---- [T -> J] ----

T:  engineering kids are just theatre kids with numbers

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J: Roy: I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
J: Wally, without blinking: Yeah, open to anyone day or night

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T: This is fine. I love a good shot of blasphemy and murder with my morning coffee.

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J: I didn't do it to be nice. I did it because I've always wanted to commit a felony. Misdemeanours just ain't the rush they used to be.

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T: pop quiz: is ur trauma from your dad being not around or from your dad being around?

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J: there's a cat stuck in a tree on 3rd and 4th
T: not our division

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T: Hannibal is a romcom with dark lighting and I will die on this hill

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J: FORTY-FIVE MILLION? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN MIND?
T: it should have been more, right? I knew it
J: YES I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LEAVING THE HOUSE WITH ONLY FORTY-FIVE MILLION ON YOU?
T: I brought my card too!!

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T: Broke: accepting the "classics" as the current peak of human creativity and praising them
T: Woke: accepting that society glorifies the stories of people behind the works, which in turn glorify mental illness (van Gogh) & misogynistic assholes (Picasso) who married young girls (Poe) & wrote about/drew women in lewd positions for their own entertainment (Orwell) & there's much better art/literature that's been historically AND presently erased

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J: Look, we all have our breaking point.
T: Personally, mine is at 2:00, 4:00 and 6:00 every day.

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T: "you look tired" bro I wanna die

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J: Apart from framing him for murder, I have been very kind to that man

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: I'm always accused of having a favourite friend. That's not true. I love Timmy and Not-Timmys equally.

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D: Throwback to that time when I told Roy "they're making another planet earth" and he raised an eyebrow and said in this absolutely deadpan condescending tone "and where are they getting the dirt for it?" and I had to specify I meant planet earth the nature documentary not the celestial body

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W: I'm immune to mean and hurtful words because Dickie says nice things to me every day and his love protects me
R: I'm immune to mean and hurtful words because Dickie says mean things to me so I'm prepared

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D: Interesting. The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small
W: I would say infinitesimally
T: Yes, and I would say teenily weenily. We all know words

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W: yo Roy, u up??
T: He's up. He's playing animal crossing
W: how do u know
T: we're switch friends. it tells me when he's online
W: but that means that you are also playing animal crossing
T: shhh

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T: Early to bed, early to rise, Burger King meal with Burger King fries
W: Late to rise, late to bed, Burger King burger on Burger King bread
R: eat at morning, eat at night, I participate in the Burger King fight
D: I slap my ass, I slap my thighs, tonight is the night the Burger King dies

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R: Hey Timmy, are you taken?
T: yeah
T: for granted

---- [T -> J] ----

T: things you have done this year that annoyed me: an anthology

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J: someone asked Dickie if he could jump their car and he tied his shoelaces and said "probably, how tall is it?"

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T: I'm anti-murder, Jason
J: wow that's narrow-minded

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J: We aren't traipsing, Timmy. We're rapscallions. We galavant

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T: when I die I hope I have enough time to point at a stranger and say "you did this"

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J: Roy duct-taped harmonicas to the hand dryers in a McDonald's bathroom and he's in jail for the night. Wanna come over hang out?
T: Dickie was with him and is also in jail for the night so I'll be there in 10 minutes

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T: if ghosts are real why are there no dinosaurs ghosts? Think about that. But u won't, cause I just blew ur mind with something called logic. Idiot.

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J: Wally married a smart, funny, gorgeous man but let's be honest, he was just hoping to never have to do math again

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T: hate when old people say "ur too young to be tired" like damn Margo ur too old to be alive but here we are

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J: did you just ask that old woman if there would be sausage rolls at her husband's funeral?
T: me and Margo haven't been getting along lately

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T: why does the possum scream?
T: 1. World is a fuck
T: 2. He is angy
T: 3. Why aren't you screaming?

---- [The Schuyler Sisters] ----

D: Jason, where were you and timmy last might?
J: At a party smoking weed
T: Don't lie, we were at the library

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D: If I was a drink, I'd be a Cherry Vanilla Coke. What would y'all be?
T: Bleach
J: Sewage
D: calm down, edgelords

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D: I'm bored let's start some Sibling Discourse
D: opinions on water?
J: Who the fuck has an opinion on water?
T: I would sooner die than drink water voluntarily

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D: on a scale of 1-10: how unbearable would you rate yourself as a person?
T: no number can express how godtier unbearable i am and im like always this

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T: Dickie!! Jay's bullying me!!
J: Absolutely blasphemous of you to say. I did no such thing.

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J: if you put a milkshake in one yard and and crack a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?
D: Schrodinger's boys
T: as we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any boy-attracting abilities. All else being equal, the boys would precede to the milkshake yard. While it would be possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hopes of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
T: mind you, all of that hinges on the notion that the boys are back in town

----

T: anyone who says History is the gayest subject has clearly never studied philosophy
D: and that's on "I confess that I was quite astonished at his beauty and stature; all the world seemed to be enamoured of him; amazement and confusion reigned when he entered; and a troop of lovers followed him." and "'What do you think of him, Socrates? Has he not a beautiful face?' 'Most beautiful,' I say. 'But you would think nothing of his face,' he replied, 'If you could see his naked form: he is absolutely perfect.'"
J: Plato really out here expecting us to think they just friends
T: if u don't engage in heated debate about the meaning of temperance while imagining each other naked and blushing ur doing it wrong

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