What.

I tried not to jump up and yell.  It helped that I was stunned by the Elder’s words.  I also wasn’t sure I wanted the Kymari to know that I could understand them, and I was pretty sure that kind of reaction would give away the secret, but… what.

“I… I-I’m sorry?”  The Kymari stammered and stared at the Elder in shock, while Arlia mirrored her expression.  “I… but… why?  Why me?”

The Elder looked into her cup for a moment before sliding it back to the table.  “You said it yourself that nobody else was willing to help him after he was injured, and I have confirmed that with the clinic workers.  Before he was injured you knew your interactions would be met with our disapproval, but you cared too much about him to let that stop you.  You already demonstrate authentic concern for his well being, and you care what happens to him.  Those are traits every bond handler should have.  That is the start of a genuine bond, which makes you uniquely suited to make the attempt.”

“But he should go back to the park; he’ll want to be with the coy… the dog.”  The Kymari looked back at me.  Worry was obvious in her eyes, and… something else.  Guilt?

“I am certain that right now he very much wants that.  But…”  The Elder gestured towards the device she had placed on the table.  “The stories of Kymallata are inspiring ones.  They are touching ones.  But they invariably end in much the same way - with the death of the Kymallata.  Alone, all by themselves, either in a spectacular feat of heroism or in a tragic accident when they grow older and neglected.”

“If he is released back into the park, it is likely his story will end that way.  We have observed that members in the flock will band together to drive off predators like the one that attacked him, and it is likely that the dog protected him from that bird and other predators, as you mentioned.  But alone, on his own, it is only a matter of time before he will be attacked again.”  The Elder paused significantly.  “And when that happens, it is likely that he will die.”

She lifted a hand in a vague wave around her.  "The Votak completely destroyed the sentient species that called this world home.  We failed to protect them, and now all that remains are ancient ruins and broken fragments of their culture… and one last surviving pet.  I would be very, very disappointed if in the end we also failed to protect even that little of what remains of them."

The younger Kymari began to fidget nervously on the couch.  “He could join the other flock…”

“Perhaps.  And we have considered that option; there are very few surviving fire lizards in existence, and every member we can bring into their gene pool is crucial.  If he will accept being relocated then that will be an acceptable outcome.  But we must also prepare for the possibility that he will not be able to be relocated.  It is not unheard of for animals to reject individuals that were raised by another species, or who fail to display behaviors they were raised to expect - behaviors this one may never have learned.  We know very little about the social interactions between the fire lizards; it is entirely possible the flock will not accept him as one of them.  And if he was accustomed to humans and dogs, it is also possible that he will not accept them.”

The Elder paused again to glance back at me.  “He also may not be willing to stay there with them.  That was the main reason we did not attempt to capture and relocate him before this.  There is no telling how he will respond to that, and I would be very saddened to learn that his story ends with him being attacked and killed while trying to return to the dog’s grave.”

The younger Kymari looked at the table blankly.  I could tell she didn’t like that idea either.

I wasn’t sure what the ‘flock’ would be like, or if they would accept me.  It would be nice to meet other dragonets, especially if they had once been human like I had been, but… I knew the Elder was right.  Eventually I would want to come back to visit Susie.

“I don’t… I can’t be the one to do this.  Not after what I did.”

The Elder shook her head slightly at the Kymari’s words.  “Anyone would have done the same had they been in your situation.  No one blames you for what you did.”

The Kymari motioned back towards me with one hand.  “He does.  Arlia?”

Arlia nodded and stood up from the couch.  “Watch.”  She walked over to the cage, and I watched calmly as she opened the door, took out the bowl, and carried it back to the couch.

She handed the bowl to her, who stood up from the couch and walked to the cage.  I hissed at her the second she got close, feeling my anger at her presence urge me to attack her if she got too close.  She put the food back where Arlia had taken it from, closed the cage, and walked back to the couch.  I hissed for a few more seconds until the anger faded enough to manage, then put my head back down on the blanket.

“He knows me.  The notes on the other fire lizards say they were scared of us and hissed at everybody... but he only ever hisses at me.  He’s comfortable with being around us, and probably just thinks of most of us in the same way that he did the humans.  But… not in my case.  He knows what I did.  He hates me for it, and except for times when he is on the medication Senica prescribed, he makes sure to show it.  He will never come to accept me in that way.”  She held up her hand to face the Elder, showing off the marks from where I had bitten her fingers.

The Elder nodded slowly and took another sip from her drink.  “Perhaps he won’t.  And if he will not, then we will have to accept that outcome.  But…”  The Elder paused again, seeming to consider her words more.  “From what we have learned from the other fire lizards in captivity, they only form a true connection with one single individual.  They may tolerate or become used to others they meet, but they will only grow to feel strongly towards one Kymari.”

The Elder stared at the liquid in the cup for a moment before continuing.  “You worry that he cannot accept you because he hates you too much, but he at least feels for you.  For Arlia, or any other Kymari, he is indifferent.  There is no feeling or interest in him for them to build upon or work with.  His feelings for the rest of us are clear - he has none at all.  He is neither interested nor afraid.  We are nothing to him, and because of that we will not be able to form a relationship with him that is stronger than the one he has lost.  Not in the time we have.  When his body is healed he will try to escape one of us and go back to the memory of his friend - he does not have the interest in us that it would take to help him overcome that grief."

She looked up at the other Kymari with a calm expression and spoke her next words slowly.  Deliberately.  "You have hurt him, and he is angry with you.  That is true.  But he is not indifferent to you.  He already has strong feelings towards you, whereas he is apathetic towards anyone else.  That means you have already become special to him.  And because of that you have a chance that none of the rest of us have - to help heal the grief he feels, and to give him comfort for the hurt that drives him to lash out at you.  To build a relationship with him in ways that Arlia or I could not.”

The old Kymari looked back at me, and I had the strangest feeling that her next words were meant for me, as if somehow she knew I would understand them.  “Any creature that is capable of hatred is just as equally capable of forgiveness.”

The Elder watched me for another long moment before she turned and looked back to the other Kymari.  "I can ask Taureen to come and teach you how to reach him.  He has had great success in teaching new handlers how to interact with the creatures; all five of the fire lizards in captivity today have adapted because of his methods, and he has expressed significant interest in teaching any Kymari that comes into possession of one of the creatures.  He will gladly help you.  Accept his help and try to tame him, then release him when he has recovered - if Kymallata rejects you and remains with the flock, or returns to the park here, then that will be the end of it.  But I at least ask that you make the attempt."

The Kymari fidgeted more and looked down.  Arlia fiddled with her cup for a few seconds before speaking up.  "Minna's parents will never allow it.  They were angry enough about her going into a pilot training program, especially one on such an undeveloped colony as this.  They only allowed it in the end because Terron - her brother - was here.  They would not give her permission to live here permanently, and fire lizards aren't allowed to leave."

The Elder looked thoughtful for a moment.  "How old are you, Minna?"

"I turn fifty three in two months."

The Elder blinked slowly.  I got the impression that she hadn’t known that.  The knowledge in my head told me that was very young for a Kymari, barely an adult.  "Ah."  The Elder looked around the room once more and seemed to change her opinion of the house to one that was slightly more approving.

There was silence for a moment until the Elder looked back at the younger Kymari.  "In that case, perhaps it would be better to have Trenil assist you instead of Taureen.  As I understand it Taureen is attempting to tame a wild fire lizard that has taken an interest in his bond companion, so it may be best not to give him extra distractions in any case.  But please do not let your parents stand in the way of this.  If it reaches the point where it is necessary, I will speak to them regarding it."

She motioned back towards me with her hand.  “We have plenty of pilots.  But we need every fire lizard handler that we can get.  Will you at least make the attempt?”

There was silence in the room while she thought it over.  I wanted to scream and tell them to give it up, and yell that there was no way I would ever accept what they were discussing.  The knowledge in my head showed me part of what 'bond animal' meant - it was a position almost as revered as Kymallata, where an animal had reached a state so important to an individual Kymari and their society that they were considered a member of the family, as valued and important as any child or sibling would be.  The thought of being family to her, after what she had done, disgusted me.

But they would simply see a stupid animal suddenly pitching a fit in its cage.  At best they would just go into another room to talk.  At worst they would start to wonder what had set me off, and start to ask uncomfortable questions.

I hid behind the blanket and glowered at her in silence.

The Kymari remained oblivious to my stare and simply looked dazed for several minutes.  She finally shook her head.  “I… will think about your request, Elder Naishi.”

Well.  That's a polite 'no' if I ever heard one.

“Thank you.”  The Elder placed the cup on the table and slowly rose to her feet.  “Thank you for the refreshments and the company.  Please contact my office when you have made your decision.”

“Thank you, Elder Naishi.”  Arlia rose from the couch, and the other young Kymari followed a few seconds later, still looking stunned.  They walked the Elder to the door, then returned back to sink down on the couch.

I adjusted my body on the blanket and looked towards the back wall, feeling like I had dodged an enormous bullet.