"No partner in a love relationship... should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable." – May Sarton

"You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue in his actions."

"Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on."

"Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves. All human destiny is this dilemma. This dilemma, destruction or salvation, no fate proposes more inexorably than love. Love is life, if it is not death. Cradle; coffin, too. The same sentiment says yes and no in the human heart. Of all the things God has made, the human heart is the one that sheds most light, and alas! most night." ― Victor Hugo

"Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once"

- Evanescence – Going under

Chapter 32

I wasn't surprised when, just minutes after I left Paul, Mateo showed up and blocked my way. I recoiled for a moment from his furious gaze. I wanted to pretend that his actions did not affect me, that there was nothing he could do that would disturb me in any way, but we both knew perfectly well that that would be a complete and absolute lie.

I was scared of the fact that even after everything he did to me, after he made me feel broken, I still loved him. My emotions towards him, no matter how scared, hurt and angry I was, did not change. I wondered what he had to do for me to stop feeling what I was feeling. Just one look from him was enough to provoke a reaction in me, no matter the kind.

Even the moment he stood in front of me with the darkness in his eyes and the look with which he seemed to be killing me, my heart jumped. How I allowed myself to give so much control over me to one person was beyond me. I didn't want to give up. Moreover, I refused to do so. However, every time I saw him, when he would address me or simply send me a gesture with which he wanted to, according to him, prove that I am his, something in me broke. It took me incredible strength to fight myself, but it was the only real thing I had to do. If I give in again, can I ever go back?

"Walk," he ordered angrily, grabbing my wrist.

I tried to get my hand out of his, but he wouldn't let me. I looked at him in irritation and anger and, once again, tried to tear out the wrist he was holding so tightly I had the impression it was glued to him.

"Don't resist, there's no point," he told me coldly, turned and began to rush in the direction of his familiar car, dragging me along.

A couple of times I tried to resist his attempts by not walking, but he was far stronger than me. At one point it annoyed him so much, he turned and, taking advantage of the element of surprise, picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. I let out a scream at his move, but it didn't bother him, he kept walking with even more determination towards the black monster. I started hitting him on the back with my hands so that he would lower me to the ground, but that didn't help me either.

It was unbelievable how no one noticed or reacted to what was going on. We were a little cut off from the rest of the people because of my ingenious decision to try to get hold of my emotions after talking to Paul by separating myself from everyone and thinking about everything in peace. At what point I forgot I had a pathologically possessive ex-boyfriend who would undoubtedly follow me around, I didn't know myself, but I regretted it greatly.

Shortly after I gave up on hurting myself, since he couldn't have been hurt by someone far stronger than me and let alone by my pathetic punches, we finally got to our destination. However, even then, he did not lower me to the ground. He opened the car door, placed me in the seat and fastened the seat belt. Before I could take a step towards the outside, he had already slammed the door and locked it. He rushed to the other side and soon settled into the driver's seat, not saying a single word.

"You can't do this!" I shouted, crossing my arms over my chest. He didn't even look my way, he just smiled a cynical smile and started the car.

"Watch me," saying that, he put his sunglasses on and step on the gas.

Because of the force that was used, my body rushed forward, but the belt prevented me from hitting my head. The very fact that he did it on purpose made me even angrier, and the fear of what he could do to me was once again free in some deep corner of my brain. The fundamental in the conflict with Mateo was not to have a conflict with Mateo. However, I ignored the simple rule the consequences of which I felt on my skin several times.

"Drive me home," I gritted my teeth, still trying to control myself.

"That's exactly what I'm doing," he replied shortly.

"To Lena's home," I specified, to which he let out a sarcastic laugh, not finding me deserving of an answer. "Mateo, I'm not kidding," I tried again.

"I'm not kidding either, baby girl," he told me firmly with a dose of irritation in his voice.

"Drive me to Lena's house," I repeated once more, with much more confidence this time.

"Why? So that you can continue flirting with that son of a bitch who won't have his head attached to his shoulders for long?" He said the words with such simplicity as if he was talking about what he would eat for lunch.

I looked at him in shock, mouth wide open. He didn't even look at me. His eyes were fixed on the road. I wanted to lie to myself that his words were just an expression, not something he would actually do, but knowing him, there was a possibility that he was able to do many bad things. I began to doubt whether he had a limit at all, which was obviously not the case when it considered me.

"First, don't say things like that, second, I didn't flirt with anyone," I tried to say calmly, but my voice betrayed me. The shiver was the product of two very strong emotions that were fighting inside me, anger and fear that found their way back into my hypothalamus.

"Then what the fuck did I see?! A tea party?!" he hit the steering wheel with his hand, which caused the car to stumble a little.

I jumped for a moment in fear, but he regained control of the vehicle in time. I doubted that either of us would be in one part at the end of the ride, but for some reason I didn't care about my own life, seeing that I didn't give up on my intention. It was the perfect moment to test if I was suicidal.

"You know he's a dead man, don't you?" He asked me more calmly this time, managing to partially pull himself together.

"Mateo, we were at his fiancée's funeral, we were actually talking about her-" I tried to explain but he interrupted me.

"Shut the hell up! You and I both know that he did not love her. It's questionable if he even tolerated her."

His words hit me hard again, although that should not have been the case. He did so many bad things to me, he hurt me so much, and yet there was something in him that I may never be able to get over. They say it takes time for some wounds to heal, but what if that time is eternal?

"Even if we did, which was not the case, how is that your problem?" As soon as I said those words, I knew I had made a huge mistake.

I expected him to stop the car immediately, but he didn't. He continued to drive with obvious tension. His hands were holding on the steering wheel with a force he never used before, his posture was rigid, and although I couldn't see his eyes, I knew they were focused straight ahead. Due to his lack of reaction, I swallowed my saliva and turned my head to the other side, now nervously anticipating the inevitable.

-

The drive to his apartment seemed to last for years. The uncomfortable silence in such a small space intensified the tension I thought had already peaked. However, when, shortly after, we stopped in the parking lot of a building that I once considered my home, the nervousness seemed to increase by a million parameters.

I sat buried in my seat minutes after we had stopped. Neither of us spoke, we just silently looked in completely different directions, avoiding each other. What was the reason for that was a big question, but the feeling that we would both explode at any moment was permanent in my being.

"This is not Lena's house," I pointed out, being the first to break the silence after it became unbearable.

Apparently, I did not lack the courage or stupidity to say those words. However, that made him wake up from the trance he was in. He quickly turned his head in my direction, giving me a dirty look. I didn't even notice at what point he took his glasses off his eyes, but I was starting to hate the fact that he did.

"Get out," he told me coldly.

"Not until you take me to-" I started but quickly stopped myself. "Actually, on second thought, I'll be happy to do it." I started to open the door, but it was locked. I sighed in annoyance and turned to face him again, raising an eyebrow and pointing to him that I couldn't, in fact, get out.

"Love, do you think I'm an idiot?" He asked in a serious voice.

"Don't call me that," I muttered, but he didn't answer.

The very next moment, he got out of the car and came to my side at the speed of light. He opened the door for me, took me by the upper arm and pulled me out. When I was on my feet, I tried to remove his claws from my body, but, of course, he wouldn't budge.

He locked the car and started pulling me towards the elevator that led to his penthouse. I went with him somewhat voluntarily because I was aware that I had no other choice and that the smartest thing I could do was to listen to him if I wanted all this to end as soon as possible.

Entering the apartment where we lived together awakened countless memories and emotions I tried to forget. It hasn't been long since I ran away from here, but it was like it's been centuries. However, the shock I experienced when I took the condition the penthouse was in, was growing more and more every second.

It was as if a tornado had passed through the living room. The table was broken, the leather furniture was torn, the oil paintings were all over the place, completely destroyed, the glass whose origin was questionable was scattered on the floor, and even a few holes could be noticed in the wall. Given my assumptions that this was all done in an uncontrollable rage after I left him, at that moment I was ready to give everything in the world to get back to my friends as soon as possible and disappear from his life once and for all.

And yet, one desperate, pathetic and immature part of my brain was telling me how he did it for me, because I wasn't by his side, because he can't stand himself if I'm not there with him. Still, was anything worth it?

I was so shocked that I didn't even notice when he put one hand under my knees and one on my lower back, taking me in his arms. He didn't go far, but only a few seconds later he placed me on the part of the couch that wasn't destroyed. It took me a while to come to my senses, but when I finally made it, I started to get out of bed but Mateo brought me back very quickly.

"Will you leave me alone?!" I shouted at him, but it didn't bother him, seeing that he continued to keep me chained to the couch.

"Never," he replied like that was the most normal thing to say, to which I glared at him.

"We're not together anymore, damn it, understand that already!" I shouted so loudly that even he backed away, but it didn't last long.

The fury in his eyes was so obvious I wasn't even surprised when he took the ceramic bowl from the couch, which I hadn't even noticed until that moment, and threw it against the wall. I jumped at the loud sound as I watched it break into a million pieces. I brought my knees closer to my chest and wrapped my hands around them, putting my chin on top and staring at Mateo who was trying to calm his breathing.

"You and I, baby girl, haven't broken up, nor we are going to, ever," he told me seriously, staring at my eyes.

"By hitting me, right?" I asked in a calm voice, but I was everything but.

His expression suddenly changed to penitential. He was sorry for what he had done and he regretted it deeply, I knew that even before I saw the look in his eyes. The problem was that he had already done those things, twice. Did anyone guarantee me that it would not happen again? He talked about how he would change, but I hadn't seen a change in him, yet, and the question was whether I ever would.

"Tara, love, I'm really sorry about that. You have no idea how much I regret it," he said with his head down, avoiding looking at me.

"I'm aware of that," I replied, to which he immediately looked up and pointed his gaze at me. He had such hope in his eyes that it was almost hard for me to destroy it. "But that doesn't change anything. Not this time."

The light in his gaze that had just been turned on had turned off at the speed of light. The gloomy facial expression he now wore broke my heart once again. He had no right to do that, not after everything he had done to me, not after he had hurt me so much. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hate him so much that it started to pain me. I cursed the moment I had met him just as much as I cursed the moment he had thrown our entire relationship down the river. My chest hurt like never before, and I was afraid that the only medicine was the one that had deadly side effects.

We sat in silence for a while, and then, at one point, all of a sudden, his whole demeanor changed. He looked as if he had found a treasure, his face was that bright. He moved abruptly and I got up right after. He grabbed my fists and brought them closer to his chest. I tried to push them away, but he wouldn't let me. He looked at me with a crazy smile and a gleam in his eyes due to which the recognizable fear began to spread through my body yet again. He sighed deeply and started talking, shocking me with every sentence.

"Princess, I can't give up on you, I can't. Physically, mentally, in any other way, it is simply impossible. We were created for each other, and you feel it, baby, I know you do," he began, bringing my clenched fists to his full lips, leaving a gentle, warm kiss.

"Mateo-" I whispered breathlessly, but he just shook his head, telling me not to interrupt.

"I am nobody without you, as you are without me. We are nothing, just a sad void when we are not together. No one will ever love you as much as I do. Here, touch me so you can be sure," he brought one of my hands to the left side of his chest. His heart was pounding like crazy as if it would jump out of his body. "You feel it, don't you? I know you feel it! No one, Tara, remember that, there's no one else in this world, only us!" he pinned me to him and cupped my cheeks with his rough, big hands, bringing me closer to his face.

I put my hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but he was too strong. I suddenly felt claustrophobic, as if I couldn't escape. I wanted to get out of the situation I found myself in as soon as possible, but I didn't succeed. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I tried to keep him away from me. It was suffocating me, his hands holding me tight were suffocating me.

What if he was right? If really no one will ever love me like he does? If that ever happens, I'll be completely alone. Completely alone in the whole world.

Mateo didn't hear the loud sound of the door opening because he was too focused on me, but I did. I was so happy when I saw the scene in front of me that I started crying even harder.

Leon and Hannah almost jumped when they saw the scene unfolding in front of them. However, it didn't take them long to recover and run up to us, trying to get him away from me. However, Mateo was too strong. He held me tight, this time around my waist as I was pinned to his chest.

"Dude, let her go, can't you see she's scared?" Leon tried to reason with him, but he let out an animalistic growl and buried his face in the crook of my neck, refusing to let me go.

"Never, she's mine. You're mine, right, princess? Mine! I won't let you go, we can't live without each other, we have no one but the two of us, Tara, no one! "

The more he talked about it, the more I began to realize that it was true. He was my only family, and I lost him too.

I tried to get those thoughts out of my head, to tell myself they were wrong, but I couldn't find enough logical reasons. The compulsive, obsessive thoughts he instilled in my head had a tendency to become unbearable.

"Mateo! Please let her go!"

This time Hannah tried to make him take his hands off me, but he only tightened his grip on me, which made me lose my breath.

"No, she will leave me!" The way he said it, so similar to a whimper, broke my already broken heart.

"Mateo, please," I whispered.

As if my voice brought him back to reality, his body stiffened. I felt the tension that was emitted from him by the strength of his emotions. He slowly separated from me, barely removing his hands from my body, as if he was physically hurt by the fact that he could no longer touch me. He looked at me with sadness in his bright eyes that were filled with tears.

I stared back at him with, insecure, desperate, pleading look. He understood me, at least enough to let me go for a bit. But I knew that there were different intentions behind it. Maybe at that moment, he decided that he would not stop me from leaving, but it was more than obvious that it was not a long-term solution. He had no intention of giving up on me, that much was obvious.

-

The drive to Lena's home passed in silence. I looked out the window of the passenger seat as Mateo drove unbearably slow. It was not so strange to me that he wanted to prolong our parting, but even for him, that ride had to be torture. Some weight hung over our heads as if there was something neither of us was ready to discuss. It was only a matter of time before we broke, and we were on the very verge. A verge without return.

After an hour, almost half an hour longer than it actually took to drive from Mateo's apartment to Lena's home, the familiar building I had stayed in the previous days was right before our eyes. Mateo slowly stopped the car just in front of the entrance. Noticing that, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I didn't gather the strength to look at him, and I doubted I even could. A million different thoughts were running through my head. On the one hand, I knew he would say anything just to keep me by his side. He was even willing to do whatever it takes, just so I could belong to him for eternity. And yet, on the other hand, a treacherous, weak part of me wanted to believe that I could help him change and that everything would be fine again. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life made my blood run cold.

"Baby girl?" He called to me as I opened the car door to get out.

"Yes?" I replied uncertainly.

"Come back to me," he looked me straight in the eye.

-

Lena carefully scanned me with her eyes when I appeared with the bag in my hands at the door of her home. Mateo had made me take my phone with me so he could make sure I was fine. However, he didn't know that while he had been looking for a small device, I had already been packing some clothes in one of my larger bags, begging him not to question why I took it. The fact that I was addicted to shopping suddenly got a positive connotation.

"Where have you been?" She used the tone that mothers use to scold their children when they do something wrong. She even had her arms crossed over her chest, which made an even bigger impression.

"I'll explain everything to you, but now I have to ask you a big favor," I told her, somewhat ashamed. I was very embarrassed by what I wanted from her, but it was inevitable. I had to do it, I had no other choice.

"Of course T, is everything okay?" Her stern expression was replaced by a worried one. She ran to the armchair I was sitting on, putting her finger under my chin and lifting my face so she could see me better. I assumed she was looking to check if I had a bruise or something like that, but she couldn't find anything. Not this time.

"I need money for a plane ticket," I blurted out. Her eyes widen in surprise when I said that simple but at the same time very complicated sentence. She looked at me in confusion as soon as she regained some composure.

I was not surprised that she reacted like that, I would too. However, I didn't have enough money to go to the destination I wanted to, and asking Mateo for help was out of the question. Therefore, she was my only option. I hated the fact that I was depending on someone else, but I didn't get any feedback from any of the jobs I applied for, and there were many. At one point I even started to wonder what was wrong with me for no one to acknowledge me. My self-esteem was falling apart more and more with each passing day.

"Of course, you know I'm always there for you. But Tara, if I may ask, where do you plan to go?" She asked me cautiously, careful not to provoke a bad reaction from me.

"I need to see my father."

A/N

This chapter doesn't have much going on, but hey, the third one in a week, I'm proud of myself

Also, I recently realized that I am, in fact, a fuckboy and I don't know how to feel about it.

Instagram -> v_jelenaa

Love you all xx