Kendra...

As a child, my mother always told me that staring was inappropriate. It was weird, made people feel uncomfortable and I should never do it.

But here I was, sitting at Wendell's Corner, staring at a little boy who was having lunch with his dad.

He had been enjoying his fries a little too much, putting ketchup on his nose and calling himself Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer. His father had wiped his nose and told him to stop, but he kept on doing it. Instead of scolding the boy, he joined in with placing condiments on his face. I smiled at the laughs they shared, though I'm sure it would be a different situation if his mother was around.

I had promised myself I would stop doing this. Staring at dads and their sons. I had done it for years. I would look at a father and son and imagined they were Anthony and Kyle. I would wonder what it would be like if he was around, and what their relationship would be like. But the staring and the thoughts had done more harm than good, and one night, after crying for hours in bed, I promised I would never do it again.

And I hadn't, until today. Kyle's question the night before had thrown me off. It was bringing back all the feelings I had sworn to not feel anymore. I was back to being the teen who wanted the guy she loved to want them again.

"Kendra?"

I had forgotten Eli was here. He had offered to take me out to lunch. I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from the two.

"Huh?"

"You ok? You seemed a bit lost in your head."

"Uh, yeah. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind."

"About Kyle's father?"

I looked at him quizzically, "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Kyle talked to me about it the other day."

"He did?" I was surprised.

I'm glad he was at least talking to someone about it.

"Yeah. He wanted to know about his dad, but he was afraid to ask you," he saw the questioning look on my face and he hesitantly continued. Probably wondering if he should betray my son's trust. "He said whenever someone brought up his dad you would look weird and be sad for the rest of the day. He's been wanting to ask for a while, but he didn't want to upset you."

I sighed at that bit of information. I thought I had been good at hiding how I felt about his dad. Turns out I'm not.

"I told him that he should try anyway," Eli said, "I'm glad he listened to me."

"Me too," I answered, "But I'm not sure if I ready to tell him."

"He needs to know."

"I know. But what do I even tell him?"

"The truth."

"I can't tell him all of it, Eli."

"And why not?" He seemed upset with me.

"How do I tell him that his mere existence brings shame to his father? That I'm being paid money to hide him like he's some dirty little secret? How the hell do I say that?" I was angry now and trying to stop the tears from running down my cheek.

"Kendra..."

"I can't hurt him like that Eli!"

Eli quickly grabbed my hands. "Hey, I know this is hard, but it's one of those things you have to do."

I was full-on ugly crying now. I didn't have it in me to hold the tears back any longer. I've been holding a lot back in for way too long.

"Look, if you need me to be there while you talk to him, I'll do it."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm here, whenever you need me." The way he was looking at me made 'taking things slow' hard. How was I supposed to keep in all under control when he looked at me with such intensity and care?

I smiled through the tears and squeezed his hands. It was all I could do at that moment to thank him. This was going to be hard, and I would definitely take him up on his offer.

Hopefully, his presence will be enough to get me through it.

**********

My anxiety was on high when I stepped into the elevator, leaving the office for the day. In just an hour or so, I would be sitting down with Kyle to tell him about his father. I had shot Eli a text a few minutes ago, telling him I was on my way home. I was looking forward to having him there with me. Iris had given me a pep talk before I left. I didn't know she had such inspiring words in her. The support from my best friend was something I didn't realize I needed. But there was one more person whose support would mean everything.

I dialed the familiar number into the cellphone that hadn't left my hand for hours.

"Hi sweetheart," said my mother on the other end.

"Hey mom," I said, and she instantly caught the panic in my voice.

"What's going on? Is Kyle Ok?" she asked worriedly.

"He's fine. For now at least."

"What do you mean for now?"

"He asked about Anthony last night."

"Oh," she said then sighed. "It's time?"

"It's time," I confirmed.

"Well, we always knew it was coming."

"Yeah, but I'm not prepared," I said getting off the elevator.

"Like I've told you before, all you have to do is tell the truth."

"I just don't know if he's ready."

"I think that boy has been ready for a while."

"Kyle did mention to Eli that he's been wanting to, but didn't want to upset me."

"See, he's ready. It's you that's not ready."

"I know," I groaned, making my way through the door and to the parking lot.

"Look, sweetheart, you don't have to tell him all the nasty details. Those things can be talked about another time. Though, I'll advise that you do that sooner than later. You don't want him finding out about this some other way,"

"True," I agreed. He's a curious boy, this isn't going to be the last time he asks about his father. At some point, he might even start researching on his own and find out. Or maybe a family member decides to spill all the family secrets. Either way, I want him to find out from me, no one else.

"I always thought I would be there when you finally had this talk with him. Wish I could be there," she said.

"Me too. But I won't be alone, Eli's coming over to show support."

"Oh?" her voice went up an octave. I could see the smirk that was probably on her face right then.

"Don't start mom," I warned, finally getting to my car and opening the door.

"Fine, I'll behave. But you better believe I'll be back with a lot of questions."

"I won't expect any less from you mother," I smiled.

"Good," she said, "Good luck tonight alright? And remember, even if he gets angry and lashes out, he's not mad at you Ok?"

"Ok" I sighed, I had forgotten that this could be a result. "Bye."

"Bye."

**********

Kyle's eyes darted between Eli and I. We were sitting at the dinner table, he on one side, Eli and I on the other.

I was finally going to do it. I was finally going to tell him about his father. I still wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I knew now that I had to.

"I'm not in trouble am I?" He asked eyes now on Eli. He was probably trying to figure out why he was here.

Eli shook his head. "I didn't snitch if that's what you're thinking."

"No baby, you're not in trouble," I answered eyeing Eli.

"Don't ask, I'm not telling you." he raised his hand to stop the question he knew was coming.

I was going to drop this, for now.

"We're just here to talk."

"About my dad?" Kyle asked.

"Mhm," I nodded.

He sat up straight, his attention fully on me.

I took a deep breath, trying to find the words to begin. Under the table, I felt Eli's hand grab mine. It seemed that was all I needed.

"Your father and I met in high school," I started, "He was probably the most popular guy in school and I had the biggest crush on him. So, imagine my surprise when I found out he liked me too. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a while before I got pregnant."\

"Was grandma mad?" He asked.

"Yeah, she was. But she was still very supportive."

"Was my other grandma mad?"

"Very," I said with an exasperated breath. The image of the scowl on her face the last day I saw him was still in my head.

"At first, we were Ok. We were scared but we promised each other that we would get through it. But then..." I paused.

What exactly was I supposed to say next? How much was I going to say? I felt Eli's hand tighten around my hand. I looked over to him, his encouraging, reassuring eyes on me. He nodded slowly and mouthed, "It's ok."

I turned back to Kyle, who was still as attentive as ever.

"But then your father changed his mind. He didn't want to be a dad anymore."

I watched the exciting curiosity on Kyle's face fade away. He looked down at the table and stared at its shiny surface. Then looked back up at me, and uttered the question I was afraid to answer.

"He didn't want me anymore?"

But I answered anyway.

"No," I shook my head.

I watched the hurt appear on my son's face. He was trying hard to be strong and hold back the tears that were begging to be released.

"Why?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"Because...because something else was more important than me, and you."

He slowly nodded, looking down at the table again. For a whole minute, he stared at the surface, acting like he was fine. But I knew my baby wasn't.

"Kyle," I called his name.

He slowly looked up at me, eyes glossy. A second later a tear rolled down his cheek, and I couldn't stay seated any longer.

"Oh baby," I quickly went over to his side and pulled him into my stomach, burying my nose in his hair.

He held onto me and silently cried, and I couldn't help but cry myself. This was why I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want this, I didn't want to see my son crying over that sorry excuse for a man. But that was his father, and to know that your father didn't want you, hurts on a different level. That I knew for sure.

I felt a hand on my back and it was only then that I realized Eli had stood up and was standing beside me. He didn't say a word. All he did was rub circles on my back.

And we stood there, for what felt like hours, and let my baby cry. 

There you have it, chapter 27!

And guess what....It's my BIRTHDAY!!

I'm old, that's all you need to know. (If you really want to know my age, the hint is somewhere in the chapter. Good luck figuring it out lol)

So, how about you make this birthday girl (old lady) happy and vote and leave a comment. I would really appreciate your feedback. 

In other news, school is about to start for me next week. This means, sadly, that updates aren't going to be a frequent as you all may like. I'll try my best to post when I get some time, but don't expect much. 

So, until next time, whenever that is.