That morning Chris woke up with his arms around Fallon, weirdly enough he wasn't opposed to this as the dream he had last night made more sense by the day. He didn't want to mention the dreams he was having once every week to her, he wondered if she was getting them too but maybe he was going crazy. 

     He quickly pulled his arms away and got up from the bed, she was still sleeping peacefully but he also noticed how a few tears were running down her cheeks. He wondered what she was dreaming about to cry like that while being at peace. 

     "Fallon," He slightly shook her awake and she stared at him perplexed.

     "Let me guess, I asked you to sleep with me again," She stirred rubbing her eyes and then sitting up, he remained standing but this time with a concerned look.

     "What were you dreaming about? You're crying," He leaned in wiping the tears that remained under her eyes, and to her surprise, he held a soft look on his face. 

     "Um, nothing," She stated as he leaned away. "I don't quite remember a lot of my dreams but I mean..."

     "You ever dream about this gang?" He questioned looking around her room. "The leader is very arrogant and violent-"

     "And the girl is like his twin flame?" She finished his sentence before locking eyes with him in silence. "It's like some sick movie I watched as a kid."

     "Except it doesn't feel like a movie." He replied lost in his thoughts leaning on her tall bedpost, he fixed himself after realizing and fixed his posture. "Whatever, I'll see you tonight."

     "What do you mean tonight?" Fallon scrunched up her eyebrows. 

     "You're training with me," He shot her a wink before he slithered his way out of her room leaving her confused. 

     "Well," She got up up from her bed and made her way to her bathroom where she freshened up. 

     Fallon always liked the idea of getting cleaned, no matter what she went through she felt that a quick shower would make her feel better and it wasn't a hot steamy one. She enjoyed the feeling of the cold water hitting her skin, it made her feel energized and pure. It was like she was washing away all the things that burned her skin whether it be guilt or stress, she held her under the water trying to string out the shampoo and conditioner. 

     There was nothing they had to do today seeing as they just went on a mission, Chris of course had things he had to sort out but the rest of the boys were free. By the time Fallon had done her skincare and got dressed, she noticed half of the boys were gone though. Chris was locked in his office and it seemed that Lloyd, Liam, Myles, and Cameron went out to eat. 

     "I'm hungry," Fallon sighed slipping into the kitchen, the maids were out for the day as they needed a day off and usually Fallon would be happy for them but she didn't know how to cook. 

     "Oh great, you're here," Kian walked into the kitchen rolling his eyes at the girl, it made Fallon annoyed so she crossed her arms and just stared at him. 

     Kian got into the fridge and pulled a few food items out before noticing the stare drawn to him, "What the hell are you staring at me for?"

     "Oh, nothing I just thought you'd let out some indication of a joke to your insult," Fallon watched shamelessly as Kian groaned at her. 

     "Jokes are meant for friends, we're not friends," He said sarcastically before narrowing his eyes at the girl and turning on the stove.

     "Are you cooking something for breakfast?" Fallon asked looking at the ingredients he laid out on the counter. 

     "Yeah, what's it to you?" Kian raised an eyebrow at her, she was about to speak but the familiar sound of a stomach grumbling for food came out. Kian blinked his eyes wide as she looked around embarrassed, her pride could get in the way of getting something to eat.

     Sure, she could turn away and pretend she wasn't hungry but she knew she wanted to ask him to make something for her and maybe learn something along the way.

     "I'm guessing the boys didn't invite you for breakfast," Kian chopped up some veggies and began tossing more things into the pan. 

     "No, I didn't know because-" She stopped herself from revealing the fact Chris had slept next to her for the night. "I just wasn't told, not sure why."

     "Maybe they don't consider you a part of the team," Kian laid out slices of bread on the pan. 

     "That's funny, if I recall I was the person to get us out of the mission successfully," Fallon frowned. 

     "Luckily, you just had luck on your side," He reminded her as he got two plates and plated two slices of toast on each plate, Fallon stared at him in confusion. 

     "Does the boss want toast?" She asked before Kian plated avocados on the toast and seasoned it, he added a few more greens and some tomato cubes on the top. 

     "No idiot," He handed her a plate. "You don't have to eat it you could starve if you want to." 

     "Really?" She stared at the plate in her hands and her face softened before looking up at him. 

     "Yes, now go eat in your room or something," He grumbled walking to the table as Fallon followed him and sat across from him, he glared at her actions. "Why are you sitting here?"

     "Why did you make me food?" Fallon questioned as he filled his glass of orange juice. 

     "I could take it back," He offered almost taking her plate but she pushed his hands away. 

     "No! Thank you!" She pleaded before taking a bite from the toast. "What the hell, this is good!"

     "Thanks, I guess I'm surprised you actually like it." He sighed before eating as well. "You know, I can't believe someone like you doesn't know how to cook. I understand why the other guys might not but you grew up in a nice household."

     "I like to pretend I am," She explained. "My mother always cooked for me and I do know some dishes but I could never really get it right without any direction."

     "Got it," They both sat in silence eating before they both got up to wash the dishes. 

     Kian couldn't help why he decided to cook for the girl and her kindness wouldn't mean anything to him... Still, it felt like a barrier was broken. 

     "Why are you following me?" Kian glared at Fallon who walked up the stairs with him, they turned the corner of the staircase and Kian opened his bedroom door before turning to her. "You're not coming in."

     "I'm bored, please?" She frowned trying to look inside his room. "I want to see how everyone has decorated their rooms."

     "No, I don't need you snooping around," He spat walking into his room and Fallon followed with her stubbornness. 

     "Kian, I didn't choose to be here," Fallon crossed her arms entering a more serious topic, she still stood by the doorway waiting for his approval she knew she wanted to get him to like her as a member but she didn't know if it would work. "You know that, everyone knows that actually- What I can't understand is why you're choosing to be upset with me?"

     "Because you act like everything is easy- like every mission is going to be fun and exciting-"

     "No, I don't-"

     "Let me speak or I'll kick you out," He threatened shooting her a stern look. 

     Fallon stood quiet and sat on a chair near the door with her arms remaining crossed, if she was going to listen to someone insulting her just so she could gain their trust, so be it.

     "I didn't want to be a part of this gang, I had a normal life," He sat down on his bed staring at the ground as he tried to recall the memories that ruined his life. "I had a best friend who I hung out with pretty often at a park, I was too stupid to realize he was in a gang and it wasn't until..."

     He breathed in before turning his head to look at Fallon, he tried to keep his stoic look locked in but it was hard to think about the photographic memory. He would do anything to erase the horrible pictures in his head, why was it him that had to endure that image? He learned that he couldn't really trust anyone in this world. 

     "My best friend was killed and then that gang wanted to come after me thinking I was in his gang- I looked for help and found Chris. He was just starting and he didn't know that my best friend was killed because he didn't realize he got out in the streets like that." Kian looked back down at his hands debating if he should continue.

     "That must have been so fucked," Fallon finally spoke up with a frown on her face, a tear fell from her eyes and Kian was quick to see it. He didn't know why a stranger like that would cry about something that happened to him. It reminded him of... Stacy. 

     Kian scratched the back of his head before going on with the story, it's not like he wanted to make the girl cry but he couldn't help but feel curious about how she'd react.

     "When I got into the gang for my protection Chris killed off the other gang who came after my best friend, I had to see my best friend get killed and then see my new boss kill the ones who killed my best friend." He snickered like it was some sick joke and like it didn't mean anything. "I met a girl before I joined, her name was Stacy. She wasn't like any other girls I met at school, she wanted to be in my gang when she found out, I told her it was dangerous I warned her! I told Chris to stop encouraging her but to him back then all he could see was an army he needed to build to be strong- He needed her to join to gain more staff."

     "That's diabolical? He wanted her to join a dangerous world just like that?" Fallon scrunched up her eyebrows.

     "He said if I wanted to keep seeing her then she had to join, it made sense because even if I didn't date my best friend he was still close to me and they still wanted to track me." Kian shook his head. "My girlfriend died, she didn't get to train with us because while she was in the process of making that life change they found her and killed her." 

     "Kian, I hope you don't think it's your fault," Fallon stared at him waiting for him to even glance at her. "She wanted to join this life and wasn't aware of everything-"

     "It was my fault, if we never met I would've kept her safe but I was in love and I didn't want her leaving me," Kian looked at Fallon with a tear rolling down his cheek before wiping it away. "This life isn't for the weak, I understand because of Chris's mistake you had to join here but you need to listen to him when he makes plans we can't just run into every mission blindly."

     "Kian," Fallon stood in front of Kian and placed her hand on his shoulder. "What good is blaming yourself if they're dead? Blaming yourself doesn't fix anything it's just going to make you feel worse."

     "Do you blame yourself for your mom?" He stared at her almost challenging her words, but she took a deep breath and shot him a comforting smile. 

     "I used to until I finally felt better here, everything happens for a reason and I know she didn't hate me even until her last breaths." She replied. "I take this job seriously because I know I have to show her that it was worth it, I can survive life without her."

     "So you think I should prove for the rest of my life that it was worth it?" Kian looked confused hearing her words, he didn't even know how to take in advice like that because no one had ever said something like that to him. 

     All the boys had a way of coping with their losses and struggles, both when it came to facing each other they just had a look that they all understood. None of them really talked about their feelings to each other, they didn't know how to process traumatic things and weren't taught how to talk about it. Somehow, when Fallon joined she was able to speak to Chris and Lloyd and, now she wanted to get closer to Kian. She could tell they all had something tight in their chest threatening to spill out, it's like their human nature to not speak about it- Fallon knew she couldn't change the way they acted because of the trauma. Still, she had hope that just maybe she could help them live with more peace in their heart. 

     "I think that blaming yourself for their deaths isn't the life they wanted you to live," Fallon smiled and stood up. "Life goes on, you can only grow from this position you're in."

     "I won't ever have a normal life, I've learned to live in solitary most of the time," Kian shook his head with a foul smile and Fallon felt something drop in her stomach like she had let him down.

     "I understand, I feel the same way but I think things will be different now because Chris has upgraded a lot hasn't he? We'll have more staff-"

     "I just can't- Okay?" He groaned standing up and Fallon started making her way to his doorframe, she stood by and turned to him one last time. 

     "The self-hate has to stop someday," She shot him an empathetic smile before finally heading out the door, the minute she was out of view Kian fell onto his bed with a sigh. 

     Staring at the ceiling thinking about every little thing she had told him was starting to suffocate the boy, he wondered why the hell was she beginning to make sense? His eyes moved to the urn sitting on a shelf across the room, his best friend was still with him even to this day whereas his ex-girlfriend was nowhere to be found. They assumed the gang had taken her body and didn't plan to release anything about it, gangs were notorious for never giving families closure but Kian knew his ex-lover was dead.

     He remembered trying to get ahold of her body, Chris didn't let him and they took off back to their base knowing they would be safer there. He didn't stay with her till her last breath and it killed him, he had a weird feeling that she was still out there somewhere. He felt that her body didn't truly get to rest because maybe they didn't properly bury her. 

     Fallon felt that she understood Kian now, he was someone who had lost two people and couldn't deal with the guilt.  She couldn't imagine how her life would be if she dwelled on the past guilt of her mom, she'd be locked in her room communicating with no one. That would break her in an instant, she was happy that Lloyd didn't make her feel like that after talking so much with him. He was a fun person to be around and easy to talk to without the excessive flirting. 

     She hoped that at least now Kian would be easy on her and understand that she wasn't the enemy around here. She wanted to know more about Chris though, how he used to run things around here before she joined.