put you to bed. The question of him perhaps reading you a story before you slept left your young lips and Steve happily obliged, becoming one of the best 'extra fathers' you could have asked for. He was settling into the role of a substitute father nicely others had also thought. Once the story was finish and you both said your goodnight's, Steve left the room with a content sigh that you were happy and that another day of 'fatherhood' had been finished. He was certainly enjoying your company, your cheeky smile never failed to light up a room and you were doing well at school too.
On the other hand, whilst you slept, your subconscious had decided to not be so kind and, although unintentionally, it weaved repressed memories into your dream sequence, rapidly turning the images of your mother and father from before into the frightening reality that you had witnessed and had wished to forget:
It had been a quiet evening, just like you had spent with Steve except you were with your parents. With a soft smile, your mother had put you to bed, except in the dream, restlessness plagued you and went to search for your parents instead. Sobbing echoed in the walls of your mind and you ran down hallways that elongated themselves as soon as you reached the end. Your small voice shouted for your mother and father but there was no reply, only more sobbing and then yelling too. At last your subconscious allowed you to get to the door at the end of the hall and as you opened it, a silhouette raised their arm with a solid, black gun held tightly in their hand. The trigger was squeezed until two bullets leapt out from the weapon, sailing through the air and into your parents.
Steve was about to go to bed until he heard you screaming and with eyes as wide as saucers, he sprinted to your room.
"Y/N! Y/N?" He had yelled as his stallion-like legs carried him to your door.
When he opened it, he saw you sat up in bed, bawling your little heart out. Tears streamed from your red, puffy eyes and your whole body shook with grief, given how fast you were breathing. Steve was by your side in an instant trying to calm you down - this was the first issue he had had with you since he brought you to his flat and it was completely unexpected to him.
"Hey, hey, shush, it's alright, I'm here." He reassured you.
Steve was crouched beside your bed and the moment he has been close enough, your arms locked around his neck with a metal-like grip as though you were terrified that something would take him away too. He rubbed your back gently whilst you sobbed and eventually picked you up and carried you to the lounge and kitchen area of his apartment, carefully putting you down on the sofa whilst he got you a glass of water. Setting the clear glass down, he looked to you with his brow hooded over his eyes that effectively burned with curiosity, confusion and uncertainty.
"What happened? Did you have a nightmare?" Steve's voice was soft.
You nodded as your body once again shook with wracking sobs that left your body.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Weary eyes gazed back to Steve and you gave a tiny nod.
Now Steve waited for you to tell him in his own time.
"M - mummy - mummy and - and daddy we - were hu - hurt by a - by - by a b - bad ma - n." The words left your lips between quickened breaths.
Steve nodded and put an arm around you to bring you into another hug again to which you gladly accepted. You didn't need to say anymore - Steve could imagine how traumatic that nightmare of almost reliving such a horrific memory as the one she had repressed would be to a young child.
"Pro - promise - you - you - won't go - t - to?" Came your almost inaudible voice but Steve heard you fine and well.
You wouldn't have seen considering your head had been buried in his chest but an unsure look crossed his face. He would do his best but there was no foretelling the future. Many things could happen over the next two years. For you though, Steve would give his all to try and keep to what you asked but he certainly couldn't promise:
"I'll do my best, Y/N - I - I promise." He nodded, hugging you that little bit tighter.
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A/N: So I hope that was alright! Sorry it took so long 😅☺😁
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