Tulip sat in the corner of her couch with her braids in a top knot peering out her expansive living room windows as darkness claimed the vacant street. Eucalyptus Lane was always quiet between the hours of nine p.m. and five a.m. As the clock ticked past ten-ten the pattern held strong. Unfortunately, the pattern of her life had been thwarted. She hadn't been able to think straight since the lawyer dropped a grenade in her life. Her busy schedule didn't allow her the time to meltdown in a puddle of despair and angst but now she did.

She pulled her fleece blanket back on over her shoulder covering up her Prairie View shirt. She found the crips t-shirt hanging in her closet and thought it was fitting to wear it today since it was a period in her life at that very university that had cropped back in her present. She tucked those eight and a half months to the farthest space in the back of her mind and went on with her life. She didn't know much about the child, not even its gender. She never even held it. Just prayed for it to be placed with a safe family and worked hard to ensure her life would justify their decision to put it up for adoption.

"I got all your favorites." Niesha gestured to the coffee table. "Pepperoni pizza. Sriracha wings. And fried okra."

Tulip's face twisted at the sight of the layout of cheesy, spicy, and greasy sitting in the middle of the table. Her mouth watered and her stomach yearned to be filled with the deliciousness before her but couldn't lean forward and pull a slice from the cardboard box. Her hands needed to cover her face from the waterfall pouring down her cheeks.

"Fuck my life. It's all over." She whined with trembling shoulders. "I'm a terrible human."

"No. No. No." Niesha soothed her back. "You made the best choice for your circumstances." She sat on the couch's arm continuing the slow comforting strokes. Two months into their friendships during a drive back from a kickback Tulip told her about the thing only three other people knew about her. "You're not terrible. It takes massive responsibility to put a baby up for adoption. You knew you couldn't handle motherhood then and you found someone that could."

"And now they're dead." Tulip croaked. She swiveled around to see her friend. "She left her me. Oh my God!" She popped on her feet. "It's a boy. I had a girl. She—" She flailed her arms out as the thought weighed her down lower than she already was. "She probably hates me."

"Nah, she won't." Niesha's tone was certain and her face was sincere but none of it abated the resolve Tulip had.

For months after her grandmama sat her and her brother down on the plastic-covered couch to tell them the tragedy that took her parents she was angry with them. It had to be their fault for not making it back to them, back to her. She was furious at them for going out that night to have dinner with friends because if they were at home with them they wouldn't have hydroplaned off the road and crashed into an immovable tree.

She was angry for something out of her parent's control, of course, the little girl would hate her for the conscious decision they made.

"What am I supposed to do with a daughter." Tulip gripped her waist tightly. Her eyebrows drew together as she glanced around her chic modern living room with its tan leather armchairs, cream couch, Pier 1 rug she snagged on during a sale and electric fireplace that she rarely used. "What am I supposed to do with a child? I've never even taken care of any living thing. Those plants."

She pointed to the rubber tree being Niesha in the foyer. "Fake." She dashed to the dining room. "These." She plucked a soft pink hydrangea from the vase atop the table. "Fake!" She stormed back into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with a fucking tiny human? Uh, Niesha?"

"Hmmm, feed it." Niesha grabbed the tray of wings and put them in Tulip's lap. "Feed yourself and calm down."

"I—"

Tulip started but Niesha threw up her hand, "You're panicking like a hamster on crack?"

"Does crack make you panic?"

Niesha shrugged, "I don't know. I've never snorted crack."

"Huh." She sounded with her teeth sinking into a drum.

"Let's look at this from a different angle." Niesha lowered herself onto the couch, still in her work clothes but nonetheless comfortable. "You get to see what type of person your baby is."

Tulip lowered the wing from her greasy lips, "Her name is Sidney. Sidney King." She leaned back, dropping the wing in the container. "It's a damn good name."

It was a better name than she could assemble. Hell, she couldn't even assemble the furniture she ordered from Ikea let alone name a human. Then again she did come up with half of her company's name. Glitter was a fun word.

"Excellent name."

"She must've been smart," Tulip whispered as if she was talking to herself. "Amelia."

"She was."

Tulip glanced at her with befuddlement, "How do you know?"

"So...I did a thing." She scratched at her nose. "I spend an unhealthy amount of time on the computer and I so happened to find my cursor on Google and typed in the name Amelia King."

"You looked her up?" She looked at her with a quirk to her mouth not believing that it was by chance that she searched the woman that adopted and reared the child she birthed.

Niesha nodded, "She was a Rhode Scholar and NYC real estate tycoon."

"Did you—"

"See the child. No." She shook her head, covering her feet up with the blanket. "She kept her private life private like a steel-cage private but I did read an article about the charities she loved and they all had one thing in common."

Tulip stopped cleaning her fingers with the takeout napkins. "What?"

"Second chances." She smiled somberly. "She had breast cancer and I think she wanted you to have a second chance to—"

"To be a mother." Tulip sunk back into the couch. "But I don't know how to be a mother. I'm not a mother." She nibbled on her thumbnail sure the acrylic would hold up. "I've never been one."

Niesha sighed, drumming her fingers on the back of the couch, "You've been nurturing a business for years."

"A business isn't a child." Tulip refuted.

"It's not but...." Neisha gestured to her like she had winning points to make. "Businesses need dedication, commitment, and passion and so does motherhood."

"You think?" She needed reassurance, it was drawn in the faint lines above her face as doubt plagued her psyche.

"I know." Neisha nodded excitedly with a smile. "But you don't have to do it alone. She has a whole father, right?"

Tulip shook her head quickly, almost disturbing the bun at the top of her head. "He isn't an option." She saw Neisha's lips morph before she even got out the question word. "Jasper and I..." She stopped not wanting to dive into that section of the past. The scab from the wound had hardened and healed she wasn't going to pick at it now. Her emotions had already been jumbled enough there was no reason to thwart them more.

"She was raised by a single mother. I'm single and I can do it too." The confidence drained toward the end of her words but she kept her head high. "I can be a good mother. Right?"

"Completely." Niesha's head seesawed from side to side. "You'd be a different kind of mama but you got this."

"Yeah." Her nose crinkled as she nodded. "I'll fucking rock motherhood."

Neisha laughed, "You'd have tone down some of the fucks and mother fuckahs but you'd be good."

"Pssh," She flicked her wrist, batting the words away. "My Nana cursed every day and I turned out fucking stellar." She gestured to herself. "Bad bitch I am."

"Okay, hood Yoda." Niesha teased.

A smile curved Tulip's full lips even though her mind was still spinning. For the first time in her life, she didn't have a backup plan. She always had a backup plan. She had two colleges lined up if she didn't get into the college of her choice. She had another job lined up if she didn't land the first interview straight out of college. As she waited for the pregnancy test to give an answer she formulated two plans if it read pregnant. 

She didn't know how to plan for a ten-year-old with its old personality. How does one plan for that?

Do you think Tulip has what it takes to be a good mother?

Should she tell the 'father' about this recent development or do it by herself?

Why do you think she doesn't want to involve the dad?