kinda sad chapter that's finna be controversial. (tw) self harm, drinking

Everyone clapped around the happy couple. Josh kissed the ginger as she cried. Tyler watched from next to Jenna. Jenna was smiling and talking to the ginger that has a ring on her finger now.

"I need to go the bathroom," Tyler told his wife before leaving. He walked quickly to the bathroom. He paced around the bathroom. He looked at his phone as there was a buzz. Josh posted pictures of the engagement. Tyler shoved his phone back into his pocket. His breathing picked up as anger boiled in his stomach.

A knock was heard on the door.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" Josh asked as he entered. Tyler shook his head.

"Nothing!" Tyler said with a happy tone and a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Tyl-"

"No! I'm fine Josh, go back out to your... fiance," Tyler cut him off. Josh could see the tears that welled up in his best friends eyes. He bit his lip before nodding and leaving the bathroom. Tyler gasped for air after he left. He locked the door and paced the bathroom again before breaking down. He started to cry for the first time in a while.

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Tyler paced around the hotel room, Jenna watching him.

"Tyler, hey come sit down for me," Jenna asked calmly. Tyler nodded and sat next to her, fumbling with his ring. "What's wrong Ty?" She asked while rubbing his back. He started to cry into his hands.

"I'm scared," he told her.

"He's not re-"

"Not blurry... it's something else," He sniffled. She looked at him confused. He leaned his head on her shoulder. "his meds Jenna... She took them away and then... I don't want him hurt Jen..." He looked at her with a red face.

"I know you don't like her Ty, I know you two don't get along but he's happy with her baby,"

"No he's not, I know what he's like when he's happy. Have you seen him recently? He hasn't had time to talk to me cause they're always on a call or something else. He continues to block me off! We haven't had an actual conversation since.... I don't even remember." He let out little sobs.

"Then why don't we get you two together in a bi-"

"No! You don't get it! I don't get it... Jenna I'm so scared," He told her. "I-I..." he started before not wanting to say it.

"What Tyler, you can tell me anything," Jenna rubbed his back. He shook his head.

"I don't want you to hate me cause I love you so much," he gasped for air again.

"Calm down, breathe for me," she reminded him. "tell me, I'll love you forever,"

"Not after this," He cried. He pulled her in for a hug. "I'm so confused Jen.. I thought I... got over that."

"Why don't we go to sleep and we can talk in the morning, hm?" She suggested. He nodded. They kissed before climbing in bed and going to sleep.

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Everyone is back on the bus. The bus was crazy hot so Josh had his shirt off while he played Mario Kart with Debby. Tyler saw all the scratch marks that covered his back. He bit his tongue from saying anything. His blood felt like it was boiling, burning even. Jenna saw how tense Tyler was and grabbed a bottle of water for him. He thanked her, opening it and drinking a little and closing the bottle.

He bit the inside of his lip as he saw Josh whisper in her ear and heard her giggle. Tyler tightened his grip on the water bottle. Jenna was surprised it didn't explode at this point.

"Tyler, can we talk about last night?" Jenna whispered. Tyler bit the inside of his cheek. She watched as her husbands eyes had some water pooling in them.

"I-"

"You're jealous aren't you?" Jenna whispered. Tyler stared at her in the eyes as the water pooled more and more. Tyler dropped his head into his hands. "Hey, look at me," He sniffles while looking back up. "It's okay, I know you care about him, I remember the first few times you we went out or we hung out and you always talked about him,"

"You don't understa-"

Jenna cut him off by gently kissing him.

"I do understand, you like him honey," Jenna whispered. Tyler started to quietly cry as he nodded. She hugged him tightly.

"'M so s-sorry, I love you so much," Tyler hiccuped. Josh looked back as he heard Tyler's hiccup. He bit his tongue in guilt. Josh didn't know what was happening but he felt guilty he wasn't there for Tyler first to know what's wrong. "I'm gonna take a nap," Tyler told Jenna while rubbing his eyes a little. She nodded and watched as her husband went into one of the bunks.

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After a few hours, no ones seen Tyler, Jenna decided to check up on him. She quietly opened the curtain to see him curled up in one of the big blankets Josh gave him since he was cold a few weeks back that he hasn't returned. He wasn't sleeping, just staring at the wall, deep in thought or just out of it.

She sighed a bit before closing the curtain. Josh went to get up and talk to Jenna before Debby kept him from moving. He didn't make another move to get up, not wanting her angry at him again.

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The bus stopped at a hotel in the next state. Mark ordered food for everyone and they decided to eat on the bus. Jenna tried to get Tyler out of his bunk but he didn't budge. She hated seeing him like this.

Josh ate slowly, twirling the plastic fork in his hand sometimes while in thought. His fiance checked up on him a few times and he would shake his head and say he's fine. Jenna ate with no one beside her. She tried to get him out of the bunk again and he didn't.

"Alright," She grumbled. She pretended to leave before moving the curtain fully open and dragging Tyler out by his wrists. He thumped on the ground, landing on his tail bone.

"Fuck!" Tyler yelled. Everyone went silent as they never heard him curse before, well, not to that extent. Tyler grumbled and got up, going back into his bunk and forcing it to stay closed.

Josh got up from the couch where he was almost done eating and threw away his food in the trash. He grabbed his bag and made Mark go to the hotel already. The ginger grabbed her bag and followed Josh. Jenna sighed.

She knocked on Tyler's bunk as everyone has left the bus.

"There's no one Tyler, please come out." Jenna told him. Tyler grumbled something. "Tyler for the love of God, get out of your bunk or I will drag you into the hotel." Tyler slid the curtain open, grabbing the blanket and shoving it into an empty bag. He grabbed his bags for the night and followed Jenna into the hotel.

The rooms were already planned before everything happened. Tyler and Josh were supposed to stay in the same room but Mark went running around to make adjustments. Tyler went to his room that was planned, to see Josh sitting at the end of one of the beds.

His heart leaped for the first time that day. He slammed the door shut and went to Jenna's room. Jenna let him in. He went to one of the beds, putting his stuff down and climbing into the bed. He grabbed the blanket and curled himself into it. He heard her sigh and get up from the bed. The heavy door opened and closed a few times. He heard footsteps enter the room and weight plop next to him.

Arms wrapped around him and he let it. He turned around,expecting to see Jenna to be greeted with Joshs face. Tyler went to get up but Josh held him tightly with his arms.

"Let me go Josh," Tyler groaned while pushing at the olders arm. He pushed harder and harder, but Josh's grip stayed. "Let go!" Tyler almost yelled out. Josh continued to hold him tightly to his chest. After about 5 minutes of the singer thrashing around he finally gave up.

He relaxed into Josh's grip and he started to slightly cry. He held onto Josh's blanket tightly, putting it to his face to hide his red face.

"What's wrong Tyler, you haven't been yourself." He asked. Tyler shook his head. "Tell me, what's wrong, I won't be mad at you." Josh calmly told him while rubbing the youngers hip with his thumb calmly. Tyler started to sob into the blanket, getting red faced from crying and being angry at himself.

"I-I'm such a dis-sgusting pe-pe-person!" Tyler cried out.

"You're not a disgusting person Ty," Josh whispered into the back of his friends neck.

"You don't understand Josh!" Tyler yelled while sitting up quickly with Josh's blanket still stuffed to his face.

"You're right, I don't understand because you're hiding something from me Tyler." Josh told him while leaning onto his elbows. The singer shook his head while wrapping his arms tighter around the blanket. "You can tell me anything Ty, you know you can trust me right? Have I done something wrong?" Josh asked, getting quieter along the way till he was whispering.

"No,no,no,no, Josh you've done nothing wrong. I trust you ," Tyler told him. They sat in silence for a while, Tyler had his back turned to Josh. The older was trying to process what Tyler was feeling or what was happening with him.

Tyler turned back around, moving the blanket from his face and climbing into Joshs lap to hug him. "I'm sorry," Tyler sniffled. The drummer held the taller tightly.

"What are you sorry for Ty?" Josh asked quietly while messing with the hair at the nape of Tylers neck. The younger just kept shaking his head. "Tyler, can't you just tell me?" Josh started to get more persistent into getting an answer. Tyler shook his head more. "Well then why did Jenna put us together in the same room if you're not gonna tell me anything?" His temperament started to get out of control.

Tyler backed up out Josh's hold. "I-I- she shouldn- uh-" Tyler started to stutter, getting slightly weary of Josh as his face was going a red.

"Don't you trust me? Don't we tell each other everything?-"

"Well we did tell each other everything till you started to get busy with that ginger who took you from everything!" Tyler raised his voice.

"What?" Josh let out a breathy laugh. His face somewhat dropped.

"Haven't you seen the amount of cr- shit she's done to you?!" Tyler changed his tone.

"The hell you mean Tyler?! I'm perfectly happy and-"

"So you're telling me you would, all of a sudden, do all these runs and boxing if she hadn't take away your meds?!" Tyler started to get angry.

"They weren't good for-"

"They've been fine the past 9 years so what's changed?! Huh! Tell me Josh, what could make you get rid of something vital for you?!" Tyler yelled with a red face and teary eyes.

Josh's face was getting more and more red. He pinned Tyler down by the collar of his shirt. "You will not tell me what to do, and don't do in my life." Josh growled deeply. Tyler whimpered as Josh's knuckles were digging into his collar bones

"Well she's already done that to you hasn't she? Except for worse." Tyler spat at him. He saw as Josh's jaw tightened up. The olders hand went to the youngers throat, not choking him yet. "Do it, you won't. Want to end me? Fuckin do it."

He watched as Joshs face was red and getting more angry. That's when they realized Jenna, Mark and Brad had come in the room. Brad split them apart. Brad had Josh across the room from Tyler who was being held by Jenna.

She was surprisingly strong for how petite she was. Tyler started to shake and fell to his knees and cried. Josh softened up when he saw Tyler start to sob.

"What the hell happened?!" Mark yelled at the two, a vein popping out of his forehead. "We were just fine 30 minutes ago, what the hell is this?!"

"She put me in here for him to tell me something he wouldn't then he brought up-"

"Don't you even dare talk about her!" Tyler yelled with a cracking voice. Jenna immediately shushed him, reminding everyone they're in a hotel and people are trying to sleep.

"Who?" Mark said, not yelling this time, but still with a stern voice.

"My fiance." Josh responded. Tyler curled up into Jenna, everyone in the room was looking at him after the mention of Joshs fiance. Jenna held him slightly tighter and let him hide his face her neck as he started to cry softly.

"What's going on with her and Ty?" Mark asked. Brad at this point let go of Josh.

"They don't have the greatest terms, she's said some stuff to Tyler and has done some stuff he doesn't appreciate." Jenna replied for him.

"Like...?" Mark asked. Jenna sighed.

"She was talking to me once and started to romanticize depression which made Tyler pretty upset then another time she body shamed him, telling him he didn't look as good as Josh and that he should workout." Jenna said, going quieter at the end. Tyler held onto Jenna tighter.

Everyone was quiet in the room. Josh looked down, having no idea about the stuff his fiancé had done that made Tyler upset and uncomfortable. Tyler accidentally let out a sob. Josh sat down on the empty bed and threaded his fingers into his hair. He grabbed at the strands, getting angry at himself.

Brad tried to loosen Josh's grip on his hair but it took a lot of strength to do it. In the end some tiny chunks of hair came out.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm just scared Josh! I'm scared of the future and what can happen." Tyler sobbed out while almost shaking violently. Everyone was silent. Josh started to shake from anxiety but Brad gently started to talk to him and help him calm his shaking and flaring anxiety.

The door to the hotel room opened. They all looked up except for Tyler. The ginger calmly walked in and sat next to Josh who nearly flinched from her sitting next to him. Everything he's heard has made him so anxious and wary, to scared to confront her of any of it.

Josh held onto Brads hands tighter. Jenna soothed Tyler who was still slightly crying, not having cried in a while so it all released at once. Everyone except for Tyler and Josh got up and agreed that Brad should stay in the room with Tyler and Josh, let them calm down and the rest of them will discuss what all just happened.

Tyler was on the floor between the two beds and staring at the floor while Josh laid on his back on the bed. They both stared off, not saying anything to one another. Tyler got up and grabbed clothes out of his suitcase and went into the bathroom.

He locked the door and started a shower. He rinsed off all the sweat and tears from his face and body. When Brad wasn't paying attention Josh searches through the drawers near the snack bar, finding shots in the tiny plastic bottle and drank atleast 3 of them before Brad noticed.

"Josh! The hell you doing?!" Brad asked while taking the last bottle Josh chugged down out of his hand, closing the drawers. The younger shooed' him away while laying on one of the beds on his back. He ran his fingers through his hair as the alcohol started to settle in.

Tyler walked back into the room once Josh's face started to turn a light pink. Josh was known for a pink face when any amount of alcohol was in his system. Josh stood up, slightly stumbling to Tyler and wrapped his arms around him.

"You, are my best friend and... I hate myself." Josh started to laugh while almost falling into Tyler.

"Brad, why did you allow alcohol?" Tyler groaned as Josh kept putting all his weight in him.

"He started to drink them before I could notice, he has about 4 shots in his system." The photographer told him while scratching his head and fixing his hat. Tyler groaned again and started to shuffle him back to the bed to let him lay down.

Josh still held onto Tyler and made them cuddle even though the brunette didn't want to as he was still in his weird phase. Josh nuzzled his face into Tyler's neck and gently bit down.

"Josh, stop being weird." Tyler told him while gently pushing the drunk away. Josh whined and held onto Tyler tighter, sucking on his neck now. "Josh, hey, stop it." Tyler pushed Josh's forehead back to make him stop but he latched on harder making the ladder whimper in pain.

"What is he doing?" Brad asked from one of the chairs.

"I don't know, biting and sucking on my neck." Tyler shivered a bit before pushing Josh more. Brad got up and drug Josh to the other bed.

" 'M cold now, Ty." Josh whined out before giggling and slowly falling off the bed. Brad looked over at Tyler to see quite the mark on his neck. The photographer started to chuckle a bit.

"What now? I'm so done with today." Brad started to laugh a little more while taking a picture of Tyler. He showed the younger the picture of his neck making Tyler's eyes widen and press his hand to his neck. "No no no no no no no, Joshua! What's Jenna gonna say- oh god- Josh!" Tyler started to freak out. He hissed as his hand put too much pressure into the forming hickey.

"Hey, I'll explain to Jenna, you're gonna be fine."

"Tylerrrr, why dis Jenna bring me in here?" Josh slurred.

"Nothing Josh, go to sleep." Tyler sighed out.

"But 'm wanna know." Josh giggled more and laid on the same bed as Tyler.

"We're not doing this again Josh, go to sleep." Tyler hushed him as Josh grabbed Tyler's waist and nuzzles his face into his rib cage. Josh eventually passed out. Tyler looked down  at the drunk and just started to cry. All of this, 24 hours ago they definitely weren't the closest they've been, but they haven't fought as much as they had today.

Tyler cried as he felt horrible about himself and seeing Josh in this state. He shifted down so he could hold Josh tightly to him and cry into his shoulder. He couldn't believe he let himself like his best friend while being married.

He resisted to temptation to itch his arms for hours and hours and just held onto Josh tightly.

this is really long and i feel this is the best place to stop it? idk what do you guys think?