“So can you still dance with your wrist wrapped up and everything?” Brian wonders as we’re sitting down for breakfast on Sunday morning. I’m not sure why we’re having breakfast together, just me and him, but we’re close friends so it’s not like I’m complaining. It’s just weird though, since I usually eat breakfast with Mason and Sienna.

“Yeah, it feels spectacular,” I assure him. “I worked out on it yesterday with like pushups and stuff like that and it felt fine. The nurse said that it wasn’t anything big, she just wrapped it to help with the pain.”

“What’d you do again?” He asks. “To hurt your wrist, I mean.”

I shrug. “Lost my temper for a little while, with good cause, and it just got bad. I’m fine though, it’s no biggie. Where’s your girlfriend? Or Sienna?”

“They’re talking to Andrew,” He supplies. “Don’t ask me why or what they’re talking to him about because I don’t know, that’s just what Mason told me.”

I roll my eyes at him. “They’re probably trying to yell at him because he’s such a stupid person.”

“Did something else happen?” He asks me cluelessly. “In the past few days, I mean. I didn’t really talk to him at all yesterday.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to even think about it though, so let’s just talk about something that’s not Andrew related, okay?”

“Sure,” He agrees. “How was your Thanksgiving break?”

“Just as insane as I thought it would be. My family is full of weirdoes and pretentious snobs who don’t approve of me going to Julliard, so that was fun. And then the twins, who were probably plotting a way to steal a piece of my hair or cut off my tongue or something in the name of science.”

“Wait, what?” He laughs. “Your tongue?”

I nod and then try to explain everything about the twins, laughing as I go. Sure, they’re super annoying when I actually have to deal with them but when I reflect back on the situation, I can definitely find hilarity in their personalities. I tell him all of the weird and creepy things that the twins had asked me and Anthony- like how they asked if I felt an attraction for Gianna and how they wondered if Andrew could sense my menstruation.

“Wait,” Brian says with a long laugh. “So they actually made you go to the bathroom together?”

“Yes!” I laugh. “It was so weird. And they tried to get us to like, do experiments or something, but we got the hell out of dodge before that happened.”

“I want to meet these people,” He tells me, finally sobering up from laughing at all of the weird things the twins had done over break.

“No, you really don’t. It’s exhausting and extremely creepy,” I warn him. “They’re a nightmare to be around. They wanted us to fly back to Tennessee for extra experiments next weekend but I’d rather cut my own face off than have those two creeps do experiments on me and my DNA.”

“Well, your break was a lot more eventful than mine, it seems, because all I did was go to dinner with my family and then I just hung out with Mason the rest of the time, which was nice,” Brian tells me with a shrug.

After that, we decide that it’s about time to go to class, so we stand up from our table in the food court and throw away our trash in the closest bin thing and then we leave the food court, going towards the academic building. I don’t really know where his first period class is, but we’ll walk as far as we can together and then just split ways.

“I wish that thanksgiving break was longer though,” I say as we’re walking towards the building with a lot of other people who are starting classes right now. “I’m not ready to go back to school and everything.”

“I don’t think anybody is ever ready to go back to school, Stell,” He chuckles.

“Yeah, that’s true. English is really going to suck ass though,” I sigh, wondering if it’s even possible for me to make it through that class, the one that I have with Andrew not including dance, alive. “And in dance, I’m going to be glued to your side, so stay away from him. He’ll probably be with Charlotte anyway.”

“Charlotte?” Brian repeats in confusion.

I shrug. “It’s a story. I’ll see you at lunch,” I say before turning down another hallway to get to my class just so that I can avoid talking about what happened on Saturday with Andrew and Charlotte. I haven’t talked to anybody about it at all, actually, because I just really hate even thinking about it. That’s probably why Sienna and Mason are talking to Andrew this morning, to see if he’ll tell them what happened.

When I sit down in calculus, Sienna is already there, sitting in the chair right beside mine where she always sits.

“He told us what happened,” She says without even a ‘good morning’ or a ‘hello’.

“Did he?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, and it was really shitty of him to do that to you,” She tells me. “Do you want me to tell you what he said?”

I sigh, knowing that I should say no but I nod anyway. “Yeah, go for it.”

“Okay, well he’s freaking out a lot because he feels terrible about hurting you so much and he feels really guilty about your wrist and everything.”

“He should feel terrible,” I mutter.

“I know. He should,” Sienna agrees. “He’s not actually with Charlotte though. You know that, right? I mean, I’m not advocating for him or anything and I understand that it kind of sounds like that right now, but I just think that you should know that it wasn’t real. You probably already know that though, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

“I’m really sorry that all of this is happening, Stella,” She says sympathetically. “How’s your wrist?”

“It’s fine,” I assure her. “Just a little sore but I can still dance and everything so it’s not really a big deal. How’s Penn?”

She understands that I just don’t want to talk about Andrew anymore, so she offers me a small smile and then starts talking about her own boyfriend. “He’s okay. He’s been pretty worried about his sister lately though, Ana.”

“The one that was in rehab?” I wonder, trying to remember what little bit of Ana that I’ve heard from Sienna. Penn’s family is a very private topic, so I don’t really know that much about them at all. I do know that his little sister Ana has been in and out of mental facilities for a few years, though, because she’s depressed or something.

“Yeah, well he’s worried that she’s going to do something to make them put her back in there. I think she’ll be fine, but he’s worried about her,” She explains. “She seems really happy to me.”

“All of these years in and out of those hospitals, I’m sure she’s really good at faking it,” I say. “But what do I know?”

“I guess that’s true,” She agrees. “It’s all just tense right now, I guess.”

I listen to Sienna talk about Penn and what they’re planning on doing for Christmas and New Years, which seems really romantic- spending Christmas with their families and then taking a trip to the mountains for the New Year.

Class starts soon and then we listen to a lecture on domains and integers and math things like that until it’s time for next class, which is psychology. I’m kind of dreading that class considering Charlotte is in there and I just know that she’s going to say something and gloat that she won- she won Andrew and which means she won over me. And if she doesn’t talk to me, I know she’ll be giving me a ‘I won’ glare the whole class period. I know that this wasn’t a game, this whole charade with Andrew, but I also know that that’s all this is to her. A stupid game.

I sit with Benji and Sara like I always do and make sure that I never look in Charlotte’s direction even though Sara tells me that she is in fact over there and yes, she’s looking over in my direction just waiting for me to look up at her, but I won’t. I’m not going to amuse her childish whims or whatever they are. Not right now when I have bigger fish to fry than some brat who thinks that she can just take over everything.

“She’s really not looking away,” Benji tells me as we’re working on a worksheet that the teacher had given us. “It’s extremely creepy.”

“Do you want me to go talk to her?” Sara wonders. “Because I totally will.”

“No, it’s fine. Just ignore her. I’m sure she’ll get bored eventually,” I say with a small shrug, still not looking up. I’m not really worried with this period as much as I am worried about going to my English class this afternoon though, so I don’t spend any of my energy worrying about Charlotte or how much I want to just punch her in the face or push her over a cliff.

Choreography goes by much faster than psychology did because I don’t really talk to anybody in there so then I go to lunch and grab my food but I don’t sit with my large table of friends because I see Andrew sitting there on the end between Brian and another one of their friends. Just seeing him right now makes me want to vomit so before I can completely lose my appetite, I turn around and walk outside, deciding to find a place in the grass to sit and eat my food. I almost expect him to walk outside to try and talk to me, or maybe Sienna or Mason to come out and try to cheer me up or go into lunch with them, but none of them come out to speak to me. I’m thankful that Sienna and Mason know just exactly what I need right now- just some time to be alone.

But then, lunch is over and as I stand up, I wipe away the grass that has stuck to the back of my bare thighs (I’m wearing jean cut offs) and then I start my walk into the academic building to go to English. My knees are weak and my hands are shaking because I’m so nervous as I walk. I don’t know how I’m going to act to sitting next to Andrew for this whole class period. I don’t know if he’s going to talk to me or not and if he does, I’m not sure if I’m going to respond to him or not. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I’m tempted now more than ever to skip this class and just wait it out in my dorm until it’s time for anatomy.

I don’t do that, however, I just get to the English room and sit down in my assigned seat, counting the seconds down until Andrew gets there and I hope that Mason gets there before he does, that way I at least have Mason to help me through this. That dream is short lived, though, because before either one of them arrive, I get this text:

I have a physical therapist appointment in ten minutes. Tried to reschedule but they’re completely booked. So sorry- you gonna be alright?

It’s from Mason, so she won’t be in English at all and I feel my stomach plummet even more. Maybe I actually am going to vomit. I can’t do that, though, because I already passed out so if I throw up too, they probably won’t let me practice for a while and that’s just not okay.

I’ll be okay. Have fun

I can skip it if you want

No, don’t. really, I’m okay

I know that she knows that it’s a lie, but we both know that she can’t just not show up to a physical therapy session because they’re both expensive and almost impossible to book. She texts me back saying that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too and then I put my phone away because the bell is about to ring. Andrew isn’t here yet so hopefully he’s just not going to show up, but I know that won’t be the case.

Just a few seconds before the bell rings, he proves me right, stepping through the threshold of the doorway and into the room. He walks across the room and sits down beside me where he always sits and I make it a point to keep my eyes glued to my desk. I will not look at him no matter what. I can’t do that.

But something that I can’t help is the smell. The smell of peppermint and a small hint of Axe fill my nostrils due to his close proximity and a sense of uneasy nostalgia washes over me and I want to vomit again, but I just push it all away and keep my gaze locked on the desk. To prevent my hands from shaking too much, I rest them on the desk and clench them into fists while I wait for class to really start.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on the desk and then I hide my face in my hands. I’m not sure why I do this but I think that maybe if I hide my face from him then he just won’t be able to see me at all and then this period will go by so much easier since he won’t be able to see me and then all conflict will be resolved. Well, not really but I wish that it was that simple.

“I think that we should talk,” Andrew whispers over to me, almost too soft for me to understand what he just said.

I just shake my head, not wanting to verbally speak to him at all. It seems childish but I just can’t do it. I’m sure that if I even tried to speak right now, I’d lose any mental control that I have and I’ll just start crying like crazy and then I’ll embarrass myself in front of this whole class.

“Stella, please,” He mutters pleadingly beside me but I just run my fingers through my hair, completely ignoring him this time. I can’t do it. I can’t do any of this. I’m going to fall apart. “Stella.”

“Okay, we’re going to get started now,” Jackie announces with perfect timing as she starts class. I feel fortunate that she doesn’t feel like having a class discussion today like she does a lot of the time, she just starts a documentary about Shakespeare and when we watch videos, she doesn’t like people talking or anything which means that this period should be a lot easier than I’d originally thought.

Well, that’s what I think until I see Andrew begin to write on a piece of notebook paper in his notebook. The room is dark because Jackie turns off all of the lights but the large projector is shining enough light to allow him to write comfortably.

I try to focus my attention mostly on the video, even though it’s incredibly boring, but it’s better than looking over at Andrew and wondering what he’s writing. When he’s finished writing whatever it is that he’s writing though, he makes it kind of difficult for me to ignore him by ripping the paper out of his notebook and sliding it over onto my desk.

Without even looking down at the paper, I reach out and crumple up the paper on my desk. I really want to read it- the curiosity is killing me and he knows it- but I remember that glare that was on his face as he held Charlotte’s hand just 48 hours ago, and that fuels me to just crumple up the paper and toss it into the trash bucket behind our desks.

It doesn’t deter him though, he just rewrites the message on another piece of paper and slides it over to me.

This time, I consider looking down at it- he isn’t going to stop anyway, so I might as well just amuse him and read the stupid letter. Very reluctantly, I look down at the paper and read his scribbled handwriting.

I’m sorry about Saturday.

That’s it, but I know that just by looking at it, I’m now part of his stupid conversation, so I pick up my mechanical pink pencil and start writing down a short response.

Yeah.

After I slide the paper back over to him without even looking away from the stupid documentary, he looks over at me and then back down at the paper. After writing another short message, he sends it back to my desk.

Can I make it better?

I choke on a silent sob and bite my lip so that I don’t actually start crying or anything as I respond.

No.

And then he quickly writes back but I notice that his handwriting is getting even messier. When I look over at him, I can see that it’s because his hands are shaking a little bit.

Please.

Looking down, I see that my hands are shaking as well so I move them to my lap so that Andrew can’t see them as I consider what I should write back- or if I should write anything at all. Any contact with Andrew feels like both the worst thing in the world and yet, it also feels like the best. I want to be with him forever and yet, I want nothing more than to run away for all of this. From all of him.

I don’t know what you want from me.

I slide it back to him and then he quickly responds.

I just want you to listen

And then I write my response and slide it back to him, my hand shaking so badly that I wonder if my handwriting is even legible anymore.

I think I’m done with that

I can see him look over at me from my peripheral vision but I keep my eyes firmly fixated on the overhead at the front of the room. I can’t look at him or I really will lose it.

I know that I don’t deserve it, but please just listen one more time

I run my fingers over the graphite letters that he just slid in front of me and then, like I did the first time, I crumple up the discussion and toss it into the trash bucket, making it clear that I won’t be listening to anything else that he has to say. I can’t give in so easily to Andrew- especially after everything that he’s done- all of the pain that he’s caused me.

For the rest of class, Andrew leaves me alone but I keep shaking, wondering if it were possible for me to forgive him like I so badly want to. I think that the answer to my question, however, is no. No, I will never be able to forgive him for everything that he’s done to me before and after we’ve broken up.

When the bell rings, I’m the first one out the door, just hoping that Andrew doesn’t press the subject again after class by following me through the hallways. Luckily, he apparently understands that there will be no progress made if he just forces his way towards me and just leaves me alone as I make my way towards my next class. I’m almost running through the hallways towards Anatomy to get away from Andrew, letting the distance between us calm me down a little bit. Like there’s a string between us and as I walk farther away, that string gets thinner and thinner but it will never snap and the thinner the string gets, I feel like I can finally breathe again.

After anatomy, though, that string starts to come back but this time, it’s not stretching out, it’s retracting. We have dance together and that would be way better than having English together since we don’t actually have to stand next to each other when dancing. What sucks most about dance is the fact that both Andrew and Charlotte are in this class. I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen between any three of us. Is Charlotte going to try to talk to me? Or is she going to try and seduce Andrew again? Will it work? It hurts to know that I don’t even know the answer to that.

When I get into the classroom, Anthony is with me since we walk together and then Brian walks over to me when he sees me walk in across the room.

“Hey,” He smiles at me.

I offer him a wobbly smile in turn. “Hey.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and starts to walk me away from Anthony, so I just wave at my brother and keep walking with Brian. It feels like that string between me and Andrew is now wrapping around my neck and suffocating me. I hate it so much even though it’s a feeling that I used to love.

“Nothing is going to happen with Charlotte,” He tells me once we’re walking towards the locker rooms since I still have to get dressed in my work out clothes. “He feels really bad about what happened.”

“He should feel bad about what happened,” I huff before going into the girls’ locker room and getting changed into my work out clothes. I shove everything else into my gym bag and then I hurry back into the dance room to find Brian again.

“So are you going to talk to him?” Brian asks me.

I shake my head. “Not anytime soon, no I’m not.”

“Okay, well he really wants to talk to you, if that’s not been obvious already,” He says.

“Yeah, I know,” I sigh. “But I’m pissed so I don’t really want to talk to him at all.”

“I get that,” Brian tells me. “And don’t think that I’m on his side or anything. I’m trying my best to not pick sides even though he’s being really stupid right now. All of this is pretty suckish.”

“Very suckish indeed,” I agree, leaning my back against one of the cinder block walls. “It’ll all blow over eventually though, right?”

“Sure,” He appeases me but I can tell that he’s not so convinced. To be honest, I’m not either.

Once practice actually starts, I stand beside Brian and then Andrew is on the other side of him, which is better than standing directly beside him like I assumed he would do. Looking around for Charlotte, I see her standing a few people over from Andrew with her eyes staring straight to the front of the room so I have no idea what her deal is. This is going to be an interesting class.

It’s actually not so interesting after all. Charlotte keeps her distance from both me and Andrew and Andrew keeps his distance from me, which is exactly what I want. Almost until the end, everything runs as smoothly as possible but then, about forty minutes into class, Charlotte approaches Andrew as Mr. Lynch announces that we have a five minute break. They’re pretty far away and other conversations are echoing through the room, so I have no idea what she’s saying to him, but he just glares back until she’s finished talking and then he says something in return. Whatever they’re talking about, it doesn’t seem like a pleasant conversation.

I tell myself that it’s none of my business and then turn around to ignore them both. I don’t care. I don’t care at all.

At the end of the five minute break, I stand up from where I’m sitting with Brian and Anthony and as we walk into line, I see Charlotte still conversing with Andrew.

“Don’t worry about it, Stell,” Brian assures me when he notices me looking at them talk. The only thing that’s keeping me sane right now is the fact that Andrew is frowning, obviously unhappy to be talking to Charlotte, which makes me feel a little relieved, I guess.

“I’m not worried,” I deny shakily. “It’s none of my business who he talks to.”

He pats me on the back, rolls his eyes, and then starts walking over to Andrew. They’re close enough to Anthony and I that I can hear what Brian is saying to Andrew as he approaches, so I listen.

“Dude, you gotta walk away. You’re pissing Stella off,” Brian tells him, disregarding Charlotte’s existence right beside them.

Andrew looks confused, glancing from Charlotte to Brian and then to me, which makes me look away until he turns back to Brian so I turn and watch the altercation again. “It’s not like that though. I’m just telling her that nothing’s actually going to happen,” He explains, motioning towards Charlotte.

“Yeah, well just walk away, alright? That’s not what it looks like to her and you obviously don’t want to make her even madder,” Brian explains just as it’s about time to get back into line for practice again. I make it a point for myself to just completely ignore Andrew for the rest of class even though I know that it won’t be easy.