I settled to the ground beside Susie's grave and stared at the sun in stunned disbelief. It was too much. It just wasn't fair. Everything was a mess right now. Everything. I was still torn up inside, I hadn't slept at all last night, the few fruits I found to eat all tasted bland and lackluster compared to the sweet, ripe fruits I had grown accustomed to, and I had barely been able to work up enough of an appetite to eat.

Was it really too much to ask that one thing be right? Just to have one simple thing go okay, just to have one thing not be completely ruined? Couldn't I at least have that much?

No. Now even the Morning Song was broken for me.

I could feel it. Even worse than when Susie had died. It was a gaping, obvious wound in my dance. The blatant, glaring certainty that I was doing it wrong. I barely felt any of the uplifting sensation I normally had after a sunrise. All I was left with was more... more wrongness.

More of the knowledge that I had made a mistake. More of the feeling that I should be with Minna, and dancing and singing for her, not out here alone. Not leaving her alone.

It just wasn't fair...

I drifted through the day as a complete wreck. I glided aimlessly throughout the forest, telling myself I was searching for some treat that might be interesting enough to overcome my lack of appetite, but I always seemed to end up back near the edge of the park. Back near the city.

Hunger finally grew strong enough to overcome my depression around noon, and I made a simple lunch out of a few apples I found. After that my lack of sleep caught up with me and I returned to my den for a nap... and after a few hours of fitful rest, I returned to flying random patterns through the forest.

Whenever I smelled a Kymari nearby I turned and went in another direction. I didn't want to see any of them, not after what they had done to me. And... I still really, really wanted to see one of them, even despite all she had done to me. Because of all she had done to me.

As evening approached I returned to the river. The fish had started to become more active with the setting sun, and it was easy to catch one. A month away from the forest hadn't dulled the habits I had formed over eight years of providing for myself. In no time at all I had killed and deboned a fish for Susie's meal.

A few Kymari were at the bank, and one kept a recording device on me. I couldn't help but wonder if Minna would see it. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to or not. She might be happy to see that I was doing well... but she might be sad to be reminded of me. Would it just be better for her to forget about me? Would it just be better for me to forget about her?

Could either of us actually do that?

I dropped the fish off for Susie, but I didn't have the energy to play with any of the pinecones scattered about. I spent several minutes walking around the grave, looking for... something... but whatever it was, it wasn't there. That made me sad, though I wasn't sure why.

I curled up by the headstones and watched the sun slowly set. For some reason I didn't quite understand, I really wanted a sunburst berry...

I settled down on the ground, feeling the last moments of the Morning Song fade away. I glanced at the pile of rocks that served as the marker for Susie's grave.

The emptiness in the Morning Song wasn't going away. It still ate at me, a discordant blank spot that ruined an otherwise colorful tapestry. It was impossible to feel any happiness from the sunrise. There was just too much wrong. There was just too much that had to be fixed inside me. I would never truly be able to match the beauty of the sunrise as long as there was so much ugliness tearing me up inside.

I had felt the hollowness in the song after Susie had died because... because I had lost a friend. Because somebody I cared about was gone, and I missed them, and I didn't have anyone to sing for. The song had been diminished by the emptiness... but it had been a small thing. Because as much as it hurt, there were still things of beauty in my life. My dance included that pain, but it was still defined by other things. It still resonated with other beauty that could be found in the sunrise.

But now... now the emptiness was there because I had driven away a friend. There was a person in my life who needed to hear my song, a person I needed to sing for... and... I wasn't. I needed to be in her life, needed to be helping her, and instead I was alone out here in the forest. Hiding. Because I was afraid.

I had pushed everything beautiful out of my life and filled myself with nothing but fear and emptiness.

So when the sun rose, it shone on only emptiness and fear in my dance. It had nothing but those things to give back to me.

The fault wasn't the sun. The fault wasn't Minna, the fault wasn't Ivy, or Trenil, or Arlia, or the Elder, or pineapples, or shia fruit, or the hot sand, or the warm water, or that stupid tranquilizer, or that blasted harness. They were all things meant to make my life beautiful again. All things... all gifts sent to me, so that... so that I wouldn't have to be alone anymore, even though I no longer had Susie.

They weren't incomplete replacements for something that had been stolen. They were a chance at building the lost things back again. They were a way to put life back together again. They were a way to find beauty once more, maybe even more beauty than there had been before. It wasn't a bribe, or something to tempt me into betraying the memory of my friend.

It was what Ivy had been telling me from the beginning. It was an apology. It was a chance to live again. And instead of taking it... instead of meeting life and being part of it... I was here, clinging to the memories of what I had once had, and hiding in fear of what might happen. Of what could be.

The fault was in me.

As much as it scared me, I belonged with Minna. As much as I hadn't wanted it at first, now it was the truth. Regardless of where the feelings had come from, regardless of what had led to this closeness in us, it was there now. There was no more denying that. I was her bond animal. She was my bond handler. Neither of us would ever be happy apart from the other. Neither of us could be, not truly. My denying or hating or fearing that truth didn't change it - it only hurt us both.

And it wasn't something to be afraid of. It was something beautiful, or at least it could be, because together we could be happy. We kept messing up... she kept hurting me, from how we first met, to when she starved me to perform tricks, to all those stupid doses of sedatives. And I kept hurting her, from the marks she now bore on her arm, to the sorrow she felt when I was upset, to the pain she had felt when I had left her. The pain she must now be feeling.

But we had a chance to stop that. We had the opportunity to get better than that, we could grow. We could have the love I saw between Ivy and Trenil. We could be something beautiful together, just like they were. One day. If I would only give us the chance. The way that Minna had been trying to.

I didn't have to be miserable and alone. I didn't have to be guilty and conflicted. I could let myself be happy instead. I could have a friend again. Someone I could help make happy, and who would try to make me happy. I could have someone who mattered to me again, and I could find happiness in growing to care about them. It was my choice to make. It always had been.

I made it.

I stared at Susie's grave for a long moment... then finally closed my eyes and lowered my head.

"Goodbye, Susie."

My first steps away were slow. I had made my decision, but each one still felt like a betrayal. Each one hurt. Each one terrified me, each one screamed that I was making a mistake, each one promised that I was throwing away a life of dignity and independence and was about to reduce myself to nothing more than just some random alien's pet.

Maybe each step was right. Maybe Ivy was wrong. Maybe Minna would betray me again. Maybe the dragonet that had attacked me was right. Maybe the other dragonets would join her, and find other things to call me. Things that might even be true.

But my fears were wrong about one thing. Even if they were right about everything else, even if everything else was true... Ivy had already been right about one thing. It was different when it was our handler. It was different because it was her. In the end, I would never just be some random alien's pet.

Because no matter what else happened, I would at least be Minna's.

I made it past the tree by Susie's grave. I paused and closed my eyes for a long moment. I thought over everything one more time, I thought through the decision I was making again, just to be sure I was absolutely, completely certain.

I spread my wings and took to the air. I flew away from the grave of my friend.

...

...

No.

I flew towards the home of my friend.