I woke up with two flat hands on my chest and an unknown weight on my lap. I groaned, rubbing my eyes before squinting to adjust to the light coming in through the window. Baby blue eyes stared back at me, a small smile gracing Luke's lips. If I could relive one moment for the rest of my life, it would've been that one. The light from outside cast a shadow on Luke's face, half of his skin glimmering in the sunlight and the other half shadowing his perfectly sloped nose. There was nothing about that moment that I could ever classify as anything but perfect. Luke was perfect.

"My things are being shipped in today." He said softly, not moving from his position on top of me as I let my hands rest at my sides. I wasn't sure where to put them, but I was fighting the urge to place them on Luke's hips. "I think we might have to go pick them up."

"We'll go after your appointment." I smiled up at him, feeling every single cell in my body tingle with the feeling of Luke's hands on me. He sighed, clicking his tongue before he frowned heavily. I knew exactly what Luke was going to say, I knew for a fact he was going to try to get out of his doctor's appointment and just lie in instead. I quickly shook my head before he could open his mouth, not trusting myself to not give in if Luke begged me to stay. "Don't start," I gave him a half smile. "You're going."

He whined, bouncing on my lap like a spoiled child. I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face. This was how I had always imagined things with Luke would be, this was exactly what I wanted for the rest of my life. At that exact moment in time, I didn't even bother reminding myself that I had no soulmate and that Luke had just lost his. In my world, we were meant to be and this was how things were supposed to be. Luke and I, nothing else but Luke and I. 

I could see Luke's mood change right before my eyes, and before I could even think about what I was doing, I was flipping him over. My desperate attempt at cheering him up would have to work, because seeing Luke sad had to be the worst thing to see. I would never get used to it. It was now me straddling Luke, fingers digging into his sides as the blond squirmed and yelled, legs kicking underneath me as I tickled him senseless. His arms were flying everywhere, nearly hitting me in the face a few times as he shook his head, eyes screwed shut and mouth wipe open letting out screams and laughs mixed into one desperate plea for me to stop.

"Mikey, no!" He exclaimed, finally finding it in him to grab a hold of my wrists, holding them up in the air. It was now my turn to squeal, trying to get Luke to let go of me so that I could continue to tickle him. It didn't take long before I started getting tired, arms going soft as I panted, grinning down at my best friend who now looked happy again. 

I climbed off of him, knowing that I wouldn't be able to control myself if I just sat there on Luke's lap. I would want to kiss him and I knew that that would be wrong of me. If Luke wanted to kiss me, I would be okay with it. But kissing him only made me feel like I was taking advantage of my best friend. It wouldn't make me feel good at all. Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long before Luke was crawling back onto my lap, almost as if now, he couldn't stay away. Deep down, I wished he couldn't. I didn't move a single inch as Luke hesitantly leaned down, thumb grazing over my lower lip as his eyes focused solemnly on them. I didn't know what any of it was supposed to mean, but as Luke's lips came in contact with mine for the second time ever, I couldn't help but kiss back.

It was a short, closed mouth kiss, but I couldn't even begin to fathom all of the things it made me feel and everything it meant to me. If kissing Luke was a mistake, I'd want to make that mistake every second of every day and deal with the consequences later. As if Luke could read my mind, he leaned down again, pressing our lips together once more before resting his head on my shoulder, nose digging into the crook of my neck. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling of having Luke's body pressed against mine.

"Come on, then." I groaned, sitting up. Luke was still straddling me, arms wrapping around my neck as he pulled back to look at me. We were close enough for our breaths to be mingled into one, eyes looking straight into each other's souls like we did when we younger. That had always been the only way for me to tell how Luke was feeling, but at that moment, I had no idea what was going through his mind. "We need to get to the doctor's."

Luke nodded, giving my lips one last peck before he climbed out of bed. He didn't even look back at me as he headed into the bathroom, and in my mind, I couldn't stop replaying what had just happened. I didn't know what it meant or where we stood, but I knew that I would never be strong enough to stop whatever it was Luke was doing. The truth was I would let him walk all over me and not say a word about it. To me, having Luke walk all over me was better than not having Luke at all.

It didn't take long before we were heading out the front door and getting into my car. Luke was silent the whole drive, feet up on the dash like they usually were, ignoring my requests for him to sit properly. Although I was just looking out for his safety, seeing Luke sit like that took me back years, and the nostalgic feeling that had settled in my chest was starting to grow comfortable. I liked seeing him like that from the corner of my eye; it was almost a reminder that things could always go back to the way they were and that was the only thing I wanted. I wanted to have my Luke back. A Luke with no soulmate and undivided attention towards me. 

We arrived at the doctor's almost half an hour later, both of us casually strolling in. We had been in there so many times already, walking towards the desk and getting everything sorted felt almost natural by now. We took a seat in the waiting room, patiently waiting for Luke's name to be called. When it was, I could sense the nervousness radiating from my best friend. He took my hand in his, squeezing it tightly as we walked alongside each other into the examination room. As usual, Luke took a seat on the bed and I took a seat on the chair in the corner, pulling closer to Luke like he always asked me to. Dr. Parker was in there too, smiling softly as he usually did. Except this time, someone else was in the room, standing in the corner with her fingers laced together and her lips pursed into a thin line.

"So Luke," Dr. Parker asked, taking a seat on his own chair as he smiled up at the blond. "How have you been feeling lately?"

"Good." The blond replied with a tight smile.

"No nausea, fevers, headaches?"

"Well, I did feel a bit nauseous about a week or so ago, but it went away with sleep. I think it was just something I ate, maybe." He shrugged, smiling softly as the doctor nodded.

"That's good, very good." He whispered, taking a sheet of paper and reading through it quickly. "So, I've got your CD4 count here and I'm pleased to say everything looks good. The higher your CD4 count is, the better, because that means your immune system is still pretty strong. Your count is verging the average count for a healthy adult man, so that means your infection still hasn't progressed a lot."

"So what happens now?" I asked after a short silence, giving Luke a quick look as he smiled at me and took my hand.

"This is Dr. Evans," Luke's doctor smiled, gesturing towards the woman in the corner. "She's your new HIV health provider. She's specialised in HIV treatment, and basically she'll be there to catch up with you every so often to make sure everything's in check. What we are going to have to do now, is set up Luke's treatment plan. Because Luke's CD4 count is still very good, what Dr. Evans and I thought would be good is to take Luke's resistance test straight away. This means that we need to test Luke's HIV cells to see if they are resistant to medication. Depending on the results, we'll have to figure out stronger drugs to give you to make sure we're keeping everything in check."

"So how long does it take to get the results?" Luke sighed. "And does that mean my treatment only starts after they come in?"

"The results take up to three weeks to be ready, and that's because we check to see if the response to the drug is based on the genetic construction of the virus or if it depends on other conditions. We can get Luke started on some light ART treatment, meaning we'll be giving him a combination of medication to keep the virus under control. Once we get your resistance tests back, we'll be able to determine if the antiretroviral therapy is too weak to control your virus or if we can continue the way we are."

Dr. Evans took a step forward, giving Luke an encouraging smile before she directed her attention to me. "I'm going to need to take Luke for a quick chat now and a quick physical test."

Luke turned over to me, placing his hand over mine softly as he smiled. I could tell in his eyes that he was using everything in his body to flash me that small, almost unnoticeable smile and that was absolutely heartbreaking. Luke didn't deserve any of this, and if I could, I would take his place in a heartbeat. 

"I'll see you soon." Luke murmured, watching as I stood up from the chair and made my way towards the door. I made sure to look at him over my shoulder.

"I'll be waiting."

~~~ 

ah yes

what a time to be alive