---- [T -> J] ----

T: If someone told you
J: Told me what
J: Don't pause in the middle of typing, scum

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J: Good dog
J: I mean, boy
J: I shouldn't be rude to animals and use them as nicknames without consent...

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T: After knowing you for a number of months I have come to the conclusion that people are unfriendly towards you because you fundamentally are an unlikeable person
T: Are you still aware of my deep hatred or should I set you on fire in your sleep?

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J: A guy I walked by started a phone call by saying "boi do I have a son story for you"

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T: "Not all men." Ur right, Jack Merridew would probably do something much worse than this

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J: Well yes, that's what you are, aren't you?
T: Arent, are you? Double negative? Fuckin',,, is this an SAT question? I... the answer is C

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T: To this day I still can't figure out if the P in Agent P stands for Perry or Platypus and it keeps me awake at night

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J: If I fall asleep will I have nightmares?
T: Aww, ur so cute
J: That doesn't answer my fucking question
T: sleep and find out, pussy

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T: could u not be an anime protagonist for five fucking minutes please?!

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J: All these fucking shinanigans, I'm supposed to be going to class- oh shit

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T: sometimes you have to put on your prettiest outfit and get sentenced to death in the midst of the french revolution just to have a chance to ask your crush out on a date

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J: Hey did we remember to grab grocery bags
T: the only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they're specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.
J: A simple no would have sufficed

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T: Why are Dickie and Walls sitting with their backs to each other?
J: They had a fight
T: Then why are they still holding hands?
J: They get sad when they fight

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J: Look at his vase, it's beautiful, sorry, vaHZ
T: You're being really in-vase-ive right now.
J: In-VAHZ-ive is the word!

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T: I tried to form a book club when I was younger
J: How did it go?
T: It turned into a gang

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---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: Hey Roy, what's the name of your neighbour?
R: Her cats are called dicksparkles and fuckmuffin.
W: That's not what I asked
R: That's the information I have

---- [T -> J] ----

T: I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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J: This is your fault
T: U told me to do it tho?
J: LIAR

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T: I- I cant study here, there are people, I social anxiety, I'm like Tumblr in real life, see people and I'm like "I cant talk to youu"

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J: Who are you talking to?
T: Oh just someone who's about to eat more shit than the last person in a human centipede

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T: So, I went to the drug store because I wasn't properly dressed to go into Whole-Foods

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J: Every day I thank God I was adopted
T: Because if not u'd still be living on the streets?
J: Because I'd rather die than be related to Bruce by blood

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T: Oh here I am, I'm the star of the show, not him! This is just some brown-haired Poorman, who don't know what coffee is; he thinks its dirt! you don't drink dirt, Poorman, you drink liquids, you eat dirt!

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J: The day I snap you're the first to go

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T: Here's ur wallet, i'm filthy rich I don't need money
J: Give me that shit!
T: Wow that was, um
J: I'm sorry my pizza hut gift card is in there and its really all I have to live for

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J: Oh for the love of bell bottom jeans-

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T: I live entirely off a diet of coffee and lighter fluid

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J: Comin' at'cha, Cleopatra
T: Ur on, Donkey Kon

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T: And suddenly from my perspective, things seem awful

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J: I'm not doing it. It would be against my moral compass
T: Ur moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel

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T: I'm going to sprinkle in some minor mischief, widespread nuisances, and if I'm feeling a little bit naughty, I might even dabble in infrastructure

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: went out for drinks with a green lighter and came back with a blue one god what happened last night

---- [T -> J] ----

T: What are you drinking and why are you in my sight?
J: Vodka
T: Straight?
J: Bi
T: Not you, you idiot, the vodka!

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

D: Timmy, Jay will show you around, k?
T: id rather get lost and die
J: Um, right this way is the exit

---- [T -> J] ----

T: He? broke in through the window?
J: How the fuck is that even possible
J: Its bulletproof glass!! and on the 14th floor??

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J: Can daddy get a wah hoo?
T: Wah hoo
J: Ha, whore. Really will give anyone anything
J: Can't believe you just hand out wah hoo's to anyone who asks
J: Then again, I'm not really surprised, thot
T: They call me
T: Wahoore

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T: Jasshole, you know what I like best about you?
T: Your brother

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J: Early to bed, early to wake, makes a lady smart, pretty, and great
T: *Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead

----

T: Guess u'll just have to FIGHT ME

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J: Yeah we hate each other, but i would fuck you if you asked
T: What?
J: What?

----

T: Its been out since the 1920's, do you really need a spoiler alert?

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J: What kind of emotion do you feel when you are with me?
T: Is tired is an emotion?
J: I dont know, is murderess?

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T: These so-called "feelings" are ruining my reputation as a heartless bitch.
J: was that a Dickie quote
T: I feel like it fit the mood

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J: What was that about not having a death wish?
T: I've lived long enough.

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T: Me? Tired? It's more likely than u think
J: Me not caring? It's more likely than you think

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J: Describe Dickiebird in a single paragraph, it's for science
T: A problematic, overcritical, inconsiderate, impolite dude, honestly doesn't need an asshole because he's already one, conspiracy theorists agree that he's a devil disguised as human, king in sarcasm and in bed, he believes he's the only perfect creature left and he's right, confidence level reached beyond infinity, scarier than a ghost, invalid insecurities as big as his valid ego, is actually nice but only to those he seems worthy, but also depressed and trying his best.
J: Strangely accurate
T: Ofc it's accurate I've been lowkey stalking the guy since I was like 8

----