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evangeline blackwood

We return from another pointless therapy session in silence. I don't even look at my mother as I walk into the house and get my bag, going to leave almost as soon as we stepped through the door.

My thoughts are still fixated on the events of this morning. We had a half day in college before Half Term commenced, the door had opened to the classroom and Mr Ali had chimed in with a, "Late once again, Adonis."

My head had snapped up at the sound of the teachers voice. Everyone else seemed to follow as all of us stared at Adonis.

Unlike his usual comedic response or claim that the bus was actually 40 minutes late or that he had to save a cat stuck up a tree, Adonis had stayed completely silent as he walked towards his seat.

But that wasn't the reason why everyone was staring at him.

His right eye was black and his lip was split. It wasn't the worst injuries ever but I knew everyone would be talking about it, especially Julian.

I knew he probably got it from a boxing match or something, but I couldn't ignore the deep pit in my stomach at the idea he could've been jumped or something.

It's been repeating and repeating within my mind all day, and I knew I needed answers.

Jacelynn is blocking the doorway, her arms crossed in a way which is more for her own comfort than to reflect any feelings of aggression.

"Evan." She finally says, her tone quiet and tired.

Taking another deep breath, I mentally brace myself before turning over to face her. The white hoodie she wears is a stark contrast to her dark brown skin, her thick braids tucked up as well as possible in a bun, with several of them falling loose. Everyone always says she's the double of my younger brother Atlas, with their eye colour being their only slight difference. Grief had hardened her otherwise gentle features over the past couple of years, she doesn't look like the same woman who used to take all three of us for days out.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes linger on me for a few moments, and I can tell she wants to say something of importance but, as usual, she refrains.

I go to turn away, wanting to remove myself from the awkwardness when she eventually speaks up.

"Evan," Her voice stern, "I know you don't like therapy but we just want to help you."

My shoulders slump, and I sign. Not moving from where I'm standing, I stay silent and wait for her to take the hint.

"We just want what's best for you. Cami, your Dad and I are so worried about you, E. You don't talk to us, you don't see us. You're never home anymore, always spending time with that boy."

There's a weighted silence that lingers in the air once more. Inhale. Exhale.

"Look, Evan, I know this really affects you but you need to stop over exaggerating everything you're feeling. There are people in that group who have been through hell; watched their parents die, been battered and assaulted until..." She trails off, "I know this is difficult but you need to appreciate that everyone has been through shit and your dismissal and argument is only delaying the improvement of everyone else."

"Mum.." I'm speechless, how could she say that to me? "I'm not going to be attending anymore so you don't need to worry about that. If you want to kick me out, do it."

"Is this because of that boy? Adonis?"

"Leave him out of this. It's about me."

The four walls of my living room become too constricting, too suffocating and I just want to run.

Instead, I humour my mother. "It doesn't help anything."

And with that, I leave the safety of my home and made my way to the library. Being outside is suddenly more daunting than it was just a few minutes ago and all I can hear is the beating of my heart in my ears.

I rush down the street, speed walking past random pedestrians.

By the time I'm inside the library, I'm struck with this incredible strong urge to see the boy my mother claims I spend too much time with. We'd spent all night on the phone until an obnoxious time and he had failed to turn up to the group therapy, which made the state of his face weird. I pull my phone out of my pocket hurriedly and type out a message before sending it to him.

Meet me in the library.

It doesn't even take a minute for his reply to come through.

Be there in 10.

By the time the text was received 8 minutes ago, I wait outside the library anxiously and appreciate the fresh air that my constricting lungs were calling out for. Goosebumps form on my arms as the wind drifts aimlessly, my short sleeved shirt clinging to my upper arms. I'm only outside for a moment before I spot Adonis, hesitantly walking towards me with two Starbucks cups in his hand. He looks dishevelled, as if he's not long since been awake despite the fact we had a half day of college.

He places the drinks down on a wall, taking a few steps closer to me.

"Eva, what's-"

I cut him off, crashing into him with full force and almost knocking us both over. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I put my head into the crook of his neck and breathe in the scent of his familiar aftershave as he staggers back. Regardless, his arms instantly go down to wrap around my torso. The longer we're holding each other, the tighter his grip become.

He doesn't question my weirdly attached behaviour.

"Sorry." I mutter as we separate. I go to walk into the library but he stops me.

"Don't apologise, E." He whispers, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "It's okay."

I don't say anything as we walk into the library, sitting down on the table where I'd left my bag.

"Hey."

My eyes drift up to see Adonis smiling widely at me, he sits across from me and handed me a coffee.

"Thank you." I mumble, rubbing my hands along the cardboard in order to warm them up.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly. The sad smile he sends me just highlights his split lip even more, the fluorescent lights in the library showing the darkness of his eye.

I direct my gaze away, staring at the opening pages of the book I have on the desk.

At my lack of response, his eyes scanned over me until they reach to my arms.

"What's that?"

I paused, glancing up from my book to look over at Adonis who's sat directly across from me. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as it becomes clear that Adonis' eyes are very much focused on something else rather than my arm.

"What?" I question, following his line of vision to my arm. My inner arms are entirely visible, revealing the nasty scars on my wrist.

"That." He clarifies, not moving to grab my arm but I can tell he wants to.

"Dee-"

"Did someone hurt you?" He rushes out, "Was it Parks? Or do you...Cut? Because, there's always an alternative and you shouldn't feel like you have to do that and Apollo and Morgan will go mental if they know and-"

"Breathe!" I yell, cutting him off. "Look, I don't cut myself."

"Bu-"

"Shut up and let me speak." I silence him, raising my eyebrow as if daring him to argue back with me. "I don't cut myself."

He finally listens to me and stays silent, allowing me to continue.

"I made a mistake when I was around 16. It was the first and last time it ever happened and I realised that, despite everything, I wasn't ready to leave this place just yet. That's it."

It wasn't the answer he was expecting. I can tell. The lack of judgement in his eyes, however, is extremely comforting.

"Because of Julian?"

I don't reply. Not because it was his fault or he was the reason why I did it, but because I don't actually know why.

"Why don't you tell your Mums about him? Your Dad?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I am though. They wouldn't make you be nice to him if they knew."

"You want to know why I don't want them to know?" He nods his head at me. "When I was around 6, some boys on my street kept calling me names and then soaking me with water guns. It happened whenever I left the house. I was never good at making friends and socialising so I kinda stuck with Jonah none stop but he'd gone away with his primary for leavers so I went and told Mum, Jace." I clarify, and he nodded realising it was the one who thought she was some next level therapist. "She gave me the hose and made sure the pressure was insanely high and then told me to go out and make sure the boys knew that fire can't be put out easily."

"So when I was 15 and Jonah was dead and Julian and his friends tormented me whenever they saw me, I remembered what she told me. You can't make fire feel afraid. And I wasn't, not even when my relationship with Julian turned physical."

"What?" Adonis practically whispers. The malice in his tone sends cold shivers down my spine.

"You asked me why we split up a few weeks ago. That's why. He raised his hand to me and I forgave him. He did it again and I left. End of."

"I'll kill him. I'll fucking ruin him." He basically growls, his bruised knuckles becoming noticeable as his hands formed fists.

"Dee." The nickname slips out so naturally but it draws his ice blue eyes to mine. I know he's clinging to every word I say. "Julian and I, it wasn't like any other relationship. We didn't start out as friends, we didn't really speak before Jonah died. He was good and then he started switching. We had a disagreement in school and he hurt me. It was one punch but I didn't care. I hit him back. Jonah told me when I was a kid that if anybody ever makes me bleed, I need to make them bleed more. And that's what I did. The morning after, he apologised, told me he loved me, said he didn't know what he was doing and it would never happen again. I believed him, he looked after me after Jonah died and I didn't want to lose him because of one mistake."

"And it happened again." He asks through gritted teeth, yet his eyes don't lose mine for even a second.

"Yeah." I answer softly, "About a month later. He was drunk and he did it again. I didn't sign up to be a punching bag so I left. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later, I told him after the abortion."

"Why didn't you just hide it?"

"Because I'm not a liar. Yeah, it's my body and yeah, it was my decision. But I wasn't going to hide it from him, I guess I thought he'd understand but I was wrong." I sign, "It really hurt. I loved him for such a long time, I've never been in a proper relationship since, just hook-ups and sex."

"Not everyone will do that to you." He says softly, twirling a strand of my hair with his finger.

"Ashanti said something similar to me. She said that I needed to let it all go. The way he kissed me, the way he smiled, the way he treated me kindly. I had to let it go and I had to let him go because that's who he was, not who he is. And it wasn't how people should be treated." I recall, never having been able to get her words out of my memory. "It took me a while but I realised that he wasn't worth it, and I didn't deserve that. There were moments with him that made me really, really happy, but the majority of the time it was like walking on eggshells. That's why I swore I'd have to move on eventually. I'll never forget the good times I had with Julian, he was my first love, but I'll also never forget how he treated me worse than anyone else I've ever known."

"I'm so sorry that you went through that." He says with forming tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here to stop him."

"Don't be stupid, Dee." I shake my head, "He wasn't the reason I did that. I don't even think there was a reason." Lie. "I had so much going on and it just got too much, I wasn't thinking past everything that wasn't revolved around my breakup, and losing Jonah, and all the stress of Exams and starting College."

I don't give him a second to reply, instead switching the topic. "How come your eyes all busted up?"

The shift in subject makes him uncomfortable, that much is obvious. He seems to shrink back in on himself at my question, the comforting, small smile on his face falling.

"Dee?"

"I'm fine."

"I didn't ask that." I respond with, raising an eyebrow. "Boxing match?"

"Yes." He says way too quickly but it's clearly a lie.

"I'm not one to push for you to tell me something that you don't want to but I know you're lying to me and I don't like it." I tell him bluntly, shrugging my shoulders.

Them blue orbs flicker then and it's as if I could physically see his own mental debate.

"It's time for me to go back to Hell so.." I dismiss myself, grabbing my bag and walking out of the library. I can hear him trailing behind me.

A gust of wind breezes past us and I shiver unconsciously. Adonis takes notice, his eyes zeroing in on the thin short-sleeved top that I was wearing.

He frowned, eyebrows pinching together. "Why don't you have a jacket?"

I cross my arms around myself, "Forgot."

Without hesitating, he began to shrug off his jacket.

"De-"

"Don't." He warns, zipping up the pockets so his phone doesn't fall out. He tries to hand it to me.

"It won't even fit me."

He gives me a pointed look, "Shut up."

Adonis places it over my shoulders, untucking my hair so it still covered my neck and face.

"You don't have to give me your jacket, now you're going to be cold."

"I'm a man, Eva. I ain't going to let you freeze, my Pops didn't raise me like that."

"I can take care of myself, you know." I roll my eyes, but send him a soft smile regardless. "But thank you."

His lips curled up into a smirk, "I don't doubt that for a second."

We walk together in a serene silence, our steps cladden against the concrete.

Until he finally speaks.

"I went to speak to Logan about Karis."

No part of me expected that to be the cause of his injuries. Instantly, I stop walking and swing my head around to look solely at him.

"What?" My heart drops to my stomach, my heart rate increasing dangerously. "He did that to you?"

He doesn't reply.

"Adonis!" I raise my voice, my eyes wide and jaw slack. "Did he do that to you? Alone?"

"No. His mates held me back while Logan did that to me." He mutters, "But I'm not bothered, Logan looks worse and so does the other one."

"Adoni-"

"I'm fine, E. I swear." His eyes scanned my face and he rests his hand on my shoulder, rubbing circles into my skin covered by his jacket. "I couldn't just leave it after what he said. I needed to know what he meant."

Confession: Adonis says he wants to know what Logan meant. I don't...not even a little bit. I'm scared of what I'll find out.