It wasn't just Madara that was still recovering from the Hagoromo camp incident; the two younger Senju children weren't doing too well from the outcome. Itama had always been a sensitive child, at each Senju funeral, he was usually seen shedding tears even though he did try his very hardest to be silent in his sobbing. It wouldn't be the first time Butsama would've scolded his son for being so sensitive and not completely cutting his emotions out. Because that was how Itama would become truly capable as a shinobi, eradicate all the kindness and empathy that made him such a lovely boy.

Saruyama, much like her brother, had a haunted look on her face and a dark cloud hanging over her. The twins stuck close together when they attacked the camp, not wanting to drift too far apart from each other; more for protection, but also this horrible pulling that just came from separation, they didn't do well with being separated. But the pair fought incredibly well with each other, they could team up and take down opponents that were bigger than them, only due to being smaller, and quicker and agile in their attacks.

Even as the pair sat at Kawarama's grave, it was safe to say the pair could well and truly remember some of the faces of those they helped in dispatching. Some were children themselves, and that hurt. They were in the same boat as themselves, they were far from home and they did fight the best they could, but they were outnumbered so much. It was like fighting against a strong tide, paddle, and swim as much as possible, but it would no doubt eventually be for nought, the tide would win, and it would wash over everything. This was the same with the camp, the tide which was the Senju washed over the Hagoromo's with no real chance of defence, they were cut down before some could even stand.

Was it worth it? Probably not. Saruyama didn't feel much better for the raid, and it was safe to say by Itama's expression that he too didn't feel great with this supposed avenging their father had mentioned. It was just empty words, a reason to pin to why they were doing this in hopes to rally them all up, but it just didn't work. Hashirama had begrudgingly fought, but he took no pride in what he was doing, that much was clear in the aftermath when everyone was dead.

The brunette boy had looked around at the carnage with an expression that could just be abstract fear, maybe not fear in what was surrounding him and what his fellows had done, because he had seen the strength of his clan, he knew what they could do. But it was more this sort of distant longing pain. Hashirama looked pained. Tobirama ever the more expressionless of them all had seemed as blank as ever, even though he had cast quick glances at all his siblings to make sure they were all in one piece. He didn't spare much of a glance at those that he had cut down, so it was hard to guess or fathom whether Tobirama saw this all as a success or not, whether it truly achieved the intention that was put forth to them.

"Do you think it was worth it?" Itama's voice cut through Saruyama's thoughts as she picked weeds off of Kawarama's grave. They were already seizing the moment to encroach, it wouldn't be the first grave which was being reclaimed by nature, but there was something about the weeds on her baby brother's grave that unsettled her.

Saruyama inhaled slowly, she exhaled just as slowly before shaking her head. The dark eyes of her brother just watched her, this lingering empathy in his eyes as he saw her reaction. His eyes looked sad, a little empty as he looked back to the grave they were sitting in front of. Saruyama's scarlet eyes just looked around the woodland that surrounded them. It was peaceful, which was apt for a place that had the dead within the clearing.

"Father thinks it was worth it." Itama went on to say, plucking at grass blades with a small frown pulling at his eyebrows. His eyes flicked sidelong at her though as he saw her kneel and turn to look at him. She looked troubled by what he said, and Itama would be lying if he said he didn't feel perturbed too.

"Father thinks every fight is worth it, no matter the cost. Look at what happened to Kawarama, at the absolute sheer cost of life that fight entailed, it was still worth it to father. Our brother wasn't the only one who perished then, Itama. He was one of many, but it was worth it to father even though it didn't bring us anything, only death. We didn't gain any headway, nor did we seal a victory, all we had at the end of the day were countless dead. Our baby brother in amongst that lot is nothing but an insult, Kawarama didn't have to die, at least not like that." Saruyama pushed a hand irritably through the spiky white side of her hair.

Itama found himself nodding, he agreed with his sister, of course he did. "I don't think it was noble, how he died. I think he was scared, and I think the situation he was in sounded scary." Itama said quietly; just in case anyone else was approaching to visit a loved one's grave and heard him speaking. Talk like that could be labelled as cowardice, it wouldn't be the first time someone spoke up with words just cemented from fear and they get punished for it. Itama lifted his sleeve, long enough for him to wipe his eyes and sniff against in an attempt to hide away and conceal he felt.

Being the baby of the family, of course all of them felt Kawarama's death in different degrees, but Itama and him had a close bond that only brothers could have. Saruyama didn't feel left out, she didn't mind that her brothers all had strong ties with each other that in a way she couldn't wholly compete with. But the bond with Itama was felt in her soul, and it wasn't like she wasn't close to her older two brothers, even with Tobirama's difficult nature.

"I just miss him still. I still look over to where his bedroll would be, expecting to see him grinning at me before telling me a really stupid joke." Itama's voice was a little muffled behind his sleeve, he was still hiding but Saruyama could see his shoulders hitch slightly. She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around him and leaned her head against his and shut her eyes. "So, to say that the fight on the camp was worth it for Kawarama's name, seems like an insult to who he truly was, and what he was like. I'm not sure about the adults we were supposedly avenging, but I know Kawarama wouldn't have wanted such a thing done in his name."

Saruyama rubbed her hand up and down his arm as Itama just quietly sniffed and tried to hide his tears. Her own eyes pricked, they burned, she could feel tears budding there but she just looked up at the bright sky above, as if that would stop them falling; it did not. She agreed with Itama, wholeheartedly. They ambushed a camp, killed the occupants and were expected to stay silent about it, because that was just how it was. The issue was the adults were used to this, it was one camp of many they had taken care of, but for the children, and even the teenagers of the clan, it was taking a toll, both mentally but also emotionally and physically.

"It was revenge, and I didn't ask for revenge; I just wanted to grieve my brother." Saruyama said with a shaky voice, Itama's face finally peeked out from his sleeve, and he took it as his turn to put an arm around her and hold her close.

"We've all killed someone's loved one, somewhere, it just says that eventually karma catches up." Itama said while leaning his head on top of hers with a sigh. He felt Saruyama nod slowly, she did have a strong belief that what goes around, comes around. Itama was right, karma would always catch up to them eventually. Every single member of their clan had done bad to someone, that had to tally up somewhere, the reckoning of that had her stomach turning.

Despite being outside, everything felt too close, Itama's body next to hers felt too hot, the ground felt spongy below her, even the familiar woods around them felt like they were overcrowding, overshadowing, and listing forwards to cover this area underneath their leafy boughs. The air felt tacky, her throat dry and her chest tight, even shakily putting a hand to her chest she could feel her heart pulsing and beating away wildly. She was certain Itama didn't mean for his words to hit her so hard, it was a comment he mused and spoke aloud. But Saruyama couldn't help but think of the reckoning which would come to her family from the deeds they had done.

She may not be close to her father, but she didn't want to think about him being so easily cut down; he was one of the strongest people she knew, and despite of everything she loved him, of course she did, he was her father. But the thought of not seeing him, hurt. Of course, there was a chance she could outlive him, or the other way around, and that caused her throat to constrict. It didn't help that of course the obvious familial tie that would cut the deepest was the boy next to her. Itama was too sweet to have a harsh dealing of karma coming for him, and him going had her gasping out a breath.

By this point Itama had realised that his twin was clearly nearly hyperventilating. In a panic he easily scooped her up onto his back and took off running for home, he didn't know what else to do. He'd never seen Saruyama fret, she was always steadfast and strong, but this was a small broken girl on his back with tears down her face and breath struggling to come to her.

Saruyama's thoughts didn't get much better even if a small voice was shouting out in her mind that Itama was taking her home, to safety. But knowing their two older brothers would be there had her gripping onto Itama with a struggled breath. She didn't want karma to come hitting hard for them, she loved Hashirama and Tobirama as much as the rest of her family, but no more of Hashirama's contagious smiles or soft hugs, and no more fishing trips or training sessions with Tobirama hurt Saruyama as much as the thought of the other half of her soul going.

Itama all but crashed through the door, startling poor Tobirama from the book he was reading. He didn't know where Hashirama was, he presumed his father was in a meeting and his two younger siblings were off together minding their own business. He hoped they weren't causing mischief or rather that Saruyama wasn't pulling Itama into mischief. He pushed away from the table he was relaxing against and shot up to stand seeing Itama panting and turning and showing the state of Saruyama on his back.

Tobirama went into action mode then, he easily picked his sister off his brother's back and retreated to the room the siblings all shared. "Itama, sort out her bed." Even with trying to catch his breath back, Itama was jogging around his brother and finding her bedroll to lay out and sort out. Grabbing pillows and propping them up the best he could, Itama stepped back and watched Tobirama place their sister down.

Saruyama squirmed a little and shook her head, Tobirama frowned and narrowed his eyes before looking at Itama. "What did you do?" He asked, he didn't mean to sound like he was accusing his little brother of something, but Saruyama had been okay earlier before the pair departed. Yes, the twins both seemed a bit distant, and she had seemed not as perky as usual, but she wasn't like this.

"I didn't do anything! We visited Kawarama, and we talked. That was all!" Itama exclaimed and frowned at his brother, Itama instantly went on the defensive. He didn't take kindly to his brother presuming he'd done something to their sister.

Tobirama's red hued eyes narrowed and turned back to her, he didn't want to knock his sister out with the use of chakra, but tilting his head, he nodded back the way they came. He instructed Itama on making tea, the calming effects from it should still her a bit at least; until then Tobirama just placed a hand against her chest, over her fast-beating heart, he held one of her hands and placing it against his chest, he nodded at her. Luckily, she got the message, she followed suit on breathing when he did, and like he did, even if a few times it looked like she was about to drift off to sleep she'd suddenly open her eyes and look up at him.

Tobirama was ever vigilant, never looking away from her and sensing quite easily that she was slowly calming. Hearing Itama's footsteps draw near, Tobirama retreated his hand from hers, where he was keeping it against his chest and took the small porcelain cup from his brother's hand. Saruyama's hand stayed against him, even though she was practically breathing normally now, it was clearly more of a security thing. Switching hands to hold the cup, Tobirama put his arm under Saruyama's head and lifted her up, she was eventually sitting and holding the cup herself with her brother's either side of her bedroll.

"What happened?" It wasn't like he didn't believe what Itama said, but something else must've happened for Saruyama to freak out like this, and Tobirama wanted to know what and why.

Saruyama sipped slowly at her tea and shut her eyes, she explained more or less the small exchange of words herself and Itama had at Kawarama's grave. Tobirama just frowned, he looked between the pair but didn't comment. Shaking her head and holding the cup in her lap, Saruyama looked sadly at Tobirama; "I got scared, worried, over karma. I thought about all of you, and the thought of you all leaving me. It scared me, Tobirama. But I also got upset thinking that Kawarama had barely started to grow into who he was, that he couldn't have done something so bad to warrant such karma crashing down on him."

Tobirama shifted from kneeling to crossing his legs, resting his forearms on his knees, he simply shook his head. "Kawarama's death has nothing to do with karma. Nor does what happened at the Hagoromo camp. All it surmounts to is wrong place, wrong time, or in some ways right place, right time. They were a threat to us, regardless of how father dressed it up. If we hadn't gone to deal with them, think of the repercussions; they'd have met up with more from their clan, or the Uchiha. If that happened their forces would've been considerably stronger, a strength we may have struggled to contain and beat, or not." He explained, ever the pragmatic one. Tobirama flicked his eyes to Itama when he bowed his head, Saruyama just looked even sadder by his words, somehow. Tobirama was simply explaining plainly the alternative route which could've been taken, and he could say it was a route he would appreciate to avoid unless absolutely necessary.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Saruyama." Itama looked upset that he had caused this, though Tobirama shot him a look, as if to signal that yes, this was on him and his silly choice of words. Saruyama on the other hand shook her head, she reached over and placed a hand against one of Itama's that were fisted against his knees.

"I'm just a little...I don't know, worn out, fragile even. That isn't on you, Itama."

"Rest," Tobirama said while watching the twins look his way. He sighed; it was like what he said didn't register as the blatantly obvious. Running a hand down his face, Tobirama pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I want you to rest, Saruyama. Which means no sneaking out with Itama, and no sneaking out to find Hashirama."

Saruyama sipped at her tea and looked a little wide eyed over the rim at the white haired boy. "Are you going to play guard?"

"I will, if you give me reason to."

"I'll stay with her, make sure she rests." Itama said while putting his hands together and bowing his head, "No need to worry, she won't sneak off anywhere!"

Tobirama found himself sighing, "You're just as bad, you'll probably help her leave." He stood slowly and looked down at them, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head he turned to leave. The twins let out a sigh, only to flinch when he came back in with his book and sat down in the spot he had just left. Finding his page again and acting like nothing had happened, Tobirama commenced reading again.

Itama and Saruyama exchanged a look before chuckling quietly, Tobirama just looked momentarily up at his book before shaking his head. Handing her cup to Itama, he placed it to one side before sitting beside her and leaning against the wall behind him. Saruyama patted the space beside her and raised her eyebrows at Tobirama, even though his expression didn't change, he shifted over and sat the other side of her.

Saruyama leaned her head against his shoulder and yawned quietly, Itama watched the tree branches beyond the window sway in the breeze as the only noise in the room was their quiet breathing, and the turning of a page every so often. By the time Hashirama got home, he was surprised to see no one in the main living spaces of the house. With confusion he did venture onwards, not spotting his father either, he wound up pausing at the bedroom doorway when he saw his three siblings in there. Itama watching the scenery while looking a little drowsy, Saruyama seemingly asleep against Tobirama's shoulder, as he just continued reading as if he wasn't being used as a pillow.

Tobirama, of course, was the first to notice their older brother return, and Hashirama took the snapping of Tobirama's book shutting with more force than necessary a little personally, along with the unhappy look on his brother's face. Itama was already moving Saruyama from Tobirama's shoulder and easing her to lay down as he too stood and followed Tobirama out the room.

The icy aura around Tobirama was quite palpable, Hashirama didn't know what had irked his brother, but he was annoyed over something. Peering over the shoulders of his younger brothers, Hashirama's lips did pull into a straight line, his expression turning worried as there had to be a reason as to why his sister was sleeping away in bed. "What happened?"

Tobirama's head tilted minutely as if he was calculating just how to answer Hashirama's question, Itama on the other hand shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, occasionally he did glance back at his sleeping twin. "She had a panic attack." There was no way around it, other than being bluntly honest. Saruyama had a panic attack, Tobirama wouldn't say it was unwarranted, he understood her reasons, but it didn't help matters that it was horrible watching her small form wiggle on the bed as if it was engulfing her up and never letting her go.

Hashirama's expression went blank, though his brown eyes widened considerably as he heard that. He went to take a step forward, only to be met with Tobirama's hand against his chest. His eyebrows pulled into a frown, Tobirama wasn't having Hashirama going in there waking her up, not now she had settled. Hashirama looked a little offended that his brother was stopping him yet took a step back and shook his head. "I didn't know." Hashirama didn't know what else to say.

"You would've if you were here." Tobirama yet again cut straight to the point, he took no pleasure in seeing his brother flinch at his words. Even Itama looked awkwardly between the two, Tobirama remained expressionless, even if his ruby eyes were unblinking with rare concern shining in them. Hashirama, by far the most expressive amongst them all, looked absolutely broken by Tobirama's words. "I don't know where it is you go, what it is you're even up to, but we can both probably bet that Saruyama would've much preferred you by her bedside as she was worrying, then me." Tobirama knew he wouldn't be most people's first choice of bedside company, and he was fine with that.

Hashirama stood there and took his brother's annoyance, swallowing thickly he just found himself nodding. "You are right, Tobirama. You are absolutely right. I'll make sure that I am here more often, no more going out on my own." Hashirama felt this overriding guilt wash over him. If he hadn't decided to go to the river, to see how Madara was holding up, he would've been here. He saw his friend the other day, and he had seemed so lost in his own thoughts, Hashirama was worried. They had agreed to meet today, not to talk about anything, but to simply do nothing, watch the lazy river move alongside them and maybe train together.

But evidently Hashirama had problems closer to home, he didn't know what had caused Saruyama to have a panic attack, but she had one and he did feel unbelievably bad that he wasn't here to aid her. Tobirama and Itama had to shoulder that on their own, and Hashirama felt bad knowing that. If one of his siblings was struggling, he'd do anything in his power to help them; and Saruyama needed that help, clearly now more than ever.

Yes, he felt bad too for agreeing to staying here more often, knowing full well he'd probably still go and meet Madara when he could. The thought of just simply never seeing his friend again hurt him to think about. Hashirama could juggle all of this, he was sure, but then he couldn't help but think whether he could do that for a long time before it all got too much, and he'd collapse underneath the weight of it all.

Hashirama just nodded, Tobirama conceded and stepped aside, nodding sidelong at Itama, the younger boy got the point and followed his brother away. Hashirama inhaled slowly and stepped through the threshold before kneeling at Saruyama's bedside. Reaching out and stroking stray dark locks out of her face, he watched her nose twitch before her eyes sleepily opened. Saruyama shifted and patted the bedroll, much like she did earlier on. She rolled onto her side, yawned behind her hand, and shut her eyes again, she felt Hashirama lay down though and she just had this sense he was staring at her. Sure enough, when she opened her eyes, she was met with his sad but concerned face.

Wiggling a hand out from the covers, she held it out to him, Hashirama's hand held onto it instantly and rested it between where their heads laid. "I'm sorry, Saruyama." She looked confusedly at him, Hashirama just held onto her hand a little tighter. "That I wasn't here when you were so frightened."

"Tobirama did his best," Saruyama smiled, she was only partially joking. He did brilliantly for someone who was quite aloof.

"I said to Tobirama that I would be here more. He's angry I'm gone quite a bit, and I understand. He doesn't like not knowing what's going on, but..."

Saruyama smiled, "I don't expect you to cut out your friend, for the sake of babysitting me. I got scared over something; but come tomorrow I'm sure I will be fine."

Hashirama smiled back at her, "You're very understanding, Saruyama. But I will stick by what I told Tobirama, regardless of you know who. I'll be here more; I should be here more." Not just in case this was a repeat moment, but also to keep an eye on his other two siblings too. If he didn't, Hashirama was more than certain that his father would persuade them to go on suicidal missions like he did with Kawarama, much like anyone in the clan did with people they knew or were related to.

"I would like it if you were, I can't lie. I think Itama feels the same way too." Saruyama admitted with a sheepish smile, Butsama tended to not really pay mind to either of them and Tobirama seemed more than content with his own company.

"Then it's settled! From tomorrow I will make sure to be around more." Hashirama said with a nod and a small grin sent her way. He was sure Madara wouldn't mind too much about the less frequent meet ups, Hashirama couldn't imagine Madara wouldn't understand if it was explained to him that it was for the sake of his sister, that was why Hashirama was staying back at home a bit.

The alternative, of course, was for the pair of them to see him by the river. Tobirama seemed concerned that Hashirama wasn't present to aid Saruyama if needed, Itama wasn't mentioned, unfortunately. Saruyama could almost hear the gears working in her brother's mind as they laid looking at each other. "What is it?"

Hashirama shook his head as best he could on the small patch of pillow, he was sharing with her. "Nothing just thinking."

"Of ways to still see your friend, but also to not break the words you spoke to Tobirama." Saruyama would have to give credit for Hashirama trying to at least look guilty for being caught out. "You didn't say you had to be here all day, Hashirama. Just...you'd be around more, which means you can still have freedom to meet at the river." Saruyama rolled her eyes and sighed, she could only imagine Hashirama was thinking up numerous situations to bend this whole thing, when the simple truth was, he didn't need to be here all day, every day.

"In that case, would you like to go fishing tomorrow, Saruyama?" Hashirama chanced his luck with a wry grin.

"You can't fish," Saruyama replied, Hashirama just sighed, that was too blunt like their white haired brother, he didn't like it all too much. Maybe he was still a little iffy from Tobirama's cutting words and actions.

"No. But you can." Hashirama nodded, trying to hint the best he could here. It clicked and she rolled her eyes before giving a nod. Hashirama happily smiled at her then, balancing family and his friend was going to be tricky, especially where Tobirama was involved. But he was glad at least that Saruyama was going to make this whole thing a little easier.