[ZEUS]

I had been jittery to get to the plane. I wanted to see Julian so bad. He's called two more times before today. Oh God, why couldn't this plane go any faster?

"Ugh," I complained. My laptop — my Macbook Pro was so annoying.

"Excuse me, sir. No electronics until we are at a higher altitude," An air hostess said with a fake smile... I hated those smiles. Why couldn't she smile normally or not smile at all? She was pretty but that fake smile was unnecessary, smiles like that made people cautious and edgy, instead of relaxed and comfortable. Even if she was contemplating how horrid her job or life was. It wasn't my business. I don't pay her. I thought and rolled my eyes.

I put away my laptop, it was annoying anyway. I looked out the window to think of better things — Julian sort of things.

I cringed on my seat. I had only felt this way about a few people before.

Augustus. I thought, closing my eyes.

It's as if our relationship faded into the distance with every passing day apart. It's not like we were going out or anything. We were just friends. I thought and grimaced. My relationship with Augustus had probably been one-sided. The feeling had obviously been one-sided. I thought as my eyes got misty. I shut them aggressively. I wasn't going to concentrate on those negative memories, no matter how cliche it sounded. I was going to treasure the time I spent with him. I thought blushing lightly.

Those midnight strolls, all the afternoon horse riding. Contemplating our lives by the river, just cuddling on the bed. Yes, I was going to remember all of that, all the wonderful experiences we had together. Even though I knew he had probably forgotten all about me, all about us.

Looking out the window I could almost remember that summer, that summer we met. I could remember him walking into my life in those kinky work boots and khaki pants. I could remember these feelings waking up and finding him watching me from my bedroom door. I remember the occasional kisses in the rose bush. I remember just leaning into each other from our horses to rub our noses together or rest our foreheads together. I could remember the feeling of him drifting away from me when he climbed into the limo that came to pick him up at the end of summer. I could feel him drifting away from me when his letters and calls became less frequent, and shorter and became more about mundane things like school. I felt him drifting away from me when the usual promise to see each other stopped happening and I knew he had drifted away from me after that letter arrived. The letter I never replied to.

Closing my eyes I could picture the letter again. Why wouldn't I be able to? I read it every day during the week it arrived and I still had it tucked away in my library in L.A. To remember the precious short time we spent together. Tears pricked my eyes. I could still comprehend it.

                                                                                                                                        Timberlake estate,

                                                                                                                                        Metropolis,

                                                                                                                                        Athens.

                                                                                                                                      October, 5th 2000.

Dear Zeus,

It seems time has made its changes. It seems time has made me change — it has made us change. I don't how to explain it but it seems Carlos who I couldn't seem to tell anything has become you that I could tell anything and you've become him.

I can't seem to talk to you about things that bother me, Personal things. I can't simply write or talk to you about things that bother me like before about the feelings I have anymore.

I guess Aunt Elizabeth's plan worked I seem to be more fond of Patricia, I'm starting to feel the way I feel around you with her even more.

I guess we don't share that guy thing anymore, huh? I'm sorry, I really am. I don't have the same interests as you anymore. I don't adore reading or horse riding as much as I used to. I don't like cooking as much as I used to.

There's nothing to talk about anymore; nothing worth holding this string of a relationship for.

I'm sorry. I truly am. It's as if Carlos and Patricia have taken your place in my life.

I want to come to the point of this letter. I don't want to beat about the bush anymore. I don't want to have to think of what to write when I receive one of your letters. I can't do this anymore — write or call. I can't pretend things are still the way they are because they're not.

I hope you find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Augustus. 

Tears freely made their way down my cheeks. Why did everyone I ever cared about throw me out like dirty laundry? I sniffed and the elderly lady looked at me in surprise. What? What was so surprising about a person crying?

Fuck you. I said in my mind, making me calm down a bit. I wasn't going to take my anger out on people I didn't know — on people I didn't want to know anything about me.

Unlike my peers who lived in warm loving homes. I had grown up in a cold mansion situated in an estate owned and made exclusively for my family. No one was ever home. No one was ever there to commend me or encourage me. No one was there to read me nighttime stories. No one was there to fawn over me. I was simply in a big house.

I had grown up with no friends; just fake friends from the neighborhood. Friends that had to be nice to me or they got a spanking from their parents. Friends; that were always sent to me by their parents asking for favor upon favor from mine. No, I never had a friend or a family now I think of it. My parents were practically business associates; using their 'handsome' son to attract business partners with interested daughters.

I could remember my first kiss. It had been in the second year of middle school. Where no one had figured out I was a Parthoropeons for the whole first semester. The public school I had gone to after a heated argument with my parents for not wanting to go to a typical prep school.

I parted my mouth remembering my first kiss with a boy named Kattalis. I can remember the crush I had on him. How I always stared at him from a corner in class. How I would take in his confident face, his full lashes, and his gorgeous smile. And who could forget that hair? I used to think I had long hair until I met Kattalis. He had worn it in a ponytail that ended below his hips. I could never prevent the little gasps I did when he took out his hair.

I'd always wanted to talk to him, always envied the people who casually hung around him during school hours and lunch. But I couldn't talk to him, didn't know how to talk to him or how to approach anyone. I didn't know how to make friends and usually got mistaken for a snob.

I thought he disliked me for assumingly being a snob. And I was fine with it, believe me, I was, but imagine my surprise at his reaction to me staring at him — at how beautiful he looked with his hair out.

I remember how it all went. With me staring at him like a love-struck puppy in the courtyard after school. He had been the only one there no matter how stalkerish it might seem. I felt it was a special moment between him and me. I was still staring when he suddenly turned around and I blushed red-handed.

"Hey," Kattalis had said walking towards me. My eyes visibly widened. He couldn't possibly have been talking to me, could he? I had looked around just in case.

"I'm talking to you," Kattalis had said, smiling at me.

"Oh..." I had trailed suddenly finding the floor interesting to look at. Questions like 'Why was he talking to me?' ran through my mind. I looked up at him to find him twisting a handful of hair around his wrist. Yeah, that's how abnormally long his hair was. It was so beautiful.

"Do you — do you want to hold it?" Kattalis had said directing a handful of his hair towards me. I had blushed. I had wanted to say yes but I wasn't sure what Kattalis would have thought of me. But I had seen people hold his hair before.

"Yes," I had slurred, my face getting red from how shy and nervous I was. Kattalis had smiled — that his beautiful smile.

"Can I hold yours too?" he had asked. I can remember gasping in surprise.

"You don't — you don't have to if you think it's weird..." Kattalis trailed.

"No, it's okay," I had said, undoing my hair from the hairband. I had seen Kattalis blush before coming forward. I gasped as his right hand passed through my hair and buried my hands in his.

"Zeus," he had mused, burying his face in my hair. I can remember my heart soaring at that. I could remember the steady increase in my heartbeat. Kattalis knew my name he really knew it. I think my heart got suspended in space.

"Do you mind if I—" Kattalis had trailed before brushing his lips against mine. I remember the happiness that burst through me. Kattalis had kissed me. No, had been kissing me.

"Mmm," I had murmured into the kiss. Pressing my lips harder against the kiss, trying my best to return it.

"Like this," Kattalis had mewled parting my lips with his soft tongue; plunging it into my mouth, making me drown in happiness. Lip pressed against lip, tongue against tongue. We soon found ourselves lying on a pile of dead leaves in the courtyard.

"Zeus..." Kattalis had trailed.

"I've always wanted to do this to you but I never knew how to go about it... how to go about you," Kattalis murmured into my lips. I had blushed and wiggled under him. That was meant to get me embarrassed — shy — but it only made me feel special — wanted.

"Zeus you're so beautiful..." Kattalis had mused pecking the side of my lips. I blushed. Kattalis thinks I'm beautiful. Was the only thought that had run through my mind, through my heart.

Millions of soft kisses and pecks later. I found myself running. Running because I wanted to shout to the world how happy I was; how happy Kattalis had made me. But getting closer to the gates of my parents' estates I stopped running. I stopped thinking and I started panicking. Somehow, just somehow I knew how what I was feeling was wrong, the reason I was happy was wrong and I was not just because Kattalis was not of the class my parents approved of.

I sighed remembering how scared and confused I was. It was then that it really registered that Kattalis was a boy. I had kissed a boy and would probably do it again if Kattalis let me. Now that was the confusing part. The fact that I had liked it. The fact that it had made me have all these warm, feelings inside. The fact that I would probably do it again. I was certain I had only seen men kiss women and not other men.

I chuckled at how naive I had been. I turned to my left to receive a death glare from the woman beside me. What was up with her? I thought you got freedom from trolls in first class.

The summer before the start of my junior year in high school Augustus walked into my life and walked out of it just as fast. Then Diablo happened the year before I left home; Diablo. I don't even want to even think about him.

Kattalis, Augustus, Diablo.

The reasons I will never take my relationship with Julian any further than I had taken it with Louis. No matter how deeply I may end up feeling for him. I didn't want to waste my time — I didn't want to get hurt again.

***                    

"We are landing in Paris, France. Please make sure to switch off your night lights and return the plane manuals. It is 9:58 pm. Please remain calm as we land and thank you for flying with us."

A thick female accent blasted through the speakers. I groaned. I hated landing as much as I hated taking off.

After getting off the plane and finding my luggage, I headed out to the main entrance. A black SUV was parked just a few meters away from the entrance. I smiled. Lambert had come thirty minutes earlier than I had landed as he promised. God, I hated waiting.

"Zeus!" he screamed through the open window.

"Pops!" I screamed smiling abandoning my luggage and came running over to the car. I opened the front door for a hug. Now don't get me wrong, Lambert wasn't my biological father... I don't even think I've ever hugged my biological dad before. Lambert was forty and just ten years older than me. He was the only reason I was in L.A right now. He had brought me with him after finding me wandering the streets of France.

"How's spots?" I said asking about my diabetic Dalmatian dog. I remember when I first met Spots. It was at a local pound. I had always gone there during college to just stare at the dogs. I guess I was so fascinated because I had never had one.

"Don't waste your time on that one. A total waste of resources it's a picky eater in the name of diabetes. That one doesn't even mate with the females." The pound keeper had bickered to me one day as I lay squatting next to Spot's cage. I was then and there I decided to adopt spots. I don't know it's as if I felt this awkward connection to this dog. It had a problem just like me and maybe. I had thought. We could help each other live with our problems. Oh, and the excitement of supposedly buying a gay dog was irresistible.

"Spots' fine. Taking its medication it's a good dog" Lambert said nodding in agreement with himself. He got out of the car to help me with my bags.

I smiled. Lambert took good care of that dog. I always left Spots in Lambert's care when I went away on trips. I don't know I didn't feel so comfortable leaving him in supposed 'dog hotels'

"Up and ready to go," Lambert said dusting his palms on his faded cowboy jeans. He had just finished loading the booth.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Lambert asked and I smiled.

"I have a dentist appointment," I slurred, a bit tired out.

"And the day after that?" Lambert asked hopping into the driver's seat. I frowned in suspicion what was he getting at? I followed suit jumping into the front seat.

"Going on a make-believe date?" I sort of asked myself as the engine roared to life.

 I looked out the window thinking of Julian. I had been obsessively thinking about him since I landed in France. It was so bad it should be declared a disease.

God, I couldn't wait to see Julian.