Ellie

I am watching Alex. I heard what he said last night and I just feel really closed off right now. I don't feel comfortable talking to him and for some reason I am angry.

I don't even know why. Maybe it's the fact that he is such a player and I don't want that type of guy to like me. Maybe it's because I really never thought of him that way. But I am mainly angry because he likes me. I don't know why, I'm just really mad. I can't talk to him. I just feel way too awkward.

I am watching him, watching what he does, watching to see if he will catch on to why I am mad, which I hope he doesn't, because then it will be this whole issue.

I watch as he furrows his brows, seeming to be in deep thought. Then his eyes go wide for a split second and his head whips around to face me.

Shit.

I duck my head quickly, hoping he didn't see my staring at him.

"You heard?" He asks, I can't exactly pinpoint the emotion in his voice, I hear confidence, I hear weakness, I hear hope, and I already hear defeat.

I have no idea where this conversation is going to go, but my body is trembling. I really wanted to start an actual friendship with Alex. I don't want it to be ruined already because of his stupid feelings.

I don't say anything, I just keep facing forward.

He clears his throat and speaks again, "Ellie, I know you heard me."

I shake my head.

"Oh don't give me that, I know damn well you heard what I said last night. You wouldn't be acting so weird otherwise."

I don't know what to do. If I say no then he will keep pushing it, but if I say yes it will be this whole talk.

Ugh, let's get this over with. No more lies, just straight up truth.

I nod my head, "I heard you."

I hear a tremble in his voice, "and what do you think?"

I spin around at this, "what do I think? Alex, I have spent my whole life thinking that we hated eachother, how am I just supposed to accept this and say that I share the same feeling?"
I can see the pleading in his eyes when he looks at me next, "Ellie, I know that it is a lot to take in. But I have liked you for a very long time. I didn't think you would have heard me yesterday, I thought you were asleep. I really wanted to build up a friendship with you. I wanted to establish a good friendship and then tell you. But I ruined that. I'm sorry, and I'm not asking you to immediately have the same feelings. I'm asking you to give me a chance, a chance to show you that I'm better than what I have been to you. Please."

I think about this, everyone deserves a chance, I have always believed that. But I just can't picture myself with someone like him. It's not possible for me to do. I have borderline hated him my entire life. I can't just up and fall in love with him.

I shake my head, "I-I just can't."

I think I see tears forming in his eyes as he grabs my hand and pleads all that he can, "Ellie, please. Look at your life for me. Look at one, five, ten years from now. Anywhere in there, anywhere, can you see me?"

With my hands in his, I do as he asks. I really really try to picture my life with him as my boyfriend.

In one year: finishing up highschool with my best friends. Alex is with his new girl of the week.

In five years: In college, to become a teacher. Alex is sending me some weird text, probably half drunk somewhere.

In ten years: just getting home from the school I teach at. Being welcomed by a loving husband and possibly children. Rubbing my pregnant stomach. I haven't had any means of communication with Alex in at least three years. He is the furthest thing from my mind.

I shake my head again, "I can't Alex. No where in my mind can I picture a life with you."

Pleading is masked with defeat. Sadness clear all over his perfect face.

He drops his hands, letting go of mine as well. He sits there, with his hand pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed for another minute at least. Possibly thinking of anything else he can say to change my mind. But there is nothing. I really don't like him. I don't think I ever could.

After a good minute or so, Alex finally stands up and walks away.

I know that I should probably follow him, try to reach out to him and ask if he is okay. Try to comfort him if I can.

But I can't. All I can do is stay rooted in place, replaying everything that just went on in my mind. Processing everything that just happened.

How could he possibly like me? He has hated me his entire life, I have been nothing but rude to him, and he somehow managed to fall for me.

Did I say the right thing? What if I just pretended that I didn't hear him? Would that have worked out better or worse? I mean, sure I don't like him, nor would I ever, but I want to be friends.

Alex probably hates me now. Why am I so stupid? Why didn't I just pretend to not have heard what he said? Then we could have bypassed this whole entire situation. Wouldn't that have been nice?

My eyes scan around the store but I don't see Alex anywhere. He is probably in one of the aisles or in the bathroom. Maybe it's better if I don't know where he is. Maybe it's better if I give him some time to cool off. Then maybe we can talk things over, and try to be friends.

At least I hope so.

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Thanks for over 140 reads! Don't forget to read my other book 'shy love'

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-Maxine:)