I wake up with my head perched on Kendrick's chest. Soaking up his masculine scent, I sense his wild stirring with satisfaction. His heart pounds evenly and the warmth of his skin radiates against my lower back. It's another one of those mornings that could carry on forever.

But there's so much to do. In my mind, I make a list. Get ready to leave in a couple of hours on our quest to pull as many territories behind us as possible in our battle against Marush. Those who agree will need to be trained. Compromises with the conquered packs will have to be brokered to incentivize them to risk their lives.

I sigh. Kendrick might have to give them an opportunity to fight for their independence, something that was debated hotly during last night's dinner.

Zyron's outburst still rattles around in my head. "You are insane, brother. It took us the better part of two years to expand into the US. Wolves died to bring you victory. Now you'll smear their memories by just turning those conquered territories back over to their original pack? Count me out. I'm not going to support this."

"What other options do we have?" Kenna pointed out. "Those wolves won't fight for their oppressors unless they know they'll be free afterward."

Zyron had grumbled something under his breath, but further arguments were blighted by Kendrick's fist almost splitting the dining table in half. Every cup and plate had vibrated under the impact. "Quiet. In case anyone missed it, this wasn't up for discussion. We are giving each and every wolf in the conquered territories the opportunity to fight for independence." He jutted his chin at Hailey and Millie. "Those two included."

"But—" Zyron started again but one glare from his brother shut him up.

With a sigh, Kendrick ran his hand over his short hair. He looked so tired that it made my heart cringe. "We are fighting for our survival, so we don't have the luxury to hold on to petty territorial disputes. If we lose this battle, there won't be any more packs and land to conquer or defend. We'll be dead and our spilled blood the only legacy we'll leave behind."

"What will happen to those who refuse to fight?" Arabella asked. "Can they go into hiding?"

All heads turned to me and I shrank in my seat. "The battle with the warlocks is just the beginning. Once that's done and they are victorious, they'll go after any survivor. Marush is set to eradicate the werewolves, and he won't stop until the soul of the last pup has crossed into the afterlife."

Everest huffed. "This Marush character seems like a real ass. I can't wait to meet him and tear his head off."

Kenna snorted. "Trust me, you haven't missed out. He's a real shmuck." She pursed her lips. "Where is your lavatory?" she mimicked him with her best British accent.

I joined in the laughter, even though I was ready to puke. Even Kendrick still underestimates Marush's power. Now watching him on the bed, peaceful, his lips curled in a smile as if he's having an epic dream, my heart tightens. There's an equal chance he might not survive the battle. Losing him is not something I could stomach—I'd rather join him in the afterlife. My breath hitches and I turn away to fight the lump in my throat.

A soft knock draws my attention to the door. "Raelyn, are you in there?"

Crap, it's Andrenior. Hopefully, all went well with Nalco. Careful not to wake up Kendrick, I roll out the bed and grab my bathrobe. Peeking outside the window, I stare at the sky. The solar eclipse has begun; the shadow of the moon has darkened the outer crescent of the fireball.

Pushing myself to face Andrenior, I open the door. He leans against the wall with his arms folded. Kenna stands on the landing; her body language matches his.

I smile in the hopes that the sudden twist in my gut is just a nervous tick. "Is everything alright?"

"Let's talk."

Andrenior heads for the landing and I have no choice but to follow him. I silently close the door. No need to get Kendrick involved until I know what's going on. As I pass Kenna, our eyes briefly lock. The worry I find is well beyond that of a seventeen-year-old. Ever since her mother died, she took on duties that were meant to be mine. In hindsight, I should've never abandoned Kendrick to train in the Highlands.

Outside, I search for Andrenior. He's sitting on a bunch of stacked logs that are drying out to be chopped. Only a few females are around, busy with various chores, and they keep their distance. Curiosity burning, I stop in front of him.

He sighs. "Nalco blew us off."

"What! Why?"

"I guess he wasn't as power hungry as we thought. When I told him the plan, he just gave me this stare as if I had lost my mind. Then he reminded me that werewolves are our enemies. I tried to reason with him, explain that this was just Marush's false claim to justify that we fight them, but Nalco dismissed me without further consideration."

"And now? Do you think we can convince him if we talk to him again?"

"There is no more persuading. Nalco is dead."

I swallow hard. "How?"

"After he snubbed me, I didn't know what to do with him. If I had let him go, he might've run straight to Izikey, or even Marush, and blab. So I came clean to Sazith and asked for his guidance. He decided that we had to permanently quiet Nalco by getting rid of him."

"How did he kill him?"

Andrenior rolls his eyes as if this is the dumbest question ever. "The dagger, of course. He was itching to try it out anyway, you know, to ensure that it was actually working after he reassembled it, so the Nalco situation gave him the perfect excuse."

That's just great. Not only am I faced with my choice again, but I'm also responsible for Nalco's death.

Andrenior strokes my lower arm and takes away some of the raging turmoil. "Don't beat yourself up. During the battle, Nalco might've died, and at least we are now facing one warlock less."

What a way of cheering me up. I nod, my gaze on the darkening sun in the sky. "I don't think I can do it." Giving up my wild is simply too much to ask.

"You have no other option. It's either that or the werewolves die."

"They might die anyhow." I shake my head, not ready to give in. "I mean, face it. Marush is incredibly strong. He has three other Sentinels fighting on his side, plus who knows how many warlocks. These aren't good odds."

"Maybe not good ones, but they are still odds. If you don't make your blood promise to the sun—and in the next few hours—there are no more odds. The fate of the werewolves becomes a certainty. You owe it to them to give them a fighting chance."

Tears fill my eyes. "I can't give up my wild. She's a part of me."

"I understand it's not easy, but think of the consequences if you don't take your oath." Walking around me, he starts to massage the tension out of my neck.

Calmness spreads through my body. For a moment, I close my eyes and allow his healing powers to soothe the aching worry. When the manipulation gets too much, I tear from his grip. "Enough." I let out a shaky breath to clear my head. Even though the decision is ultimately mine to make, I need to get Kendrick's opinion on this.

Not willing to waste another second on Andrenior's convincing tactics, I walk back into the house. At the bottom of the landing, I hesitate. Is it truly fair to involve Kendrick? I grimace. He said we needed to make all the important decisions together, so here goes nothing.

With a sigh, I conquer the stairs and head to his bedroom. As I reach for the doorknob, the door flies open.

Kendrick's eyes are wide with panic. "Fuck, Raelyn, I thought you left."

I smile. "And where would I go?"

"I dunno." He can't hold my gaze. "It's the solar eclipse today."

"And that's why we need to talk."

"Is it something I will want to hear?"

"No."

His shoulders slump.

I reach out and stroke his cheek. "Can we go on a run?" The words are choked—this might be my last time I'll be able to shift into a wolf.

"Yeah, sure." The wetness in his eyes mirrors my distress.

What a screwed-up situation.

~~~~

I chase him through the forest until I'm out of breath. Somehow, we end up back by the creek and I lap up the fresh water before I shift. Kendrick is already back on his usual rock bed. His gaze is quizzical.

I slip into the stream across from him. "Remember I told you I made different arrangements to get around taking my blood promise. Well, there were complications and it's up to me again." I eye the sun; it will be fully covered by the moon in the next hour.

"Okay, and what does that exactly mean?"

"It means that I'll have to commit to my fire powers. This will likely relinquish everything in me relating to the moon, including my wolf."

"But that's not certain?"

"There has never been a werewolf hybrid before, so no one knows exactly what will happen. However, Sazith—he was one of my teachers in the Highlands—believes that there's a high probability that I will lose my ability to shift." I turn my head to hide the distress in my eyes. I don't want to look weak.

"Come here." Kendrick wraps me in a tight embrace.

I nuzzle my nose into his neck. My body shakes in his arms. "I know what I have to do, but I don't want to."

"I'll love you no matter what, you know that, right?"

"You're saying that now, but what if it's not enough? What will happen when your wolf falls for another female? He won't be satisfied without a mate."

"My skins still have a say in this."

I gaze up at him through my eyelashes. "I'm scared of losing everything."

"I totally get it's daunting but look at your parents. They loved each other."

I'm not convinced they did. Trusting Gideon's words is hard, and even more so in respect to a true mate bond among warlocks. He'd probably tell me anything I want to hear to achieve his goals. "I don't want to lose you." And I can't imagine being without my wolf.

Kendrick holds my shivering body while his hands stroke through my hair. Tilting back my head, he leans in for a kiss. I let myself melt into his warm body, refusing to let go when he tries to break away.

"Please, let's just run as wolves for one more moment," I whisper against his skin. One more kill and blood on my tongue. One more jump with powerful grace. One more sniff of the pine needles through my wild's nose.

He helps me out of the stream and shifts. Leaping through the underbrush, I let the wind ripple through my fur.

Freedom.

Dominance.

Endurance.

I breathe in the scents of nature—the wet earth, the rich woods, the spring flowers. In my skins, I never appreciate these things in the same raw manner. When the sweaty stench of a nearby deer floods my senses, I crouch low to watch him through the leaves of a bush. He grazes without worry. Kendrick twitches next to me. Hunkered down close to the ground, he's ready for the attack, but a quick side-glance from him lets me know that he'll allow my wolf to go first.

I dash forward and reach the deer with three long leaps. He freezes in terror. Tearing into his side, I follow through with a quick kill bite. No need for him to suffer. His warm blood fills my mouth. I relish as it runs down my throat like honey and indulge in the meat. Tender, but still laced with traces of adrenaline and testosterone. He was a strong buck.

Kendrick stands back and lets me feast before settling for the leftovers. Totally content, I roll around in the grass, exposing my underbelly to him. He stalks closer. Starting at my bloody snout, he licks me clean. Along my sides, down my middle, between my legs. His head rubs into me to leave his scent. My wolf snarls with desire. We have never made love in our wild and she's starving for affection.

His muzzle trembles when he nudges me to turn around. Now in the mating position, I permit his powerful wolf access. He mounts me. His belly rubs slowly over my back; his satisfied rumbles mix with my yelps of pleasure. Total satisfaction fills my heart—it's the type of gratification only a true mate can bring. Unraveling in exhilaration, I drop on the forest ground.

Kendrick pants beside me. His eyelids soon flutter and he curls up for a quick nap. I force myself to stay awake. When his breath becomes even and his eyes are fully closed, I slowly stand. Walking away is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Just before disappearing in the underbrush, I turn around. It takes all my effort not to howl out in desperation.

Racing through the woods, I guard my mind from the inevitable. I run and run until my knees buckle. When my yapping breath slows, I look up at the sun. The moon has covered the entire disk but for a ring of fire burning in the sky. It's time.

Heart aching, I abandon my wild and shift. I stumble forward until I reach a clearing. There, I kneel down and rake through my mind for Sazith's instruction on how to perform the blood oath. I need to cut my palm. About to take advantage of my sharp incisors, I pause when a shadow blocks the light. Looking up, I meet Gideon's gaze. He holds out a knife. I push myself to take it. Inhaling deeply, I slash into my skin.

Fuck, it's right where I would cut myself during the claiming ceremony.

The thought is suffocating. What a cruel trick of nature to give my wolf both love and death in the same manner. Eyes blurry, I let my life essence drop off my hand.

"Sun God, accept my blood as sign for my loyalty." The words resonate hollow in my head. What am I saying? This is wrong. "I commit my warlock powers to serving you. Thank you for your gift and protection."

Staring at the blazing ring in the sky, I wait for a sign. Thunder rolls and rain pelts down on me. As my blood soaks into the ground, heat explodes inside my chest. The fire spreads to every nerve end in my body.

I stretch my arms long, reaching for the sun, my Maker. The rain washes over my face and cools my skin; I laugh as calmness spreads in my heart. The fire simmers in the depth of my soul and for the first time in my life, I feel complete. Why did I ever resist my true calling?

Searching for my wolf to celebrate the moment, I only find deafening silence. The calmness shatters and my body deflates. The fire is still there, but it hurts.

What have I done?

"You did well, Raelyn." Gideon's words ring like a mockery in my ears. "We should go."

I shake my head from left to right until I'm dizzy. Bile rises in my throat and I choke. My frantic effort to find my wild turns into manic laughter. She has to be there. She can't be gone.

"Raelyn, we should go." Gideon squeezes my shoulder.

My legs are too heavy to get up. All I can do is turn my head and vomit into the grass. Blood—and the undigested meat of my wolf's kill.

~~~~

© Sally Mason 2018

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