#JustTheStrings

Being married to Saint would always be the best thing that could ever happen to me. He's the love of my life. He's my soulmate. He's definitely the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Kahit na kasal na kami, kahit na naka-tingin na ako sa singsing na sinuot niya sa daliri ko, still... it felt surreal.

Saint kissed my knuckle. "Thinking about something?" he asked.

I nodded and then smiled at him. "Everything still feels surreal," I admitted. Parang kahapon lang, hiwalaya kami. Parang kahapon lang, issue pa namin si Dani at Parker.

We had really come a long way.

Parang ang matured na namin.

"Having you as my wife feels surreal," he said and then kissed my cheeks.

"Minsan, iniisip ko kung bolero ka lang ba talaga."

He laughed. "Why?"

"Kasi you always know the right words to say. Para bang may baon ka palagi na banat," I told him. Unang kilala ko pa lang sa kanya, he already swept me off my feet. Palagi kong naaalala iyong panahon na kinausap niya ako mula sa speaker. Sobrang pina-kabog niya ng sobrang lakas ang dibdib ko nun. Para akong hihimatayin sa sobrang kaba at sa sobrang saya. Sino ba naman kasi ang matinong tao na kakausapin ka sa speaker, 'di ba? Na maririnig ng lahat ng nasa school...

Si Saint lang talaga.

Kahit na napa-hamak ako kay Kuya nun, it was totally worth it. Kasama iyong moment na 'yun sa mga moment namin ni Saint na hinding-hindi ko kakalimutan. Kasi kung hindi dahil sa sobrang kakulitan niya, wala naman kami ngayon dito, e.

It was his love and perseverance that brought us here.

"I know the right words to say because you make me say the right words," he said and then intertwined our fingers. "You inspire me to say the right words."

I pinched his nose. "Ayan, bola na naman. Bagay talaga sa 'yong maging basketball player."

He laughed. "You'll always be my cheerleader, right?"

I nodded. "Kahit maraming sexy at blonde sa US, sa akin ka lang, ha?"

He nodded. "I like it when you're possessive."

"Hindi kaya... Pakiramdam ko nga paranoid na ako, e. Minsan kapag nasa labas tayo, napapansin ko lahat ng mga naka-tingin na baba sa 'yo tapos parang gusto ko silang kalbuhin."

He laughed. "Didn't know you have this side, Mary."

I nodded in agreement. "Ako rin, e. Nagugulat ako sa sarili ko sa mga naiisip ko at nagagawa dahil sa 'yo, e."

Never in my life did I think that I'd permanently move abroad. Ayoko kasi na nahihiwala sa mga magulang ko. I always wanted to be with them... I always wanted to be close to them. Sanay kasi ako na palaging nandyan sila Mama at Papa kapag kailangan ko. Sanay ako na maingay palagi dahil sa kambal. Sanay ako na palagi akong inaasar ni Kuya.

Sanay ako na kasama ang pamilya ko... kaya hindi ko rin mapigilan na matakot para sa mga mangyayari... wala pa ako sa US pero ramdam ko na ang pagiging homesick.

"Maghiwalay nga muna kayo," sabi ni Kuya. "Hinahanap ka ni Mama," he said.

Tatayo na sana ako nung mapaupo ulit ako dahil hawak ni Saint iyong kamay ko.

"Nakaka-diri kayong dalawa," Kuya said.

I laughed at him. "Nasan ba kasi si Mars para hindi ka masyadong bitter, Kuya?" I asked him. "Pakilala mo na ako, please?" I continued. Kakatapos lang kasi ng reception at pagod na pagod ako. I was planning on finally meeting Mars! I was so curious about her! Ang dami kasing masamang kwento ni Kuya tungkol sa kanya. But knowing and growing up with Kuya? Alam ko na OA lang talaga siya. Siguro sa lahat ng kinu-kwento niya about Mars, 20% lang ang totoo. Kuya liked to exaggerate some things... lalo na kapag hindi pabor sa kanya.

"Umuwi na," he said.

"Pinauwi mo?"

He nodded. "Mag-aalaga pa ng anak 'yun."

"May yaya naman. Bakit ba ayaw mong ipakilala, Kuya?" I asked him. It had been so long! Introduction was long overdue! Bakit ba ayaw niyang ipa-kilala sa amin? Kung hindi pa nagpumilit si Mama na puntahan siya sa QC dati, alam ko na hindi niya ipapa-kilala kay Mama at Papa si Nari. Sure, given na siguro na galit si Mama kay Nari... but that's better than not knowing her, right?

At nandun din naman si Papa. I was sure that he was the peacemaker.

"Basta."

Iyon lang ang sagot niya. Siguro dapat akong magsagawa ng surprise visit sa bahay nila bago ako umalis papuntang US.

* * *

"Sayang naman 'tong mga gifts!" I told Saint habang nagbubukas kami ng mga regalo. Although I wanted to bring them with us sa US, alam ko na hindi practical. Pero nasasayangan ako sa mga 'to... Hindi rin naman magagamit sa bahay dahil meron na kami ng halos lahat ng 'to.

"Should've told them that we're living abroad," Saint replied.

"Ano'ng gagawin natin dito?"

Saint shrugged. "I guess... let's wait for whoever's going to get married next and give these as gifts?" he asked. "Or let's just keep it if ever we're going back here permanently."

"Bakit naman tayo uuwi permanently dito?"

"I don't know... what if NBA doesn't work out?"

"It will."

"Sure... but what if—"

I cut him off. "It will work out, Saint. Magtiwala ka sa sarili mo, okay? You're good at what you're doing," I assured him. "You're really good."

Before, I had no idea about basketball. But being with Saint? I tried my best to know more about his craft. I wanted to support him in his endeavors. I watched some clips, I learned the technical side of the sports. Kaya alam ko na magaling si Saint. He's really good and it would make me feel better if he'd trust himself more. Kasi kahit sinasabi nila Psalm na mayabang si Saint, I knew better. Kapag kasama ko si Saint, mas lalo ko siyang nakikilala. I slowly learned about his insecurities... That despite his confident exterior, marami rin siyang problema at kinakatakutan.

Ganoon siguro talaga kapag mahal mo. Kahit iyong problema niya at kahinaan, minamahal mo.

"You're not saying that because you're hopelessly in love with me?" he asked, grinning.

"Sa ating dalawa, ikaw 'yung patay na patay. 'Wag mong ipasa sa akin, Saint."

He pulled me close. I was in between his legs and his chin was resting on my shoulder.

"Of course not," he said, nuzzling his nose against my neck. "Are you already packed?"

I nodded. "Kahapon pa!" I excitedly said. We're going to Australia and New Zealand for our honeymoon.

"Excited?"

"Yes!" I grinned. "Let's have pictures with the kangaroos."

"Yes, Mary."

"And then the beaches! Maraming magandang beach 'dun, Saint! Nagresearch ako," I said, smiling. "Saan mo gustong pumunta? Para maayos ko na 'yung itinerary natin."

Since our honeymoon was really short, I wanted to make the most out of it. Kailangan na kasi agad si Saint sa US para sa process ng NBA draft kaya nagmamadali na kami. Siningit nga lang namin iyong honeymoon, e. Pero pwede naman siguro na sa US na lang kami. Hindi pa ako nakaka-punta sa Canada... pwedeng doon na lang siguro namin ituloy.

"I'd rather stay in the bedroom with you," he said and then planted a kiss on my neck.

"Maganda kaya sa Australia. Ayaw mong maglibot?" sabi ko kahit nakikiliti ako sa paghalik niya sa leeg ko.

"Nope. I prefer to stay in and make babies."

Biglang nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Gosh! Oo nga pala! Hindi nga lang pala paglilibot ang gagawin namin! Bigla kong naka-limutan iyon dahil sa excitement ko sa pagpa-plano ng itinerary. I didn't even think about that.

Iyon lang ba ang iniisip ni Saint?!

"You've gone cold. Scared?" he whispered against my ear.

"Saint!"

"What?" he said, still nuzzling my neck. Pakiramdam ko ay nagtataasan na lahat ng balahibo sa katawan ko.

"Iyon lang ba ang nasa isip mo?"

"To be honest? Yes," he candidly replied.

"Bakit ang honest mo masyado?" naiinis kong tanong.

"We're already married, Mary. I'm sure God will support us in making babies."

Aba! At talagang ginamit niya pa si God! Wala talagang katulad si Saint! Palagi niyang ginagamit sa akin si God kapag may gusto siyang makuha! In some ways, he's cunning and sly!

"Bakit pa tayo pupunta sa Australia kung gusto mo lang pala magkulong sa kwarto?"

He chuckled against my neck. Nakaka-kiliti! "I don't know... In fact, we can start now."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mabilis na tinanggal ko ang mga kamay niya mula sa pagkakayakap sa akin. Tumayo ako at naglakad palayo sa kanya.

"You're so cute," he said, clearly amused with my uneasiness. Bakit kasi ang landi-landi niya? Bakit ang awkward ko kapag ganito ang usapan? Kulang na lang ay mahimatay ako sa sobrang kaba kapag ganito ang pinag-uusapan namin.

And Saint's always talking about making babies! Na para bang gusto niyang gawin naming hobby iyon!

"Ang landi mo!"

"What? You're my wife! I'm allowed to flirt with you!"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo!" sabi ko sa kanya tapos naglakad papasok sa kwarto. We were staying in a suite. Wala kasi kaming bahay dito dahil sa US iyong binili ni Saint. He didn't want to stay at our house o sa bahay nila kaya dito kami sa hotel. Naaalala ko pa rin nung sinabi namin kay Mama na sa hotel kami. Parang ayaw pa nila kaming payagan. Si Kuya, nag-offer pa na sa bahay niya sa QC kami tumira!

Saint was knocking on the door. "Mary..."

"Nagbibihis ako," I said. I was still wearing the dress that I wore during the reception. Hindi ako naka-suot nung wedding gown dahil masyadong mahaba at mabigat. It was beautiful, yes, but it was uncomfortable.

"Let me watch."

"Saint!" sigaw ko.

He laughed. "Fine. What do you want for dinner? I'll order."

* * *

Nang matapos akong maglinis ng katawan, sinigurado ko na balot na balot ako. Hindi alam... I mean, alam ko naman na gagawin ko rin iyon kasama si Saint... Na-brief ako nang mabuti ni Kath—kahit hindi ko naman hiniling sa kanya. But I wanted it to happen in the right moment... I didn't want to be pressured to do it with him.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag nang maayos.

Saint laughed when he saw me wearing pajamas and long-sleeves. "Really, Mary?" he asked while opening the boxes of pizzas.

"It's cold," I said. Malamig sa suite.

"You're so cute," he said and then pinched my nose.

Inabot ko iyong pizza at kumain. Kahit maraming pagkain sa reception, hindi kami nakakain ni Saint. We were busy entertaining all the guests. Busy din kami na ipakilala ang isa't-isa sa mga kapamilya namin na galing sa ibang bansa. Medyo kilala ko na iyong ibang mga relatives ni Saint pero si Saint, hindi pa talaga kilala ang mga pinsan ko mula sa Europe.

"Have you already thought about the school?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Gusto ko muna tignan iyong mga school para makita ko kung saan ako mas magiging comfortable."

"What about in my school?"

"Wala namang program sa arts dun, e."

"I know... but it's going to be hard when you're in another school."

"Sa iisang bahay naman tayo uuwi," I reminded him. I was also so excited for the ducks! Sabi ni Saint, dadaanan namin iyong ducks kapag nasa US na kami. Seryoso pala siya nung sinabi niya na mag-aalaga muna kami ng ducks since ayaw namin pareho na magkaroon ng baby habang hindi pa kami settled pareho.

"But it's still different."

"Kasal na kaya tayo."

"Right. If you want to annul our marriage, umuwi ka mag-isa sa Pilipinas," he said na ikina-tawa ko naman. Saint and his paranoia about annullment. Bakit ko naman siya hihiwalayan? He's everything I prayed for tapos iiwanan ko na lang? Nababaliw na ba ako?

"You're so paranoid."

"Better paranoid than sorry," he said, shrugging. He's shameless. Hindi talaga siya nahihiya na sabihin sa akin na paranoid siya at patay na patay.

When we were finished eating, we opted to stay and watch a movie. Ewan ko ba. My body was tired pero hindi ako dinadalaw ng antok. My spirit was still alive and kicking. It had been hours... tama nga si Saint. This. Being married to him. It felt so surreal.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. His arm was draped around my shoulders and he was kissing the side of my head.

"I just can't believe that after everything, dito rin tayo mapupunta," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Kasi nung nagbreak tayo, akala ko hanggang doon na lang tayo." I looked at him. "Hindi mo ba naisip 'yun?"

He stared back at me, his eyes telling me that he loves him. Tuwing naiisip ko na baka makahanap ng iba si Saint, titignan ko lang ang mga mata niya at mawawala na iyong takot ko. He had always looked at me like I was the most important person in his life. He didn't only always make me feel that I was loved; he also always told me that he loves me.

He's a man of both actions and words. And I would forever be grateful for having him.

"No," he said. He cupped my face and gazed at me. "Even when I didn't even know where you were, I still knew that we're going to end up together."

"Why?" I asked, breathless.

"Because I'll do anything to have you again."

"Talaga?"

He caressed my face with his thumbs and nodded. "Yes," he answered. "Because you're the only person that I want and having you is the only thing that makes sense in my life."

I smiled at his answer. Every word from him was enough to make my heart swell with too much happiness.

"I love you," I said.

He smiled and then leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you, too, Mary. I loved you then and I just love you more now." He pulled me in and hugged me. His chin was resting on my shoulder. "I can't believe that from now on, I'll be able to sleep beside you."

Kinurot ko siya pero wala naman akong nakurot. "Iyan na naman nasa isip mo."

He laughed. "I tried so hard not to violate you in my mind before since I had no rights."

"So, may karapatan ka na ngayon?"

He nodded. "Yes. Already imagining what will happen in our honeymoon." Kinurot ko ulit siya pero tinawanan niya lang ako. "I'll prepare the room. Do you want rose petals everywhere, Mary?"

"I don't want to talk about this, Saint."

"Do you want champagne or wine?" he asked. "But you don't drink, right? What about mogu-mogu?"

Pinisil ko iyong ilong niya pero he just made a face. Ang cute.

"Stop asking," I told him.

He nuzzled my neck. "Why?"

"Nakaka-hiya."

"My cute wife," he said and then kissed my neck. "How are we going to have babies if you're always this shy?"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo," I said and then tried to push him away. Tinawanan niya na naman ako pero bago ko pa man siya matulak, he scooped me up and then began walking. "Saint, ano ba!"

"Let's sleep."

"Maglalakad ako!"

"It's our first night, so I want to do the tradition of carrying my wife," he said and then laid me on the bed. He immediately plopped beside me and cuddled. He's really a clingy and cuddly person! Hindi siguro 'to nayakap masyado nung bata kaya ngayong tumanda biglang ang hilig mangyakap! "Good night, Mary."

I looked at his face. Sarado na iyong mga mata niya. He's indeed the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Good night, Saint."

And for the first time, we slept without the one of us being rolled like a freaking burrito.

* * *

When morning rolled in, napag-usapan na sa bahay ng mga Gomez de Liaño kami magbe-breakfast. Mabuti na lang at nag-alarm ako bago matulog dahil ang late nagising ni Saint! He's still fast asleep nung mag-alarm. Ni hindi siya nagising sa lakas nung tunog.

"Can't we just eat here?" he asked with a ragged voice.

"We promised that we'll have breakfast at your place."

"I know... but I just want to stay in."

Inayos ko 'yung collar ng suot niya. "We'll stay in after breakfast," I told him and then patted his head. "You're all fixed up. Tara na." Kinuha ko iyong bag ko at saka nagsimulang maglakad.

Pagdating namin sa bahay nila, nandun na sila Psalm sa sala. They all hooted pagpasok namin.

"Ano'ng meron?" I asked Saint.

Tumayo si Psalm at lumapit sa amin. Nakipaghigh five siya kay Saint. "How's last night?" asked Psalm. He was wiggling his eyebrows.

Saint gently pushed him away. "Shut up."

Natawa si Psalm. "What? Shy or nothing happened?"

Saint pulled me with him at naupo kami sa sofa. Wala sila mommy Anna. It still felt weird na tawagin siyang mommy.

"So, Mary, what happened last night?"

Bakit interesado si Psalm sa nangyari kagabi? "Kumain kami ng pizza at saka nanood ng movie," I answered. Lumakas ang tawa nila Psalm at parang maiiyak na siya sa katatawa. Pati si Austin na seryoso, hindi napigilang matawa. I looked at Cohen to ask kung ano ang nangyayari but his face was all red at iniwas niya ang tingin sa akin.

Hala. Ano'ng nangyayari?!

"Fuck off, Psalm," sabi ni Saint. He sounded really pissed. Hindi naman kasi nagmumura si Saint... sobrang minsan lang.

I looked at him and asked, "Ano'ng meron?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Don't mind Psalm."

Sinabi nung maid nila na hindi pa tapos magluto at may pinuntahan lang sila mommy Anna pero parating na. Sinandal ko muna iyong ulo ko at pinikit ko ang mga mata ko. I was still sleepy. Nakakapagod pala talagang ikasal.

"Do you want to sleep in my room?" Saint asked. I shook my head. It felt comfortable being beside him.

Ilang minuto na akong tuloy nang magising ako. Narinig ko silang nag-uusap pero pinanatili ko lang na tulog ako.

"So... blue balls last night?" Psalm said.

"Fuck off, Psalm. I don't want to talk about this with you," replied Saint.

Tumawa si Psalm. "Sungit, bro."

"I didn't marry my wife to sleep with her, alright."

"Fine. Ikaw na ang perfect," natatawang sabi ni Psalm.

"Besides, why are you so interested in my sex life?" asked Saint.

"Dude, wala kang sex life," Psalm replied.

Gosh. Ito ba ang pinag-uusapan nila kapag sila-sila lang?! Ganito ba ang mga lalaki?!

"I have a wife," replied Saint. "Get yourself a girlfriend instead of pissing me off."

"A wife you won't even touch you."

"Fuck you."

"Gago ka rin," sabi ni Psalm.

"Gago kayong pareho," Austin said.

About Gomez de Liaño guys... minsan lang sila magsalita ng Tagalog pero puro mura ang alam nila. Alam kaya ng magulang nila na ganito mag-usap ang magkakapatid na 'to? Ang sarap sabunin ng bibig ni Saint.

"I don't want to force her to do things she's not comfortable with, alright. I won't mess things between us."

"So, you're willing to wait?"

I felt Saint kissing the side of my head. "Yeah... but I hope she won't take too long. I'm going to get hypothermia from all the cold showers."

At naka-rinig na naman ako ng mga mura. Yes. Confirmed na nung dumating ang GDL sa Pilipinas, ang una nilang pinag-aralan na Tagalog ay iyong mga masasamang salita.

"You're lucky your crush reciprocated your feelings," said Psalm.

"Thanks for asking me to pick you up. That's when I met my wife," Saint said and I felt him kissing the top of my head. "I'm fucking lucky," Saint said.

Pagkatapos nilang pag-usapan kaming dalawa ni Saint, doon naman sila sa love life ni Psalm. Na imaginary.

"I think Kath likes you... or used to like. Why don't you try asking her out?"

"Nah. That's trouble in the making. If I date her and it didn't work out, I don't want Mary taking sides."

"Yeah... you're probably right. I really hate making Mary take sides," Saint said. Pinigilan ko na mapa-ngiti. "Just die alone, Psalm. Maybe that's your destiny."

Naramdaman ko na binato siya ng throw pillow ni Psalm. "At least I'm not a virgin husband."

* * *

Nang matapos ang breakfast sa bahay nila ay dumiretso na kami sa hotel. Our flight was tomorrow morning so we had to finish packing. Sa bahay naman namin kami magdidinner.

"Ate!" salubong nila Finley. He hugged me at nasa tiyan ko iyong ulo niya. "Is there a baby already?"

"Are you going to be a whale soon?" tanong naman ni Riley.

Natawa naman si Saint sa kambal. He kneeled and patted their heads. "Kuya Saint still hasn't succeeded."

"What?! But we want babies!" Finley said, stomping his feet. Gusto na nga rin niyang magpa-perm dahil kulot si Saint. He's really a mini-Saint.

Saint laughed. "Me, too, buddy."

Pagpasok namin, nagulat ako dahil nandun si Kuya. And he was glaring at Saint.

"Kuya!" I happily said. "Kasama mo si John and Mars?"

Mas lalong sumama ang mukha ni Kuya. Ang tagal na nilang magkasama ni Mars... hindi pa rin ba sila nadedevelop?

"What's his problem again?" Saint whispered nung makalagpas si Kuya.

I shrugged. "Kagaya ng palagi mong sinasabi, he just probably hates you."

The dinner was lovely. Ang daming bilin ni Mama. Ako lang kasi ang nag-iisa niyang anak na babae kaya alam ko na nag-aalala lang siya para sa akin. Nung matapos ang dinner, hinatak nung kambal si Saint sa taas. I just let him.

"Ma..." I said. Kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama.

"Hmm?"

I took a deep breath. "How's... Parker?"

Natigilan si Mama. I really didn't enjoy talking about Parker with her. Palagi niya kasi kaming pinipilit. Pero sa panahon na 'to, alam ko na siya ang isa sa mga tao na malaki ang pagpapahalaga kay Parker. Alam ko na hindi niya papabayaan si Parker.

"He's doing fine," she replied after almost a minute.

"I really didn't want to hurt him."

She smiled. "He'll understand it one day," she said.

"You think?"

She nodded. "Yes. The same way I understood why it never worked between his Uncle and I... kasi ang Papa mo talaga ang para sa akin."

I smiled at her and then hugged her. If only she'd tell Kuya this... mababawasan ang sama ng loob ni Kuya sa mundo. Pakiramdam ko kasi dala-dala ni Kuya lahat ng problema, e. Pati siguro traffic pino-problema niya.

"I love you, Ma... I'll miss you..."

She combed my hair. "We'll visit you. And don't worry about Parker anymore. I'll look after him."

I thanked her and then we continued talking about random things. Ngayon lang kami nakapag-usap ng ganito ni Mama. Masaya pala... palagi kasing si Papa ang nakakausap ko. Ang gaan kasi kasama ni Papa. He's a very good listener.

"Sige na, umuwi na kayo," Mama said nung naglalakad papunta si Saint sa amin.

"We'll leave na po, Tita."

Mama smiled. "Call me Mama."

Saint smiled back. "Yes po, Mama."

Nang makaalis kami, nagbuntong-hininga si Saint.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm quite scared."

"Kay Mama?" He nodded. "Why?" I asked although kahit naman ako takot kay Mama... She's really scary...

"One, she's your mom and I desperately want her to like me... Two, she likes Parker for you—"

"Liked," I corrected him. "She already accepted that it's you whom I love."

Napa-ngiti siya. "Really?" he asked.

"Really," I said and then nodded.

"Let's sleep early. We have a flight to catch," sabi niya.

"Matutulog lang tayo?" I asked.

"Why? Is there something you want to do?"

I looked at him, winked, and then smiled. Tapos tinakbuhan ko siya.

"Mary!" sigaw niya habang hinahabol niya ako. "Don't let me catch you, you tease!"