Dying isn't so hard, I think it's peaceful but living is harder than breathing with a thousand rocks on your chest.
~Me

I feel like I'm drowning like I'm constantly having a war within me between darkness and light. I'm scared of the nightmares the darkness gives me, the demons it holds. I'm afraid of the hope the light gives me. I'm afraid to smile or feel joy again cause it might be snatched away.

To me, darkness represents death and light represents life. I am not scared of death, in fact, I welcome it but I am afraid of life because I never know what it's going to throw at me, I never know what to expect.

But what I've realized is you can't have one without the other. What is life without death? What is darkness without light? For without darkness we would have never known light, and without death, we would have never known life.

Beep Beep Beep.

I open my eyes slowly; the bright white light shining around the room almost blinds me. I look around my surroundings and sigh; I'm in the hospital. I hate hospitals, they smell like death.

When a crazy serial killer is loose in your town for almost ten years, you grow a weird superpower to be able to smell death.

Looking down at my hand, I find Matthew fast asleep holding it tightly. I nudged him waking him up from his sleep. We stared at each having a silent conversation with our eyes. "Hey there stranger," I finally said. He smiled and asked, "How are you feeling?"

I frowned a bit. I think that question is simply redundant, I mean I passed out and now I'm in the hospital how am I supposed to be feeling?

"Right now, I'm contemplating our whole friendship. You know I hate that question," I answered looking away from him. Matt didn't say anything else; he rubbed small circles on my hand while we sat in comfortable silence.

My head hurt a little; I assume I have a tumor based on the information I've received from numerous tv shows, movies, and soap operas. People usually cry at that scene when the main character loses everything or finds out they have a life ending disease, but I'm always amazed. That scene explains life so well that everything you love can get snatched away in just a second, your life could end literally in just a second.

I wonder what would have happened if I died. A very depressing subject I know, but maybe then I would get to meet my mom again. Maybe then I would finally get to leave this pain that is sucking the life out of me.

I turned and faced Matt, and he looked at me, I noticed he had a bruise on his left cheek. I brought my hand up to his cheek and touched the bruise, "It happened again?" I asked quietly. He nodded.

"When?" I asked

"Last night."

I sighed, Matthew's dad is an abusive prick. He'd become distant like my dad over the years, he never came home, and when he did, he got aggressive. I didn't say anything else; Matt didn't either.

"I'm going to go get the doctor," Matt said, he got up from his chair and left the room.

A few minutes later my dad walks in. He doesn't say anything he doesn't even look at me, he just stands there quietly. "What were you thinking Abigail? Why on earth did you do something so stupid?" he finally says. I was going to answer that I was thinking of the pain that crazy killer caused a lot of other families and us and that what I did wasn't stupid, but I decided to stay silent.

He stares at me waiting for a reply when I say nothing he walks closer to me with a glare on his face, "Answer me," he commands.

"I saw him dad, and I thought it was only reasonable that I try and stop the bastard that took my mother," I said with a glare. My father goes silent for a while looking down at his feet. He looks as if he's trying to understand and process what I just said. "Abigail please stop with this crazy idea there was nothing there forget about what happened," his voice is no longer loud and cold it's quite.

"No," I say sternly

"What?"

"No," I repeat this time my voice is louder. "You're just like the rest of them you're trying to make mom a forgotten memory like what happened wasn't real. Well, guess what, no matter how hard you try to forget you can't change what happened, you can't."

His goes quiet again, "You're crazy, I should have shipped you off the first chance I got. You're nothing but a disgrace." with that he leaves the room slamming the door hard. A few moments later Matthew walks in with the doctor.

The doctor started talking about what happened to me and how I was, but I wasn't listening. I couldn't hear anything else, but 'you're nothing but a disgrace', the doctor calls for a nurse who gives me a sedative and leaves.

Matt sits next to me, but I don't look at him. I knew I was crying; I was crying because what my dad said hurt, even though I didn't want to admit it, it hurt. The pain I'm feeling is unbearable, and that made me cry harder cause pain meant I'm alive and all I want to do is die.

I feel my eyes become heavy and I let them close drifting off into sleep.

*************

I wake up in dark room. I had blood on my body; there is a dim light at the end of the room I walk closer to it and find an office chair there, someone was sitting on it, but they couldn't see me cause they're faced away from me.

I walk closer to the seat wanting to ask whoever is in it where I am and what's going on.

Another light in the corner of the room lights up. There is an old sitting in a wooden chair. I stared at the old man sitting in the chair in horror. Parts of his skin was peeled off. He had whip marks on his face and chest and wore nothing but a pair of worn out trousers that had blood on them.

His fingers were cut off; there is a screwdriver sticking out of his left leg. He looked like he's been tortured thoroughly. His closed eyes open, he looks at me with a wicked smile and says with a cracked voice, "It's coming." Once those words leave his mouth, the old man turns to dust and light on his side goes out.

I feel a shiver run down my spine. I make my way to the other chair. When I reach it, I turn it around, and I fall to the ground in fear.

An old lady is sitting in the chair. Her head is crooked to the side. Her eyes are pitch black; blood gushed out of her mouth that is opened wide. The blood slips from her mouth and into her body that is covered in only a white night gown. There is a knife in her chest exactly where her heart is. She looks dead, she should be dead, yet her eyes seem to move a little.

Her head beings to move. I stare at the old woman in with wide eyes; I wanted to move, I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. Her head becomes straight, and her pitch black eyes are now focused on me. "Why did you let them take me, Abigail?" The old lady asked rising from her seat, the blood gushing from her mouth stops.

"What? W-Who are y-you?" I stammered. She lets out a sinister laugh, "You mean you don't recognize me?" she mocked walking a little closer to me, "I'm your mother." I stare at the terrifying old lady with a baffled expression. She couldn't be my mom; my mom couldn't be this monster.

She starts to walk towards me; I sat on the floor paralyzed with fear. I body wouldn't move it's like I had no control over my limbs anymore. "You still don't recognize me?" She asked rhetorically, "Let me slip into something more comfortable."

She steps back, and her whole body is turned inside out. Blood oozed out of different parts of her body, her pitch black eyes roll back completely and are changed into red glowing eyes. She pulls out the knife in her chest and licks the blood on it.

"Do you recognize me now?" Her voice is cracked. I feel my body tense with each step she made towards me; blood drained from my face. My breath quickened as my heart rate pulsated widely in my chest as if trying to escape from captivity.

"No," I said squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. "Don't you want mommy to hold you," the old lady mocked.

"No, you're not my mother. My mother isn't a monster," I said with my eyes still closed. I feel the woman's breath tickling the hairs at the back of my neck. She whispers into my ear, "I'm the version of your mother you don't know about yet."

"No!" I screamed, "No I want to wake up." Tears ran down my face.

"You're never leaving here," the old woman whispers wickedly.

Abby wake up.

Abby, please wake up.

I snap my eyes open and look around my surroundings; I'm still in the hospital I let out a breath of relief. I turn to my side to see Matthew. I'm petrified, and although I'll never tell him this, he is the only one that can calm me down.

His eyes were comforting; he didn't say anything, he didn't ask what was wrong because he knew. Nightmares and terrible visions of dead bodies had become a regular thing for me. The nightmares and visions started shortly after I grew obsessed with The Magician's life

Matthew walks closer to me and engulfs me into a hug. I sob it into his shoulder hugging him tightly as if he would disappear if I let him go.

"It was terrible Matt," I cried, I couldn't stop the tears from falling, and I didn't care, I welcomed the sadness, pain, and fear because they were the only feelings I understood. "It's okay baby girl, I'm here," Matt says soothingly while rubbing my back.

My doctor walks in; I quickly wipe the tears off my face. He looks at me with what I assume is a fake smile and says, "Hello, I've come to-"

"Can I go home?" I interrupted. The doctor frowns a little. "Yes you can but I'd suggest you stay one more day for observation," he replied. I didn't want to stay one more day this hospital; I wanted to go home and cry into my pillow. "I want to go home," I said sternly, showing the doctor there is no way he's making me stay.

"You can't be discharged without your father's consent," the doctor replied, "I'm sorry but you're going to have to stay." with that he leaves.

I notice I'm holding Matthew's hand tightly and I blush quickly remove my hand from his grasp.

"I'm sorry about my meltdown," I mumble awkwardly. He turns to me and frowns, "Don't apologize for being human. I don't care if you break down, I'm your best friend I'll be here to glue you back together." I'm left at a loss for words, he's the only one that ever makes me speechless. His words made my heart melt.

"Wow, Matt that's the cheesiest thing you've ever said to me," I said playfully. He chuckles but doesn't say anything else, so we sat it silence. That seemed to be happening a lot today.

"You want to get out of here?" Matthew asks. "Like break out?" I asked in shock Matt smiled and nodded. "Alright let's do it," I said and removed

I change into the black dress I wore to my mom's 'anniversary' and leave the hospital with Matthew. We left in his black Toyota Camry; the car ride is silent but not uncomfortable silence. It was comfortable and comforting.

My mind drifts off to the nightmare I had. What did that old man mean by its coming? I know that the dream is a figment of my imagination, I can't help but feel like it's real.

"What's going on there?" Matt asked

I snap out of my thoughts and look at what he's talking about, there were people gathered around a house, they all looked sad, I saw a lady crying. I notice some police cars at the side of the house. "Drive into that house," I commanded. Matthew obliged and turned into the driveway.

I get out the car before Matt has a chance to park properly and pushed through people. I knew what had happened in this house once I saw the police cars. He'd struck again; I stopped in my tracks once I reach the dead body lying on the floor. I left my heart drop even though I didn't know this family I wanted my suspicions to be wrong.

I turned to the woman beside me and asked, "What happened?" She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "That evil serial killer struck again," she said, "He took my husband and killed my son," she broke into tears.

I looked that the corpse again and almost cried myself. The young boy who looked about eight or so has a knife in his head; his eyes are wide open. His head is turned towards me, and I stared in his eyes, and all I could imagine is him screaming and pleading before he died. He has the card the Ace Of Spades nailed his chest.

I turned to the old lady and asked if she could show me a picture of the man that was taken. She got out her phone and showed me a picture. I gasped, my eyes widen.

That's the old man from my dream.

Author's Note

Hello, everybody. Sorry, this chapter is shitty.

I'm sorry this update took so long I didn't mean for it to take so long but I got swamped with life so I couldn't really write.

Anyway, you all should expect updates on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

Again Sorry