The siren

To say dinner is tense it's the statement of the night. I pinch my baked potatoes while I squint at Maddox, who's giving me the evil eye over the lovely roasted chicken that Cora cooked for us. She used just rosemary and sea salt to cook it and marinated it with lime sauce for three hours. Jasper is the epitome of manners while he compliments her food. Ivy makes the moment even more special when she promises to draw us all next morning at school. And Emrick-or Rick, like Maddox likes to call him- wolfs down all the food he can while his eyes look like ping pong balls moving between me and his brother. He is ready for drama. Shit, I'm ready for drama.

In my defense I need to state that I've never been one to start a fight. I don't condone violence in any form, specially verbal violence. A bruise can heal, but words have the power to grow and root themselves in our consciousness, like parasites feeding from our fears. When Maddox closes his hand over the bowl of corn bread I reach out fast and claw my hand around the bowl rim. I don't even like corn bread, but that's irrelevant. Maddox's hand tightens around the bowl and he lifts an eyebrow at me as in a challenge. I pull the bowl an inch back and Maddox pulls an inch forward. We are back to elementary antics it seems.

"Vi, sweetie, how was your first day of school at Broken Falls?" asks me Cora and I clench my jaw, looking solely at my new nemesis. Maddox's scowl deepens in response. Rick smiles with his mouth full of food.

As a matter of fact my first day at Broken Falls had been good. Not great, remember I don't know what a great day is and I suspect great days never happen at schools either. Schools are this neutral territory for emotions. You can feel sad after failing a test, exhilarated after kissing your crush, even happy after winning a medal at the speech club...but you don't process emotions at school. You wait until you get home and you take off your bra and you are alone to think genuinely about your day. I had a good, first day. After meeting Mr. Delacroix and signing my application he walked me to the first class in my schedule and presented me to the class. I felt myself blush the entire time. Fictional novels and a dozen of teenage dramas had conditioned me to fear American high schools but turns out schools here weren't that bad. People even seemed to...well, know me. Some even knew my name.

"It's because you are his," said a voice at my right, while I walked to the cafeteria during my lunch hour. I looked down to a petite girl, with light brown hair and big green eyes. She was beautiful, in the only way any girl is beautiful, she was mysterious. Like a feline. There were secrets in her smile, as if she knew how to read souls with only one look. And I instantly loved her outfit. Black, leather and boots. A gothic after my own heart. I frowned, not really understanding what the girl was talking about. I was his? Whose? And since I was asking, since when? I've only been in Portland for a couple of days. I've only been at school for a couple of hours. How long did it take these days for a man to own you? A second? And to think they freaking had to go to war to get a wife back in the day. The girl rolled her eyes at me, guiding me into the cafeteria, "You have no idea what is going on, don't you?

"Should I know what is going on?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows at her. The girl laughed under her breath and offered me her tiny hand covered in silver rings.

"You are funny," she said with a smile, "I'm Amy, your new friend."

"Vi..." she didn't let me finish, apparently Amy knew everything about me. We walked side by side into the cafeteria. It was about then when I understood something weird was going down. Everyone was looking at me, but not like a social pariah. They looked at me as if I was some sort of queen, walking through the plebe.

"Oh, I know who you are. Violet Windsworth. The new girl in town and Maddox Walsh political cousin. He is the king of this place in case you are wondering," she says, pointing at the table in the middle of the cafeteria. I looked there and saw Rick seated on top of the table with some random chick getting acquainted with his tongue. Ew, so gross. To his side are the boys I met the day I arrived. Only that now that I see them closely, well, fuck they are hot. Amy laughs under her breath, pointing at the leanest guy with tattooed knuckles and a shaved head, "that one is Landon McGuire. Half American, half Scottish. His dad is an important lawyer in New York who makes the devil advocate blush like a virgin in a whorehouse. And the guy with the light brown skin that is looking at me as if he wants to screw my brains is Stolas Carter."

As in effect Stolas was staring at Amy as if he wanted to either fuck her or throttle her with his bare hands. He was everything she was not. Stolas dressed classically, with chino pants and a polo shirt that looked kind of preppy against his light brown skin. He kept his black hair short and his entire body perfectly manicured. Anyone would have looked stupid in that grandpa outfit, but somehow Stolas made it work, giving it a manly air. His black eyes were still zeroed in Amy. To my surprise she smiled back at him and gave him the finger. Stolas smiled slowly and just then a girl fell in his lap and started kissing him. The bastard kissed her back, still looking at Amy with a heated look.

"You guys are fucked up," I declared and Amy scoffed, tearing her eyes away from Stolas and smiling at me as if nothing had happened. She took my hand and directed me to the nearest vending machine. I decided to ask her the question that had been nagging me, "what did you mean before? I'm his?"

"Maddox's of course," she said, shrugging, "I'm serious, he is the king of Broken Falls. If Landon's daddy is rich then Maddox's father is loaded. Jasper Walsh not only won an Olympic medal, he is the owner of this city. The Walsh comes from old money. Your aunt sure has good taste. Oh and Stolas' s mom is the new Frida Kahlo of our generation. Her paintings sale for billions. I used to like her paintings, until I realized she literally sold her soul to the devil when she commercialized her art."

"Ok," I nod, processing all this information, "but, I don't even know them. Maddox fucking hates me. Why I would be his?"

"You are a Walsh now, your live under their roof. By osmosis you are his," she said shrugging. Uh, I've never applied biology the way Amy does. I shook my head. This doesn't make any sense. My heart dripped slowly. I can feel it, you know? Starting to defrost. I close my eyes for a moment and remember the way Maddox held me this morning. His face had looked like the sculpture of a god of wrath. He held me so hard, burn me slow, just to get away at the last moment. That last moment between a bad choice and a scorching kiss. Did I really mind if he declared me his? Well, kind of yes. This was stupid, not to mention illogical. I shook my head at Amy, disliking this entire situation.

"What you are saying is that everyone respects me and praise me...because I live with the Walsh now?"

"No, what I'm saying is that Maddox Walsh declared you one of them. Meaning, you are royalty now. All hail the queen," she said, bowing and giving me the same deference the queen of England deserved. I stopped Amy, frowning.

"I don't give a shit what Maddox said. I'm not his, I'm not anyone's," I said and Amy smiled at me. Like, really smiled at me. I could tell I would be great friends with that one.

Amy has fire in her veins. She is also one of the living ones, but there's this gentleness in her fire, as if she is wise and old. Of course, she isn't. Although sometimes I thought I caught a glimpse into the sadness running like a river inside of her and I wondered if everyone these days is walking with dead insides. I declare that Amy's heart is not completely dead like mine, but she is in the middle, trying to decide if she wants to walk with fire or ice.

Maddox went MIA for the rest of the day. I got a chance to talk to people and get to know Amy little by little. We were interchanging phone numbers and talking with a bunch of people when Maddox appeared by my side. He looked...angry. My angry god. He looked at me with a telltale look in his greyish eyes. His fists were twitching inside of his pant's pockets as if he were ready to start a fight. I didn't get to ask him anything. Emrick took us out of there as if the hellhounds were after us and Amy shrugged it.

"Believe it or not this is their normal behavior," she said to me, which wasn't relieving at all. It wasn't until I got home and I checked my phone that I understood what had happened. Amy had texted me while I was showering, letting me know exactly why Emrick made us leave with him.

Amy: Apparently your political cousin broke Andrew's balls for staring at your chest.

I didn't think. I acted. I opened my bedroom door and marched down the hall to Maddox's bedroom. Emrick opened his door just then and smiled at me when I knocked three very loud times at Maddox's door.

"Oh shit," said Rick under his breath, pushing his shoulder against the doorframe and waiting to see the action. Maddox opened his door a second after...wrapped in his towel, and nothing more. Now, let's make a pause. I've never been one of those girls that feel like fanning themselves over half-naked men in magazines and Kelvin Klein underwear ads. But right then, staring down at Maddox's abs and his muscular back I thought: hot damn. Maddox has the kind of body you think about when you are touching yourself, late at night. It's the kind of body every guy that is never yours have. You think, this guy is way too hot for me, he is probably going to end with some Meghan Fox or someone like her. And then you stare down his chest, which by the way is hard and perfectly toned and you want it. You really want it. Suddenly I hate Meghan Fox for some stupid reason and I can't remember why I was so mad in the first place.

Right. Andrew. He was hurt. Maddox had been very stupid. Believe it or not I needed that recapitulation. Apparently Maddox's body had rendered me stupid. But, come on, he's still wet after a shower and there's only a teeny, tiny towel wrapped around his narrow waist.. which ends in a V. Shit! Focus Violet!

"We really need to stop bumping into each other when we are dressed in towels," said Rick, staring at us with a big grin. Maddox and I turn around to look at him and Rick shrugs, "what? You guys look like potential porn stars. When is going to be my turn to look all hot and steamy?"

"You have the potential to be bitch-slapped if you don't shut up," I say to Rick, making him open his mouth in surprise and then smile like he couldn't believe I was real. He smirks at me and looks at Maddox over my shoulder.

"I really like this one."

"Well, tough shit, because I don't like you," I say to him and then I turn to Maddox, scowling at him. The gesture is lost on him. Usually scowling is only intimidating when you scowl down a person, but Maddox is so freaking tall that I have to crane my neck to get a look at him. I groan, pointing a finger at him, "and I don't like you. What gave you the absolutely stupid idea that you could go around punching people because they are checking me out?"

"What made you believe I need to explain myself to you?" he asks back coldly, taking a step closer to me. I have the impulse to move back, but I don't back up. I never back up. I take a step closer and we are just a couple of inches apart. I can feel the hot steam emanating from his skin after showering. He smells like wood and man. I want to caress my nose against the expansion of his skin and absorb his smell into my lungs. But I don't, I have a point to make.

"I'm not yours Maddox. I'm my own person. I don't need you, nor your protection. Back off," I say to him, staring right into those eyes that are turning greener with every passing second. It's strange, but I swear his eyes change colors depending on his emotions. Whenever he is mad his eyes turn grey, but when we are close and angry at each other...they turn green. I turn around to leave, shaking my hair over my shoulder as if Maddox was dust to shake off. I don't move far. Maddox takes me by my hair, hard. He yanks me back, making me gasp when my back collides against his front. I can feel him, hard and aroused, gripping my hair in his hand as he did with that girl I saw him fuck in the garage.

"Let's make one thing clear," he says at my ear, "I control school, I control this house and I control you. If you want to play with fire just be warned it burns you Violet. Don't tempt me."

And just like that he pushes me away, discarding me like a tissue. I don't look back to check if he is looking at me, but I don't run either. I walk back to my room with a straight spine and my shoulders up. The moment I close my door I run to my bed and throw myself on it, feeling the heartbeat that is pulsing in my chest like a wild horse. Oh no, oh no, no, no...I'm being resurrected. Maddox is breathing life into my corrupted heart and that scares the shit out of me. It takes me long minutes to calm my erratic heartbeat and then Cora call us to dinner and we start fighting over that stupid bowl of corn bread.

"School was fine," I said to Cora, gripping the bowl of corn bread until my knuckles turn white.

"Can I have some of that bread?" Asks Rick just to stir things and we both push the bowl to his side of the table. Rick snorts at us and rolls his eyes before picking his bread roll. Maddox arches an eyebrow at me. I lift both of my eyebrows and we are suddenly reduced to preschoolers.

By then everyone seems to realize some kind of pissing contest is happening between Maddox and me. Helpfully Ivy decides to intervene right then. She is dressed in overalls and a striped sweater, the kind of sweater that screams she is tiny and sweet. I try to remember if I ever wore clothes that made me look sweet. It's almost impossible to remember my childhood these days. All my memories of that time are about my mother. Always taking care of her, always worrying about her. No, I really don't think I ever dressed like a sweet girl. Sweetness as a personality trait had always been a concept I fail to understand anyway. How can anyone be sweet? How can anyone think you are sweet? Surprisingly whenever I look at Ivy I think about her that way. She is sweet. Is more than a thought, is more than a way to describe her. She is just...easy. It's easy to breathe around her. It's easy to walk with my dead weight when I hear her tiny voice. It's easy to blink when I see her.

"Can I have some bread too?" she asks me, smiling so big that I can see in her mouth all she has failed to chew in the last couple of minutes. And that's when I let some of the fight disappear from my system. I stay there for a second, looking at Ivy and trying to make sense of any of this. Why I'm fighting about a bowl of corn bread in the first place? Why do I care if Maddox hit that guy at school today? Why it should matter if Maddox said I was his? This is the land of the living and I don't belong here. I'm trespassing.

The realization hits me and I push the bowl to Maddox, letting him have it. His scowl deepens and his mouth becomes a grave line while he handles Cora the bowl so she can give it to Ivy. And I just do what I do best. I absorb everything. I absorb the table and the positions of the chairs surrounding it. I absorb the mannerism of the people around me. They laugh at some joke Rick makes. Ivy shines under the lamp's light. Even Cora looks like she belongs there...among the living ones. I look down at the roasted chicken in my plate. I've counted the number of bites I took from it. Three bites. That's enough to keep on existing, isn't it? Suddenly I'm lost and confused. All I want to do is sleep and let my own stillness put me under, to that dark hidden place where I can breathe. It's a lot easier to be there than here with the living.

"I'm done. Thank you for dinner," I whisper from my place at the end of the table. I'm sure Cora couldn't even heard me over the sound of Jasper and Rick talking about football. But somehow he heard me. Maddox hits the table with the palm of his hand and everyone goes quiet. If silence was a knife the foundation of the house would have been cut by it. I froze while everyone looks from Maddox to me.

"Sit down and finish your food," Maddox didn't raise his voice. He didn't need to. His voice is this baritone bazooka that doesn't need to be loud to be cruelly clear. I want to look away from him and search for Cora's support but if I do that I know I will lose his respect forever. I know I shouldn't care if I lose his respect or not. But I do. I care. I look down at the food on my plate and shake my head. I don't say anything. I don't make any excuses to leave. He knows I don't want to keep eating. He knows I don't want to keep on living. Maddox simply doesn't care. The silence stretches like a rubber band that is pulled and pulled until I'm scared someone is going to get hurt by it. That thought makes me look at Ivy. She looks so pale and confused. Her green eyes look at me and she smiles, trying to simplify things like kids always do. I smile at her trying to calm her. I take a seat and look down at my plate. A couple of seconds pass by and I take a bite of the chicken. My fourth one.

Jasper keeps on talking as if nothing happened, Cora is looking at me nervously but she smiles at Ivy and promises her she can have ice cream for dessert. My stomach grumbles and I drink some water to keep the food down. Maddox is still staring at me, probably keeping count of the number of bites I take as well as I do. Here comes the fifth one.

"Son, are you nervous about your game tomorrow? I've heard that the Hawks from Newport are a good team," I look up and for a second I think Jasper had been talking to Rick but he had been referring to Maddox. The idea of Maddox ever being nervous is frankly laughable. I don't even know him and I already suspect he is always in control, fixing things with his hands, making sure everyone around him is always under his protection. Not even Jasper chastised him for ordering me around and making me eat. That can only mean that his behavior is normal to everyone. Strange, I always thought Jasper was the head of the family. He kind of gives that air. But is Maddox the hands-on guy of the family. The man that is always around. The man that Ivy calls in the night to protect her from monsters. Jasper is just a figure head. Maddox is the real keystone of this family. I wondered what Maddox had to sacrifice to become so invaluable for all of them? His youth? His trust? His heart?

"It's just another game," says Maddox, clenching his jaw before putting his fork down and looking up at me. He follows my movements with a dark look. I see him look over at Ivy and smile at her. There's a shadow of regret in the set of his eyes. He probably hates the fact he lost his composure in front of his little sister. But I know him a little bit by now. In his head Maddox is probably thinking his outburst was necessary, even if Ivy was a witness of it. He is thinking I couldn't keep on like that, threatening the order he has worked so hard to maintain. I keep looking at him, trying to read what else is lurking behind his eyes. There're so many emotions imprisoned there. And he keeps them all locked, firmly chained to the bank vault of his chest.

"Are you going to the game Vi?" asks me Cora. Everyone looks at me expectantly. And let's pause a moment to talk about this chicken, should we? I swear it keeps looking bigger and bigger with every single passing second. This chicken is fighting the natural circle of life, or maybe is it me who's having a problem? I frown while I cut another slice and try to remember when exactly did eating turn so damn difficult. Even my jaw is hurting after all the chewing and biting I've suffered for the past half hour. When I remember Cora is expecting my answer I look up from my chicken and shake my head no.

"I don't understand a thing about football. If I go I will probably end cheering for the wrong team," I say sincerely, but Jasper and Cora seem to find my words hilarious and they start laughing. I ignore them and look down at my chicken. This thing is impossible. I put my silverware down and look at Maddox with a glassy stare. He can't make me eat another bite. If he tries I would vomit in the table just to prove him wrong. Maddox clenches his jaw again but he lets me get up this time and I make my exit as fast as I can.

I vomit everything the minute I get inside of my bathroom and hug the toilet. Ten minutes after I push myself of the floor and make my way to the bed in trembling legs. I don't know how I forgot I was dead. I don't know how I lost myself in the illusion of living. Sleep claims me fast and the reprieve of my unconsciousness washes all the memories of the night away. My last thought is about that striped sweater that Ivy was wearing. I wish to remember a time when life had been sweet and kind. I wish to remember another girl's past.

Hi everyone! I'm Patty here:)

I'm working like crazy on updating my stories. I promise I will keep writing Limbo Dreams but I'm currently also finishing The Gaijin I Married, which is my second book in The Lost in Japan series. Let me know what you think about my work in a comment or just write to me so we can talk about bad boys and pizza.

Love you! See you soon...