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Marinette's P.O.V

Was I actually doing this?

Was I actually going to tell my partner about mama before my best friend? Dad, the hospital staff, and I are the only people who knew about her death. I trust Chat with my life and respects my wishes, but was I really ready to tell someone else?

I went back to school today so there would be no suspicion (even though I've been late before because of my other duties) with a filled mind and less interactive attitude. Alya and Nino tried to pry answers out of me but came up to little to no success.

I wasn't the only one acting off, Adrien seemed different too. He sometimes would look over his shoulder when he thinks I'm not looking or gives a sympathetic look my way before changing back to his normal self.

I found that strange but didn't think much about it since I was acting differently too. Yet, he didn't push me like Alya and Nino did, which I very much appreciated.

The bell rang, ending Miss Bustier's class. My best friend swiftly packed her things and quickly left to catch up with Nino, saying she had to tell him something before he left. I rolled my eyes a little with a smile, head shaking and started to put my books in my bag. A loud slam on my desk made me jump in surprise.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng," Chloe growled, removing her hand from my desk and back to her hip. Sabrina stood off to the side with the same sinister look in her eyes like Chloe's. The blonde glared down at me. I'm wondering what I did to make her mad this time, not that it wasn't hard to tick off the mayor's daughter.

"Why is Adrien paying attention to a pathetic freak like you?" she hissed, dramatically. I returned the glare before standing up and making eye level with icy blue.

It was like she dared me to burst with anger, knowing the consequences but didn't care. I cared but wasn't going to let her keep bullying me. My face, once wrinkled with anger, evaporated into a blank stare.

"Why does it matter that he is paying more attention to me than you for once? If you ask me, Chloe, I think your jealousy and being dramatic about it is pretty pathetic. And another thing, how about you stop bullying everyone until you have your way. Also, get the fact that no one likes you except for Sabrina, who is practically more of a servant than a friend. You might be rich but that doesn't mean you can treat us lower than dirt," I replied.

Then I walked around the two shocked girls and out the door. I didn't feel the least bit bad for what I said but deep down, I knew it was wrong, very wrong. I entered the gloomy bakery and quickly scurried past my dad who seemed to be in his own world. Once safely inside my room, I let Tikki out and began to work on my homework.

"Marinette...I know she can be mean, but you shouldn't have taken it that far. You are Ladybug. You need to know when to stop fighting a battle-," Tikki lectured. I froze. The way she spoke was just like how my mom would do when I did something wrong. I can imagine her eyes narrowing down at me and hands on her hips about to lecture me.

I would give anything to be in that situation again just see her mad at me for doing something so silly. The pencil in my shakily, gripping hand snapped in two, one end falling onto the desk while the other was still in my grip.

She immediately stopped talking. I shot my head up to glare at my Kwami before snapping, "Why should I listen to you? Why does Ladybug have to be a perfect angel when under the mask, she is just a clumsy excuse for a daughter? Why are you even lecturing me on what's wrong and what's right? You're not my mom!"

My face softened when seeing something that broke my heart. Tikki was silently crying and staring at me in disbelief as if I was a stranger that she used to know.

A familiar face that couldn't be recognized. I couldn't remember the last time I thanked or apologized to her ever since that dreadful day. I've been nothing but a horrible miraculous holder, maybe more bad than Hawkmoth.

My anger was replaced with regret and guilt. I reached out a hand to comfort my Kwami, but she flinched away. My mouth kept opening and shutting, trying to find the words but was caught in my throat. No tears shed from my eyes, but it was very close before having enough willpower to hold it back.

"I just want you to be happy, Marinette. I-I don't like seeing you s-so sad. I-I feel bad, because...because I can't s-seem to figure out how to cheer y-you up," she said, voice cracking.

"I'm sorry."

"Tikki...I..." I trailed off, still trying to reach out to my Kwami, but she flew away to hide somewhere. This was the second time that I yelled at Tikki and not thinking how much it would hurt her.

What is wrong with me? Why am I such a bad person until wearing the mask? Why am I such a bad friend to someone so loyal that she is practically family to me? Why am I hurting the ones I love and completely cutting them out of my life one by one?

"Tikki...no...I-I'm sorry" I whimpered, saying the last part quietly. My chest ached and choked on my own guilt, too afraid that my churning stomach wouldn't let it settle from the throbbing pain.

First my mom, then my dad, and now Tikki. My friends don't have a clue what's going on, and I didn't know how to tell them the news of my mother.

The only friend that can comfort me doesn't even know why I am sad. Was I ready to tell him why I am so sad? How I pushed everyone away or keep having them worry about me?

Tap Tap Tap

I quickly scrubbed my face of any evidence that I was just crying then scurried up onto the loft to open the skylight. Chat Noir jumped inside with a smile spread on his face. It wasn't one of his joking smiles but a warm and gentle one.

"It's lovely to see you again, Purr-incess," he said, grabbing my hand and placing a kiss on it. I grimaced, feeling tiredness under my eyes and exhaustion starting to catch up. It's been a while since I've had a good nights rest. I bet Chat could see it when coming into my room. That's probably why he didn't have a joking smirk on his face but still treated me as if nothing was wrong.

"I can't say the same," I teased. He gasped and placed his hand on his chest, pretending to be offended and hurt. I smiled a little, trying to hold in my giggles.

"Why do you hurt me, woman?" he asked, sticking out his lower lip to make it look like he is pouting. I rolled my eyes but the smile didn't flatter, it grew some more. Chat knew just what to do to make me smile and laugh even when being annoying.

"You deserve it for all those bad puns," I replied, crossing my arms.

"My puns are fur -tastic. You just can't handle how a-meow -zing and claw-some they are. I bet you even yarn fur them just as much as yours truly," Chat said, a sly smirk encased on his lips. I groaned with how many puns he put in just a couple of sentences but had to admit to holding in my laughter.

The cat just starts to laugh like one of those hyenas from the movie, The Lion King. Yet, his was more infectious and light-hearted that I started to laugh a little too. After our laughter died down, we just sat there in silence. Chat frowned a bit and I knew why, not looking forward to what he was going to say next.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'm really worried about you, Marinette, and I'm sure there are others that are too. Have you talked to anyone else about it, or does anyone else know about your problem?" Chat asked, concern filling the cat-slit eyes. I began to look down and mess with my blanket as if it would help bring any sort of comfort.

My mouth went dry and a sudden shyness overwhelmed my mind. I felt so weak and vulnerable talking about this touchy subject. It changed me into something I didn't like.

The new me pushed everyone away, not wanting their pity and cut all communication from my friends and family. I hated this feeling and how they all looked at me like some dog who was treated horribly by its owner.

"Y-yes, there are others that know," I answered, avoiding the first question and hoping that he didn't notice. Chat eyed me, to my discomfort, as if knowing that the first question bothered me.

I kept my eyes down and mind occupied by messing with the corner of the comforter. I feel like I'm in a therapy session or something of the sorts. Someone trying to dig the answer out of my brain by just looking at my body language or finding something off in my tone of voice.

"Who?" Chat asked, not demanding but gently.

"Chat, I...I don't want to talk about this," I pleaded and shaking my head. I am trying to forget but everything keeps on reminding me of mama. The smell and taste of the bakery downstairs, the pictures of our smiling family photos around the house, a few places we like going to around Paris and so much more.

"I want to help you, Mari..." he paused. Why did he stop talking? What was wrong? I glanced up through my bangs and noticed that he was looking behind me to see my shelf.

What was so interesting about it? There were only a night light and a few books and...the family photo laying faced down. I tensed at the sight and clutched my blanket before quickly looking away, hoping he didn't catch my sudden change in emotion.

"Why is the photo faced down? Is the reason that you're sad is because of someone?" Chat asked. Shoot! He was getting way to close to figuring out what's really going on. Should I just tell him? I'm sure he can keep it secret, not like he has much of a choice.

I sighed and nodded my head, answering his question. I felt the bed shift and saw Chat moving to sit next to me. Then he urged me down the place my head on his chest. I closed my eyes, relishing in the warmth and comfort.

"Take your time to gather your words. I'm here if you need me," Chat soothed, carefully scratching my back and trying not to cut my skin. Chat patiently waited as I cleared and calmed my mind. This was it. I am finally going to tell someone about our family's dilemma. With one final sigh, my nerves vanished and a wave of tranquility mixed with sorrow washed over me.

"My mom is gone," I answered quietly, sadness laced in my voice. I couldn't meet his eyes and could only stare at my lap. What was his reaction like? What was he thinking? Why was it taking so long to say anything?

The silence between us only grew, and it made me tense and unsettled. I focused on the warmth his body gave off and closed my eyes, trying to imagine something happy to get my mind off of things. Yet, my mind would always roll back to the worry about what the cat was thinking of.

"Is that all? I'm sure your mom will return sometime. Wait, do you mean she's kidnapped and Ladybug, the police, or I didn't know about it? Why didn't your father report anything? Or do you mean she ran away or left? Or-"

I clenched the sides of my head with my hands growing more and more annoyed.

"She's dead!" I yelled, looking up and straight into shocked green eyes. He was going to keep on rambling on and on if I didn't stop him. It was making me so mad, frustrated.

I heaved for air as we just stared at each other and could feel tears threating to spill. I thought my eyes were dried out long ago. Yet, a watery feeling rimmed my eyes and making them glossy.

I was the first to look away and pull myself up to hold my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them. My fingernails dug into my arms and hugged my legs tightly. I tried to calm myself down, ease the heaving and the feeling of a pounding headache.

"I miss her so much, Chat. I want my mama back with me and papa...s-so we can be happy again. I-I have been so distant with everyone since...since she was put into the hospital. I feel so lonely and I...I don't know what to do..." I confessed, trailing off. My voice continued to get weaker at the end and cracked a few times.

I let the bottom of my lip quiver, not caring anymore but held back the tears. No. More. Crying. I feel so weak. So vulnerable. Why am I crying so much?

Chat slowly brought me back down into his arms and let my face bury itself in his shoulder.

"I was never really a believer, but someone once told me that God takes the special ones back. I didn't know her very well, but from what I hear, she must be a real keeper. I'm sure she is okay and wants you to be happy," Chat gently spoke. I listened and was calmed by his words.

It helped me feel better than before and relaxed at the thought of mama watching, possibly sitting beside me without knowing.

"No more tears, Princess. I'm here if you need me, but from now on, we are going to bring that smile of yours back. I want the optimistic, joking and happy, Marinette back."

"O-okay," I said, wiping my eyes and nodding in agreement. We both sat up and climbed off my bed.

"You want to destroy me on your fur -vorite video game? Although, I am paw-sative that I'm going to scratch your score to be replaced with meow-ine" He challenged, smirking. I smirked back with a fire thought to be extinguished long time ago.

"You mean you're ready to lose, Kitty," I replied, handing him a controller.

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