Chapter 3 | Girlfriend

Such an idiotic move, I said to myself. I almost didn't sleep that night just to have the fucking unsend button on my application. The least thing I wanted to happen was to let him see my ridiculous confession.

I uninstalled the app several times and even searched an apk for the latest version that had the fucking unsend button.

"Mikasha, masyado ka naman yatang babad sa phone?" puna ng aking ina.

Sumabay siya sa aking pag-alis at na sa iisang taxi kami ngayon patungo sa Syru. Binaba ko saglit ang aking phone upang kausapin si mama.

"Wala 'to, ma, may inaayos lang na app," I told her.

"Confident ka bang makapapasa ka na ngayon?" she teased me.

"Well," I shrugged off, which made my mother laugh.

Ang totoo talaga'y hindi ako sigurado kung maipapasa ko na ba ito ngayon. Handa naman ako ngunit may parte pa rin sa aking nagdududa sa kakayahan.

In the end, I turned off my phone to not be distracted anymore. I set my eyes on the road and just told myself to focus on today's agenda. I had no idea how many students were in an examination room but I hoped it wouldn't be that many.

"You sure you can handle yourself, Mika? Maaga pa naman ako para sa trabaho..." my mother asked me for the last time when the taxi finally went inside the university's entrance.

"Kaya ko na po, ma... pati pagbalik... I'll text you if tapos na ako at kung pauwi na," I assured her.

"Okay, sige... I wish you good luck, 'nak," she stated and hugged me.

"Thank you, ma... you're always supportive," I murmured.

When the taxi parked in front of the main gate, it became my cue to finally go out to seize the day. My kitten heels produced this authoritative sound that got some of the students' attention. I remained composed and proper to stay in focus, I wasn't here to make friends after all.

Good thing that the teacher assigned to us was the same teacher from my last year's exam. Tingin ko pa nga'y kilala pa ako nito dahil sa akin ang kanyang unang titig at tila pa nagulat sa aking presensya.

"Good morning, everyone. Please do wait to be called before entering the room, your arrangement is already planned. Let's start with the girls," then she mentioned the first girls from the list.

I remained silent as I observed everyone being called. I stayed in my place and only moved a muscle when the teacher, ma'am Manuel, mentioned my full name.

"Duran, Mikasha? You tried last year, right?" she asked me with a shock tone.

"Yes po, I'm here to test my luck again," I chuckled.

"Good, that's a nice spirit you got there..." she said with an optimistic vibe and pointed to my seat.

Sitting at one of the chairs of this room reminded me of the first time I ever went here. I had no idea what was going to happen and I didn't prepare for it, the reason why I happened not to pass the exams.

I was that yolo kind of girl who only cared to do things, not minding if I was doing right or enough-basta magawa, 'yon na 'yon... but something changed after I saw the results. It pushed me to study harder and stop the "bahala na" mindset.

Ma'am Manuel explained to us every instruction we needed to know and rules to follow. It took at least ten minutes before the answer sheets were finally given to each one of us.

I even prayed on the sheet for a major good luck, I couldn't help but to chuckle as I realized how eager I was to pass this test. Then the questionnaires followed which we only opened when ma'am Manuel said so.

Answering the first subject was easy because it didn't need a lot of thinking... at least for me. I was confident in my english skill and didn't hesitate to shade my answers.

The coldness coming from the air conditioner almost froze my brain from working. It affected my ability to answer the next subject which was mathematics.

Dito, duda talaga ako... ngunit tinuloy ko lamang ang pag-solve sa provided scratch paper upang makakuha ng kahit anong sagot.

Iritado pa nga ako sa nakuha kong sagot na 63 sapagat walang 63 sa choices... ngunit may 67 at iyon ang pinakamalapit na sagot sa lahat ng pagpipilian.

"Tangina, sige na nga... 67 na, ito pinakamalapit sa 63," I whispered to myself.

I continued answering and the last subject got me almost insane... it was history and boy, I reviewed things and facts but I just couldn't remember some details.

Dito talaga nasubok ang trust issues ko, tipong na-shade ko na ang letter A sa choices ngunit tila ba may bumulong pa sa isip kong letter C ang may sense na answer. It was too tiring yet in the end, I managed to fucking trust my instincts.

I needed a refreshment to lessen my worries. My eyes glanced at the wall clock just hanging above the board, we still had forty minutes before the exam ended. I composed all the courage I had and slowly went near our teacher.

"Yes, miss Duran?" she whispered.

"Ma'am, may I buy some snacks? I'm done answering na po," I asked politely.

"Sure, you may... be back before the time ends, ha, I have some reminders to tell pa," she told me.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said and immediately went out of that room.

Dala ko ang aking small bag sapagkat laman nito lahat ng aking kailangan: phone, wallet and other girly stuffs.

This part of the school wasn't crowded and only a few students came, maybe to facilitate the examinees or they had individual agendas needed to accomplish.

I could tell that the university had a lot of outstanding students as I quickly scanned a big bulletin board posted at the white wall of this corridor. A lot of names were posted as achievers and such but only one caught my attention... she was a Zorron, probably one of Trojan's cousins.

I knew where the largest cafeteria was located because the last time I went here, I visited it... but sadly, I didn't have the chance to eat anything because it was crowded that time.

My feet reached the end of the long walk hallway and thankfully, the cafeteria was peaceful with only a few people inside. The doors were opened wide and I happily stepped in.

I didn't waste any more minute, I immediately neared the open line counter, painted in white making it look clean and elegant. I scanned the available foods to eat and if only I wasn't thinking of the clock, I'd eat plenty of these.

When I finally decided to buy a serving of menudo, I took a step forward to finally verbalize my order.

"Ano pong inyo, miss?" a staff member asked me.

"Itong menudo na lang po," I answered politely.

"Sure, drinks po, baka gusto ninyo?" tanong niya.

"Magkano po ba?" paninigurado ko.

"Fifty pesos po-"

Jusko, lord.

"Huwag na po, may tubig naman akong dala," I immediately declined.

Tingin naman nito sa akin, gano'n kauhaw para patulan ang fifty pesos na inumin?

Agad siyang naglagay sa isang puting babasaging plato ng aking pagkain kasama ang isang cup ng kanin. Nang natapos siya roon ay muling bumalik sa aking harapan upang kunin ang aking bayad.

"Card po, miss," she told me and extended her right hand.

"Po?" I asked, confused.

"Card po ninyo para makapagbayad," her tone was now getting sharp.

Putangina, hindi naman ako na-inform. Anong klaseng card ba 'yon? Hindi ko inakalang credit card pala ang pangbayad dito.

"Ah, wala kasi ako ng sinasabi mong card but I can pay it in cash-"

"Hindi po kayo makabibili kung walang card, miss," she sounded impatient.

Siya pa 'tong may ganang magalit, hindi niya ba nakita o naramdaman man lang na bago ako rito? Feeling siguro nito, estudyante ako ng Syru. Wala bang consideration or other option ang visitors na walang card?

When she didn't get anything from me, she rolled her eyes and swayed her head in disapproval. Aba, attitude! May lakas pa siya ng loob ibalik ang aking pagkain!

"Hoy, teka nga!" I madly shouted that made her stop from returning my food.

I was about to burn the shit out of her when someone from my back interrupted.

"Ate, pakibigay na sa kanya ang pagkain. Ako na ang magbabayad," my ears almost screamed after that familiar low voice registered in me.

Dahan-dahan akong lumingon sa aking gilid at bumungad sa 'kin ang lalaking hindi ko inakalang makikita ko muli, si Trojan!

Shit! Was I dreaming? Kasi kung ito man ay totoo, isa itong kahihiyan! I was fucking mad the second before he spoke and now, I wasn't sure of what would I feel.

Pinaghalong yamot sa ate at gulat nang nakitang malapit sa akin si Trojan. Kabado rin ako at baka nabasa na ng poging 'to ang walang kuwentang confession ko kagabi.

"Miss?" I only went back to normal when the crew called me softly.

It was then I realized I was staring at Trojan for too long now as he continued talking with the fucking crew.

"A-ah, salamat," wala sa sarili kong wika.

I saw how Trojan handed a piece of maroon card to the crew, napagtanto kong mistulang cateria card nila iyon upang makabili! Akala ko pa naman credit card or what, ang dami kayang klase ng card! The crew made it such a horrible thing, akala mo hindi na puwedeng magkaroon ng visitors ang Syru.

I knew I needed to go now but my legs won't cooperate. A part of me wanted to take advantage of this moment to strike a conversation with him. My mind kept telling me: it is now or never, lumandi ka na, gaga! Huwag mo ng isipin 'yong confession, panagutan mo na lang.

"Anak ka ng secretary ni mama, tama ba?" Trojan turned his attention to me and asked!

Good gracious!

"Oo," tipid kong sagot ngunit nanatili ang tingin sa crew na ngayo'y busy sa pag-swipe at pagsulat.

"Dito ka na mag-aaral?" masungit na tanong ni Trojan, I noticed this was really his way of talking to people.

"Hm, kapag nakapasa," simple kong sagot, ayaw ko namang biglain at baka akalain pa nitong ang creepy ko.

"Trojan!" may tumawag sa kanyang asungot mula sa likuran.

"Faith, sabi ko sa 'yo sa table mo na lang ako hintayin," he whispered softly to the girl.

"Ah, hindi kasi, iibahin ko 'yong order ko," Faith stated.

I wanted to roll my eyes, pabebe ang pucha! I silently glanced at her to fully see her face and imagine my shock when my brain remembered she was the girl with Trojan on that photo!

Wow, small world.

"Sige, anong gusto mo?" Trojan asked her and it was the last thing I heard from them.

I voluntarily distanced myself, hindi na nagpa-alam pa kay Trojan. He seemed busy now with his Faith and I saw how attentive Trojan was on everything Faith was saying.

It was hard for me to accept this but... his eyes were fixed only at Faith, understanding the girl's want as if she was the only person in his eyes.

Bwisit, why did I sound bitter toward it? Being in a relationship nowadays was normal and even I had previous matters regarding boys... but the question: was Trojan serious of her? stayed in my mind. Kung seryoso ang isang 'to, ang suwerte naman ni girl.

I ate my food far from their group but since the cafeteria had lesser people, I could see them clearly and even hear their topic. Masyadong masaya ang grupo nila at tuwing napapatili si Faith dulot ng mga kiliti ni Trojan, hindi ko maiwasang hindi sumimangot.

Pabebe to the max... binabagayan kasi 'yan, girl, at ako na ang mismong nagsasabing hindi bagay sa 'yo!

I left the cafeteria with an annoyed face and blurry feeling. I didn't have the energy to appreciate the things I was supposed to find amusing anymore. As I entered the room, everyone seemed done with the exams.

"Since Miss Duran is here now, please pass your answer sheets first forward," she commanded as we immediately did.

Sumunod naming ipasa ang questionnaires at huli ang scratch papers. I just wanted this moment to be over and I'd spend my whole day alone inside my room watching series. Right, I'd distract myself by watching and maybe... I could invite Jezrel as well.

"Thank you for today, everyone. The announcement regarding the results will be published at Syru's official website at exactly 10 PM of February one," ma'am informed us.

After a few more words about the university, she finally let us stand up and go out. I lazily grabbed my bag and wore it behind me.

I was silently adjusting its length when a group of friends from outside caught my attention.

"Ma'am, tapos na po kayo?" a friend of Trojan asked the teacher.

"Oo, tulungan ninyo nga muna akong dalhin 'to sa office," she told the students.

"Sure, ma'am!" the guy said, "Mikael," and called.

"Hindi pa kayo umuuwi? Tapos na ang forum ninyo, ha?" ma'am asked them.

"Ma'am, ililibre ka namin 'di ba?" another guy from the group said happily.

"Aba't buti naman at hindi kayo nakalimot," ma'am laughed, "Miss Duran, is everything okay?" she asked me.

"Huh? Ah, yes po... just my bag, I fixed the length," I answered her with a trembling voice, "aalis na rin po ako."

The group was now looking at me and I felt uncomfortable, for the first time, I didn't want the spotlight.

"Sige, ingat sa pag-uwi... malay mo, pasado ka na this time," she stated.

"Thank you, po," I only said and was about to walk away when Trojan spoke!

"Sumubok ka na noon?" he asked in a casual tone.

Anak ng!

"Oo," tangi kong sagot.

"Magkakilala kayo, Mikael?" ma'am asked meaningfully.

"Yes, ma'am... her mother is my mom's secretary," he answered.

"Oh, wow! That's great... if ever na makapasa ka, Mikasha, may kakilala ka na agad," she happily told me.

Dulot nito ay nang-asar ang kanilang mga kaibigan.

"Faith, mahal ka ni Trojan, wag kang magselos," they kept saying.

Mahal... mahal! Kung isampal ko kaya sa pagmumukha nila ang bill namin ng tubig at kuryente para malaman nila ang tunay na mahal?

"Alam ko naman 'yon, Krit," Faith confidently hissed.

Aba, palaban! How sure were you about that, girl?

"Mahal, what a word," bulong ko sa sarili pero tila narinig nila iyon.

Oh, shit!

"Bakit, Mikasha, hindi ka ba naniniwala sa pagmamahal?" birong tanong ni Mrs. Ocampo.

I faked my smile, trying to save myself from the whisper I did.

"Ma'am, naniniwala ako sa pagmamahal pero hindi sa ganito," tinuro ko pa sina Faith at Trojan, "like, ang babata pa namin para sa salitang mahal. Oo, lumalandi ka dahil gusto mong may maranasan pero hindi ibig talagang sabihin nito ay mahal mo na ang nilalandi mo... iyong tipong pang-Disney ang ending," I hissed.

"My point is, mahal or love is a deep word para gamiting term sa mga tulad ninyong naglalandian. Respeto na lang sa salita," I pointed out.

"Hindi naman kami naglalandian. We're in a relationship," Faith said back.

"Bakit? Nasisiguro mo bang hanggang dulo na kayo?" I chuckled.

She didn't answer and even looked up to Trojan, signalling him to say something to defeat me.

"See, kaya nga love is a big term para gamit-gamitin lang. Kung hindi ninyo kayang pahalagahan ang mismong salita, paano pa kaya ang taong karelasyon mo, 'di ba?" I added.

Ayan, ha! Kung pahusayan pa lang mang-attitude, girl, seminar ka muna.

"Tama! Kaya kayo, mag-aral muna. Kayo na nga itong nakapag-aaral sa mamahaling school, kayo pa itong hindi magsitino," ma'am agreed.

Damn, I felt like I won something.

"Sorry na, ma'am," pabiro silang humingi ng tawad at tila binaliwala agad ang usapan.

"Anyway, ma'am, dito na po ako," paalam ko sa huling pagkakataon.

"Sige, Mikasha... I'm glad hearing your thoughts about love, ha. I'm surprised," she told me.

"Thank you, ma'am..." I trailed off, "aalis na po ako."

Trojan's eyes lingered on me as I said those words. How I wished those would stay only for me. I wanted so bad to look back just to see if he was still watching me leave... but why on earth would he do that, right?

Silly, Mikasha... hindi naman ikaw ang girlfriend.