Perry has to walk to OWCA headquarters. He had been planning on leaving via hang glider, but he's not sure it would hold someone of his size. Fortunately, he spends a lot of time in the streets, so he knows exactly where he's going. It's just a matter of getting there, which, as someone still adjusting to human legs, is not easy.

The first thing he sees when he gets to OWCA headquarters is Carl, walking very quickly to the front door with a coffee in his hands. Either he snuck away for a coffee and doesn't want Monogram to know he was gone, or Monogram asked for a coffee and Carl's on a deadline. It doesn't really matter, though. This is just what he needed.

"Carl!" Perry waves his arms around to get his attention. Had he still been a platypus, he would have run to catch up, but he doesn't want to risk falling down again because he doesn't know how human limbs work.

Carl turns to look, and when he sees Perry walking towards him, he just looks confused. Perry had expected as much. He's not exactly wearing a name tag.

"Do I know you?" Carl asks.

"It's Agent P," Perry says.

"What about Agent P?" Carl asks nervously.

Perry rolls his eyes. "No, I'm Agent P."

"I didn't know we were recruiting humans," Carl says, obviously confused.

God, he's so dense. Sure, maybe he could understand the confusion with any other agent, but Perry fights Doofenshmirtz. This isn't even the weirdest thing he's ever done.

"I'm Perry," he says. "The ex-platypus." He refuses to use the word "humanpus," no matter how much Doofenshmirtz liked it.

Carl gapes at him. "Agent P? What happened to you?"

"Doofenshmirtz happened," Perry deadpans. "Is Major Monogram around?"

"Yes, and I think he'd really like to see this," Carl says.

They head inside, and the entire time Perry is following Carl around, he feels everyone's eyes on him. Carl and the Monograms — Major, Missus, and Monty — are the only humans ever walking the OWCA halls. Sure, there was a day when Doofenshmirtz worked here, but he really doesn't count for much. It's definitely not comparable to Perry, an unfamiliar face to everyone around.

Monogram is sitting in the same room he does the mission reports from, muttering under his breath about his computer and how useless it is. How he manages to function without Carl constantly by his side, Perry does not know.

Monogram looks over at the sound of the door opening. "Carl, who's that and why did you bring him here?"

"It's Agent P, sir," Carl says.

"What about Agent P?"

Perry is half convinced that Carl and Monogram share one singular brain cell.

"I'm Agent P," Perry says. "Doofenshmirtz did... well..." He gestures vaguely to himself. "That."

"Great googly moogly!" Monogram says, gaping at him. "Although that would explain the hair."

"What?"

"Your hair," Carl says, "it's platypus colored."

Perry reaches up and plucks a single strand of his hair to look at. Sure enough, it's the same teal that used to cover his body. The universe really has a dumb sense of humor.

"Well, this is..." Monogram pauses, eyeing him for a moment. "... unprecedented."

About a million sarcastic remarks go through Perry's head, and if there's one thing being a nonverbal animal his whole life has taught him, it's how to keep those comments to himself.

"Have you tried asking him to turn you back into a platypus?" Monogram asks.

Perry just stares at him. That's his solution? Just ask him?

"Have you?" Carl asks.

"Yes," Perry says, and he forces himself to cut his answer off there before he says something he'll regret.

"Have you tried asking nicely?" Monogram asks.

"I wasn't... not... nice..." Perry says awkwardly. He didn't say 'please,' but he didn't threaten to kill the guy, either. That counts as nice, right?

"Weird," Monogram remarks. "I was sure that would work."

Perry just stares at him. Again.

"What do we do now, sir?" Carl asks.

"I don't know," Monogram admits. "There's no procedure for this." He looks at Perry. "Agent P, what would you like to do now?"

"Become a platypus?" Perry says uncomfortably. There's not much else he can do.

"How would we even go about that?" Carl asks. "We don't have that type of technology."

"You copy every inator he makes," Perry reminds him. "The humanator had a reverse switch. The copy will, too."

"About that, Agent P," Carl says awkwardly. "Doofenshmirtz didn't do any of this online. We couldn't find a copy of his blueprint, so we couldn't copy this one."

Perry scoffs. "Seriously?"

"I'm sorry, Agent P."

"If we can get ahold of the blueprint, we'll tell you," Monogram says. "Until then, we're going to have to wait it out."

"I don't have time to wait it out," Perry snaps. "I have a family waiting for me, Monogram! If I'm not back home tonight, they're going to freak!"

"I'm sorry, Agent P, but there's nothing we can do," Monogram says.

"Call Doofenshmirtz! Threaten to arrest him! Do something!"

"If you couldn't talk some sense into him, trust me, Agent P, nobody can," Monogram says.

Perry grits his teeth. He's not even going to try? He's just going to let Perry stay human until Doofenshmirtz decides to do something — if Doofenshmirtz tries to do something? Unbelievable.

Without a word, Perry turns and walks out the door.

"Where are you going?" Carl asks, following him out.

"To Phineas and Ferb," Perry says, adding under his breath, "The only people who care, apparently."

"You can't do that," Monogram says quickly.

Perry just keeps walking. He's vaguely aware of Carl and Monogram following him, but he doesn't care.

"Agent P, you cannot talk to your host family," Monogram says firmly. "That's an order."

"Fine." Perry whips around to face him. "I quit."

"Agent P, you can't quit!" Carl says, shocked.

"Do I have to sign something?" Perry asks. "You need my hat? What do I have to do to cut ties with OWCA?"

"You are under contract, Agent P," Monogram says. "It doesn't matter if you still work here. You cannot talk to the Flynn-Fletchers."

"And if I do?" Perry challenges. What are they going to do? Kill him? They don't even kill the evil scientists that they apprehend. There's no way they'd kill their best agent, even if he leaves.

"Then we'll have no choice but to wipe not just the boys' memories, but the memories of everyone that has ever met you as a domestic pet," Monogram says.

Perry gapes at him, speechless. Would he really do that? Would he really take away the only connections Perry has to this world outside the agency? And it's not like he's the most popular agent around, either. His friendships are basically limited to Peter the Panda from Seattle and Lyla from COWCA, and only one of them can talk. The Flynn-Fletchers are his best friends by far.

"I'm sorry, Agent P," Monogram says, "but it's for the protection of the agency."

"So, for the protection of the agency, where I am arguably the best agent, you're going to force me to leave?" Perry says, incredulous. What type of backwards logic is that?

"No one's forcing you to leave, Agent P," Carl says, and, unlike Monogram, he also seems upset at the situation. There's a reason Perry's always liked him.

"You can still fight Doofenshmirtz," Monogram says. "You were a platypus, after all. If Doofenshmirtz is an ocelot, you're a platypus, no doubt about it."

"I can't fight anyone like this," Perry says. "I'm completely useless until someone turns me back."

"Then you could intern!" Carl says, and the concept seems to excite him so much, Perry really hopes that Monogram shuts that idea down. Unfortunately, he doesn't, so Perry has to.

"I'm sorry, Carl," Perry says, "but I've seen the way Monogram treats you. I don't know how you've made it through a whole summer of it, because I wouldn't last a day."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Monogram asks.

Instead of answering, Perry just hands over his fedora. "If you figure out how to turn me back, come find me. If not, just leave me alone."

And this time, when Monogram and Carl try to stop him from leaving, he just keeps going.

The last thing he hears before he's out of the building is Monogram asking, "Has he always had an attitude?"

~~

Danville is a beautiful city. Everything functions so well, and its only issues tend to come from LOVE MUFFIN. As such, there isn't much of a homeless population, which leaves Perry completely out of luck. He can't go home — he'd be no better off as a platypus disowned by OWCA and forgotten by his family that he is now — and there's no homeless shelter nearby. The local library's already closed, so he can't google where the nearest one is. The best he has is the location of the grocery store, so he can at least steal a bite to eat if he has to.

What has his life come that Perry, a former OWCA agent dedicated to upholding the law, is now considering stealing food? He can't exactly access the money he's made from working at OWCA after shifting it all to Linda's bank account so she wouldn't notice how much the boys have spent over the summer. He can't even get a job, because legally, he's a platypus. There's nothing for him to do.

Nothing but wait.