Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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Wings

By 3IceWing3

Heather was stolen from her family before she even hatched and has been on a leash kept as a pet by her evil aunt and uncle. Then one day a boy named Finn comes to her aid and set her free from her leash. Together they will go across land and sea through battle and hardship. The will be tracked by evil robots of war to find Heather's long lost family as their relationship grows. 

Will Heather find her family?

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The cover looks nice. The picture fits the story well. My only suggestion is that you make the title and author name larger and perhaps in a more interesting font.

Blurb • To be honest, it's a little awkward. The sentences don't really flow well. Some slight grammatical errors are mixed in. For the writing itself, it seems like a fine blurb.

Title • The title fits with the story but is a little bland. One word titles aren't something I recommend. You should try multiple words. It should be original and creative.

Descriptions

It's not too detailed. I couldn't really visualize the characters, background, or even basic items. You need to explain, at least somewhat, what everything looks like. What I did get wasn't enough.

Characters

I did get a sense of personality in the characters, but they were all very similar. None of the personalities really stuck out too much in my opinion. True, some showed caring aspects while others were friendly, but there weren't strong personalities. The character design wasn't expressed very strongly either. I did feel the mother of Heather's personality somewhat, as I could tell she cared greatly for the egg.

Plot/General Writing

The story had a good time flow. It wasn't too fast or slow. However, the sentence structure was a little awkward in a lot of it. The plot of the story was interesting. I am curious as to why the aunt wants her locked up, but maybe it's just the pet thing.

Grammar

There were many grammatical mistakes. Many words aren't uppercase that should be. Some spaces are before commas; where they shouldn't be. Many periods and commas are missing. Some words should be put together into one word. Ex. "My self" should be "myself". The wrong "to, too, two" was used once.

Reader Engagement

I am curious about Heather's predicament. I wish to see her escape, and I'm curious of why she's locked up in the first place. I enjoyed the fact that the characters could turn into birds, and I found that engaging. However, the ends of the chapters didn't especially make me want to read on.

Overall

2 stars out of 5

The grammar needs work, and descriptions are definitely needed. The story does seem to have potential, and it has a lot of creative ideas. The engagement is relatively well. I recommend this to people who like a good pace and short chapters.

Good luck, lollipop!