Love is supposed to lift you up, not hold you down. It is supposed to push you forward, not hold you back.

― Suzy Kassem

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

― Oscar Wilde

Chapter 13

"You seriously have no intention of telling me what happened?" I asked Mateo for what seemed to be the thousandth time since I arrived.

"You seriously have no intention to change your clothes?" He countered, sounding bitter.

I wasn't particularly fond of the way he was talking to me, so I applied more pressure than necessary with the clean cloth I used to tend his cuts. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. It was rather obvious that he was hurt by my actions, considering that the cloth was soaked with alcohol. However, he refused to acknowledge that or to react in any other way. He probably thought that if he showed his pain, the picture of the rough guy he considered himself to be would vanish.

Imbecile.

"Mateo, I'm serious," I tried one more time in a much calmer tone.

"Me too, you promised me something earlier." I didn't know how he was able to do that, considering the fact that he looked like his life energy was leaving his body, but he sounded a bit threatening. Normally, I wouldn't take such a risk, playing with Mateo when he was in that element, however, this time I thought that he was under my control.

"Your body is covered in bruises-" I started but he interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.

"No shit, captain obvious," he said sarcastically and winced right after, seeing as I was still cleaning his cuts.

"Mateo..." I whispered his name with such gentleness I wasn't aware I had in me. I looked him in the eyes and blinked a couple of times, trying to seem naïve and innocent. He gulped. That action would usually bring me enormous pleasure, yet, at that point, I had much more important things to do.

Slowly, almost like in slow motion, I brought my lips to his ear and whispered "Tell me..." I noticed the way his heart changed the rhythm of Its beating in one that was much faster as well as the way he began to breathe heavily. My next move could probably be classified as cruel, but at the time I was ready to do whatever it takes to make him confess. As gently as I was able to I put my hand on his thigh, pretty close to most likely the only useful part of men's body. I thought that I was completely in control at that moment, however, he wasn't the one to give up that easily.

"Mateo..." The desperation in my voice could be heard so clearly that, in normal circumstances, I would definitely die out of embarrassment because of it.

I started to move my hand even higher, however, but in the very next moment, Mateo quickly brought his to mine, grabbed it, and moved away, wincing in the process. At that point, I was already panicked so I didn't even need more than a millisecond to come out of the state of trans I was in and realize what I was doing. I demanded an answer from my boyfriend who was physically hurt and I was only making everything worse.

I jumped off the bed and tried to put him in a comfortable position. Leon approached us, wanting to help. That was the first time I noticed his presence since we arrived. Somehow we managed to adjust Mateo's position who had his hand on his waist the whole time. I had a suspicion that his ribs were probably bruised, but would he admit it? I was pretty sure that the idiot would rather die.

"Dude, you look like you were hit by a bus." Leon's comments made Mateo roll his eyes.

"You should see the other guy."

I wanted so bad to know who he was talking about, however, I had more important priorities at the time, even though I had forgotten about them for a second.

"We need to get you to the hospital," I told him seriously. Lazily, he shifted his gaze and looked me directly in the eyes. I felt the chills running down my spine due to the way he was looking at me, yet I didn't give up. I wouldn't show him my weakness, even if it was the last thing I would do.

"No hospital for me," He answered shortly and I immediately protested

"What do you mean no hospital? Look at yourself for fucks sake! I'm pretty sure that you have a fractured or at least a cracked rib, you can't open your eye, you were whining the whole time I was cleaning your cuts, but no, you fucking have to act like some macho..." My voice was getting quieter towards the end of the sentence. Ultimately, I wasn't even able to finish saying my thoughts because of the evident threat his expression held. There was a clear red flag reminding me that I would most likely end up in trouble if I continued testing his patience.

"How many times do I need to repeat myself and tell you to stop fucking swearing?!" I had no idea where did he find the strength to scream at me, but it seemed like I had underestimated his pain tolerance. "I've already said that I'm not going to the fucking hospital. Now, go and take off that slutty dress!"

"But-"

"Did I make myself clear?" His face was flushed, traces of pain completely gone. The whole scene was so frightening I had no other option but to do what he had ordered me. I turned around, lowered my head, and walked to his room to borrow some of his clothes. At that moment I felt so weak I couldn't stop one treacherous tear from falling down my face, reminding me how powerless I really was.

-

"Hey." After a couple of minutes that I spent sitting on the floor in the dark room, I heard a familiar female voice. Slowly, I raised my head and noticed a black haired girl leaning against the doorframe. "You okay?" Hannah, Leon's girlfriend, asked me.

I supposed that the scene she witnessed when she entered the room seemed more than pathetic. I was sitting on the floor, next to Mateo's bed, dressed in his grey sweatshirt that was probably five times my size, and blue shorts that I had to tie with a scrunchie so it wouldn't fall. I might or might not, cried right after I was done with changing my clothes, so my face probably looked more swollen than Mateo's. Surely, my appearance was worthy of royalty. I most likely lost every chance I had with the girl.

"Yeah, I am," I tried to appear strong and calm, but one look at her face was enough for me to realize I wasn't as successful as I hoped.

Somehow, I managed to stand up and she entered the room and approached me. We sat on the couch. I lowered my head, not having the courage to look her in the eyes and face the reality. Furthermore, I was way too embarrassed, I couldn't take her pity. Meanwhile, she had other plans. She put her hand on my knee to give me support, and I could swear my heart skipped a beat.

"It'll get better, ya know? Everything gets better in the end." Even though I didn't dare to look at her eyes, I somehow had a feeling that her sentence had a double meaning. It seemed as Hannah knew more than she was letting on, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I wondered would she answer me if I asked her.

"When will that end come?" I snorted. That was such a desperate thing to say, the directors of the movies based on the tragic stories would surely immediately hire me.

"Well, usually when we die," she laughed in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

"And what if we are put in the cryosleep?"

"That's a bit depressive, don't you think?"

"Well, it depends on how you look at it."

"Wouldn't you like to go to heaven someday, when all this is over? You can't do that if you're forever alive," she sounded rather curious, which confused me. I wondered how we even started that topic.

"Well, first of all, I'm an atheist so I don't really believe in those things, and second even if heaven does exist, going there would hardly be an option for me." I finally looked up and noticed that her gaze was already fixated on me. I gave her a sincere smile, my teeth showing. I wasn't sure, but you could say I fainted internally seeing her then and there.

"Oh, I get it now," she said mysteriously.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"You're one of those little girls that like to tell the whole world how a bad person they are and how they are going to hell, when in reality they're complete sweethearts and wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone do something bad to someone else." By the time she finished her sentence, my jaw had already hit the floor. I watched her laughing her head off in disbelief, she was clearly satisfied with herself.

"First of all, ouch. Second, little girls? How old are you?" I finally broke the silence.

"25."

"Seriously?" I looked up in surprise.

"Yep, seriously. Why?" She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, evidently amused by my reaction.

"You don't look a day over 20," I said to which the corners of her lips stretched into a smirk.

"Maybe It's because you'd like that," she winked at me. There was no point in the time when I had been more grateful to have makeup on then right at that moment. Otherwise. in addition to already embarrassing me. she would also be able to see how my face turned into the color of a tomato.

Hannah started to laugh uncontrollably which completely worsen my uneasiness, so I decided to put an end to it, secretly hoping that I would be able to get some information on Mateo's job. I didn't want my question to work just like a distraction.

"So...how long have Leon and you been together?" Her smile fell the second I asked her that question. She gave me a calculated look. She clearly was a smart girl so I did not doubt that she understood what I truly wanted to know. The only question left was whether she would choose to answer me.

"5 years and I've actually met Mateo shortly after Leon and I started dating, they were best friends even back then." Like I thought she was aware of my true intentions. I did a quick calculation in my mind. Mateo was about to turn 24 so that meant that he was 18 or 19 at the time.

"And how well do you know him?" I carried on with asking questions, hoping that that was my lucky day and that I would finally get some answers.

"Does anyone know him well?" I snorted one more time. I had to agree with her on that one. "But I'm in his company more often than not 'cuz he's constantly spending time with Leon, you feel me? A little less now, though, thank you for that, btw." We both laughed. She was totally right, Mateo and I were inseparable since the day we met, with barely a few days when that wasn't the case.

"And, how does he typically act when I'm not around?"

"Like a complete asshole, no offense." She added although she didn't really sound like she particularly meant it.

"None taken," I said. It wasn't like I could deny her statement, he sometimes acted like a total asshole in my presence too.

"Leon likes him...like a lot, but...I don't know..." I noticed that she hesitated, so I gave her a sign with my head as to reassure her that there was no need for that and to continue. I was very interested in what she had to say. "There's something weird about him. I'm not sure what, but he has this aura that doesn't sit well with me. I don't necessarily feel comfortable when I'm in his company and I've known the guy for years. I sincerely have no idea how you do it," I frowned. Yes, Mateo looked dangerous, even I was scared of him at times, but I couldn't help but wonder how was it possible for her to feel that way considering they were friends, maybe the better term would be acquaintances, for years.

"Me? He surely had girlfriends before me, they probably had to put up with him too," I was laughing with more force than needed this time, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Frankly, I've never seen him with a girl before," I looked at her with a shocked expression, mouth so open that a few bugs most definitely found their permanent shelter in there.

"I'm his first real girlfriend?"

"As far as I know, yep," She nodded her head.

Okay, I should add this to the list of weird things about Mateo. It's already pretty long though.

I wanted to question her more regarding the topic, yet something told me that I wouldn't get the answers I craved. It was also possible that she wouldn't even know the said answers, even if she wanted to help me figure Mateo out. He could be very mysterious when he wanted to, which was approximately all the time.

I decided to test my luck and ask the thing that wouldn't let me sleep at night. The things that were so desperately hidden from me that I started to suspect that Mateo and Leon work for some secret intelligence service or something. The thing I had every intention of discovering as soon as possible

"Hannah?" I started, changing the tone of my voice into a professional one. I didn't even know why I did it, it was like I worked on impulse.

"Yeah?"

"What do they do for a living?" I asked her letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

I watched her every move carefully. I noticed how her whole posture changed in a matter of a millisecond. She was stiff, nervous, there was even a droplet of sweat pouring down her face.

Is it possible that the whole thing is that serious? I couldn't help but wonder. All of them acted strangely in regards to this particular question, Mateo included, yet Hannah's reaction...Her reaction made my blood run cold. It indicated that what they did was not something naïve and innocent, that Mateo wasn't even a little bit naïve and innocent.

"I-It's not my place to tell you that, Tara," she stuttered, her voice barely above a whisper. She was literally shaking which made me frown. Why is she so anxious all of a sudden?

"But-" I tried to push her to tell me but she immediately interrupted me. She grabbed my hand and started dragging me in the direction of the door.

"We have to go back, we stayed here for too long." It was clear that she was trying to control her voice. She wasn't successful, though. I wondered how was it possible that the girl who was only a few minutes ago epitome of self-confidence and strength suddenly became so terrified.

-

Mateo and Leon stopped talking the moment we entered the leaving room. My curiosity threatened to give birth to frustration due to the whole situation. I despised when people hid something from me, especially when they made it obvious. If I wasn't truly worried about Mateo because of his wounds, I would've probably left my own marks on his body.

Mateo immediately scanned my body and smirked when he saw what I was wearing, clearly satisfied with himself. My hands were clenched into fists by my sides. Somehow I managed to control my impulses and not slap him across his face so hard he would go back to an unconscious state. I was aware that my behavior took a drastic turn and that it was completely opposite of my previous conduct towards him. However, I had a slight suspicion that I had become a very unstable person since meeting him, so I tried to explain my feelings using that as a fact.

I didn't even roll my eyes, I had just completely ignored his existence and approached Leon who stood not so far away from him.

"I want to move him to the bed in his bedroom, can you help me with that?" I asked the well-built men without hesitation. At first, he looked at me weirdly, like he was confused as to why was I talking to him in the first place. Eventually though, he nodded his head. Just because Mateo was getting on my nerves so bad that I wanted to strangle him didn't mean I wanted him to suffer and be uncomfortable lying on the couch. A bit contradictory? Probably, but lately my feelings and moods had been changing at a speed that my brain couldn't even process.

"I can manage," Mateo snapped when Leon was about to touch him.

"Of course you can, because that half-closed eye and probably a cracked rib do not prevent that from happening at all," I rolled my eyes and soon after I was met with his cold gaze.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," he bit back, wincing which pretty much proved my point. I raised my eyebrow letting him know that he was behaving childishly and that it was clear to everyone that he was not well.

"Neither did I ask for yours. Leon, please." I hurriedly looked at Mateo's friend, my frustration growing every minute he spent not obeying my requests.

"Tara, I don't know..." He trailed off. He was clearly unsure of what the right thing to do was. He even quickly glanced at Mateo whose face was rigid and held a clear threat. It was even more frightening considering he had cuts all over it.

"Leon, do what I said, I'll deal with him later, he won't do anything to you," I tried to reassure him even though I wasn't convinced in what I was saying myself. Mateo was unpredictable, but I found it hard to believe that he would hurt his friend for something so trivial.

"Bro, if you-" Mateo started to threaten him, but he was interrupted by Leon who had already grabbed him and put his arm over his shoulder. Mateo let out a loud cry which made me feel uneasy. I had a strong need to come closer to him and take that pain away, but I was also aware that that was Impossible at the moment, my whole presence was worsening the situation and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Dude, I'm sorry, but I have to listen to her," Leon told him and forcefully started dragging him towards the staircase and bedroom later on. After Mateo let out a grimace a couple of times because Leon was unintentionally pressing his wounds, his friend lifted him up and basically carried him to his room. Every single person that was present was aware that the whole thing would be much easier if Leon just took him in his arms like a groom with his bride, yet they refused to do so. I believed that the reason for that was that they were way too embarrassed as it is. Apparently, it was easier for them to just look like they only had two functioning brain cells. Men.

Finally, Leon brought him to his room and put him on his bed. Certainly, the whole thing couldn't pass without Mateo's constant whining, but essentially, that was nothing new. I felt his burning gaze on my body, but I chose to ignore it for a little while longer. I had a good excuse for that, too. Leon and Hannah were about to head home. Hannah hugged me briefly and hurriedly walked out of the apartment, but not before informing me that she would give me a call so we could agree on a time and date when we would go on a shopping spree. Her reaction was what confused me the most, but I didn't have much time to dwell on that thought.

Not long after she left, Leon approached me and gave me a sign, using his head, to get out of the room and meet him in the hallway. I looked at him in confusion and quickly glanced back at Mateo, whose eyes were narrowed stating that he didn't approve of Leon's actions. However, I didn't let his threatening pose stop me from being polite to the people that most definitely deserved that. I did what his friend asked me to and exited the room, closing the door after me. Leon was already leaning against the wall across the said door. He seemed a bit distressed. He ran his hand through his hair and obviously had an internal battle with himself whether to tell me what he originally wanted to or not.

"Look after him, okay?" He said after a few moments of silence. His hair resembled hay at that point, and his gaze was so lost I wondered if he was even truly aware of my presence.

"Sure," I said shortly, not really understanding why he was telling me that.

"Tara, I'm serious, he...he's not well," he said unsure of himself, like he was scared of my reaction. He might be scared of something else too, but at the time I couldn't tell what that something was.

"Not well in what sense?" I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to process in my mind what he had just said. Something told me that he wasn't speaking only of Mateo's physical state.

Look, I can't tell you much, just look after him. Listen to what he tells you, don't bring him into a state of frustration and despair, trust me. And most importantly, take care of yourself." He didn't wait for my response. Immediately afterward he went downstairs and out of the apartment, judging by the sound of the door slamming.

For a while I was standing in the same place he left me, mouth wide open and eyes threatening to jump out of my body. What was that supposed to mean? Leon seemed like a pretty straightforward person and I was sure that what he had told me was for my own good, but what he meant by that?

The further flow of my thoughts was interrupted by Mateo who was practically shouting my name, in an attempt to make me go back inside. It sounded like he was impatient and I didn't want him to wait for me for too long, the confidence I earlier had slowly but surely was going down the drain.

I went back to the room and caught him trying to set a door on fire with his gaze. He didn't let me say anything, rather than that he immediately started bombarding me with questions.

"What took you so long?" He asked me in a serious tone. But no, I wasn't that naïve to not notice the hidden meaning behind the seemingly harmless question.

"He wanted to make sure that I'll inform him of your condition," I lied so smoothly that even his jealous ass couldn't doubt it. It seemed that I was getting better at it, although I still felt anxious when I lied to him. In those moments I would always recall what he had told me regarding liars. I shook my head, scared of the mere thought.

"Y'all act like I'm on a verge of death or something," he yelled, or at least he tried to, considering that he wasn't in the best state to do so.

"Mateo, your body is covered in bruises!" I was pointing my hand in the direction of his body in disbelief, like he wasn't aware of it.

"I know, you told me that six times already," he rolled his eyes.

"You're not funny right now," I told him.

"You sure about that?" He wiggled his eyebrows, clearly amused by the whole conversation.

"Pretty much."

"Babe," he gave me a pointed look.

"Mateo-" I started but he interrupted me. Shocker there. He was probably aware of the direction my questioning would lead to.

"Not now, baby girl, now It's not the time," he said seriously. I tried to reason with him, but he put an end to that too, giving me another one of his pointed looks. "Please, come here and give me a kiss, I fucking missed you damn it!" He sounded so cute I couldn't refuse his wish. He was like a little baby whom I took away something that was essential for a living. I came closer to the bad and, as gently as I could, pressed my lips to his.

-

I probably seemed like the biggest stalker that ever walked the Earth as I was watching Mateo sleep. After a steamy make-out session, I helped him take off his clothes and I manage to put him in a comfortable position in a bed. He insisted that I lay next to him and I obviously had to do exactly that. He put his head on my chest and demanded that I caress his hair he didn't even have. I believed that one of the reasons he loved my long nails was exactly that - he enjoyed it when I touched him in that way.

Not long after, I could hear his soft snoring. That made me smile. He finally looked like a normal person. I kissed his forehead and tried to move him away for me so he could lay his head comfortably on the pillow, but he wouldn't budge. Even though he was very much asleep, he held me firmly in his arms, not wanting to let me go. I found that rather sweet.

I watched him sleeping. He was still tense. His jaw was somehow clenched, but on the other hand, he seemed calm, no matter how silly and contradictory that sounded. He looked dangerous like always, but he also looked vulnerable. He was a living contradiction, and yet again I was drawn to him so much so I wasn't sure I would ever be able to escape.

I flinched at the sound of the vibrations in the room. I stole a quick glance at Mateo to check if he was awoken by my sudden move, but he was still in a deep slumber according to his steady breathing. I turned in the direction where the sound came from and I saw Mateo's phone on the nightstand. I contemplated what to do. I was aware that looking through his phone wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I was sure that I was bound to find out at least a little bit about him. I also knew that what I wanted to do could be categorized as an invasion of privacy, but I was desperate. The necessity to find out what he was hiding from me was unbearable. At one point I even started biting my nails out of nervousness, something I had never done before. At that moment I finally understood what was going on with me. I felt anxious to answer my own boyfriend's phone, how was that supposed to be normal? Suddenly I stopped caring whether he would get angry with me or not, I just had to get the answers, and If going through his phone was my only option, so be it.

With a newly found courage, I extended my arm in the direction of the nightstand and took his phone in my hands. Of course, somewhere in the middle of my internal debate, I forgot the little fact that luck was never on my side, so why would it be now?

"What the hell are you doing?"

My instagram -> v_jelenaa