---- [T -> J] ----

T: u look so hot when u find me annoying

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J: Do you need some help?
T: No. This is not some simple task like, say, riding a bike, cracking an egg, or drug smuggling
J: ...what was that last one?
T: ...cracking an egg

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T: I can't believe he cancelled my fake meeting!

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J: Timmy
J: give me his name and I'll give you a corpse

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T: my Twitter keeps blowing up what did u do

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J: I don't feel like I'm 6'1. It just kinda feels like everyone else is small.
T: Just say your 6'1 and go

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T: ughh! did you have to throw me in the water? I'm fucking wet
J: oh so you lived? Damn

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J: You look like you stayed up all night crying over me
T: u look like I stayed up all night crying over u

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: Hey Timmy?
T: Wha
W: How much Tim could a Timmy Tim if a Timmy could catch Tim?
T: What the fuck
W: How much Tim could a Timmy Tim if a Timmy could catch Tim?
T: I heard u the first time, u dumbass, that doest make any sense
W: What part are you tripping up on?
T: What the fuck is happening
D: I think I understand. Yeah
T: Understand what?
D: I understand how much Tim could a Timmy Tim if a Timmy could catch Tim
T: None of you are making any fucking sense
W: Your outnumber 2 to 1 here Timmy. I think that just makes you dumb
T: I'm not dumb!
D: Well there's two of us and one of you and that makes us right
T: If that's the case then what about last week when I tried to tell Jay and Roy that it's a bad idea to practice jumping off Roy's fire escape to try and brace their legs for fall damage
W: Roy and Jay don't count because they're idiots. Me and Dickie? We're two smart dudes
D: The smartest
T: Fuck
W: So, Dickie, how much Tim could a Timmy tim if a Timmy could catch Tim?
D: Maybe 7?
T: I'll kill you both and make it look like an accident
D: You don't have to try to make me look like an accident
W: Yikes
T: Screw both of you I'm leaving

---- [W -> D] ----

W: I'm concerned for Timmy
D: Why
W: He's spent the last three days staring blankly into a thermos of coffee that smells vaguely of vodka and crying intermittently mumbling his own name. You basically live with him, how did you not notice
D: That's,,, yeah, that's something to be concerned about
D: Why did you have to wait three days to bring this up? How long do you have to watch a guy mumbling his own name into a spiked coffee crying softly before you think its a problem?
W: Well three days obviously

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

T: How... Timmy... Tim
D: Timmy what the fuck is wrong with you
W: Why did you phrase it so bluntly Jesus christ Dickie
T: Ive been thinking about this all week! How much Tim could a Timmy Tim if a Timmy could catch Tim?
W: Are you fucking kidding me
T: What does it mean for a Timmy to Tim? I'm having an existential nightmare
D: Life is a nightmare. Wake up. Except you can't. You're already awake.
W: Are y- jesus Dickie
T: What if a Timmy could Tim 4 tim's? Or 8? I'm so confused
W: Why are you like this

---- [T -> J] ----

J: Why are you like this?
T: I used too much No More Tears shampoo in 2007 and haven't felt a single emotion since

----

T: I need your help.
J: Great, who are we killing?
J: I wont do kids, thats a rule
J: But that rule is negotiable if the kids a dick. Or Wally.
T: Wally is like five years older than us
J: and yet he's still a child

----

J: boi, u r quite the snack
T: Please stop drunk-texting me I hate you so much

----

T: Okay 'friends' is a strong word

----

J: bITCH im opening up to you, the disrespekt

----

T: My parents asked me how my "gay phase" is going and I said "better than your marriage" and they kicked me out for the day so I'm coming over the the manor-

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J: See you in hell
T: Uhh are you asking me on a date??

----

T: what do you even do with your art? 
J: stare at it until i hate it, like a true art hoe™

----

J: Timmy??!
J: Have you been here the whole time?!
T: No, I just came in through the couch door

----

T: Did you punch him?
J: wanted to but I didn't get the chance
T: That's no fun.

----

J: Yeah, sorry
T: I'm sorry too. A lot
J: I'm sorry but not a lot

----

T: HA! Who wouldnt love me! I'm an absolute
T: Disaster

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J: What are your three best qualities
T: I'm gay, I have very soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love coffee
J: Great, wanna hear your three worst? Cause I have a list

----

T: I wonder why my parents hate me then I remember two years ago I hit someone's car with a golf cart and was scared of getting in trouble so I pretended to be dead

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J: ha ha ha just pranked Roy by opening up his pack of eggs and rearranging them so he wont know which eggs are which

----

T: Honey, we been on the angst train since when, wym

----

J: Listening to Roy talk about being a hoe is fucking wild
J: "yikes o no"
J: "I swear if you say what I think-"
J: "may or may not have slept with him"
J: "GOD DAMMIT ROY"

----

T: Sometimes u just need to eat pancakes and cry
T: Just kidding!
T: I would get waffles

----

J: Dickiebirds pettiness must be rubbing off on you
T: I'm pretty sure that was a declaration of loyalty and love, but idk

----

J: I'm trying to hit on you please cooperate
T: no fuck off

----

T: Do I marry for money?
T: Work for success?
T: or dress to impress?
T: I don't know, I'll do all three

----

J: go tO BED
T: I DONT NEED SLEEP I NEED ANSWERS
J: ANSWERS ABOUT WHAT
T: WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN

----

T: What the fuck is this?
J: Affection. Don't get used to it.
T: Disgusting. Do it again.

----

J: The quickest way to a mans heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs, just btw

----

T: It's not like your any better mr. "Moana is the best film ever made"
J: But it is though?

---- [J -> R] ----

J: Hey do you have, like, 5k in cash by any chance?
R: On me? Of course. But I'm not paying for your drug addiction
J: I'm not on drugs!
J: Jesus.. what do you think of me?
J: I'm in a holding cell
R: Oh, well why did you just say so, I'm on my way, Jaybird

----