#JustTheStrings

I was the one getting married yet I felt like everyone around me was more excited than I was. Si Mama, ayaw kumuha ng wedding planner kasi gusto niya na siya na lang ang tumulong sa akin. Si Kath, binigay sa akin iyong wedding book na bata pa lang siya ay hinanda niya na para sa kapag ikakasal na siya. Only Liza was the sane woman around me. Pakiramdam ko ay nabaliw na silang lahat. They were quite scary...

"Where will you two get married? Malapit na ang fall sa US. Don na lang tapos sa park kayo para maraming leaves! Ang ganda sa pictures nun!" suggestion ni Kath.

I looked at Saint. Kath's suggestion sounded good. Naiisip ko pa lang ang aesthetics, natutuwa na ako. I was sure that the leaves would make our wedding beautiful. "I'm okay with it. Ikaw, Saint?" I asked him. He was sitting beside me, holding my hand and playing with my fingers. It had been a week since he proposed to me yet hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin siya tapos sa tarsier phase niya. He was still so clingy! If only Mama didn't force me to go home after finding out that Saint's just living next to me, alam ko na magpipilit siya na sa unit ko matulog. He's that clingy.

"It's fine... but I want to get married in a Church, not in a park," he answered. "And I don't want to get married in US. I want to get married here in the Philippines because there's no divorce."

I nodded. "Oo nga, Kath. I agree with Saint. I want a Church wedding, too."

Kath rolled her eyes. "Fine. Bakit ba ako nagtaka? Ang banal niyong dalawa," she said, crossing out the park in the suggestion list. "Baka naman gusto niyo na Bishop pa ang magkasal sa inyo?"

I looked at Saint. "Is that possible?" Gosh, it would be awesome if a Bishop would marry us! We would surely be so blessed!

"Do you want it?" Saint asked. I nodded. "Alright, I'll talk to Papa and see what he can do," he said, smiling and kissing the side of my head. I smiled, too. He really spoils me every chance he gets. I'm really so blessed to have him.

Si Kath, napapailing na lang sa aming dalawa. "Buti na lang, I'm over Psalm na. Baka kapag kami ang nagpakasal e gusto niya sa Vatican pa," she said, shaking her head. I knew she was frustrated with me and Saint. She wanted to have a fancy wedding for us. I understood her naman... but what Saint and I wanted was just a simple wedding. Iyong puro pamilya at mga kaibigan lang namin ang nandoon. We didn't want people we didn't know to be there. It didn't feel right.

And our wedding was a ceremony, not a spectacle for everyone to watch.

"What about the gown? Kailangan ba ulo lang ni Mary ang kita, Saint?" Kath asked Saint.

Saint laughed and then hugged me tighter. "Of course not. I'll let Mary wear whichever gown she prefers. It's her day," he said.

"Good! Gosh, akala ko talaga sasabihin mo gusto mo parang suman na balot na balot si Mary! Ibabash talaga kita!" Kath said. Napailing na lang kaming dalawa ni Saint.

Kath went on to interrogate us. She asked us all the important questions. She asked us about what food we preferred, the flowers, the songs, the color, everything vital. Good thing Mama was preoccupied because Cayden was crying. She went up para patahanin ang kapatid ko. Hindi ko kakayanin kapag nagsama si Mama at Kath. Kath alone was already a handful. Mabuti na lang nandito si Saint sa tabi ko para pagaanin ang loob ko. I wanted to remain calm but with Kath acting crazy, parang nape-pressure na rin ako sa kasal namin.

"Tignan mo, may naka-angry..." I told Saint as I looked at the post in his profile. Just last night, we finally announced on facebook that we're getting married. We didn't immediately post it online because we wanted to celebrate with family first. We had an intimate dinner together—our families finally meeting. I thought it wouldn't go so well since Tita Anna and Mama's personalities were both strong. I thought they would clash but I was wrong. They were both just too happy for Saint and I.

"Isn't it Preston?"

I shook my head. "Hindi naman kayo friends ni Kuya sa facebook."

"Right. Because he blocked me," he said. "Your brother really knows how to hold grudges."

"Kay Mama nga, almost 23 years na siyang passive-aggressive, e. Don't take it too seriously," I said, pinching his cheek.

"It's alright. As long as he won't meddle between us, I'm fine with him."

I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. I heard Kath gagging pero hindi na lang namin siya pinansin. She's bitter—or maybe acting bitter. Kasi bakit naman siya magiging bitter e nandyan naman si Kuya Benj for her? If anything, among Kuya and his friends, Kuya Benj is the closest thing to being a prince charming. Si Kuya kasi, prince harming.

"He won't. He already gave you his blessings, 'di ba?" He nodded. "Pano mo nga pala nagawa 'yun?"

He shrugged. "I just went to his house in QC. We had a serious talk. I said what I wanted to say. Surprisingly, he listened."

"Pumunta ka sa QC? Nakita mo si Mars?"

"Mars?" he asked and I nodded. "I didn't see any Mars there, Mary. I only saw Nari, John's mom."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Gosh! May pangalan na si Mars! Upon hearing that, tumayo agad ako at pinuntahan si Mama. Saint was holding my hand but I told him that I had to go see Mama. At saka niya lang binitiwan iyong kamay ko. Because though he wouldn't admit it, he's kind of scared pagdating kay Mama. Couldn't blame him, though. I, myself, was a bit scared of Tita Anna.

Maybe all mother-in-laws are scary.

"Ma!" I said but immediately lowered my voice when I saw that she was slowly rocking baby Cayden. "Can I invited Nari?"

"Why?" Mama asked. Saint was right. Nari nga ang pangalan ng soon to be sister-in-law ko. I was excited to meet her! All these stories about her were making me more ecstatic. She must be something to be able to keep up with Kuya. Sobrang bully kaya ni Kuya. To think na sa akin na siya pinaka-mabait, pero minsan hindi niya pa rin mapigilan na i-bully ako. Paano pa kaya iyong ibang babae?

"Because she's Kuya's soon to be wife," I replied with a smile.

"Your Kuya won't marry her," she said with conviction.

"Malay mo naman po... Besides, they have baby John na. It will be wonderful if they fall in love and get married. Like Saint and I," I said with an even more smile. These past few days were hard but they were great. Planning my wedding with Saint was the most perfect way to spend my days... I kept on looking forward to the day we'd say I do.

Maybe I should start calling her Ate Nari. Si Ate Jas at Ate Maggie lang kasi ang Ate ko. It felt nice na madadagdagan na ako ng Ate. Puro kasi ako Kuya. Pati sa part ng family ni Saint, halos puro lalaki ang mga Gomez de Liaño maliban kay Tita Anna at Ate Maggie. Kulang talaga sa babae. Kapag nagkaroon na lang ng girlfriends sila Psalm, I would befriend them para mas masaya.

"Fine," Mama huffed. "Invite her if you want. Just don't put her in the same table as me."

I nodded and took a mental note of that. I was really curious kung ano ba ang ginawa ni Ate Nari sa Mama ko para kainisan siya ni Mama nang ganito... Sabi nila Uncle Tobi, masama raw ang ugali ni Mama dati. She just tamed down when she married Papa. Nahawa lang daw talaga ng kaunti si Mama sa kabaitan ni Papa. So really, I didn't know who has the real problem. Sinasabi kasi ni Kuya at Mama na mean si Ate Nari... pero minsan, mean din naman silang dalawa... Maybe Ate Nari is just misunderstood. Gosh, I really couldn't wait to meet her!

Upon going down, I saw Saint waiting for me at the end of the stairs. Napailing ako. So clingy.

"Talagang hinintay mo ako?" He nodded and then reached for my hand and held it. "Ikakasal na tayo in two weeks. After nun, literal na araw-araw mo na akong makikita."

He grinned and then made a quick kiss on my cheek. "Can't wait, seriously."

"Hindi ka magsasawa sa mukha ko?"

He held my face. "Of course not. You're the prettiest thing and it'll be a delight to see you first thing in the morning."

"Baka matakot ka sa itsura ko sa umaga," I said. May muta rin naman ako. Hindi naman ako iyong tipo na umaga pa lang pero just woke up like this na ang itsura. I have my moments. Minsan.

He laughed and then pulled me closer. "Mary, you have no idea how beautiful you are in my eyes. I doubt if I'd ever get tired of looking at you," he said as we made our way out to meet the one who'd design my wedding gown and his tux.

--

The next few days were a blur. I felt like I was in a movie and it was in fast forward. Sobrang daming nangyari. Sobrang daming preparations. Sobrang minamadali na kasi namin dahil next month, kailangang nasa US na kami para sa drafting ni Saint. I, on the other hand, would still look into my options. I wanted to enroll in a local community college. I just wanted to learn more about Arts. I wanted to focus more on being Saint's wife.

We had a family dinner. As usual, hindi invited si Ate Nari dahil kay Mama. I believed she made an unspoken rule in the house na bawal tumuntong dito si Ate Nari... Gosh, I felt so terrible for Ate Nari... Sana nakilala niya na si Papa para naman hindi niya isipin na mean lahat ng member ng Suarez family. Nandito naman si Papa, ako, si Riley. Ang medyo masungit lang naman sa amin ay si Kuya, si Mama, at si Finley. We weren't all evils, baka kasi iyon ang iniisip niya.

"San kayo titira sa US?" Kuya asked. Baby John was supposed to be here pero naiwan kay Ate Nari. Okay na rin siguro iyon para hindi naman siya masyadong malungkot.

"Hindi ko pa alam, e..." I said.

"Hindi pa sinasabi ni Santo sa 'yo? Ano ba 'yan. Walang kwentang mapapangasawa," sabi ni Kuya.

"Para namang may kwenta ka, Kuya," I shot back. Ayoko talaga na inaapi niya si Saint lalo na kapag wala naman dito si Saint to defend himself. Hindi ko alam bakit sinasabi ni Kuya na pinaka-matinong GDL si Austin. Siguro si Cohen pa, oo. Or si Saint. Mabait din si Saint. Ewan ko ba. May mali talaga sa judgment ng Kuya ko.

"I have a house in QC," he said.

"You just bought it using Papa's money," I told him. "You didn't even put an effort on it, Kuya."

"Not my fault that we're rich," he said. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan iyong mga babae na patay na patay kay Kuya. If they only knew who he really was... But I still love him, nonetheless. He has his moments of kindness.

I continued to eat while they discussed few things about business. Tinuturuan na kasi ni Papa si Kuya kung paano tamang mag-invest sa stocks. Ayaw ni Kuya na magwork. Ayaw magbusiness. Kuntento na siya sa monthly rent mula sa dalawang commercial buildings na regalo sa amin ni Papa nung bata pa kami. Those were 2 54-storey building and the last time I checked, 100 thousand ang rent per floor. And all payment goes directly to our respective accounts—minus the maintenance fee and the utility bills. I didn't even have an idea kung magkano na ang laman ng account ko... Maybe I should check. Ako na lang siguro ang bibili ng bahay namin ni Saint sa US. If he'd study in Europe, mas okay sana. Papa has a few properties there. My favorite was the one in the woods.

"We already reserved the church you wanted," Papa said and I smiled. It was the first Church Saint and I went to. It wasn't as big as the other famous churches. It wasn't even famous... But I wanted to get married there and thank God for bringing such a man in my life.

"Thank you, Papa!" I said with a huge smile on my face.

"But don't get pregnant yet, okay? Enjoy life first, Mary. You're still too young..." sabi ni Mama. Namula naman ako bigla.

"What's pregnant?" Riley asked.

"It's what happens to Mama every time she looks like a whale," paliwanag ni Finley. "Soon, I think Ate will become a whale, too."

Napailing na lang ako. Ano ba 'tong mga kapatid ko.

"Tss. Bakit kay Imo, pigil na pigil kayong magka-apo? Nung sa akin, parang tanggap niyo na agad?" Kuya asked, scoffing.

"Maaga naming natanggap ng Papa mo na magkaka-anak ka agad. It just shows," Mama explained calmly at natawa naman ako. Oo nga naman. Bata pa lang si Kuya, malandi na siya. Parang si Saint siya. Pero si Saint, kapag madaling-araw lang. Si Kuya, everyday all day. Akala niya hindi ko siya nakikita na minsan, nilalandi niya iyong ibang school mates namin.

The dinner went on with Kuya and Mama bickering. Papa was just fondly smiling at them. When dinner ended, umakyat muna si Mama para i-check si Cayden. Iyong kambal, nagpasama kay Kuya sa kwarto nila. May bago kasi silang bili na game console at pinapa-ayos nila kay Kuya. Ako naman, sinundan ko si Papa sa labas. They still drink green tea after dinner. Ito iyong palaging ginagawa nila ni Mama.

"I'm really getting married, Papa," I said. It was starting to feel really real. Tomorrow, my gown would finally be delivered after numerous adjustments. Palagi kasi akong pumapayat dahil sa stress. Si Saint naman, pilit akong pinapakain dahil payat na nga raw ako, pumapayat pa ako lalo. But no amount of food made me regain my normal weight.

"Yes, you really are," Papa said with a smile.

"And I'm going to leave soon... I will miss you," I said and then hugged him. Papa smiled and then tousled my hair. "Visit me, okay, Papa? Kapag pwede kayo, visit me. I will come home as often as I can. I promise, all Christmas will be spent here."

"It's alright. When you get married, your priorities will change. Okay lang sa amin kung doon ka sa US."

"Papa naman... syempre uuwi pa rin ako. Dito naman talaga ako sa Philippines." Although I occasionally liked US and its progressiveness, my heart still belongs to the Philippines. It's different here. It felt like home here. "I'll go home at least twice a year. And you should visit me at least twice a year."

I hugged Papa for quite a while. I really was a Papa's girl. I couldn't help it. My Papa's the best.

"Pa... do you think we'll be okay?" I asked. Although I was ecstatic to marry Saint, I still couldn't help but be afraid for what the future held for us. I knew marriage is never an easy thing. It's a lifelong commitment. It's a lifetime with your other half. And I love Saint. I am sure of that. But I knew that one day, we would have problems... and sometimes, it would be hard. I just didn't want us to come to a point wherein we'd both regret what we did.

"You'll be okay," he said. "You just have to erase all expectations and just welcome what comes. Just support him with what he wants and do what you want also. Don't get yourself get lost in marriage. Be sure that you're still you. Because when you lose yourself, you lose your purpose. And you're going to start questioning and regretting everything."

I listened to every word he said. I wanted to keep those to my heart. I wanted to be remain married until my dying days.

"Is that what you do with Mama?"

He nodded. "Compromise always. Remember that."

What Papa said remained in my mind. I could do compromise. I really liked reading while Saint liked watching movies. Maybe I could read and he could put the movie in mute and just read the subtitles... pero pwede rin naman na manood siya mag-isa habang sa kwarto ako magbabasa. Though I doubted if Saint would like that. He literally wanted to be beside me as much as possible. He's so clingy.

And when he plays basketball, I could take photos of him and his teammates. I loved photography and he's forever in love with basketball. Pwede naman naming gawin pareho without us giving anything up. Papa's right.

"And when it gets hard, talk to him. Don't shut down like you usually do."

"Yes, Papa..." I said. I already knew that. I knew that communication would bridge every gap. At isa pa, ayoko na maulit na naman iyong nangyari sa amin ni Saint. One breakup was good enough for a lifetime. I didn't want a rerun of it.

"And be happy. Always."

I smiled. "I am happy."

--

When I was finally done with the wedding invitations, I went out to give them. Hindi na kasi ako pinatulong nila Mama sa ibang gagawin. They really went all out doing everything. We were so thankful. Busy din kasi si Saint sa NBA niya kaya hindi ko na siya masyadong inaabala. Pero kapag kailangan kaming dalawa, we're always present. Syempre kasal namin 'to kaya gusto namin, as much as possible—and as much as Mama and Kath would allow us—ay hands on kami.

"Hi!" I greeted. "Sila Tita Anna?" I asked.

Psalm shrugged. "Malacañang, probably. What's up, future sister-in-law?"

I fished for the invitation and handed it. It's a painting of the different things Saint and I did. Sa likod, I wrote the details using the things I learned in my calligraphy class. Konti lang naman ang imbitado sa kasal kaya nagawa ko. I wanted the invitation to be personal, as well.

"Cool! You did this?" he asked and I nodded. "Austin, look, show this to Karma and see if she can do this, as well," sabi ni Psalm at nilapitan si Austin na nananahimik sa isang tabi. It's his usual thing. Tahimik naman talaga si Austin.

"Nasan si Cohen?" I asked.

"Tsk. I'm jealous. Is Cohen your favorite now?" Psalm asked and I laughed.

"Of course si Saint ang favorite ko," I replied and he faked a gag. "Will you bring a date to my wedding?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. Do you have female friends or cousins who will come?"

I nodded. "But they're off limits to you."

"Oh, come on! It's not fair!" Psalm whined. "Austin's got a girl. Cohen's contented with basketball. Saint's got you. How about me? Will I die alone?"

"She's not my girl," Austin cut in.

"Yeah, right," Psalm said.

"She's a girl who's not mine," patuloy ni Austin. Mas lalo tuloy mukhang defensive.

Natawa ako sa kanila. Sabi kaya ni Saint, maraming friend si Psalm. He just didn't like to get serious. But once he gets serious, I knew he'd be a great boyfriend. Maalaga kaya si Psalm. Ako nga na girlfriend ng kapatid niya, inaalagaan niya, e. Girlfriend niya pa kaya mismo?

"By the way, you sure you want to marry Saint?" Psalm asked and I nodded. "I mean, there's a no return, no exchange policy. And we don't really favor divorce or annulment."

"Are you discouraging me?"

"Not really... but you can definitely do better," sabi ni Psalm at binatukan siya ni Austin. These two. They're poles apart pero at the same time, they're alike. GDL brothers are weird like that.

"Saint's the best one I could ever get. Wala naman akong nakikitang masama sa kanya..." I replied.

And then, Psalm started to enumerate things about Saint.

"Well, for one, he's picky with what he eats. He only eats healthy food."

"Talaga?" I asked. "Bakit kumakain naman kami ng fastfood..."

"That's because he's in love with you. But if you live with him, you'll know that he only eats brown rice, doesn't eat meat much—more on steamed fish, munches on vegetables like crazy. And he lives on protein shakes," sabi ni Psalm. I took a mental note on everything he's saying. Kailangan kong gawin 'to lahat. I didn't want Saint to change his lifestyle because of me.

"When he plays and trains, he's so into it that he sometimes forget the world exists. Baka malimutan ka niya minsan."

I nodded. "It's okay. I support him," I said. "Ano pa?" I asked, eager to know more.

"He takes forever to get ready. That's why we have our own bathroom, our own cars, our own drivers because if we share, we'd all probably be late because of Saint."

"Ha? Bakit naman ang tagal niya?" I said and then wondered kung ilan ang CR sa magiging bahay namin.

"He's a vain guy. Also, he doesn't like his hair being touched."

"I always play with his curls..."

"Again, it's because he loves you," Psalm said. He was about to talk again when Austin interjected.

"It's no use telling her these things, Psalm. Saint loves her. He'll let her do anything so stop scaring her," he said and then walked away, bringing the wedding invitation with him.

"Austin's right. Saint will always probably let you off the hook. Don't worry," Psalm said with a smile. "Anyway, any pretty girl you want to introduce me?"

Gosh. Why was Psalm being like this kung kailan wala ng pakielam sa kanya si Kath? Weird timing.

--

"I'm so tired..." I said as I laid my head on Saint's shoulder. We ran errands all day. We visited the shop who'll bake our cake tapos we also did food tasting. And to think na si Mama at Kath talaga ang nag-aasikaso ng kasal, ganito na ako ka-pagod. Paano pa kung ako lang talaga?

Saint wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. Naramdaman ko rin na sinandal niya iyong ulo niya sa ulo ko. Pagod na rin siguro siya. "Yeah, me, to..." he whispered. "Mary..."

"Hmm?"

"How big do you want our house to be?"

"Just a small one. I don't like a house as big as ours or as big as yours. Dalawa lang naman kasi tayo. And it will be scary," I said. I also subconsciously remember scary movies whenever I was at home. Ang laki kasi ng bahay namin. Parang horror house minsan.

"Alright," he replied.

"Bibili ka ba? I can buy the house for us," I offered. Sila Tita Anna na kasi ang nagshoulder ng lahat ng expense ng kasal namin. I felt bad for not contributing anything pero ayaw nilang pumayag. They're very traditional and religious kaya sumusunod sila sa pamahiin. And even his Abuela, they gave Saint the permission to give me their heirloom as my wedding ring. Naiyak na lang ako. Kasi dapat talaga sa mapapangasawa iyon ni Psalm kasi siya ang panganay na lalaki but Abuela really liked me for Saint kaya sa akin ibibigay.

"Nah, I got it," he said. "I'll buy a two bedroom house for us in Cali and let's just get something bigger when the time comes."

I nodded. "Kapag bumisita sila Mama and sila Tita Anna?"

"Let them stay in a hotel," he said. "I don't want any intruders in our house."

Natawa ako. "Grabe ka naman sa intruders."

"It's true. I want the house to ourselves. We'll make lots of babies," he said and then bit my shoulder lightly.

"H-ha?" I said, my voice slightly shaking. I heard Saint chuckle. He really liked making me uncomfortable.

"Of course we'll have little Mary and little Saint running around," he said. "How many kids do you want?"

Gosh. This was really, really starting to feel so real. Nag-uusap na kami tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay. I didn't think it would really come this far. Saint was my first boyfriend... and now, he'll be my forever husband. Dati, nagkamali lang ako ng sakay dahil akala ko siya iyong Uber na pinadala ni Ate Jas. Ngayon, siya na talaga iyong lalaki na pinadala ni God.

"I want a big family like ours and yours. When it was only me and Kuya, it was kind of lonely... But when we had Finley and Riley, there was never a dull moment in the house because of those two. Tapos we have baby Cayden pa. Tapos sa inyo naman, palaging maingay dahil puro kayo lalaki tapos ang gulo niyo pa. Si Ate Maggie naman, ang ingay din. Ang saya kapag maraming kapatid," I explained.

He squeezed my hand. "I want a big family, too. I'm sure you'll be a great mom."

"I don't know. Baka kasi maging overprotective ako tapos maging rebel sila. Tapos ayoko naman na maging kagaya ng relationship ni Mama at Kuya ang relationship namin ng magiging anak natin."

"Anak natin? Ang sarap naman pakinggan," sabi niya tapos hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi. "But don't worry, Mary. You're too nice. I'm sure our kid will be too guilty to even hold a grudge against their kind mom."

I shrugged. But I really thought I'd be a really protective mom. Sigurado kasi ako na magiging spoiled ang anak namin dahil kay Saint. He's just that kind of guy. Always spoiling the people he love.

"Pero 'di ba magbabasketball ka? E 'di maiiwan ako sa bahay kasama ang mga anak natin?"

"No. I'll bring you with me wherever," he said. But this time, he lay down on my lap and closed his eyes. I brushed his hair with my hands and he smiled.

"Tapos magcocollege ka. Marami kayang maganda sa US..."

Saint opened his eyes. "Are you being jealous of girls I haven't even met yet?"

"Hindi, ah. Just stating scenarios..." I whispered. "Dun nga kay Marisse, kakakilala mo pa lang, may pa-dab dab pa kayong nalalaman," I huffed.

Kung kanina, nakahiga lang siya sa lap ko, ngayon niyakap niya iyong mga kamay niya sa bewang ko. His lips were pressing against my stomach and he was laughing. Hinampas ko nga. "Tawa ka pa dyan!"

"Mary, Marisse and I are just friends. I didn't even invite her to our wedding because we're not that close."

"Aba, at talagang nagbalak ka pa!" Ginulo ko iyong kulot niyang buhok.

"Why are you mad? Is it about the dab?" he asked. I pursed my lips. "Mary..." he trailed. Hindi ko siya pinansin. He raised his hands and then cupped my face. He forced me to look at him. "You're my first girlfriend, my only fiancé, my only wife, my only señorita, my only dab queen, my only GDL," he said. "And hypothetically, I meet some girls... so? It's not like I'll fall in love with them the way I'm madly, deeply, and irrevocably in love with you," he said. He reached for my hand and placed it on the left side of his chest. "Mary, this heart only goes crazy when you're around. And even when you're gone, this heart only beats for you."

"Talaga?" I asked.

He nodded and then motioned me to come closer. "I'll tell you something," he said. So I leaned in... but instead of telling me something, he pulled my head down with him and captured my lips. "I love you, Mary. You're the love of my life."

--

There was a countdown to our wedding day... ang daming alam ni Saint. 7 days before our wedding, he kept on sending me weird gifts—though they didn't seem weird anymore dahil nasanay na yata ako sa pagka-weirdo ni Saint pagdating sa pagbibigay ng regalo. Honestly, when he proposed to me, akala ko talaga plastic bag ang laman nung box. Iba kasi ang pag-iisip ni Saint. But I was glad that it was a real engagement ring. It was beautiful. It was embellished with diamonds and it made me appreciate him even more because he used his own hard earned money to buy the ring. Ewan ko. Mas naaappreciate ko kasi kapag pinaghihirapan. Kahit siguro bigyan ako ni Saint ng santan, basta siya ang pumitas, I would appreciate it.

Day 1, he gave me a map. Iyon pala ang mapa kung saan tinanim nila iyong mga seeds nung birthday ko. Sabi niya, sa 25th wedding anniversary namin, baka puno na iyong mga iyon. Ngayon, kasi, maliit pa lang daw sabi ni Saint. Mas maaappreciate ko raw kapag mas malaki na sila.

Day 2, he gave me tickets to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Play. Gosh! If he were with me when I saw the gift, I would have kissed the heaven out of him! I was so devastated nung hindi ako nakakuha ng ticket. Sold out na kasi iyong play for the next two years. I didn't know how Saint did it. Gosh, he's so amazing.

Day 3, he sent me video greetings from the kids. Nung una, hindi ko alam kung sinong mga bata ba iyon. But later on, I realized that those were the kids Saint and I fed during our first official date. Hindi ko alam ko paano sila nahanap ni Saint. His ways were just astonishing. And I loved him even more when I learned that he gave those kids Happy Card para makabili sila ng Chicken Joy. They seemed so happy. I felt my heart swelling in joy. Binati rin nila kami ni Saint para sa kasal namin. I really couldn't get any luckier in this lifetime.

Day 4, he sent me a watch that stopped at 2am. There was a note that said 'It's always 2am in my world, Mary. I'll flirt with you until my dying days. Love you so much.' Pinigilan kong matawa. Sinabi ko kasi sa kanya na napapansin ko na lumalabas ang pagiging malandi niya tuwing madaling araw. Lahat ng sinasabi ko, natatandaan niya. It's really true when he said that he listens to every little things I say. He's that attentive.

Day 5, he sent me a picture of a duck. There was a note that said 'Since we're not allowed to have kids yet, we can take care of the duck for the mean time. He's already waiting at our house in Cali. Can't wait to live with you, Mary." Gosh. He's really obsessed with ducks. But we have a house in Cali! Hindi na ako tutuksuhin ni Kuya na magiging hobo ako sa Cali.

Saint's gifts calmed my nerves. Kung dati, kinakabahan ako, ngayon, sobrang excited na lang ako. I couldn't wait to spend everyday with him. He's just so amazing in many ways. And I wanted to be surprised. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to learn with him. I wanted to grow with him. Tama siya. We're probably still young but that doesn't stop us from doing things that we like... Ibig sabihin lang nito, we get to do those things together. And it's a wonderful gift.

I was anxiously waiting for the Day 6 gift when Kath and Liza barged in.

"Hey, Mrs. GDL!" Kath said, holding me by the arm. "Let's go to your bridal shower na!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Kath!"

"What? Ang tagal kong hinintay na may makasal sa mga friends ko so that I can throw a bridal shower!" she whined. We already talked about it. I asked Saint and he has the same answer as I. We both didn't want bridal shower and stag party. I cringed at the idea of some stranger giving me lap dance! And I hate the idea of some lady stripping in front of Saint. Ayoko.

"I'll tell Saint!"

"No, you won't," Kath said, pulling me with her. She confiscated my phone and left it in my room. Wala na akong magawa dahil pinagtulungan nila ako.

"Even you, Liza?!" hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong habang hinahatak nila ako pababa. I saw a white van waiting for us outside. Pinagplanuhan talaga nila 'to.

Liza smiled. "You only get married once, Imo. Let's do everything by the book."

Gosh! My friends were really insane!

--

My eyes were blindfolded. I didn't know where we were headed.

"If there are naked guys, isusumbong kita hindi lang kay Saint kung hindi pati kay Tita Min," sabi ko kay Kath. My hands were cold. I was afraid. I didn't want to see any naked guys! If there's a naked guy I wanted to see, it would be Saint.

"You're such a killjoy," sabi niya sa akin.

Minutes later, the car halted. They pulled me out of the car and then guided me. I kept on asking Kath kung saan kami pupunta pero hindi niya ako pinapansin.

"We're here!" she said. "Open your eyes na!"

I quickly removed the blindfold but I wished I didn't. Gosh! What were they thinking?!

"So, these are our wedding gift. Ngayon na namin ibibigay kasi mas fun. At saka baka pagalitan kami ni Tito Shi kapag nakita niya 'to," sabi niya habang pinapakita sa akin iyong mga negligee and lingerie na nakalagay sa kama. They were too tiny!

"This one," sabi niya at pinakita iyong white na lingerie na pakiramdam ko ay halos wala ng matatakpan sa katawan ko kapag sinuot ko. "Wear this one on your wedding night, okay? Para sure na may baby GDL na agad!"

My face was red. I was very sure of that. I wanted to poke my eyes.

"White 'yan since virgin ka naman kaya Virgin Mary talaga ang peg mo. Tignan lang natin kung hindi mabaliw si Saint kapag nakita ka. Also, be sure to tie your hair up para kita iyong neck mo. We always see Saint looking at your neck. Lowkey manyak talaga si Saint pero he's cute naman so forgiven," Kath continuously said.

God. Sumasakit ang ulo ko.

"Ito naman," sabi niya at inabot sa akin. "Para hindi puro missionary."

"What?" I read the title of the book she gave me. "What's this Kama Sutra?"

"Basta! You'll thank me later... or I think it's Saint who will thank me. Baka sa akin pa ipangalan ang first born niyo dahil sa sobrang tuwa niya," she said and then laughed like a maniac. I looked at Liza. Napapailing na lang din siya sa mga ginagawa ni Kath.

The next few minutes were me trying to forget everything Kath said. She gave me these weird toys. She also gave me whipped cream and Nutella and I didn't think I would be able to eat those food anytime in the near future because of everything Kath told me.

"Are you done?" I asked her when she was done explaining everything she gave me.

"Yeah, pretty much done."

"You're a dirty, dirty human," I told her. Tinawanan niya lang ako. "Ikaw naman, Liza, you let her torture me!"

Nagtinginan kaming tatlo at natawa na lang. May dalang suitcase si Kath at doon namin nilagay lahat ng lingerie at mga laruan na bigay niya sa akin. I didn't even know what to do with that! I didn't want to bring it home dahil baka atakihin sa puso si Papa kapag nakita niya. Gosh! Binigyan pa ako ng problema ni Kath.

"I didn't think it will be Imo who'll get hitched first," Kath said. We were on the bed, drinking champagne. "I mean, she's so modest. And tahimik. Who would have thought na siya pa ang unang ikakasal?"

I nodded. I didn't think I'd get married this early. When I was younger, I thought I'd get married in my 30s... Akala ko kasi, hihintayin ko pa hanggang sa magsawa si Parker sa mga babae... And in the end, he'd finally fall for me. But I was wrong. Life really works in mysterious ways. I was only turning 21 and already getting married. But I had no regrets. Marrying Saint would be the best thing I would do, I was sure.

"Tapos, next na si Liza..."

"Hala, grabe, hindi naman," Liza replied.

"Tss. Sinasabi mo lang 'yan. Magulat ako, nagpropose na rin si Jackson sa 'yo."

I nodded. "Tell me early para I can book a flight home and I will torture you the same way Kath tortured me."

Kath rolled her eyes. "After a year, tignan lang natin kung ganyan ka pa rin ka-innocent. 'Wag mo akong matawag-tawagan para i-share ang stories ng kahalayan niyo ni Saint! Bababaan kita ng tawag!"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo!" I replied. "But what about Kuya Benj nga?"

She shrugged. "We'll see."

"Is he courting you?"

"Hindi naman. I turned him down..."

"Ha?! Why?!" I couldn't understand Kath. She allowed my crazy brother to court her but she wouldn't let Kuya Benj? There surely was a loose screw in Kath's head!

"I just... I don't want to get in a relationship. I want to be alone for a while. It's a choice, Imo. I'll be in a relationship when I want to. Ngayon, I just want to know myself more. I realized kasi that I spent lot of time running after guys who didn't even like me. I kinda lost myself in the process of being someone who they'd like. Now, I just want to retrieve everything I lost. I just want to be with myself. Wala naman sigurong masama 'dun."

I smiled and then hugged her.

"I love you and Liza. I'm so happy we're friends," I said as I leaned my head against her shoulder.

We spent the entire night talking about everything. I missed this. And I would miss this when I'm gone.

--

The night before our wedding finally came. Both our parents didn't allow us to see each other. Bukas na lang daw. I was okay with that but Saint wasn't.

"I'll drive there. Go outside," he said.

"Bawal nga."

"5 minutes?"

"Makikita mo naman ako bukas."

"That's still a few hours away! I didn't see you for a whole day already, Mary. You're killing me here," he said, groaning. Ngayon na kasi iyong final fitting ng gown kaya hindi ko nakita si Saint. Ayaw talaga nila Mama na makita ni Saint iyong gown ko dahil bad omen daw. I just listened to them. Wala namang mawawala.

"Baka hindi matuloy 'yung kasal kapag hindi tayo sumunod."

"There's no way that our wedding won't push through," he said. "I don't even need all these preparations; I just want you as my bride, Mary."

My heart fluttered upon hearing him say those words. Ako rin naman. I just wanted him as my groom. It didn't even matter where we get married. With him by my side, that would still be my perfect wedding.

I sighed. "Fine... but 5 minutes lang, okay? I need to sleep early."

"Alright. Be there in 15 minutes. Wear a jacket. It's pretty cold outside," he said before dropping the call.

I got his varsity jacket and wore it. Binigay niya na kasi sa akin. I liked it, too. I liked wearing his last name. I just really liked everything about Saint. All the good things and the bad things. All those made Saint and I wouldn't want to change a single thing. I love him for who he was and who he would be.

Dahan-dahan akong bumaba dahil gabi na. Everyone was already fast asleep because Mama wanted us to rest early so that we would be in our best shape tomorrow. Ako rin naman, gusto kong magpahinga na. I didn't want eye bags on my wedding photos. But resisting Saint was so hard. Lalo na pag nagpapaawa siya.

Upon seeing his car, I went there and then got inside. Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita nang hatakin niya ako at halikan.

"I missed you," he said after letting go of my lips.

"I missed you, too," I replied. "Ano'ng ginawa niyo kanina?" Mama confiscated my phone. Palagi kasi kaming magka-text ni Saint kaya hindi ako makapagfocus sa mga kailangan kong gawin.

"Final fitting then welcomed my relatives and helped them get to the hotel," Saint said. He reached for my hand and held it. "You? What happened today?"

"Same as you. My gown's finally perfect."

"Of course. The one who'll wear it is perfect," sabi niya tapos inirapan ko siya. Bolero.

"Tapos dumating iyong mga pinsan ko and si Lolo from London kaya hinatid namin sila sa hotel. We had dinner together, just catching up. Tapos pinauwi na ako and was forced to rest. Until you called," I said.

He nodded. I looked at him and I saw that his eyes were already closed. Napa-ngiti ako. He's already really tired but he still managed to go here just to see me. I'm really blessed to have this guy in love with me. He's so wonderful. And he's in love with me. I wouldn't have anything else. I'm contented with my life.

I watched Saint sleep. And while he was sleeping, I started writing my vow.

--

"God, you're beautiful," Mama said in awe as they all looked at me. She was crying as she looked at me. Pinigilan ko na maiyak kasi baka masira iyong makeup ko.

"Imo, you're the most beautiful bride I have ever seen and that includes all the brides in wedding mags!" Kath gushed. She was already teary eyed.

"Thank you," I told them. "I'm really getting married..."

They nodded.

"You don't want to be a runaway bride?" Liza asked. Hinampas siya ni Liza. Natawa na lang ako sa kanilang dalawa. They both looked beautiful in their dresses. I couldn't decide on one color. I loved all colors. So instead, I decided that bride's maids should wear whatever they want so long as it's in pastel color. I didn't want to control them. I wanted them to celebrate my day with me.

"No," I said with a smile. "I want to get married to Saint."

"Be happy, alright? That's all I want for you," Mama said as she handed me my bouquet. I nodded and smiled at her.

They did a final touchup until I was told to ride the bridal car. The ride to the church was unnerving. I wanted to see Saint. I wanted to get married to him. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to live everyday with him.

Pagdating namin sa simbahan, nagsimulang lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Papa was waiting for me. He was smiling at me.

"Are you ready?"

With my heart racing inside my chest, I nodded. "I'm ready."

Everyone was already there. My friends, my relatives, Saint's friends, his relatives. This was as intimate as it could get. We asked the guests not to take photos because we wanted to live the moment and not live through our phones. I wanted to thank each one of them for celebrating this day with me and Saint but my eyes were starting to become watery. And when I began to walk to the aisle, my tears just kept on flowing non-stop.

"He's crying," Papa said.

"He is?" I asked. I couldn't see him clearly. My eyes were flooded with water.

He nodded. "His shoulders are shaking."

I smiled. "He doesn't cry in public," I said. Ayaw niya na umiiyak dahil alam niya na tutuksuhin siya ng mga kapatid niya.

"He must be really happy, then," Papa said and then squeezed my hand.

If I had a choice, I would run. The walk took forever. I wanted to be with Saint. I wanted to hold his hand and tell him to stop crying because it's okay.

"Take care of her," Papa said when we finally reached the end of the aisle.

"I will. Thank you for raising her, Tito. She's so wonderful and I won't have her any other way" Saint said as he held my hand. He looked at me. His eyes were red—probably as red as mine. "Ready?"

I nodded. I was as ready as I could ever get.

We faced the Bishop and I kept on crying. This day couldn't get any better.

"Mary Imogen Harrison Suarez, I don't know what else to tell you. I always tell you that I love you. You're the love of my life and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." Iyon pa lang ang sinasabi niya pero grabe na ang tulo ng luha ko. "Everyday, I thank God for giving me someone as wonderful as you are. I didn't even know it was possible to love this much until I found you. You make me want to become the best version of myself because you deserve all the best things in life, Mary. I thank you for choosing me. I thank you for staying by my side. I thank you for understanding me. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I thank you for loving me.

"From this day on, I promise to do everything to make you happy. That's my only goal in life, Mary. I want your happiness. I want your smile. I want you to be loved the way you deserve to be. I want to give you the best because you gave me the best when you decided to love me.

"I love you so much, Mary Imogen Suarez-Gomez de Liaño. You're finally my GDL. You're finally mine."

Tears were flowing down his face but he didn't care. Tears were flowing down my face but I didn't care.

"Saint Iverson Sison Gomez de Liańo, the first time I saw you, I didn't know I'd fall this hard. I didn't know I was already staring at the man who would make me feel all the things I didn't even imagine feeling. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You make me sad. You make me feel all the things I didn't even know existed. You bring color to my life. You saved me when I was drowning. You picked me up when I was down. You made me whole when I was broken. And everyday, I'm thankful that you came in my life.

"I didn't know when I realized that I love you, Saint. I fell in love slowly. You made me yours slowly. Slowly... until I didn't want to be saved anymore. I just want to remain in love with you. I want to be with you. I want to grow with you. I want to learn with you. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and I couldn't and don't want to imagine a life without you... It would be sad, I'm sure. Because your smile is what makes everyday of my life bright.

"And because you decided to love me forever, I promise to always stay by your side. I promise to cheer on you. I promise to support you. I promise to share everything with you kasi gusto mo alam mo lahat... I promise not to be annoyed when you're clinging onto me like a tarsier... I promise to learn how to cook healthy food because I want you to be at your best while you reach for your dreams. I'm so proud of you, you know? I'm proud of everything you do. And sometimes, I still couldn't believe that you chose me. That you love me. And that you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Kasi bakit, 'di ba?"

He held my face. "Because I'm so in love with you," he said.

I nodded. "Ako rin naman, in love sa 'yo..."

"And by the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the Bishop said.

Saint raised my veil and then looked at me. "This is our second wedding," he said and then showed me the ring that I gave him when we first got married in school.

"But this time, it's real," I said.

He nodded. "This time, it's infinite," he said as he cupped my face. He stared at me as another tear fell from his eye.

"I love you so much, wife." And then he leaned in and kissed me. And I guess this is what forever tasted like.