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evangeline blackwood

"No."

"Ev-"

"I don't want to go."

"Look-"

"I'm not going."

"I'm not arguing with you again."

"Fine, don't. Just know I'm not going." I shrug, our eyes meeting.

She gives me that look, that Mum look that just lets you know that if you don't listen, you're in trouble.

"I don't want to go Mum." I continue quietly, "Please."

She shakes her head, "Be at the Youth Centre in 30 minutes."

Fuck.

Running my fingers through my thick, black hair, I sign. She doesn't get it, no one does. I can't just speak about everything I feel, I'm not strong enough to explain the shit that's going through my head.

I just want to be left alone.

Ashanti

Going Park at 5, bring the v

My lips tugged up slightly but, for once, I don't feel like having a drink and a spliff. I just feel empty and I know I shouldn't but I do and I can't stop it. It's one of them moods that happen once in a while. I'll be fine in a few days.

I just need to stop being over-dramatic first.

I make my way to the centre, ignoring my Mum when she asks if I want a ride. I hate all forms of exercise but walking just calms me down. Entering the youth centre, the first thing I see is the 'Only you can help you' signs and all that bullshit about mental health recovery.

It stresses me out. Like I get it helps people but it's not me. It'll never be me.

The room is bright, the 'group meeting' room. It's like one of them AA scenes that you see in a film or something. Chairs scattered around in a circle, food and drinks at a table across the room.

But this isn't a movie, this isn't some pointless meeting.

This is the teenage group, for all societies early fuck ups. The kids whose parents probably blackmailed them into coming, those who don't have a choice.

I take a seat, still not acknowledging my mother sat in a chair opposite to me.

The group therapy session is just about to begin when two more figures enter the room. My Mum's smile widens as she greets them and they both sit down, with the boy sitting down beside me and the girl to the other side of him.

It's them kids from the other day, the ones that stormed JP's with Morgan. Adonis and Orion.

They're new to the area, I don't understand.

It ain't my business, but it doesn't stop me from noticing how Adonis spares me a quick glance before turning back to his sister.

"So all of us are going to introduce ourselves, say why we think we're here and what we aim to achieve through these sessions." My Mum's happiness is almost suffocating, I roll my eyes. It's all fake anyways.  "I'll start. My name is Jacelynn. I run this support group and my aim is to inspire you all to gain peace with yourselves."

Each person speaks up, telling their own sob story until the baton is passed to me.

I shake my head, internally cursing my mother for making me do this shit. "Evan."

She meets my eyes and my stare doesn't waver. I ain't fucking doing this easily and she knows that.

I don't want to be here.

Adonis seems to realise my resistance and, instead of doing what my mother asked, he follows my lead. "Adonis."

"Rory." She casts her brother a quick glare. "I'm here to see what this is like so I can recommend it to someone who might require it."

My eyebrows furrow, another one of her brothers perhaps?

Jacelynn signs, sending me a knowing look. "Evangali-"

"Mother." I cut her off, "What?"

She stays silent, despite her eyes pleading for me to cooperate. I refuse to make this easy for her, I refuse to give her the satisfaction.

"Please." She says quietly, tilting her head.

I tear my eyes away, closing them to try and ignore the sudden flash before my eyes. Ashanti's birthday, Atlas's birth, Christmas, My 13th birthday.

Not Jonah, not Jonah, not Jonah.

Some other girl's going on about her issue and why she's been sent here but I'm not listening. The mother is, looking like she's hanging onto every word that leaves the girls mouth. Shame, she seems so good at listening to everyone else but me. It's almost as if I'm just here as the perfect ideal child, one who comes without resistance after experiencing such horrific trauma.

Yeah, that's sarcasm.

"10 minutes break." She finally announces and  I headed off in the direction of the doors before she manages to stop me.

My fingers itch as the cool air greets me.

I can't be fucking arsed with this shit.

"Fancy seeing you here."

I turn to see Adonis staring at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Haha." I deadpan, rolling my eyes.

"You don't seem very enthusiastic." He chuckles, leaning his elbows against the railings.

"Speaking about depressing shit? Sorry if that doesn't make me want to do a song and dance."

"Let me guess, Mummy begged you to come and give her moral support?" His eyes light up with mischief, the cobalt blue somehow getting brighter in the dim, cascading rays of light.

I scoff, "Nope, my Mum would've gotten pissed if I didn't show our at-home therapist some support."

At his furrowed eyebrows, I continue. "I've got two Mums...and a Dad." I add, shrugging. "That a problem?"

"Nah." He looks away, eyeing flashing with an emotion that I can't decipher. "It's just us and my Pops."

"Ooh, four kids? God, it'd send my Mum crazy, I swear." I laugh. Atlas and I were almost too much between the 3 of them and I know for a fact that if even one of them was non-existent, the rest would fall.

"Just you then?"

"Nah." I hesitated, but forcefully kept my lips tugged up. "One of three."

"That's not much better."

"We ain't hard to handle." I muttered, "I bet yous are."

"Well, actually-" He cuts himself off, laughing. "You ain't wrong."

"Evan, Adonis, we're starting again." Jacelynn appears at the door, gesturing for us to follow her.

"Someone kill me now." I mumble, sitting back in my seat next to Adonis.

"It is socially acceptable to throw myself out the window the moment she starts preaching about healing? I mutter to him.

"Only if you drag me with you." He shrugs, lips tugging up.

The seats are closer than they were previously, and all I can see is the side of his face, but the close proximity helps me take in every detail. The sharpness of his jaw, the arch in his eyebrow. His full lips are frowning as he listens to another person's sob story, running his fingers through his warm brown, messy hair. He even looks tall while sat down and I don't normally think that about people, considering I'm quite big and tall for a girl. He's wearing a black, long sleeve polo and it highlights all the right places, showing just how well built he is.

He's really cute.

Regardless, I unwillingly tear my stare away before he notices and thinks I'm strange.

I don't like this.

I haven't been this attracted to someone since I got with Julian and look at how that's turned out.

"Adonis, why do you think you're here?"

"Evolution." He answers without hesitating. Orion elbows him in his ribs but he just pushes her away.

I snort, before trying to play it off as a cough as most eyes turn to me.

My Mother's grin falters slightly at my reaction before she moves back to Adonis, "You know what I mean."

He shrugs, "My Dad wanted us to check it out."

"Why?"

He narrows his eyes slightly, "We're new to London."

They continue but I zone out the conversation, instead watching the clock tick until the hand reaches 3.

Grabbing my bag, my mother's words stop me before I leave the hellhole. "Where are you going, Evan?"

"Hours up, I'll be home for 12."

"Ev-"

"Bye." I wave, slamming the door shut as I hear Adonis speak up.

"Yo Rory, does that mean we can go now?"

There's a short silence before another grunt of pain.

God, that girl knows how to handle 3 brothers.

-----------

"How was support group?" Ashanti grins at me, jumping up off the swing and walking towards me.

"Incredible. I feel like an entire new person." I deadpan. "Jokes, it was pointless."

I give her a hug quickly, before doing the same with Logan.

"Glad to know you had fun." He laughs, handing me a cup. "You got the vodka?"

"You got the mixer?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Obviously." He sasses, "Come on, I want to get pissed."

"Woah, calm your shitty frosted flakes down and wait." I roll my eyes, searching my bag until I find the bottle that I had to smuggle out of my house.

My Mums hate drinking, not that I blame them after Jacelynn's past, but they always tried to force their 'no drinking policy' onto me as if I'm not a teenager and will literally make an effort to do everything they tell me not to do.

Ashanti takes the bottle before Logan gets the chance and pours some in each of our cups while Logan stares expectantly at me.

"You got some gossip for us?" Logan questions, cocking one brow.

My gaze flickers between him and Ashanti as they both give me knowing looks, "Erm..No?"

"You met the new kids!"

"Oh yeah." I chuckle, "What about them?"

"What do you think?"

"They're alright." Ashanti raises her eyebrows at me until I continue, "One of them's fit, I guess. Why are you bothered anyways? All of us know you've got a thing for Morgan."

"I don't!" She exclaims, but the rosy blush on her cheeks gives her away.

10 minutes and two spliffs later, embarrassed Ashanti is gone.

I start talking, "Hey do you think-"

"Yep, all the time. I'm a good thinker to be honest. It's like my mind is on wheels constantly."

"That's not what I meant. Do you think-"

"Yep."

"Ashanti, will you stop?" I snap, much to Logan's amusement. "I'm trying to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Thanks." I deadpan.

"You're welcome."

"Fucks sake! I forgot what I was going to say."

I swear to fuck I'm the human embodiment of the face palming emoji.

"Do you think any of them would even like me? Especially after the -" I cut myself off, not quite finding the strength to say the words aloud.

"They'd be stupid not to. Ev, you made the right decision and it was what was best for you. If they can't understand that then fuck them." 'Shanti smiles sadly at me and I want to believe her but the levels of doubt that Julian's put in my mind is something that I doubt I can ever forget.

And I fucking hate it.

To think, I used to adore that man, I used to love leaving my house just so I could work at the cafe. Now he's literally the reason why I hate working, the reason why I hate school.

The reason why a part of me hates myself.

But fuck him. Dickhead can't stand to see anyone other than himself happy.

What a shame that I ain't one to please other people.

Confession: A part of me wishes Jonah never even existed...At least then I wouldn't feel as broken as I do now, a part of me wouldn't be dead.