"A very wise man once told me that you can't look back – you just have to put the past behind you, and find something better in your future."

Jodi Picoult

Ophelia woke before the crack of dawn, trying to slither out of the bed without waking Bucky. But Bucky was in tune to all things around him, especially when it came to Ophelia. He reached his arms out from the heavy blankets and grabbed her at the hips, pulling her back as she tried to escape. She laughed lightly, as though there could be anyone else around who they might disturb. But they were miles away from the rest of the world, secluded in their little land in Wakanda. They could scream and shout all the live long day and no one but the birds and animals would hear them.

"It's too early," Bucky said, his words tired, his eyes barely open.

"I have to go see Shuri. My teachings..." Ophelia said, but she was always a terrible liar. Bucky knew right away that she was hiding something from him. With the upcoming excitement that he was going to marry this woman, Bucky figured it had something to do with that. He continued to grip her and pulled her back into bed.

"Lies," he mumbled. "Shuri would never get up this early."

It was true and they both knew it. He didn't want to release her, even though he figured she was going to use this painfully early hour that reminded him of his war training days to take the long way around to the city. It had to be no later than four AM. He recalled the time when they would go to bed at that hour after a long night of memories, usually painful, that they were too scared to face in their dreams so they faced them together instead.

"Alright future Mrs. Barnes, you go." He relented at last. Releasing her with an over-dramatic roll on the bed. His metal arm swung over his head and covered his face. Ophelia giggled and leaned over the bed and Bucky, moving his arm and sneaking in the crevice between his elbow and kissing his cheek.

"I'll be back before you are up, old man."

"Enough of that," he grumbled tiredly, now waving her away.

***

Things were back to normal, in a different sort of way now. The fear was beginning to dissipate, he didn't have to cling on to her anymore. She was here, she was alive, she was going to marry him, they could almost pass off as a completely normal couple if it wasn't for all the scars they carried physically. As Ophelia left, her sudden disappearance making Bucky's heart beat a little faster, he tried to go back to sleep. But without her there, even though he had long ago gotten used to it, felt strange to him.

Given the time to reflect, Bucky kept himself controlled and calm, rolling over onto his side and staring at the empty space beside him. Ophelia always slept on the inside, as though he could protect her if anyone came through the door. It was that way in Romania too, never agreed upon, just what felt natural between them. He chuckled softly.

"Wish you were here to see this, Steve," Bucky mused. He knew Steve knew, though. Steve knew things would work out, because that's what Steve did. He made things work whatever the cost, it was what he always did, dating back to the times where he lied again and again about who he was to join the army. He just wanted to protect his country, to protect the world. And he did that.

And what had Bucky amounted to? He wondered to himself, letting these insidious thoughts creep in. Sure, he'd made himself pretty well respected in the army, until he got himself killed. Or close to it. How many people had he killed as The Winter Soldier? He could remember all their faces, and yet, the number was too high to count.

You are a gift to mankind.

Having enough time dwelling on his self-loathing, Bucky rolled out of bed and got dressed. He needed to find something to distract him; Wakanda was a beautiful place, but Bucky couldn't live like this forever. He needed something to do, he needed a job, a task, a title. Though they were more than happy there, Bucky had put some thought on Sam's suggestion. In time, maybe, he would take him up on that offer. He wasn't built to have this kind of life, and yet he knew what a life of being an Avenger would mean, too. Not that there were Avengers left, but whatever ragtag group came together out of it. He thought of the talking raccoon, a sort of fever-dream like memory from the battle in Wakanda five years ago; he didn't want to end up in a group like that.

By the time the hour was reasonable, Bucky found Sam in the city.

"Where's Wanda?" Bucky asked.

Sam shrugged. "I'm giving her time and space, the kid's still recovering from Vision."

Bucky nodded, understanding that all too well. Wanda was one of the few who seemed to understand Bucky's loss, even though she had hardly known O. Leaning back in his seat at the restaurant they were at, Bucky realized for the first time, he was in public with his arm on display. It felt good. It felt really good.

Maybe the rest of the world would feel the same way.

"So, I know you need some guidance with this whole superhero thing," Bucky said with a grin.

"That is not what I said, I said the world doesn't need Captain America right now, especially not one that doesn't... Fit the century of what they're used to," Sam threw back.

"Best way to convince them you're the right fit is to have me by your side," Bucky suggested, surprised that his words came out as soon as they did. For so long, he thought all he wanted was this simple life in the outskirts of Wakanda with Ophelia, but he was already itching for something else. Some other drive in his life.

"Why's that?" Sam asked, but already knew the answer.

"Well, I know you're not a huge fan of me, but I was Steve's best friend," Bucky knew these words would bug Sam, ever so slightly. Which is exactly why he said them.

Sam threw his head back and laughed sourly. "At least I never tried to kill the guy."

Bucky laughed this time, knowing Sam was not saying it in a way that would make Bucky feel bad about who he once was. "That was Steve's fault anyways, his plan regarding the freight-train."

"All to take down HYDRA."

"Which he didn't even do."

"Pfft, calls himself Captain America."

"I miss him," Bucky sighed, jokes aside.

"You and I got that in common," Sam replied. "So, you're thinking about coming back to America, then?"

He shrugged. "Gotta talk to O, but the thing about O is that she'll do whatever makes me happy. But... She likes you; she likes Wanda... She's adaptable. More than most people. Except in regard to holidays, she never understood those."

"Maybe don't drop it right before the wedding, chicks hate that."

Bucky laughed again, leaning forward ever so slightly. Him and Sam, for obvious reasons, got off on the wrong foot. No one could judge Sam for previous attitude towards Bucky, because deep down Sam was always backing him. Always backing Steve's choice to try and save him. Sam was smart, he was someone Bucky could see himself working alongside. Whatever work meant for one Avenger and one soldier-turned monster-turned farmer.

"Then again, knowing Ophelia she'd probably love it," Sam corrected.

Bucky wondered what Ophelia would say.